My friends and I are huge music fans. Basically any genre, at any time, can get some sort of shout-out but, because I was a freshman in college in 1992 (and a lot of my crew is around my age), the 90s—especially when it comes to R&B and hip-hop—is considered to be a truly a golden era. On so many levels. For that reason, it's fairly common that either I or a friend will initiate a round of "So, where were you when?" where we'll mention a particular song and then share the memories we have from around the time that it came out.
Recently, what came up was the total NSFW explicit version of "Call Me" by Too Short featuring Lil' Kim (from 1997). If you've never heard that song before, I'll put it to you this way—if you've never had sex before, you'll definitely feel like you did by the time "Call Me" ends (which reminds me, ALL female rappers need to give Lil' Kim her props; her flow was the sickest. There's no debating that…ever). Anyway, as my friend was asking me if that was the kind of music I would "get down to" back in the day, I shared that jams like Jodeci's "U & I" (1991); Usher's "Nice and Slow" (1997); Sade's "No Ordinary Love"; Mary J. Blige's (featuring Jodeci) "If Loving You Is All I Have To Do" (1992), and "Make Love to Me" by Lorenzo (1992) was more my speed. As we both went back and forth with different songs that we could directly connect different sexual memories to, that got me to wondering why music seemed to be such a powerful aphrodisiac and seduction tool (I mean, when's the last time you watched a sex scene that didn't have any background music?).
If reading this intro has you now wondering the same thing, here's what my research on the topic revealed.
Men Look Better When There’s Music Playing
I've never had a one-night stand before. I've never been much of a clubber either. But I do recall some college parties where I would first meet someone and think they were sexy as hell, only to see them in the university center a few days later and literally be like "WTF?". I can also count the amount of times I've ever been drunk so I can't, pun intended, blame it on the alcohol. But it seems like various studies do believe that I can connect that "limited attraction" to the DJ and the music that he was playing at the party.
Take this one control group that consisted of 64 women and 32 men. Oddly enough, if the women listened to music before looking at a picture of a man for the first time, they actually found him to be more attractive than if they saw a shot of him without hearing any music beforehand. The guys? Music didn't affect their overall opinion of the women they looked at, one way or another (shocking, right?). That got me to wondering if that's why music can be so effective on a date.
Could it be that we ladies end up being drawn to a man more if we're in a club or at a concert because the music is "triggering" some feelings within us that we're actually transferring onto our date—whether we realize it or not? Goodness. That made me want to dig deeper.
Music Affects Us in the Same Way That Food and Sex Does
OK, so if music is powerful enough to alter the way we see someone, what in the world is that all about? Well, according to another article that I read, it would appear that music is able to trigger a pretty solid dopamine release within us. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps our brain to decide what movements we want to make, along with what emotions we should feel, at any given moment.
Well, within the article, another study on how music affects us, stated that, when a song that we like hits its peak, it is able to mimic a similar reaction that we encounter while we are eating a meal or while we are having sex.
I don't know about you, but a good meal or some great sex gets me pretty excited. And much to my surprise, when I thought about some of my all-time favorite songs, they do tend to bring a similar type of satisfaction—at least to my mind. And that revelation made we want to dig even deeper.
Did You Know That Music Can Determine the Kind of Sex You Have?
Yeah. This is where it gets really real. A website called Tick Pick once conducted a survey that consisted of 1,010 people who enjoyed music and were sexually active. The results? Chile, they were truly something else.
The Breakdown of People Who Were Sexually Satisfied Based on Their Preferred Music Genre
- Country: 66.3%
- Blues: 64.3%
- Jazz: 63.2%
- Reggae: 62.8%
- Hip-Hop/Rap: 61.3%
- R&B: 61.2%
- EDM: 60.0%
- Classical: 58:9%
- Pop: 57.2%
(For the record, I didn't include every gene that was listed. You can click here to see that.)
Reportedly, blues fans lasted the longest in bed, hip-hop fans were the least likely to go down on a woman (hmm…) and, 1 in 4 folk music lovers cried during sex. People who liked listening to reggae music enjoyed being on top more than any other genre and people who enjoyed listening to country preferred the bottom the most.
There's more. Who is shocked to hear me say that hip-hop fans preferred the doggy style position the most (Lord knows there are enough rap songs that mention it), while pop fans lean most towards the missionary position? As far as who gets into the cowgirl and reverse cowgirl the most, that award goes to heavy metal. People with different tastes in music typically have sex six days a month while those with similar tastes get it in eight days a month. As far as sexual fetishes go, EDM listeners hold the top spot, hip-hop and reggae hold the fifth and sixth position, and R&B gets 10th place. Indie rock goes for BDSM the most, country music lovers are all about role playing and anal more than anyone else, pop people want the most lingerie and jazz listeners apparently have the biggest foot fetish. Something else that I found to be a trip is heavy metal fans get the top spot for using birth control the most consistently while reggae gets the 10th position, R&B gets the 12th and pop comes in at the 14th (that's out of 15 genres, y'all).
