Something that I try to mention, as much as possible, especially when it comes to married and long-term couples is, if you want to go the distance, it's not just the "big things" that you've got to stay up on; it's the little things too. Something as simple as you being a morning person while your partner is a night owl can affect everything from quality of sleep to quality time to your sex life.
That's why, when it comes to couples who have different sleep patterns and still want to have a fulfilling sexual dynamic, I'm all about encouraging them to do what is at the foundation for all successful relationships — compromise. Sometimes that means that an alarm clock needs to be set or someone needs to initiate some, umm, stuff (more on that in a bit) in order to get the juices flowing (pun intended and not intended).
Today, let's talk about why the clock should, at times, be set for midnight. Because again, whether that's when you're already in your REM state of sleep or it's when you're binging on your favorite TV series, there are some special and specific reasons why "partaking" when the clock strikes 12 that can make already-spooning-naked with your partner totally worth your while.
1. Have You Ever Been Awakened to “Receiving”? Whew, Chile.
I know that a fair share of men read our content because many of them have written me, so if any of you happen to be peeking into this article, it's not that we women don't enjoy being awakened out of our slumber. It's that some of y'all need to shift the way that you do it. Asking us over and over again if we're asleep when it's abundantly clear that we are or jabbing us with your erected friend isn't exactly our definition of seductive. Now what will get us going is awakening us with a kiss on one of our erogenous zones or taking a little trip to our treasure trove (so to speak).
From what I've read and researched, we tend to spend somewhere around two hours a night dreaming and it's not uncommon for those dreams to have a sex theme. I've personally experienced dreaming about copulation only to be awakened to some cunnilingus and chile...CHILE. Ain't nothing like that killer of a combo! (And yes, I am yelling it!)
So yeah, this goes to the fellas and us ladies — one of the best things about having sex at midnight is the amazing ways that we can wake up our partner or be awakened by them. Y'all betta ask somebody.
2. You Tend to Be Calmer
Something that naturally tends to happen whenever you're feeling anxiety on some level is your cortisol (your stress hormone) spikes which can do many things to your system — one of them being that it can cause your libido to tank. Let me tell it, that's why a lot of couples don't have as much sex as they should. They've been running around all day, only to come home to get ready for the next day. Then, once they get into bed, they are so exhausted that, while the spirit may be willing, the flesh is indeed weak.
How about this, though? Say that you fall asleep at 10 p.m. and then purpose in your mind to get up at 12 a.m. so that you can indulge your partner for 30 minutes (maybe more). Since you got a two-hour nap in, you'll automatically be calmer and somewhat rested and that can make participating in sexual activity so much better. For you both.
3. You’re Less Distracted
One of my favorite things about doing anything in the middle of the night is the world is quiet. No traffic on the street. No people blowing up my phone. Shoot, even the internet (i.e., social media) is slower (as far as there being less traffic). And when you're less distracted that makes it easier to focus on one thing — and one thing only. And when you are truly present during sex, that makes it so much more intense and satisfying. Right?
4. It Can Be Super Spontaneous
A theatrical producer by the name of Wei Wu Wei once said, "Spontaneity is being present in the present." I adore everything about that frame of mind because it's a reminder to treat every single minute as if it is something special, precious, and worthy of making the most of. Sex is not exempt here either because rather than always pulling out a calendar to see when you and yours can "fit it in", imagine just rolling over in the middle of the night and being like, "Damn, I love this man. I've gotta have him now because now is all that matters to me." (Cue Darius Lovehall inLove Jones) When sex is very "in the moment", it tends to be passionate, electric, erotic, steamy, and just all-around rapturous in the very best ways possible! You have to try it out to truly know.
5. It’s Romantic As All Get Out
I once heard someone say that romance is all about being very intentional in how you express your love. I agree, which is why I penned "What Does It Truly Mean When Someone's 'Romantic'?," "10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)," and "Tonight's The Night For A Really Romantic Sexual Experience" once upon a time for the site. And when you are super affectionate with your partner in the middle of the night, you surprise them with a small token that expresses how you feel about them, you massage that area of their body that they mentioned was sore earlier in the day, you whisper how special they are to you in their ear — you do something that lets them know that you feel so blessed to be with them, yes, at midnight, that can be really romantic which can cause things to get really sexy…really quickly.
6. You’re Typically Hornier During a Full Moon
Yes, the moon is up and out way before midnight (especially during the fall and winter months). Still, I am a BIG TIME A Different World fan and I remember Denise once telling Dwayne that her idea of romance was being awakened by her partner in the middle of the night, just to look at the moon (I can totally dig that!). You know, aside from how sweet cuddling up in the light of a full moon can be, there are also studies to support that a lot of us ovulate around that time (which makes us hornier and more fertile) and, because there is a stronger gravitational pull altogether, that can cause our arousal levels to significantly increase as well.
So, even if you're on the fence about trying this midnight thing out any other time, at least do it on a full moon. December 2021's happens on the 7th. You can find 2022's calendar right here. You're welcome. #wink
7. It’s a Great Morning Conversation Starter
There are plenty of studies out in cyberspace that point to the fact that the way you choose to start your day can really set the tone for how your day continues and even ends. And while this is definitely a cosign for morning sex (including morning quickies), it can be for midnight sex too because say that you have sex from midnight until 1 a.m. and then you and your boo up for the rest of the evening.
You're able to get more rest. Your oxytocin levels will be higher because you'll feel closer to (and safer with) your partner. You may even sleep in an extra 15-20 minutes or use those early sunrise hours as your pillow talk time to share how he sure did put it down last night (cue Jill Scott). And when you're well-rested, when you feel connected to your partner and the sex just a few hours ago was bomb? How can that not have you walking on air the next day?
8. You’re Already Naked…RIGHT?
Last year, another writer for this platform penned, "Yes, Sleeping Naked Could Help Your Anxiety & Sleep Pattern." Listen, other than when I'm on my period (for obvious reasons, I'm thinking), I have been sleeping naked for years now and I can't imagine doing it any other way. I feel freer. I'm not as hot. And it gives "her" some time to breathe. And back when I had a man in my bed? Wheeeeew-weeeee. Something about that skin-to-skin action, even in a sleeping state, is top-tier! And when you've got all those biceps, that chest, and those strong legs wrapped around you, how could you NOT pass up the chance to let a lil' sumthin' sumthin' slide in during the midnight hour?
Listen, I may have sold you, I may have not. But you can't convince me that having some midnight sex, at least a couple of times each month, isn't the key to taking your sex life to another level. Talk about making the most of what bumps around in the night, chile. *exhale*
Featured image by Giphy
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert