Lose weight. Change jobs. Spend more quality time with the kids. These are the kinds of New Year's resolutions that are pretty common. But if you're married, tell me something. When's the last time you put a resolution on your list that specifically had to do with improving your sex life?
Being that 15-20 percent of married couples have sex less than 15 times a year, which is the textbook definition of a sexless marriage. I just read about a couple that's been married for 25 years and haven't had sex for 20 of 'em — W-O-W — and coupled with a considerable amount of women that still struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm, and a lack of intimacy continuing to lead the pack of being a reason for divorce, doesn't it seem like wanting a better sex life should be a top priority? But how many couples actually make it so?
Sex Resolutions for Couples
Many reputable therapists and life coaches will tell you that there are two main reasons why resolutions fail within the first month of making them. One is due to a lack of accountability. The other has to do with not seeing immediate results. Well, if you want to have more mind-blowing sex, your spouse can serve as your accountability partner and, if you incorporate some of the things that I'm about to share with you, you'll be well on your way to seeing some pretty earth-shattering results!
Are you ready to make this the year of the best sex you've ever had in your entire married life? Read on below.
1.Upgrade Your Bedroom.
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Interior designers say it all of the time — the bedroom is for sex and sleep. But does your bedroom convey that kind of message? In other words, how sexy is that room in your house? If it's about as sexy as one of your kid's rooms, there's no time like the present to give it an upgrade.
As far as wall colors go, couples with caramel-colored ones reportedly get it on no less than three times a week, although eggplant and shades of blue can also get you in the mood. If it's time for a new mattress, a Sapira hybrid by Leesa one is firm and also absorbs a considerable amount of "movement noise" (if you've got kids). As far as bedding goes, cotton sheets with a real 200-thread count are affordable and comfortable. The color of them is up to you, but don't underestimate the power of some crisp white sheets. Word on the street is they subconsciously turn us on (which is a part of the reason why hotels use them).
2.Engage in a Little Morning Sex.
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Sex does everything from boost your immune system and reduce stress to lower your blood pressure and increase your brain power, so why not start off your day by participating in coitus — even if it's just a quickie? Morning sex is not only proven to be a healthy way to start the day, there's also tons of data to support that it can make you a lot more productive as well.
So, if you've been slackin' off on the job lately, don't say you don't know what you can do in order to remedy that. #justsaying
3.Snack on Some Halim Seeds.
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If your libido isn't as intense as it used to be (and your doctor has given you a clean bill of health), the first thing you should do is make sure you're getting no less than six hours of sleep; no one is in the mood if they're dead tired. The second is to snack on some seeds that are gaining the reputation of being quite the libido pick-me-up. They're called halim seeds (also known as garden cress seeds).
If you sprinkle them on your salads or use them as seasoning in your soup, the high amounts of iron and folic acid in them will help to rev your libido up again, along with improving your mood and cognitive brain function too.
4.Become a Karezza Expert.
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According to one study, less than half of married women desire sex on a consistent basis after four years of marriage. It's not due to a lack of interest in sex itself so much as it is about feeling emotionally disconnected from their spouse.
In walks karezza. If you don't speak Italian, it means "caress" in that language. It is the art of slowing things down — way down — in the bedroom. It's kind of like tantric sex, only you're focusing more on touching and fondling than deep breathing.
Couples who do it say that it's helped them to cultivate deeper intimacy and communication which has led to more intense orgasms. For more details on this particular sexual technique, check out "How Does Karezza Work?"
5.Play Some Board Games.
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When you've got kids, it's not always convenient or affordable to get a babysitter so that you and yours can go out. When date night is easier said than done, no problem — just pull out a few board games.
Put your children to bed early, pour from a bottle of red wine (an aphrodisiac), put on some of your favorite 90s R&B, and pull out an adult-only game like Monogamy, Nookii, or The Discovery Game.
They're sexy, they're fun, and they're a great way to get a little closer to your spouse. Literally.
6.Focus on (Non-Obvious) Erogenous Zones.
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If someone were to walk up to you right now and ask you to provide a list of male and female erogenous zones that don't include lips, breasts or genitalia, would you be able to do it?
The cool thing about erogenous zones is not only do they stimulate us, they also relax us as well. That's why offering to give your spouse a massage while focusing on their erogenous zones is a great way to set the perfect mood.
If you need a "zone cheat sheet", men's hot spots include the soles of their feet, thumbs, the crease in between his thighs and his buttocks, ears, neck, scalp and stomach. Women's include ears, neck, inner thighs, hands, belly button and, believe it or not, armpits (try it before you knock it).
7.Try the Hook Position.
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There are literally hundreds of sex positions (click here for some of 'em or Google "245 sex positions" for a site that's a little too racy for this one). But one that is currently getting rave reviews is the hook position. It's not complex. It's simply the missionary position with a woman "hooking" her legs over her partner's shoulders. It's all the rage because more and more couples are finding it to be one of the easiest ways for both partners to achieve an orgasm at the same time. BOOM!
8.Have Sex at 3PM (More Often).
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Like most things in life, our sex hormones are a bit of a roller coaster ride; sometimes they are way up and sometimes they are down. The time of day when a woman's cortisol levels spike (giving her more energy) and a man's estrogen levels are strongest (making him more willing to emotionally connect) is at 3PM.
It might not be the most convenient time of the day, but it's definitely an incentive to either take a late lunch break or finish all of your work so that you can leave early every once in a while.
9.Go to an Adults-Only Vacation Spot.
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11 percent of married couples go on weekly dates. Awesome!
30 percent go once a month. Not bad.
36 percent hardly ever do it. Now that just plain sucks.
If a couple doesn't go to dinner and a movie, it's probably a real stretch to think they go on romantic vacations. If you can't remember the last time you and yours booked a hotel reservation in the city you live in, let alone anywhere else, let 2019 be the year that you do.
Some of the hottest adults-only spots include the Secrets Marquis in Los Cabos, Dome-Shaped Tree House near Malibu, Auberge du Soleil in Napa Valley, Sandals LaSource Grenada or Twin Farms in Vermont (or check out some of the sexiest hotels in the world here).
If these all sound tempting but you don't know how in the world you'll be able to afford it, I wrote about a super-sexy way to pay for a vacation on this site a few months ago. Check out "5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs a Sex Jar".
10.Make Sex Vows (and Renew Them Every Year).
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Enter into the union with formal vows. Vows are verbal promises, pledges, and commitments. I've yet to attend a wedding where sex was made a part of the ceremony vows but being that less than half actually have sex on their wedding night, perhaps it should. Then it would remind couples to make sex a top priority from day one.
It could be romantic, special, and oh so erotic to make it a tradition every year to exchange some vows, specifically about what you promise, pledge and commit to do for your spouse — sexually, of course — in the upcoming year.
If they're heartfelt — and graphic — enough, implementing those vows could become the way you both choose to ring in each and every year.
And since they say that the way you start a year is the way you end up ending it…well. (wink)
Featured image by Getty Images.
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert