I'm pretty sure that some of y'all remember the 2009 movie, that came from the book, He's Just Not That into You (Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Ginnifer Goodwin, etc.). Anyway, a co-author of the book is a man by the name of Greg Behrendt. There are several quotes from the book that I really like. One of them is, "If he's not calling you, it's because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you and then doesn't follow through on little things, he will do the same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he's OK with disappointing you." Whew. Yes. And amen.
No doubt, when it comes to what inspired the title of this lil' read, it was definitely that book and film. And while I'm absolutely not saying that you should have the same sort of expectations in your friendships that you do in your romantic relationships (or situationships), I do think that there's a huge group of individuals who constantly find themselves disappointed, if not flat-out devastated, in their friendships, and it's all because they were more invested in their "friend" than their friend was ever truly invested in them.
That's why I thought it would be a great act of service to share a few clear indications that, while you might be out here thinking that you're in a friendship, the other person really isn't as "into you" as you may currently believe.
If You Didn’t Reach Out, You’d (Probably) Rarely Speak to Them
While I'm not exactly sure what makes so many of us think this way when you're of high school age and under, you're kinda wired to think that either someone is your friend or they are your foe, with not much space in between. Oh, but as you get older—and hopefully wiser—you begin to embrace that there is a whole lot of space in between those two words. That's why I've written articles on the site like "Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them", "According To Aristotle, We Need 'Utility', 'Pleasure' & 'Good' Friends" and "Allow These Things To Happen Before Calling Someone 'Friend'". Anyway, something that I believe is a clear sign of a healthy friendship is mutuality. And so, when it comes to my friendships, we both call each other, we both initiate times to hang out, we both acknowledge special days and we both are readily available if one of us is in need. On the flip side, when it comes to a lot of my acquaintance situations, while whenever we see each other, it's all good, and sometimes we even hang out, at the same time, if I never reached out to them, it could easily be months before they ever checked in on their own.
And you know? The people behind Door #2, if I put them into the same category as my friends, I could easily find myself feeling taken for granted a lot of the time. However, since they aren't my friends…I don't.
If you're out here calling someone your friend and yet that person rarely does any of the leg work to make sure that the two of you remain connected, while that doesn't automatically make you enemies, that doesn't really mean the two of you are homies either. Remember how Greg said that folks call when you're on their mind? Exactly.
It Seems Like They Politely Tolerate You More than Celebrate You
There is someone in my life who I used to put in the "inner temple" (which is basically the closest to me category) because we are a lot alike, we have a good time together and we have shared some pretty personal things with one another. That sounds like the foundation for a friendship, right? Yeah, that's what I thought too. However, over the years, something that I started to notice was that when they had something worth celebrating in their life, I made sure to participate so that they would feel like I was a huge supporter of their goals and aspirations. Oh, but when I had something going on, they would barely even acknowledge my efforts, let alone make me feel like they were truly happy for me.
There's an article that I wrote for the site a couple of years back entitled, "5 Signs Your Closest Friends Are The Most Envious Of You". While I definitely think that green-eyed so-called friends do exist, sometimes folks aren't celebrating your life with you because they envy you. As much as it might hurt to hear this, sometimes they just don't really give AF one way or another.
It's like, if you're a musician and you've got an album release coming up, your friends are gonna show up, no matter what. Meanwhile, the people who just aren't that much into you will look and see what else they've got going on. If nothing, they'll roll through and even seem glad to be there. But if they can think of something "better" to do, they'll do it and holla at you…whenever.
People who are your friends are invested in your life. And so, when something awesome happens, they feel it, right along with you. If you've got someone in your world who seems to have more of a "meh" attitude about your milestones while you're always bringing balloons and champagne to honor their goals, you already know what I'm gonna say sooooo…this one time, I'll spare you.
You Keep Stating Your Needs (and Boundaries) and They Keep on Ignoring Them
While it took me a large portion of my 20s and 30s to figure out what a true friend is (and how to be one), now that I am comfy 'n cozy in my 40s, I can confidently say that I can both trust and rely on each person who I give that title to. A part of the reason why is because they know my needs (as it relates to a friendship) as well as my boundaries—and they honor both to the utmost.
Listen, I'll be the first to say that when it comes to a quirky Gemini like myself, that is no easy feat. It's not that I'm a high-maintenance person; it's just that I'm weird about certain things. I don't do holidays (yet am off the chain about birthdays), only a couple of people have my cell number (everyone else gets my landline because I don't care to be 24/7 readily available), I'm a big-time 'words of affirmation' person and an ambivert. I don't like folks coming to my home (it's a place of peace and refuge for me) but I like to treat others while I'm out. I am pretty private (hence, "Why I Prefer My Friends To NOT Be Friends With Each Other") too. And you know what? There's not one friend of mine who doesn't know this about me and respects it.
A healthy relationship definitely consists of two people who strive to meet one another's needs (so long as they are realistic which is another article for another time) and honor each other's boundaries. A sign of a toxic friendship is when one or both people don't do either.
Here's the thing, though. When someone is into you, on any level, they retain what you say because they want to keep you in their life. When someone isn't that into you, they might forget a need or boundary that you've got; not because they are toxic but because they casually took in the information.
If there is someone in your world who seems to keep dropping the ball when it comes to your needs and/or boundaries, ask yourself is it because they seem to be doing it on purpose or that they tend to take the "Kanye shrug approach" to just about everything as it pertains to dealing with you. If the answer is "B", while I'm not saying you should tolerate their nonchalant behavior, what I am recommending is if you put them in a good associate category, them not honoring your desires may not sting quite as much.
You Do Things That Friends Do. They Do Things That Acquaintances Do.
It was around this time last year when I penned the piece, "10 Questions To Ask Your Close Friends Before The New Year Begins". A part of the reason why I wrote it is because, I find it fascinating that, there are all of these articles out in the world which state that two keys to a healthy relationship is open communication and "taking your partner's temperature", just to make sure that both of you are in a good space. Personally, I think the same things should apply to friendships as well because, after all, when you've got someone in your life who you love, respect and share your life with, even on a platonic level, it's important that you both are clear that you're both happy in your friendship.
That said, another sign that you are probably way more into your friend than your friend is into you is you're out here being their friend while they are out here acting more like an acquaintance. What do I mean? Well, while you take their calls, even after midnight, they will push you to a voicemail or not respond to a text until they get around to it; not some of the time—all of it. While you are intentional about observing special days and milestones in their world, you might be good to get a "Happy Birthday" message on your actual day, and/or they will be what I call, happily dismissive about a goal that you've reached. Even though you share with them all of your secrets and fears, they tend to remain pretty surface-level with you about their stuff.
I could go on and on and yet, I think you get where I'm going with this. If you're all-in with someone while they are on the shallow end of the friendship pool, this doesn't mean they don't like you. What it does mean is they aren't as into you as you may want them to be. Do with that what is best for you at the end of the day, sis.
You’re More Committed than Comfortable
When someone is committed to you, they are devoted. Shoot, sometimes, they are even willing to do things out of pure obligation to what is required in order to make a relationship work or last (check out "Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'"). That said, I once had a friend who wasn't all that into me. I should've realized it earlier because…the lengths that I was going to make sure they were good vs. the little that they did in return didn't even compare; not by a long shot. Yet, due to my codependency at the time, I thought my "overdoing it" was showing how committed I was, when really all it meant was that I was being used.
Commitments aren't always easy (just ask any married couple that you know). Still, something that is very different about my friendships now vs. back in the day is, that even the ones that require me to make certain sacrifices, they're worth it because my friends have proven that they will do the same for me in return. Healthy friendships shouldn't feel draining or even uncomfortable. If yours is, ask yourself why, be honest about the answer, and then decide where you should go from here.
You Got Triggered, Just by Reading the Title
If you just read all of what I just said and you either "feel some type of way" or you find yourself immediately rattling off excuses for why your "friend" is acting (or not acting) the way that they do, take a moment to breathe deeply, then skim these points all over again. I can promise you that 5-7 years ago, I would've read this myself and been p-i-s-s-e-d because it would've absolutely occurred to me that I was "into" some folks way more than they were ever into me. And yes, sometimes the truth does hurt. You know what else the truth can do? Help us to see things for what they really and truly are so that we can reroute and do better.
No matter what kind of relationship it is, you deserve for people to be as invested in you as you are in them. The sooner you let the ones who aren't go, the sooner the people who are best for you can come into your life. Your friends should be totally into you. If they're not…shift on, sistah. SHIFT.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
The Kamala Effect: Top Black Women In Politics To Watch Now, Into 2025
With a landmark Election Day coming up soon, everyone will be watching to see whether Vice President Kamala Harris makes history by becoming the first Black woman to become president of the United States. And as she has gathered monumental support from Black women around the world (including the more than 44,000 who raised millions in minutes shortly after she announced she’d be running), other Black women politicians also stand to make history in their respective elections, running to serve local and statewide communities.
Just as there have been barriers to Black women serving as CEOs of Fortune 500 companies (with only four having been appointed to those roles), there’s a massive glass ceiling for Black women in politics as well. Only 0.4% of all members of Congress identified as Black, and only 13.4% of all women who have served in Congress to date have identified as Black, according to research.
To date, no Black woman has served as governor of a state (though there has been a Black woman lieutenant governor, which we’ll get to later.)
Glass Ceiling In Politics For Black Women
Black women face the ever-so-usual gender bias and racism when running for office, but they also have to deal with another major deterrent to launching a viable campaign: funding. According to the Washington Post, while campaign fundraising “overall” saw a boost for women in 2020 compared with 2018, “Black women across party lines raised significantly less money than White women.”
The publication further reported that in 2020, data reflected “that the 113 active Black women candidates running on all tickets raised nearly $81 million in the first three quarters compared to the nearly $811 million pulled in by their 379 active White women counterparts across party lines, according to data provided by the Center for Responsive Politics. More than $1.5 billion was raised by over 1,000 White men from all parties in the same timeframe.”
Paying staff, covering marketing and ads, travel expenses, and more are all vital and very costly, expanding one’s reach, impact, and exposure to land the votes. This is one major reason that, when Black women finally make it to the finish line with enough support to get a serious spot on the ballot, it’s more than a big deal.
So, here are a few Black women in politics who have made history, continue to push barriers, and powerhouses to watch as we near Election Day on November 5:
Angela Alsobrooks
Andrew Harnik/Getty Images
A Maryland native, Angela Alsobrooks graduated from Duke University and the University of Maryland School of Law. She worked as a law clerk in the Howard County Circuit Court and the Baltimore City Circuit Court before taking on the role of Assistant State’s Attorney in Prince George’s County, a role in which she made history as the youngest and first woman in the role. She’s now running for the state senator seat in Maryland, which, if she wins, would make her the fourth Black woman in history to serve in the Senate.
Winsome Earle-Sears
Winsome Earle-Sears is a native of Kingston, Jamaica, who served in the United States Marine Corps. Before becoming the first woman to be elected lieutenant governor of Virginia and the first Black woman elected to statewide office, she served as the vice president of the Virginia State Board of Education and a presidential appointee to the U.S. Census Bureau, co-chair of the African American Committee and the Advisory Committee on Women Veterans to the Secretary of Veterans Affairs. She earned a bachelor’s degree in economics from Old Dominion University and a master’s degree in organizational leadership with a concentration in government from Regent University.
She has filed to run for governor of the state in 2025 and, if successful, would become the first and only woman (as well as Black woman) in the U.S. and its territories.
Lisa Blunt Rochester
Lisa Blunt Rochester represents Delaware in the U.S. House of Representatives and serves as an Assistant Whip for House Leadership. She also serves on the House Committee on Energy and Commerce. Raised in Wilmington, Delaware, she graduated from Fairleigh Dickinson University with a degree in international relations and later earned a master’s degree in urban affairs and public policy from the University of Delaware.
She’s also running for the state senate seat in Delaware and would make history if elected. If she and Albrook are both successful, that will be a first as well, as it would be the first time two Black women are serving in the U.S. Senate at the same time.
Carol Moseley Braun
A native of Chicago (who now lives in the Hyde Park neighborhood the Obamas also call home), Carol Moseley Braun became the first woman senator from Illinois and the first Black woman to serve in the Senate when she won in 1992 (and was the only Black woman to serve in the six years she held her seat.) She later served as U.S. ambassador to New Zealand, a visiting professor at Northwestern University, launched a food company, and now serves as chairman of the United States African Development Foundation. She graduated from the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Chicago Law School.
Lauren Underwood
Samuel Corum/Getty Images
Born in Ohio but raised in Illinois, Lauren Underwood was sworn into Congress in 2019, becoming the first woman, the first person of color, and the youngest (as a millennial!) elected to represent the state. A registered nurse by trade, she’s the co-founder and co-chair of the Black Maternal Health Caucus and the co-chair of the House Democratic Policy and Communications Committee. She also serves on the House Committee on Appropriations. Before that, she served as a senior adviser at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). She is a graduate of the University of Michigan and Johns Hopkins University.
Ayanna Pressley
Representing Massachusetts, Ayanna Pressley was the first Black woman to be elected to Congress from the state. Before that, she served as a member of the Boston City Council, becoming the first woman of color to serve in that capacity. In that role, she formed the Committee on Healthy Women, Families, and Communities, addressing issues including domestic violence and human trafficking. She empowered many, going viral and making headlines in 2020 when she revealed she has alopecia and unapologetically took off her wig to rock a bald head, shifting the narrative on Black women, code-switching, and appearance in political arenas and beyond.
Jennifer McClellan
Jennifer McClellan was sworn into the U.S. House last year, becoming the first Black woman to represent Virginia in Congress. A Virginia native, she earned a bachelor’s degree from the University of Richmond and her Juris Doctorate from the University of Virginia School of Law. She was previously elected to the Virginia House of Delegates in 2005 and served in that post until she was elected to the Virginia State Senate in 2017.
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