When I tell you that, even as I’m typing all of this, I’ve got around 45 tabs open — I am absolutely not exaggerating (if you’ve got a laptop, get a laptop cooling pad; it’s a lifesaver when it comes to your keyboard!). Between all of the writing assignments that I have and tidbits of information that I come across, I have to keep them open until I find a “home” for all of the content that I collect.
Today, I’m about to clear out quite a few as I share with you something that I talk about a lot over on this platform: SEX. Only this time, because the tidbits are not (necessarily) long enough for their own piece, yet they are interesting enough to share, I’m going to tackle 15 current sex-related points back-to-back that might surprise you. Maybe, maybe not. At the very least, it’ll give you and your girls something to talk about the next time you get together for after-work drinks.
Ah, sex. It never stops being fascinating, y’all. Here we go.
1. Not Kissing During Sex Is More Common than You Think
GiphyA few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?” While that might sound odd to some (me included), the people I interviewed for it aren’t alone. For better or for worse, although close to 90 percent of people said that they kissed during their last sexual encounter, people under 30 are more likely to skip out on doing it because “kissing is too intimate.” Umm…sooo…genitalia on and in you isn’t? Chile…nevermind.
2. The Use of Plan B Has Doubled
Yeah, I don’t know what I think about this one because I personally think that Plan B hasn’t been around long enough for folks to be popping them like Tums. For one thing, it’s important to remember that it’s supposed to be used as emergency contraception; secondly, since it only helps to prevent pregnancy, people still need to get out here using condoms. Plus, side effects like irregular (menstrual bleeding), headaches, and a lower libido need to be kept in mind.
All of that said, it looks like people are using Plan B more than ever before, to the point where 1 in 4 women say that they have used it before. That brings me back to the importance of condom use (which, short of a latex allergy, doesn’t really have side effects). I’ll talk about this more at the end of all of this.
3. Millennials Think Sex Is More Important than Gen Z-ers Do
GiphyI’m not gonna get to preaching about how I find myself saying, at least three times a week, that when you don’t know the purpose of something, you are bound to misuse or abuse it — and how, to me, sex is on the very top of that list. I’ll just say that with the current state of our culture, it doesn’t surprise me in the least that Gen Z (born 1997-2021) is out here Elmo shrugging when it comes to sex. Meanwhile, the generation who comes right before them (y’all, millennials don’t go on forever…LOL; it’s folks who were born between 1981-1996) actually make sex more of a priority.
Now, I will say that I appreciate that only 5 percent of the Gen Z crew think that sex is the most important part of a relationship. That shows some depth in their mindset, for sure.
4. Uncut Men Are Totally Underestimated
If there are two things that I find to be, let’s go with “fascinatingly hypocritical” when it comes to online gender banter, is the fact that a lot of women like to crack on short guys while not wanting men to say anything about women’s weight and that women also seem to be hella dismissive of men who haven’t been circumcised when a lot of us have vulvas and vaginas that have quite a bit of extra skin going on as well.
That’s why I had to shout out the fact that when it comes to men who are uncut, they actually tend to have more intense orgasms than men who are circumcised.
Not only that, but women who engage in coitus with uncircumcised guys tend to experience less “bang-bang-bang” sex and have more orgasms, too. Well, looka there.
5. Folks over 50 Like Doggy Style Most
GiphyA couple of months ago, I saw an IG post of a woman who was struggling up the stairs with some Timberland boots in hand. Her caption simply said, “If your man owns a pair of these, then you know.” LOL. Chile. And who would’ve thought that although 50 isn’t old (AT ALL), with all of the folks out here with back issues, bad mattresses, and the need to work out a bit more, the fave position for those who are 25 times two and over is doggy style (with missionary coming after and the spoon position trailing after that)?
While it should come as no surprise that men enjoy the visuals and powerful feelings that come with the position, I’m curious to know how many of y’all can relate to the Women’s Health article, “12 Thoughts Every Girl Has During Doggy Style.” Hop up in the comments and let me know.
6. Meanwhile, Women Prefer Missionary (Most of All)
Not too long ago, I was in an interview with someone who told me that submission (to men) was antiquated. I immediately said, “So, you don’t have sex then?” When she asked me what I meant, I said, “Isn’t the missionary position an act of submitting to a man?” She immediately changed the subject (uh-uh). Hey, don’t take my word for it.
A GQ article literally cited that most women still find missionary to be a top-tier sexual position, in part because “the eye contact, the mild male dominance, and the angle of penetration make it a popular one among women..”
And with that, let’s move on to the next point.
7. Women Are Still Faking. Men Are Still Not Believing It.
GiphyI’ve written about faking it on this platform before (check out “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”). Personally, I’m not a fan (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP”). A huge part of the reason is that I’m pretty word-literal, and fake means things like deceive, fraudulent, and pretending — yeah, I don’t know how anything truly beneficial comes out of that, especially long-term.
Anyway, somebody let the fellas know that faking is still alive and “well” no matter what they think because it’s also been cited that while 85 percent of guys think that they made their partner cum the last time they had sex with them, only 64 percent of women said that was actually the case (vaginal contracting happens during climaxing, fellas. Always remember that).
8. Men Ain’t the Only Ones Who Loathe Rubbers
A male friend of mine recently told me that wearing a condom is like wanting to enjoy the rain while in your car when the windows are rolled up. I shared that with some other men I know and they pretty much agreed. One expounded and said it’s like “wearing a trash bag on your d-ck.” Hmm. Although a part of me thinks that folks need to do better at wearing rubbers that actually fit them (because only 50 percent do), men are not alone in not being the biggest fan of prophylactics.
Apparently, a whole lot of women also think that condoms make sex less pleasurable, too. I mean, raw sex in a long-term committed relationship (where two people are exclusive, honest, and tested regularly) is understandably the most ideal situation.
For everyone else who wants to avoid pregnancy and/or STDs and/or doesn’t want to rely on hormone-filled birth control to prevent conception — a list of “barely like it's even on” condoms can be found here.
9. Around 20 Percent of People Are Abstinent
GiphyIf you’re currently abstinent and it seems like you’re the only one on the planet that is,trust me, you ain’t. Reportedly, around 19-20 percent of people are currently not having sex (intentionally). Interestingly enough, many women don’t, either due to discomfort during sex or having a low libido. Also, on the topic of not gettin’ any, I think it should go on record that most of the population is no longer a virgin by 22. At the same time, around 27 percent of young men are still virgins. Yeah, bet that last thing wasn’t on your Bingo card…was it?
10. Women Don’t Find Money to Be As Sexy As Social Media Says
Chile, if you leave it up to TikTok, every woman in the world is out for a man’s money. However, a study of over 17,000 women actually said that what women find to be the sexiest thing in a man is confidence (65 percent), followed by humor (54 percent) and intelligence (53 percent). And just where did a man’s wallet place? Last — at 7 percent. Share it with everyone you know.
11. Some Men Intentionally Bring Condoms to Funerals
GiphyA random movie that I like isCatch & Release (Jennifer Garner, Juliette Lewis). In the trailer, you see a couple having sex in a bathroom right after a funeral. That’s what crossed my mind when I read that, reportedly, 1 in 8 men bring condoms to homegoings. I don’t mean that there is one already in their wallet; I mean that they plan on having rubbers on tap — just in case. I mean, if ever there’s a time when emotions are all over the place, that would be it. Not sure how to close this one out so, I’ll just go to the next.
12. Religious Folks Have Better Sex than “Secular” Ones Do
One of my favorite Message Version translations of Scripture is I Corinthians 6:16-20. It starts off by saying this:
“There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, ‘The two become one.’ Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never ‘become one.’”
You know, no matter what you think about the Bible, science even backs that sex bonds people (thanks to oxytocin, for starters). And when you add a serious commitment and a spiritual foundation into the mix, I’m not surprised that, reportedly, religious couples profess to have more satisfying sex than “secular people” do. Not surprised at all.
13. Women Like Sex Toys. A LOT.
GiphyHere’s my TMI tidbit for the day: I don’t own nor have I ever owned or even used a sex toy (well, not one that needs batteries). Never had the need or curiosity to. Oh, but when I toured with an organization that got people out of the porn industry, I learned quite a bit about them and knew that they were going to be increasing in demand and use — and that is all true.
Word on the street is that 50 percent of people use some type of sex toy on a weekly basis, 82 percent of women own at least one sex toy (vibrators are their favorite pick) and almost 40 percent of women would prefer to use their sex toys without their partner. Hmm…does anyone care to expound on that last part?
14. People over 60 Are Still Gettin’ It In
Every time I see something on social media that alludes to the fact that folks over 40 aren’t really having that much sex, I get irritated. Some people are so young-minded that they think 40 is ancient. Meanwhile, their parents and grandparents are out here running circles around some of these 20-somethings. Case in point: nine million women over 60 had sex at least once last year; 13 percent say that they enjoy sex more now than they did a decade ago; 57 percent said that they (almost) always cum with their partner (can you say the same?), and 14 percent masturbate a few times a month.
If you add to that the fact that more than half of people between the ages of 57-75 have oral sex and one-third between 75-85 are doing the same and that 54 percent of those aged 75-85 engage in intercourse 2-3 times a month while 23 percent get it in at least once a week — whew! Can we finally put ageism, as it specifically relates to sexual activity, where it belongs? In. The. Trash.
15. More People Need to Be Wearing Condoms. SERIOUSLY.
GiphyListen, I don’t know why the fact that just knowing that syphilis has increased 80 percent over the past several years isn’t enough for people to WRAP IT UP out here (le sigh). Oh, and yet here we are: only one-third of men and one-fourth of women use condoms consistently. Sometimes, I just sit and think about all of the confusion, chaos, and avoidable sickness out here, and it’s all because 1) we treat sex too casually and/or 2) we don’t use protection.
There are plenty of Google links to prove that it’s not my opinion that STIs/STDs aren’t going anywhere — probably ever. In fact, they are reportedly surging. So, out of the 15 things that you just read, I saved the best one for last in the sense that, for the sake of your overall health and well-being (as well as your partner’s), USE CONDOMS. Raw sex lasts a moment. The outcome? That can be a lifetime. Real talk and straight up.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert