Men Carry Condoms To Funerals, Plan B Use Is Skyrocketing & Other Sex-Stuff To Know
When I tell you that, even as I’m typing all of this, I’ve got around 45 tabs open — I am absolutely not exaggerating (if you’ve got a laptop, get a laptop cooling pad; it’s a lifesaver when it comes to your keyboard!). Between all of the writing assignments that I have and tidbits of information that I come across, I have to keep them open until I find a “home” for all of the content that I collect.
Today, I’m about to clear out quite a few as I share with you something that I talk about a lot over on this platform: SEX. Only this time, because the tidbits are not (necessarily) long enough for their own piece, yet they are interesting enough to share, I’m going to tackle 15 current sex-related points back-to-back that might surprise you. Maybe, maybe not. At the very least, it’ll give you and your girls something to talk about the next time you get together for after-work drinks.
Ah, sex. It never stops being fascinating, y’all. Here we go.
1. Not Kissing During Sex Is More Common than You Think
GiphyA few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?” While that might sound odd to some (me included), the people I interviewed for it aren’t alone. For better or for worse, although close to 90 percent of people said that they kissed during their last sexual encounter, people under 30 are more likely to skip out on doing it because “kissing is too intimate.” Umm…sooo…genitalia on and in you isn’t? Chile…nevermind.
2. The Use of Plan B Has Doubled
Yeah, I don’t know what I think about this one because I personally think that Plan B hasn’t been around long enough for folks to be popping them like Tums. For one thing, it’s important to remember that it’s supposed to be used as emergency contraception; secondly, since it only helps to prevent pregnancy, people still need to get out here using condoms. Plus, side effects like irregular (menstrual bleeding), headaches, and a lower libido need to be kept in mind.
All of that said, it looks like people are using Plan B more than ever before, to the point where 1 in 4 women say that they have used it before. That brings me back to the importance of condom use (which, short of a latex allergy, doesn’t really have side effects). I’ll talk about this more at the end of all of this.
3. Millennials Think Sex Is More Important than Gen Z-ers Do
GiphyI’m not gonna get to preaching about how I find myself saying, at least three times a week, that when you don’t know the purpose of something, you are bound to misuse or abuse it — and how, to me, sex is on the very top of that list. I’ll just say that with the current state of our culture, it doesn’t surprise me in the least that Gen Z (born 1997-2021) is out here Elmo shrugging when it comes to sex. Meanwhile, the generation who comes right before them (y’all, millennials don’t go on forever…LOL; it’s folks who were born between 1981-1996) actually make sex more of a priority.
Now, I will say that I appreciate that only 5 percent of the Gen Z crew think that sex is the most important part of a relationship. That shows some depth in their mindset, for sure.
4. Uncut Men Are Totally Underestimated
If there are two things that I find to be, let’s go with “fascinatingly hypocritical” when it comes to online gender banter, is the fact that a lot of women like to crack on short guys while not wanting men to say anything about women’s weight and that women also seem to be hella dismissive of men who haven’t been circumcised when a lot of us have vulvas and vaginas that have quite a bit of extra skin going on as well.
That’s why I had to shout out the fact that when it comes to men who are uncut, they actually tend to have more intense orgasms than men who are circumcised.
Not only that, but women who engage in coitus with uncircumcised guys tend to experience less “bang-bang-bang” sex and have more orgasms, too. Well, looka there.
5. Folks over 50 Like Doggy Style Most
GiphyA couple of months ago, I saw an IG post of a woman who was struggling up the stairs with some Timberland boots in hand. Her caption simply said, “If your man owns a pair of these, then you know.” LOL. Chile. And who would’ve thought that although 50 isn’t old (AT ALL), with all of the folks out here with back issues, bad mattresses, and the need to work out a bit more, the fave position for those who are 25 times two and over is doggy style (with missionary coming after and the spoon position trailing after that)?
While it should come as no surprise that men enjoy the visuals and powerful feelings that come with the position, I’m curious to know how many of y’all can relate to the Women’s Health article, “12 Thoughts Every Girl Has During Doggy Style.” Hop up in the comments and let me know.
