Shaunie Henderson isn’t new to the game. The mother of five was thrust into the public spotlight behind the shadow of a famous husband, endured merciless rumor mills, and rebuilt her life on her own terms while the world plotted on her downfall. Today, she’s a one-woman empire, having spawned a cultural revolution with the reality series Basketball Wives, as well as the six spinoff shows created in its wake.
Lauded by some and critiqued by others, Henderson’s brainchild launched the careers of women who, too, were once lost behind the romantic figures in their lives. Allowing larger-than-life personalities like Tami Roman, Jackie Christie, Evelyn Lozada, and Draya Michele to create lucrative careers of their own. Lifting the veil of the once-only glamorized life of those linked to the world’s most famous athletes was a risk and often left Henderson in the crossfire of criticism. However, the show’s longevity—11 seasons and counting—speaks for itself.
In 2022, the mogul married Pastor Keion Henderson of The Lighthouse Church, marking a new chapter in her life and bringing about a new chorus of dissenters. What did she know about being a first lady? About as much as she knew about executive producing a hit TV series back in 2010, one would guess. Nonetheless, she boldly stepped into another spotlight, never cowered, and embraced her position in a world that never planned to accept her.
Now, with the release of her memoir Undefeated, the multi-hyphenate adds author to her resume in a major way. Aside from the headlines, the book offers a real look into the making of a modern Renaissance woman whose resilience is key to her success. Having sidestepped every offense thrown her way, Henderson has proven time and time again that she plays by her own rules. And, more often than not, she wins.
xoNecole spoke to Shaunie ahead of the book’s release about what she’s learned on her journey, her favorite Basketball Wives moments, and what she would tell her younger self.
xoNecole: Why choose to be so deeply personal at this point in your life?
Shaunie Henderson: It was a bit therapeutic for me. I think just being able to write down things that I never actually talked about made me more comfortable. I started the journey of writing this book, probably around 2018 and I stopped out of fear. I picked it back up on and off. And finally just decided to knock it out and see how I feel about it. I just felt good writing about everything, finally. I think that as I wrote it, I realized I wished somebody had told me some of these things a little earlier in life. Maybe, I would have done better and made smarter decisions. I know I needed to go through my journey so that I could end up exactly where I am right now, but I also think that with a little guidance, your journey can be a little easier.
xoN: You share a lot about what you’ve learned along the way in 'Undefeated' but if there’s one thing that has been the most pivotal to where you are today, what would be that thing?
SH: You're not always going to come out on top, but I really live by the name of my book, Undefeated. It’s how I feel about anything that I enter into. It can be kind of addicting to have that feeling of being undefeated and just wanting to win all the time. But you got to realize that the experience, the journey, and the opportunity whether win, lose, or draw— it's never a loss. You never lose. You gain something out of it, even if it's just the wisdom of knowing what not to do.
xoN: When you're in the public eye, people tend to write their own narratives about who you are. Is there a certain level of freedom in knowing that sometimes you can't change people's minds no matter what you do?
SH: I think that comes eventually. There was a time that I very much cared, and it would bother me. When I first started Basketball Wives, everyone was on Twitter saying exactly what they felt, and they used to eat me up. I would be in the comments arguing with people. It’s easy to think that you just “don’t care,” but you just develop thick skin after a while. At this point in the game, I’m numb to it. Plus, I am absolutely positively convinced that people love content with no context. They want to take five words out of a sentence of 12, make it into what they want so they can have an opinion online, argue with people in the comments, and get more attention that day than they’ve had all month.
What I do care about are the opinions of those I genuinely love and care about. I care about their perspective.
xoN: One thing you bravely address in the book is the personal cost of the lifestyle that a lot of people covet. What advice would you give to a young Shaunie or any woman who might be looking at certain lifestyles, desiring that, and not understanding what comes with it?
SH: If I was talking to the younger Shaunie and I was in the same situation, I would just say, ‘Don't forget you.’ I got lost, and I didn't realize I was drowning in that shadow. I just never established anything for me. I didn't establish a business. I didn't establish a purpose. I wasn't even looking for one and didn't know how to find one. I was a mom of five, a wife, and all those things. And it was great. But there were times where I was just bored out of my mind. So I would encourage young me to realize that I still matter. And that I have to put myself in a position to realize my purpose. I would go after some goals and career aspirations. You have to fight for those and really push for them when you’re in a situation where it’s easy to get comfortable.
I would have also put something aside for me that wasn’t given to me. I would have established some level of independence. Because when it’s cut off, it’s over.
"I got lost, and I didn't realize I was drowning in that shadow. I just never established anything for me. I didn't establish a business. I didn't establish a purpose. I wasn't even looking for one and didn't know how to find one. I was a mom of five, a wife, and all those things. And it was great. But there were times where I was just bored out of my mind. So I would encourage young me to realize that I still matter. And that I have to put myself in a position to realize my purpose."
xoN: There was a significant time between your first marriage and your current one. What behaviors did you have to unlearn in order to enter into a healthy relationship?
SH: I had to learn how to soften myself and allow my husband to lead me. I had to let him be a gentleman. I was single for a long time and became totally dependent on only myself. I didn't have anybody opening my car door and making sure that gas was in my car or that it was washed. Things were done around the house because I either told my sons to do it or did it myself. So to have a man in my life that made me feel so safe and secure, I just became real dainty. Women need to have that trust in their partner.
xoN: You’ve occupied a lot of spaces in your life in a non-traditional way. For example, you wrote about not treating new basketball wives and girlfriends the way that you were treated or not being what people think a “first lady” should be in the religious sector. How much of that is intentional?
SH: I think that's just who I am. I can’t say I intentionally go against the grain. In the book, I talk about things from my childhood, like my dad being late all the time. I was totally opposite with my kids when they were in school. I was always there early. My mother is not affectionate, and she doesn't verbally say, ‘I love you,’ but she does things to let you know. That's the way she shows her love.
But because I missed that 'I love you' and hugging and kissing, I do that with my kids. I try to always give what I needed myself. There were basketball wives who weren’t very nice to me, so I went out of my way to make sure that once I was a wife that I didn't treat anybody else like that. No one was going to feel like that on my watch.
xoN: I imagine it’s a little more difficult to establish your own rhythm in a church setting.
SH: As far as being first lady, now, I'm not knocking how any first ladies decide to operate but I just knew that the idea of what that usually is was not me. And, to be honest, rightfully so. I'm probably the only first lady that created a reality show that has been on television since 2010. My life is not remotely close to that of most first ladies. We've experienced completely different things. Most of them have been pastor’s wives for a long time, this is all new for me. I come with an entirely different journey; that wouldn’t lend itself to being a traditional first lady.
xoN: 'Basketball Wives' has always been heavily criticized for its portrayal of women on the show. It’s not the first or only of its kind, but what do you think gives way to the ire that this show, specifically, gets?
SH: We just tend to tear our own people up for whatever reason. When I started Basketball Wives, it was really a matter of survival for me. I was in desperation mode. I needed the show to be successful because I had to figure out how I was going to live and provide a life for my children. Basketball Wives is a platform and it is a space for women to have the freedom to be and say and do what represents them. And what that is, is their decision, right? I just provided the platform for it to happen.
I knew that I had lost my voice before, and I wanted to provide a space to ensure that other women didn’t lose theirs. Again, what they decided to do with the camera time and who they decided to show up as is on them, but here's the platform, and I think for many women, it has been just that. It’s boosted them into a space in their life where they're able to make money and branch out into other opportunities that they may not have had otherwise.
"When I started Basketball Wives, it was really a matter of survival for me. I was in desperation mode. I needed the show to be successful because I had to figure out how I was going to live and provide a life for my children. Basketball Wives is a platform and it is a space for women to have the freedom to be and say and do what represents them. And what that is, is their decision, right? I just provided the platform for it to happen."
xoN: So what have been your most cherished 'Basketball Wives' moments?
SH: It was probably the day after the infamous fight between Tami Roman and Evelyn Lozada. Evelyn had coined the “non-mf factor” phrase, and production had broken up their fight the night before. Me and her were on the beach, and Tami called to see what I was up to. I told her I was with Evelyn, and she said she was coming to meet us. I'm thinking I'm about to be in part two. There's no security, we were off for the day and I was sure it was about to be horrible. Tami gets there. She’s already got her cigarette lit, her bob is bouncing as she walks up to us, and I just remember her saying, ‘What y’all heffas doing?’ It was just like nothing had happened at all. It was like they fought, they got it out, and she was off to the next thing.
Those type of moments I wish people could experience and see that although things happen that seem outrageous, it’s all love. It doesn't always end up perfect. But for the most part, we have had a really, really good time.
xoN: Lastly, what do you want people to walk away from 'Undefeated' understanding about Shaunie?
SH: That my resilience has shaped me into the Shaunie I am today. And I honestly believe that it's all in God's timing. We might not understand it as it's happening, but he does all things perfect. I can sit back now and be the happiest version of myself that I've ever been, with the understanding that it was just God's timing. It all had to happen the way it happened because now I'm enjoying where I am. And I would have never been able to accomplish being as intentional about everything that I do without the journey that I experienced to get here.
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Feature image by Keith Majors
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert