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Should I Put My Dreams On Hold Until My Kids Go To College?
A lot of times, women are told that we must choose between having kids or having a successful career. If you're like me, a teen mom at 17 and a mom to a second child at 21, you've probably found out that many people, especially your close relatives, counted you out.
Defying the odds, stipulations, and limitations people placed on me due to my my circumstances, I have received a Bachelor's and Master's degree, taught middle school English for five years, become an adjunct professor, and built my entertainment brand: PacePoetry.
However, I've just scratched the surface of what God is calling me to do, and this journey is getting scarier by the day.
Beyond my understanding, God has called me to move from my home city of Houston, and start brand new in Atlanta. I've been accepted into Clark Atlanta's doctoral program for Africana Women's Studies (still trying to understand why He instructed me to apply for their program), and plan to extend my brand. I don't understand why I'm being pulled in that direction, but I have to be obedient.
With this transition, I have decided to allow my boys to stay back in Houston with my youngest son's dad (might as well say "their dad," but that's another article). To be honest, my 15-year-old came up with this plan. I was actually leaning towards them coming with me, but after much thought, his idea was the best for them because they will still be around all their family. Plus, I can focus heavily on my brand and school without having to make sure they're acclimating well to a foreign place.
We all know that when it comes to your life, everyone has opinions, and I've been catching hell for this decision.
Everyone is telling me that boys need to be with their mothers. While I believe this to be true to a degree, I also know that there is a ton of things that I won't be able to teach them when it comes to being a man. I don't have little babies; my boys are 15 and 11. I feel it is critical for them to get that consistent hands-on male guidance.
Also, I never wanted to be that mother who pushed her dreams on her kids. As much as we hate to admit it, as parents, our kids hear what we say, but they tend to emulate what we do. I want to show them how to pursue your dreams and believe the impossible.
I'm now teaching them that you should have no Plan B. God's plan is the only plan you need, and He has already provided you with the resources inside of you that you need to do what He has placed in you to do.
Yes, this lesson for them is coming as a huge sacrifice for all of us, but what am I supposed to do? Wait until they finish high school and try to pick things back up or spend the rest of my life wondering "what if" because people feel like I'm wrong?
Many times, I almost threw in the towel from everyone's opinions regarding my role as a mother, but this passion and drive God has grown inside of me won't let them break me to conform to what they feel I should do. This purpose is bigger than me and my kids, but it's also a blueprint to the legacy I am working to leave for my babies.
The word says to, "train a child", and training requires demonstration, not just those long parental speeches. And that's exactly what I intend to do.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Besides being a devoted mother of two boys, PacePoetry is a known performance poet, author, Reading and Writing professor, open mic host, and brand influencer from Houston, TX, who prides herself in being open and completely transparent with her audience through her writing, performances, and speaking because she believes that someone needs to hear her story to help them learn and walk in their purpose as well. Follow her on social @pacepoetry.
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Exclusive: Will Packer Talks 'Fight Night,' New Book And Celebrating Nine Years Of Marriage
Will Packer has a lot to celebrate. His limited series Fight Night: The Million Dollar Heist premiered on Thursday on Peacock. He just celebrated nine years of marriage to his wife, Heather Packer, and he has a self-help book coming out at the top of next year. xoNecole had a chance to chat with the boss during the premiere of Fight Night, and he gave us gems about love and career.
The executive producer shares the motivation behind creating this film, which features a star-studded cast, including Kevin Hart, Taraji P. Henson, Terrence Howard, Lori Harvey, and more.
"It was pitched to me as a true life story that I didn't know. I didn't know this story. And I was like, how can I not know such an incredible piece of not just Atlanta history, not just Georgia history, but the history of the United States, honestly," he says.
"And having the opportunity to come make this, put a great cast together, I then produced the podcast, along with some incredible folks that are here after we did the original, and that is what became the limited series."
True Crime only adds to the diverse genres Will has tackled over his career. With classic films like Stomp The Yard, fan favorites like Girls' Trip, and his popular dating shows like Ready To Love and The Never Ever Mets, he has proven that he can do it all and be successful at it, too.
"True Crime. It's a period piece, but you know what? Good content is good content. People can watch anything they want because there's such an oversaturation of content out there right now. So for me, at the end of the day, it's about what's the story."
He continues, "What are we telling people? What is important to get people to care? I want audiences to be engaged. I want them to feel something when they see a Will Packer project. And I thought there was a tremendous opportunity to not only let them know a story that they may not know but also wildly entertain them. That's what I want. That's what this is about. It is extremely entertaining."
Through it all, he has had a supportive partner by his side. On August 28, Will shared a post with his wife, Heather, celebrating their anniversary. "NINE Years down! More lifetimes to go! (Let's come back and do this again 😜) HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABEE!!!😍 ❤️," he wrote.
During our interview, the lovely couple shared the key to having a strong relationship. "Making each other happy, putting your partner before yourself," Heather says.
Will also chimed in saying, "Because when I work really hard to make her happy and she's happy, she's going to do everything in her power to make me happy, but it requires you being selfless.
He continues, "It requires in those moments where you want to be all about me, me, me, that you can't be like that and you gotta be about the other person and know and have faith that they're going to reciprocate that back to you."
What's next for the father of two is his book, Who Better Than You?: The Art of Healthy Arrogance & Dreaming Big. Will describes the book as "inspirational" and "motivational."
"I've been in Hollywood now for over three decades, and through that time, I've dealt with some of the biggest personalities, egos and challenges," he says. "But the reason that I've been successful is the belief that, not that I could be successful, but that I deserve success. And that's what I dare other people to do in this book. I dare you to realize that you are predestined for success. It's a state of mind."
Fight Night is out on Peacock now.
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