How in the heck could all of this be? A lot of it is connected to how our body naturally responds and reacts to different kinds of music tempos. For instance, there are plenty of studies that point to the fact that listening to upbeat music typically puts us in a good mood while music with a slower tempo is able to calm us down and make us feel less anxious. Not only that but, listening to music that is our personal preference can ignite feelings of passion as it encourages us to tap into our imaginative sides. All in all, music has a powerful affect on us mentally and emotionally…and clearly, sexually as well. I think one of the main reasons why this is the case can be summed in the article, "Music can complement your sex aesthetic":
"Sex is kinda like art…like the way an artist paints, draws, watercolors. They usually prefer one of these types but have dabbled in all. On top of that, you can add all these layers. When you draw, you have shapes. Then you layer colors. Then you layer shades and textures. Sex is the same thing, where you do it, what positions, who it's with, and music is another layer."
Indeed and agreed. So, before you pull out your next playlist for your next "session", think about why you're choosing the songs that you do and how it actually will influence the kind of sex you will have. According to all of this research—if you want to feel calmer, put on some slow jams. If you want your toes sucked on, jazz might be your best bet. And, if you're into role play, Dolly Parton might need to be added to the rotation. I mean, it's all according to science and research. Guess it couldn't hurt (wink).
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Is Your Job Interfering With Your Orgasms?
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8 Men & 8 Women Told Me What They Wish Their Partner Would STOP Doing In Bed
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From Rihanna pairing her caviar with chicken nuggets (I wonder if our Fenty queen shares with RZA and Riot Rose or if this is just for mama) to Bethenny Frankel educating us on caviar with her series "Caviar University," there’s just no escaping it.
And let’s not forget the elite king himself, DeAndre Brown, indulging in fried chicken and caviar! From videos with caviar-topped burgers, potato latkes, deviled eggs, and pasta dishes—folks are topping everything with caviar. Yet, I had not come across any Black-owned caviar brands until I discovered Caviar Dream.
My Introduction Into Caviar
I started off eating caviar in undergrad on top of sushi, exploring with a variety of roe and tobiko but as an adult, I knew I was ready to try something a little more refined. The first time I fell in love with caviar was in grad school at a southern Italian restaurant in Flatiron.
I tried an appetizer that featured caviar on bruschetta, served with thick garlic bread and burrata cheese, and from that moment, I was hooked. That has become my favorite way to enjoy caviar next to this filet mignon crostini appetizer that I served recently at a dinner party.
Everything You Need To Know About Caviar Dream
Caviar Dream
Courtesy of Yasmine Jameelah
Caviar Dream is the first nationally distributed Black- and woman-owned caviar business, redefining how people experience caviar. Founded by Kendra Anderson, a Chicago-based chef and sommelier, the company’s mission is to make caviar more accessible and inclusive, breaking down barriers and demystifying this delicacy.
What Caviar I Tried
Caviar Dream Kaluga Hybrid ($105-$420 depending on the ounce)
How I Experienced The Caviar:
For this review, I opted for a more traditional approach by pairing Caviar Dream's Kaluga Hybrid with crème fraîche, blinis, and my favorite Black-owned champagne, Le KOOL Champagne by Robert Kool Bell.
My Caviar Dream spread
Courtesy of Yasmine Jameelah
My Honest Review:
I do not say this lightly - this was by far the best caviar I’ve ever had in my life. It was buttery, had no aftertaste, and truly felt as luxurious as it looked.
Prior to this, my favorite caviar was Imperial Caviar. I’ve tried many brands, from well-known to affordable, while recreating my favorite decadent appetizers at home or enjoying caviar bumps at parties with my friends and they were my favorite until now.
Caviar Dream boasts that chefs are obsessed with this versatile hybrid, which tastes more expensive than it actually is—and they were right. This buttery caviar would pair well with any recipe, especially if you’re looking to impress someone or even treat yourself.
As a Black woman, a business owner, and someone who understands that an extension of financial wellness is circulating our dollars, I recognize the importance of incorporating Black-owned businesses throughout every aspect of my life. From my skincare to my favorite sustainable wine, my bank, and even indulgent experiences like caviar, it matters.
As we celebrate culinary innovation and expand our palates, let’s also take the extra step to support Black-owned businesses while doing it. So the next time you’re tempted by the allure of caviar, order from Caviar Dream—it just might become your new favorite.
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Feature image by Peter Dazeley/ Getty Images