6. Meanwhile, Women Prefer Missionary (Most of All)
Not too long ago, I was in an interview with someone who told me that submission (to men) was antiquated. I immediately said, “So, you don’t have sex then?” When she asked me what I meant, I said, “Isn’t the missionary position an act of submitting to a man?” She immediately changed the subject (uh-uh). Hey, don’t take my word for it.
A GQ article literally cited that most women still find missionary to be a top-tier sexual position, in part because “the eye contact, the mild male dominance, and the angle of penetration make it a popular one among women..”
And with that, let’s move on to the next point.
7. Women Are Still Faking. Men Are Still Not Believing It.
GiphyI’ve written about faking it on this platform before (check out “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”). Personally, I’m not a fan (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP”). A huge part of the reason is that I’m pretty word-literal, and fake means things like deceive, fraudulent, and pretending — yeah, I don’t know how anything truly beneficial comes out of that, especially long-term.
Anyway, somebody let the fellas know that faking is still alive and “well” no matter what they think because it’s also been cited that while 85 percent of guys think that they made their partner cum the last time they had sex with them, only 64 percent of women said that was actually the case (vaginal contracting happens during climaxing, fellas. Always remember that).
8. Men Ain’t the Only Ones Who Loathe Rubbers
A male friend of mine recently told me that wearing a condom is like wanting to enjoy the rain while in your car when the windows are rolled up. I shared that with some other men I know and they pretty much agreed. One expounded and said it’s like “wearing a trash bag on your d-ck.” Hmm. Although a part of me thinks that folks need to do better at wearing rubbers that actually fit them (because only 50 percent do), men are not alone in not being the biggest fan of prophylactics.
Apparently, a whole lot of women also think that condoms make sex less pleasurable, too. I mean, raw sex in a long-term committed relationship (where two people are exclusive, honest, and tested regularly) is understandably the most ideal situation.
For everyone else who wants to avoid pregnancy and/or STDs and/or doesn’t want to rely on hormone-filled birth control to prevent conception — a list of “barely like it's even on” condoms can be found here.
9. Around 20 Percent of People Are Abstinent
GiphyIf you’re currently abstinent and it seems like you’re the only one on the planet that is,trust me, you ain’t. Reportedly, around 19-20 percent of people are currently not having sex (intentionally). Interestingly enough, many women don’t, either due to discomfort during sex or having a low libido. Also, on the topic of not gettin’ any, I think it should go on record that most of the population is no longer a virgin by 22. At the same time, around 27 percent of young men are still virgins. Yeah, bet that last thing wasn’t on your Bingo card…was it?
10. Women Don’t Find Money to Be As Sexy As Social Media Says
Chile, if you leave it up to TikTok, every woman in the world is out for a man’s money. However, a study of over 17,000 women actually said that what women find to be the sexiest thing in a man is confidence (65 percent), followed by humor (54 percent) and intelligence (53 percent). And just where did a man’s wallet place? Last — at 7 percent. Share it with everyone you know.
11. Some Men Intentionally Bring Condoms to Funerals
GiphyA random movie that I like isCatch & Release (Jennifer Garner, Juliette Lewis). In the trailer, you see a couple having sex in a bathroom right after a funeral. That’s what crossed my mind when I read that, reportedly, 1 in 8 men bring condoms to homegoings. I don’t mean that there is one already in their wallet; I mean that they plan on having rubbers on tap — just in case. I mean, if ever there’s a time when emotions are all over the place, that would be it. Not sure how to close this one out so, I’ll just go to the next.
12. Religious Folks Have Better Sex than “Secular” Ones Do
One of my favorite Message Version translations of Scripture is I Corinthians 6:16-20. It starts off by saying this:
“There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, ‘The two become one.’ Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never ‘become one.’”
You know, no matter what you think about the Bible, science even backs that sex bonds people (thanks to oxytocin, for starters). And when you add a serious commitment and a spiritual foundation into the mix, I’m not surprised that, reportedly, religious couples profess to have more satisfying sex than “secular people” do. Not surprised at all.
13. Women Like Sex Toys. A LOT.
GiphyHere’s my TMI tidbit for the day: I don’t own nor have I ever owned or even used a sex toy (well, not one that needs batteries). Never had the need or curiosity to. Oh, but when I toured with an organization that got people out of the porn industry, I learned quite a bit about them and knew that they were going to be increasing in demand and use — and that is all true.
Word on the street is that 50 percent of people use some type of sex toy on a weekly basis, 82 percent of women own at least one sex toy (vibrators are their favorite pick) and almost 40 percent of women would prefer to use their sex toys without their partner. Hmm…does anyone care to expound on that last part?
14. People over 60 Are Still Gettin’ It In
Every time I see something on social media that alludes to the fact that folks over 40 aren’t really having that much sex, I get irritated. Some people are so young-minded that they think 40 is ancient. Meanwhile, their parents and grandparents are out here running circles around some of these 20-somethings. Case in point: nine million women over 60 had sex at least once last year; 13 percent say that they enjoy sex more now than they did a decade ago; 57 percent said that they (almost) always cum with their partner (can you say the same?), and 14 percent masturbate a few times a month.
If you add to that the fact that more than half of people between the ages of 57-75 have oral sex and one-third between 75-85 are doing the same and that 54 percent of those aged 75-85 engage in intercourse 2-3 times a month while 23 percent get it in at least once a week — whew! Can we finally put ageism, as it specifically relates to sexual activity, where it belongs? In. The. Trash.
15. More People Need to Be Wearing Condoms. SERIOUSLY.
GiphyListen, I don’t know why the fact that just knowing that syphilis has increased 80 percent over the past several years isn’t enough for people to WRAP IT UP out here (le sigh). Oh, and yet here we are: only one-third of men and one-fourth of women use condoms consistently. Sometimes, I just sit and think about all of the confusion, chaos, and avoidable sickness out here, and it’s all because 1) we treat sex too casually and/or 2) we don’t use protection.
There are plenty of Google links to prove that it’s not my opinion that STIs/STDs aren’t going anywhere — probably ever. In fact, they are reportedly surging. So, out of the 15 things that you just read, I saved the best one for last in the sense that, for the sake of your overall health and well-being (as well as your partner’s), USE CONDOMS. Raw sex lasts a moment. The outcome? That can be a lifetime. Real talk and straight up.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next October (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Lauren London Is On A Journey Of Self-Love: 'I Need To Learn Who I Am Outside Of My Trauma'
Lauren London has gone through many transitions in her life, from becoming a mother to experiencing loss when her beau, Nipsey Hussle, passed, and now she is focused on self-love.
During her conversation on A Really Good Crypodcast, the beloved actress revealed her struggles with self-love and why it's important to take this time in her life to learn how to love on herself.
"I've never really functioned in self-love. I've never really functioned in self-acceptance, and this is my time to learn what that is," she shared.
"I need to learn who I am outside of my trauma, from the childhood trauma and then the adult trauma. I need to really know what it feels like to be in sovereignty with me, and that's the space that I'm in.
"I don't really know self-acceptance like that and I would like to know that. I would like to see myself the way God intended me to see myself. Not through the reflection of anyone else right now, really just through the eyes of God."
She continued, "I didn't have that growing up. I had a lot of things I had to overcome. I've been in survivor mode for many years before the tragedy (Nipsey's death), and so I need to love on Lauren. I need to see what that is."
Being an actress, Lauren opened up about some of the things that come with the territory, including going to events and parties to stay relevant.
While she said going out doesn't fill her soul, it is a constant battle with her friends and her team. But according to the mom of two, she no longer wants her identity to be tied to her work.
"I think now I'm just, again, finding home within myself," she said. When it comes to what's next for the You People star, Lauren said she doesn't know and it's okay to just be and sit in what you just accomplished.
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Feature image is by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Glamour