Before I attempt to explain what I mean by "seasons of sex" as it relates to something that, I personally believe, all married couples experience, let me start off with a bit of advice to any engaged folks (or people who desire to be married someday) who may be peeking in.
Because I'm pretty confident that every husband and wife on the planet will agree that marriage ain't for the weak (not by a looooong shot), I'll begin by saying three things. One, if you suck at forgiving, you will suck at marriage; marriage requires some level of forgiveness on almost a daily basis. Two, if you are considering marrying someone who has no clue what their purpose in life is, it's probably best that you wait; a healthy marriage consists of two people who are able to support one another in their purpose. People who have no clue what their purpose is can actually put a lot of stress and strain on a relationship until they do. And three, it is absolutely imperative that you join your life to someone who understands that, as with nature, marriage has seasons; if they don't know how to embrace and endure that, it's going to be an extremely bumpy and potentially devastating ride.
Are you ready to delve into just what I mean by that?
The Seasons of Marriage
Seasons. If you read up on why we have spring, summer, autumn and winter, the gist is that, as the earth rotates, based on how close we are or aren't to the sun, seasons shift. When it comes to unions like marriage, a really good book for any couple to add to their library is Dr. Gary Chapman's The Four Seasons of Marriage.
According to him, spring is "The excitement of creating a new life together…not exclusively for newlyweds". Summer is when "Life is beautiful and reaping benefits of efforts to understand each other. Spouses share a deep sense of commitment, satisfaction, and security in each other's love". Autumn is when "…marriages look fine externally; outsiders may even comment on how happy the couple seems to be. Yet inside the marriage, things are changing". And winter is "characterized by coldness, harshness, and bitterness. The dreams of spring are covered with layers of ice. Conversations are only about logistics—who will do what and when they will do it. Communication is relegated to silence, arguments, criticism, and, at times, verbal abuse. Lives are lived independently, although under the same roof. This is caused by rigidity: unwillingness to consider the other person's perspective and work towards compromise".
Based on his description, the summer season is great. Problem is, if you're not aware that winter happens too, when winter arrives, you might panic and think you need to end your relationship. Thing is, just like when winter weather rolls around, so long as you are prepared and patient, it tends to pass—whether it's "winter" when it comes to your marriage overall or "winter" as it specifically relates to your sex life. It's all about knowing what typically comes with each "sex season" so that you and your partner can commit to getting through each of them—together.
Spring Sex: The Beginning of Sex, When Things Are Fresh and New
Ah, newlyweds. Ain't they precious? They're so in love that, just being around them makes you want to test your blood sugar levels. And, if they are open enough to share with you what their sex life is like (trust me, many of them are), they basically can't seem to get enough of each other. Sex, on a daily basis, is almost a given, and coitus 2-3 times a day is certainly not inconceivable. It's nothing for them to drop off of the grid on the weekends or to take little trips to small towns to test out random bed and breakfasts. For them, everything is awesome because everything is exciting and new (especially if they waited; a great read is "How Leaping into Bed Harms Relationships"). In their mind, their sex life will always remain just as it is. Why wouldn't it?
Unfortunately, something that a lot of newly married couples don't factor in is their biggest sex organ is their brain. Meaning, a part of the reason why the sex is so bomb is because they are so in sync. No real tests have come yet. There might be little irritations here and there but not anything that's too earth-shattering. The marriage is too new for things like boredom to set in. Plus, just like spring is the season when seeds are planted, they are still figuring out what turns each other on, which makes sex the ultimate adventure.
Summer Sex: When Sexual Satisfaction Is at Its Peak
Summer sex. It's truly the only thing better than spring sex! The reason why it is able to top it is because this is when you and yours have truly mastered what make one another tick. You know each other's spots. You have figured out the guaranteed ways to make each other climax. If there is any room in the house where you feel like you both are totally on the same page, it's the bedroom and, because of that, you can't seem to be able to get enough of each other. No matter what is on the agenda, you are going to make sure you make time for sex because you can't recall the last time that you "engaged" and you were even close to being disappointed. Just like the actual summer season, your summer sex is hot—blazin'! Even during your spring sex, you had absolutely no idea that sex could be so good.
