Why You Should Never Settle For A 'Shut Up Ring' (Even Though Many Women Do)
Humans are always gonna human, boy — and nothing reminds me of this more than how folks act (or is it act out?) online. Example? A few weeks ago, after watching a particular YouTuber wear folks out nonstop via their commentary of the Pop the Balloonshow, they were oh-so-very-sensitive about the opinions that commenters were giving them underneath their very own post. Dishing it while not being able to take it. It’s always an amazing sight to behold.
And y’all, that’s definitely what came to mind when I recently checked out an article about people assuming that artists (and long-term couple) Big Sean and Jhené Aiko were engaged based on a ring that was on her “traditional finger.” Although she made it clear that it’s not what one might assume, what I rolled my eyes at was a commenter who said that “bullying wins” in response to the assumption that it was (because if anyone has been on “engagement watch,” whether they want to be or not, it’s those two).
Bullying. Nagging. Ultimatums. Incessant hint dropping. Continuous pressure. When it comes to trying to go from girlfriend to fiancée, I’ve been working with couples long enough to scream from every rooftop that if any of this “works” at all, it’s not going to be in the way that you would ultimately like. At the very most, all you’re gonna do is end up with what is now coined as being a “shut up ring” and a lot of internal doubts.
And so, since December continues to be the most popular time of the year for couples to get engaged, I figured that now would be as good of a time as any to address what a shut up ring is and why women really need to not settle for one.
@kishapeart Replying to @Wealth by Samantha I know “shut up” ring is a new term to some, and in case you’re confused…it’s a ring that a man gives to a woman to get her to shut up about getting married. 🥹 It usually given after MANY years together and he’s finally had it with her begging. 🙃 It is not genuine and is usually very low to zero effort when it comes to a proposal. Ladies….PLEASE walk away before you wver have to beg a man for a ring. 🥲 You are the Prize! 😌 Special Shoutout to @ceciliaregina275 for coining this term!! #men #fyp #shutuprings #proposal #proposalfail #dating
I’m Pretty Sure You Can Guess What a “Shut Up Ring” Is But…
Yep, overall, one way or another, a shut up ring is a ring that is given to a woman in order to get her to quit focusing so much on getting engaged…, or at least to stop her from being consumed with getting out of the girlfriend stage of a relationship.
Okay, but what the creator (kishapeart on TikTok) just said in this video about shut up rings? Honestly, in my opinion, that is only one take on them. I will say that I know a guy personally, who has been engaged for almost four years now, and he and his fiancée (they live together, by the way) are no closer to getting married than they were before he proposed. In fact, when I asked him about it over a year ago now, he simply shrugged his shoulders and said, “She doesn’t want to get married. She just wanted a ring; now she has one. She hasn’t made any moves closer to marriage since, even after I told her to pick a date — and that was two years ago.”
Yeah, it can’t be said enough that getting engaged (traditionally) means that you are preparing for your wedding — and that typically takes no more than 12-18 months. And while we’re here, there is data to support that longer engagements can lead to quicker divorces because, if you have declared to each other (and probably your social media accounts) that you are ready to get married…what are you waiting for (hmm…)? If you’re not ready to literally get married…why get engaged?
Anyway, one thing that “kishapeart” said, right out the gate, is if you receive a shut up ring, you are not someone’s person. Eh, I don’t think that automatically applies across the board. I’m not sure where the popular assumption came from, yet it’s not accurate or even fair to draw the conclusion that just because someone doesn’t want what you do, at the time when you want it, that must mean they don’t care about you or love you. Good lord.
Now, what I will say is it would benefit people greatly to go into dating dynamics knowing if someone is on the same type of timeline that they are (check out “The 'Pre-Commitment Interview' Every Dating Couple Should Have”). For instance, if you want to get married in two years, does the guy you’re starting to see a real connection with think the same way? It would be good to know. At the same time, though, please don’t be out here thinking that they don’t want what you want just because it’s not at the exact same time. As a wise woman I know once said, “The right thing at the wrong time can still be the wrong thing.” Impatience has jacked many a couples up.
Then there’s this type of shut up ring that I read about via a TODAY article not too long ago: “I fought for it. I fought for him to recognize the relationship as something that was serious, something that mattered. I fought for him to realize that we needed to consider next steps. I fought for him to understand that my needs and desires matter. So he proposed.” Fought to get engaged. Whew.
The long story short here is this is the stance that this woman took after 3 ½ years of dating. However, she ended up canceling the wedding 2 ½ months before she was to stroll down the aisle because she ended up feeling more disconnected from her partner than ever.
Two years later, she has no regrets in doing so. Listen, her ex-fiancé wasn’t interviewed for the piece, yet again, I have worked with enough couples to say that this doesn’t automatically mean that she wasn’t “his person” or that he was setting himself up to settle. Sounds more like he was low-key resenting her for even putting him in the position of having to “prove” himself in the first place.
Hmph, some of y’all aren’t gonna wanna hear this, but — just like women don’t like to be pressured into sex, men don’t like to be pressured into marriage. #justsayin’
And then there’s the BuzzFeed article entitled, “19 Times People Realized They Got A ‘Shut Up’ Ring And Their Partner Didn't Actually Want To Get Married.” Let’s just say that many of the stories confirm what I just said in the last sentence of the above paragraph. SMDH.
Real talk, I could provide all types of scenarios to prove that a shut up ring is not a monolith; indeed, so many dynamics can result in a woman getting a ring before a man is truly ready to give her one. What I will say, for all of them across the board, is that no matter what the behind-the-scenes details of the relationship may be, ending up with this type of ring is never something that a woman should aspire to. In part, because of the red flags that automatically come with having one on your finger.
Red flags like what?
3 Things That Makes a Shut Up Ring a Huge Red Flag
We all know what a red flag is; it’s a warning, and a warning is something that warns, puts you on notice, or alerts you to take heed of something — or someone. Well, when you think of a shut up ring, anything that wants you to “shut up” is already problematic, right? Because, oftentimes, what that means is they are starting to process your words as low-key noise (I mean, look up the definition of shut up some time) — and that never can be good. Okay, but aside from the obvious, there are three other red flags about a shut up ring that immediately come to my mind.
1. Pressure makes diamonds, not healthy relationships. It is Winston Churchill who once said, “You can measure a man’s character by the choices he makes under pressure,” and again, some of you are gonna want to click off of this article after I say this, but, a man who doesn’t succumb to getting engaged before he is ready? That is a man of character — not the other way around.
If a man, right out the gate, will do something that he is not prepared to do, just because someone pressures him to do it, how can you trust in how he will handle other pressuring matters in the future? Not only that but, if you know that you had to pressure him to ultimately get what you want, how can you feel secure in the relationship anyway? Let’s move on to the next point.
2. Is the ring about love or…status? How many times over the years have I said that De Beers is one of the greatest scammers of all time because folks didn’t become obsessed with diamond engagement rings for any other reason than the company was going broke, they came up with the slogan “a diamond is forever” and people drank the Kool-Aid (if you don’t believe me, you can read all about ithere)? Every time I think about that, it gets me to wondering why a diamond is so crucial to so many: is it really about someone declaring their love, or is it a status symbol that they don’t even know the origin story of?
Case in point: some of y’all may remember the episode of Being Mary Jane (which has literally been years ago now) where one of her friends admitted that she bought her own engagement ring because she didn’t want to risk being embarrassed by the size that her fiancé would end up getting her. Now, what in the world does that have to do with their relationship? Sounds like she cares more about what others think about them — and no one is ultimately going to be in her relationship (if she’s wise, anyway) but her and her man. Bottom line here, is if you think you would be “fine” with a shut up ring, reevaluating the love vs. status thing is something you definitely should put some real thought into.
3. No woman should have to convince a man to marry her. Think about the last time that you tried to convince someone to do something. If you weren’t arguing or debating, you were having to provide enough “evidence” to prove that your point or perspective was right. Now, apply this to striving to get someone to marry you. Whether it’s trying to convince him that you are the one or now is the time, there is nothing self-affirming about having to prove that he should see things from your perspective. With that said, in walks the stellar groom from this video (@irisfilmsatl on IG) up top.
The first time I saw it, I played it back at least five times because I adored everything about it. Most of all? HOW CLEARLY READY THIS MAN WAS TO GET MARRIED. You can see the confidence oozing out of his pores from the moment that he showed up on the screen. And you know what? Men who are ready to get married, don’t need convincing. Rinse and repeat that conclusion, just as many times as you need to.
3 Things That Make Giving a Man an Ultimatum a Huge Red Flag
While I was reading an article entitled, “Do Most Proposals Only Happen After an Ultimatum?” from The Kit’s site, and I saw things like, “’Almost every girl I know who got proposed to [did] because they gave an ultimatum to their partner.’ More than 70 replies mostly ran the gamut of agreement: ‘Truth,’ ‘I told him to propose, or I was moving on, he picked propose,’” all I could literally do is shake my head, mostly because I know that this isn’t an exaggeration.
Geeze, I can’t tell you how many women I personally know who also fit into this…demographic. It’s not a good thing either because, no matter how popularized ultimatums have become, at the end of the day, an ultimatum is a threat — on some levels, even worse, it’s what PsychCentral once said on the topic in their article, “Should You Ever Give an Ultimatum In a Relationship?”: “...ultimatums often come from desperation.”
Let’s explore more of what an ultimatum is.
1. Ultimatums are threats (and it can’t be said enough). The reason why I thought that this video (krewseason on TikTok) was appropriate for this particular portion of the video is he’s right: if you’re going to make a threat, you need to follow through — and a lot of y’all ain’t ready to walk away if a man doesn’t give you a ring when you want it; you’re just hoping that he’ll be “too scared” to lose you. Okay, but don’t you get that if you have made your desires clear about where you want the relationship to go and he hasn’t made any moves, there is no need to threaten him anyway?
Men count up the cost of things more than they are given credit for in this culture, and so throwing ultimatums left and right is only going to cause you to become more mentally and emotionally unsettled and him to start seeing you as the boy — well, girl — who cried wolf because you keep threatening to do something that you know that you…won’t.
2. Whether it’s impatience, fear, or control, there is nothing loving about any of this. I loathe relationship ultimatums — I really do. One reason is because, one of the things that immediately comes to mind is the Scripture, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” (I John 4:18 — NKJV)
If you add to that the fact that the Good Book also says in I Corinthians 13:4 that “love is patient” (which, by definition, means that it waits well and doesn’t complain a lot) — well, if you are trying to control the outcome of your relationship because you are impatient, fearful or both…maybe you need to reevaluate how sincere, genuine and healthy your love actually is (and I’ll just leave that right there).
3. Giving an ultimatum puts the relationship on shaky ground. Earlier this year, PEOPLE published, “What Is a 'Shut Up Ring?' Woman Explains How Her Ex's Proposal Didn't Fix Their Flawed Relationship (Exclusive).” When you get a chance, check it out. For now, I’ll say that one of my favorite parts is when the woman said, "As soon as the dust settled, I realized the ring, the proposal, the marriage, the wedding — none of that changed anything…We still had all the exact same problems that we had before."
That’s the other thing about ultimatums: even if the guy does give in to you (and many do), do you realize that by giving an ultimatum in the first place, that means you both aren’t on the same page — perhaps even the same chapter or even the same…love story? I have worked with couples where the wife gave an ultimatum, the now-husband gave in) and they still have a ton of trust issues…and a part of the reason is because of how they got engaged in the first place: the movement after a threat and, oftentimes, all that does is temporarily deflect from the issues that already exist, or it puts cracks in the foundation of the relationship in ways that neither person expected.
If He’s Not Ready to Marry You, That (Usually) Means One of Three Things
Okay, so what if you are ready for your man to put a ring on your finger, he knows this, and it seems like nothing is happening. What in the world is going on? For the most part, one of the following things is probably the case.
1. You’re not the right person. I promise y’all that one day, I’m gonna go on tour with my belief that you should never substitute familiar for good or good for right — and honestly, a lot of folks end up in divorce court due to this very thing: choosing someone who they are very familiar with or selecting an individual who is a good person yet isn’t exactly RIGHT for them. How to know if someone is right for you is its own article; however, a good starting place is “If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life” — wait for it — as you do the same thing for him.
And the only way to know this is to have some hard conversations about each other’s purpose, each other’s values, and each other’s life goals and aspirations. Believe you me, when a man knows that a woman is right for him, he’s not going to drag his feet; he will put a plan into place and let her know that he is doing so…without her needing him to “help things along.”
2. It’s not the right time. I know a guy right now who has entered into the ultimatum portion of the program when it comes to his relationship. While his girlfriend is pushing him, he is taking some steps back because he has been trying to purchase a home before proposing, and he wanted to surprise her with it. However, because she can’t seem to talk about anything but when he is going to pop the question, now he’s wondering about the timing and the woman: “If this is how she is as a girlfriend, I’m starting to wonder if it will only get worse as a wife.” That’s a valid point.
That said, though, if you want to know when the “right” time is for a man to make you his fiancée, I wrote “Experts Say You Should Date This Long Before Getting Married,” and it addresses that (cheat sheet: after two years of dating). However, no two relationships or details in them are the same. Listen, a lot of couples go into debt, just from their wedding alone (almost 60 percent, in fact). To him, it’s right when he not only has a ring to put on her finger but a home to move her into as well — and her impatience may just rob her of both. For shame.
3. Marriage isn’t on his menu. The main reason why I thought this clip from singer Shanice was perfect for this particular point is it proves, yet again, that — and yes, I am yelling it — WHEN A MAN WANTS TO GET MARRIED, HE WILL GET MARRIED. And to tell you the truth, that is where a lot of women mess up: they date men who aren’t interested in getting married, whether that is around the same time that the women are or…ever.
And again, the guys who fall in the “B” box, that doesn’t mean that they don’t love you (check out “He Loves You. He's Just Never Gonna Marry You. Now What?”); it just means that they don’t want what you do. If marriage is something that you are super serious about, make that known out the gate — don’t wait until your feelings are “all in” and then get mad at him because you think that if he loves you, he should overlook his own needs and simply give you what you want.
Not only is that potentially delusional, but it’s also hella unfair. Besides, men who are marriage-minded tend to date differently than those who aren’t — they aren’t gonna be cool with you having to pressure them; they have inspired themselves to get prepared.
Always Remember That a Shut Up Ring Is a Choice
@kvy3m the problem is you think you have time. do you see how fast the year has gone by already? you better start doing all the things youve always wanted to doo #cinematography #film #filmtok #cinematic #videography #capcut #comingofage
This past spring, when I wrote, “These 12 Women Broke Off Their Engagements. Here's Why.” for the platform, I don’t think I stopped to consider that there were some “shut up ring scenarios” in it — but there were and boy, am I proud of those former fiancées for not settling for less by thinking that a shut up ring is good enough…because it isn’t. Y’all, marriage is too sacred, too special, and far too important to go into it with one person basically being like, “Here. Now will you stop nagging me?” and another being like, “As long as I get what I want, I don’t care how he ultimately feels about it.” Ughs. All the way around.
And that’s why I wanted to end all of this with the A SHUT UP RING IS A CHOICE. Meaning, a woman who accepts one of those isn’t a victim of her relationship because if she felt like pressuring someone to get what she wants is the right thing to do (it’s not), that is a conscious decision.
HOWEVER, as this last video (kvy3m on TikTok) basically implies, life is too short (and precious) to move in this fashion because, as writer Maureen Dowd once said, “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for” — and a shut up ring is 1000 percent settling for less which means that you are wasting your time because marriage is too long to go into it with someone who got you something, so that you’ll quit talking about it…because your words translated as low-key noise in his mind (ouch).
And so, since a shut up ring is a choice, I hope that all this will remind you to NEVER CHOOSE ONE.
____
Clear communication. Honest intentions. Being on the same page. This helps you to get an engagement ring instead of a shut up ring. Both are your choice.
Sis, you are of great value. PLEASE…choose wisely.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
We have less than 40 days left in 2024, and while I'm not one to rush goals just because it's the end of the year, it can be fun to challenge yourself to think about ways you'll close out this year big.
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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Nara Smith Opens Up About Scalp Eczema & Spills On All Her Beauty Secrets
Nara Smith invites us into her world of simple yet effective beauty practices. Balancing her busy life as a mother and a model, Nara’s routine is as practical as it is thoughtful, with a focus on self-care and embracing natural beauty.
In the VogueBeauty Secrets video, we find that the popular TikToker’s beauty routine is more than just products—it’s a testament to self-care, practicality, and embracing life’s imperfections. Her balance of natural beauty and thoughtful touches serves as an inspiring guide for anyone looking to elevate their routine.
Skincare First: A Simple but Powerful Routine
Screenshot/ Vogue YouTube
Nara’s approach to skincare starts with simplicity.
- Cleansing: She begins her day by splashing her face with water. "I usually just splash my face with water in the morning," she explains.
- Nourishment: Nara swears by the True Botanicals Oil, a product she’s been using since her first pregnancy. "This is my favorite thing. I started using it four years ago when I was pregnant with my first baby."
- Hydration: For her dry, eczema-prone skin, Nara relies on DLA Real, a German pharmacy moisturizer she’s used for a decade. “I have very dry skin and deal with a lot of eczema...I try to keep my skin as moisturized as possible.”
- Sunscreen: Despite occasionally forgetting it, sunscreen is a staple in her routine. "I made this sunscreen once for my husband...he didn’t get a sunburn that day, so I guess it works."
Screenshot/ Vogue YouTube
Her DIY sensibilities extend to her lips, where she uses a homemade scrub crafted from brown sugar, coconut oil, honey, and peppermint essential oil. "My mom actually taught me how to make this."
Makeup: Natural, Fun and Versatile
Screenshot/ Vogue YouTube
When it comes to makeup, Nara’s philosophy is all about enhancing her natural beauty with a playful twist.
- Primer and Concealer: A matte primer sets the stage for her hydrating products. Nara mixes two shades of Hourglass Concealer, letting it sit for optimal coverage. “I apply my concealer and let it sit...it always helps with coverage.”
- Brows and Lashes: Her eyebrows, lightly plucked and filled for a wispy effect, have a story of their own. "I remember when I was 14, my modeling agency told me to never touch my eyebrows again. I didn’t, until a few months ago." For lashes, she relies on Ardell Individual Lashes, which "have carried me through very tough times."
- Blush and Contour: Nara admits to having “blush blindness” because of her love for the product. She layers cream blush with powder blush and contours lightly using the Fenty Matchstick in Mocha.
- Lips: A defined yet soft lip is her signature, using Mac Chestnut Lip Liner, a berry stain, and Mac Lip Glass. “I smudge the liner with my finger for a softer look.”
A Personal Touch to Haircare
@naraazizasmith well… #easyrecipe #hairtok #fypシ #homemade #hairgrowth
Nara’s hair journey reflects her resilience and adaptability. After struggling with severe scalp eczema, she transitioned from curly to straight hair to protect her scalp and hairline. "People always tell me to bring my curls back, but they don’t realize the struggle with scalp eczema."
She also shared on TikTok that she recently had a scissor-happy stylist who cut a little too much so of course the woman who also makes homemade PopTarts, Cola, and Cheez-Its, also made her own hair growth serum.
With rosemary sprigs and boiled water, she transforms the mixture into a spray bottle. Nara combines olive oil with clean rosemary sprigs, jojoba, sweet almond oil, vitamin E, peppermint oil and Argan oil for the rosemary hair oil. She sprays rosemary water onto her scalp and hair. Then, she will massage oil directly onto her scalp and leave it on before washing it out.
Finishing Touches
Screenshot/ Vogue YouTube
Nara’s final steps are all about adding a polished, dewy glow. She uses the Chanel Transparent Balm, describing it as a product that “makes you look dewy and sweaty, but in the best way.” A spritz of Fix Plus Spray sets her look, and her favorite fragrance, Maison Margiela Beach Walk, completes the routine.
Cooking, Kids and Confidence
Outside of beauty, the South African-born beauty finds joy in cooking from scratch—a necessity born from managing her autoimmune disease and eczema. "Cooking meals from scratch started when my eczema flared up so badly I couldn’t function." Her 4-year-old daughter, Rumble, also shares her love for makeup, often mimicking her routine. "She needs her blush on, and her eyebrows brushed up...the more glitter, the better."
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Feature image Screenshot/ Vogue YouTube