Autumn Sex: This Is When Feelings of Discontentment Creep In
Autumn is an interesting season. The reason why I think that the word "interesting" is appropriate is because the weather is a bit unpredictable. Some days might be unseasonably warm while others might surprise you and be freezing cold. On average, though, while the season is pleasant enough to look at, there is a chill that is low-key uncomfortable. It's like a precursor to something that's a bit more…trying. So is the case with autumn sex. During this season, the sex is not always bad. At the same time, it's not always good either. Sometimes, you can go a couple of weeks without intercourse and not even notice—or worse, without even missing it. Sometimes you'll have it but prefer not to cuddle before or after, or you prefer to cuddle for nights on end without doing anything more than that. You find yourself looking at your partner and, while you're still into them, it's not quite like it used to be. It's not uncommon for the feelings that come during autumn sex to be so subtle that even your partner fails to pick up on them. All I know is that if you don't talk this season out, it can sho' nuf lead to the next season—winter sex.
Winter Sex: Sex Has Waned; Activity Is Virtually Non-Existent
A couple of years ago, I checked out a movie that had winter sex written all over it. It was calledAfternoon Delight and it was about a married couple, with a young son, who had fallen into a serious sexual rut. The wife's therapist alerted her to the fact that marriage without sex is a red flag. In response, the wife did what a lot of spouses tend to do when they are told that—she got defensive. Then she started to do some destructive things…like bring a stripper into her house to serve as "the nanny". It's a fictional occurrence, but the film was written well enough to explain my point. A little one in the house. Fatigue. Not making time to emotionally, let alone physically, connect. Not dating each other. Not making sex a priority (sex shouldn't be seen as a marital luxury; it should be treated as a marital necessity). These are just some of the things that can usher in the winter sex season—a time when there is barely any sex to speak of. When it comes to the health and happiness of your relationship, it tends to potentially do the most damage. The thing to keep in mind is, like all seasons, even this one shall pass.
What to Remember About Your Seasons of Sex
How many of y'all remember the 80s pop group Exposé and their hit "Seasons Change"? Just like it's unavoidable that the planet's relationship to the sun will cause seasons to transition in and out, in many ways, the same point applies to married couples and their relationship; their sex life is no exception. And how can I be so sure that, just as spring sex comes and goes, so does winter sex and vice versa? It's actually due to a quote by a cartoonist by the name of Richard J. Needham who once said something extremely insightful and profound—"You don't marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as the result of being." Personally, this is why I think Scripture doesn't say that once two people are married that they are one; it says that they become one (Genesis 2:24-25).
Marriage is the process of constantly learning how to become "one" with your partner throughout life's transitions, and you and your spouse's changes. The ones who truly understand this have a far greater chance of, not only surviving, but thriving as a married couple—and handling the shifts in their intimacy.
Know what else? They have a much greater chance of not being the kind of couple who stays "stuck" in winter (a sexless marriage) for years on end. They take note of what's going on (and what's not going on), then they put forth the effort to address the matter so that they are able to reconnect. As they continue to evolve and become different versions of themselves, that is what can bring them back and spring (a newness of sex), to summer (hot 'n heavy sex), and provide them with the ways to proactively work through autumn (the ho-hum times) and not make reckless decisions like engage in an affair or abandon the marriage altogether during the winter.
Just imagine how many marital unions could remain intact if more couples saw their intimate life from this perspective. No matter what weather season you love and which one you hate, you adjust, right? You don't end your life, just because there is a season that you aren't particularly fond of; you prepare for it and endure. More couples should avoid the thought of ending their marriage just because late fall or winter has arrived as far as their sex life is concerned. In a similar manner, they should prepare and endure. Another baby is coming? Prepare and endure. Someone is about to lose their job? Prepare and endure. Health issues are on the horizon? Prepare and endure. Do this and the season won't last always. Seasons are never designed to. What you can know, without question, is they are so much easier to get through when you're committed to going through them together. Whether it's the weather or the…seasons of sex.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important
10 Simple Ways Married Couples Can Make More Time For Sex
10 Married Couples Share The Keys To Their Totally Off-The-Chain Sex Life
7 Things Married Couples Do To Damage Their Sex Lives & Don't Even Know It
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert