

Picture this: you're getting dressed to go out with friends. You feel so great about yourself that you take a look in the mirror before you leave and say, "I look BOMB"? Your confidence is at an all-time high because your hair is laid, your makeup is flawless, and your new 'fit is everything. You're feeling good all the way to the event and then, boom, you walk in and you see all these other equally beautiful people around you.
The confidence you once had started to dwindle while these thoughts of not being good enough started to cloud your mind. Have you ever been through that? Or, if you haven't been through that specific scenario, have you ever been flooded with unwanted, negative thoughts that have caused you to feel inadequate or insecure?
I've spent a great portion of my life dealing with mind attacks telling me inferior lies about myself. And for a while, I believed those lies and it led me to do unthinkable things to measure up to the person I unknowingly already was.
Those lies coming for your mind, dignity and life aren't from God. They're a ploy from the enemy with the hopes of making you believe you're something you're not. You see, the last thing the enemy wants is for you to walk in your true identity. Because he knows that once you embrace your God-given identity, you are unstoppable.
If you've struggled with negative self-talk in the past, keep reading to learn how to use scripture to fight the thoughts that are not serving you.
The Armor Of God
Ephesians 6:10-18 teaches us about the armor of God which is the mandatory gear for Christians to wear in order to win this spiritual warfare. In the 17th verse, we learn about the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. I love that! The bible is the only part of the armor of God that actually fights back. The key to beating those internal, ungodly thoughts is through scripture.
This is a spiritual warfare and although we are on the winning side, the fight isn't always a quick knockout. Sometimes you have to stay in that ring for several rounds until you come out on top. With every round, continue to fight back with the trueness of God's word.
Repeat passages that speak against what you are being told. The more you speak God's word, the more afraid the enemy becomes.
This is one of many reasons why it's important for Christians to be well-versed in scripture through regular study. Yes, it would be amazing if we could all quote scripture off top. I mean those are actual goals. But you don't need to have all of the Old Testament memorized in order to fight negative thoughts. When you study the Bible and understand what He is saying to you, God will provide you with the right ammo to fight negative thoughts at the right time.
Words In Action
On August 5, 2017, I was sitting in the lobby of a hospital waiting to hear news about my mom. All I knew at that point was that she was very sick. Eventually, the doctor told my family that my mom had a massive heart attack and was in a medically induced coma. Instantly, fear and sadness washed over me but then I heard the voice of God say everything would work out.
Okay, even though I believed that she was okay, I struggled y'all! That was my mom in a coma. By sight, things were not looking good and I was freaking out. I tried to stand on God's truth but it was hard in the midst of the chaos that was happening around me and even in me. The moment I prayed to God to help me get through this, passages I've previously studied came to mind. Although I did not know them word for word, I was able to reference it and pull up the passages to fight back. I fought like I've never fought before. At first those negative thoughts that she was going to die kept coming back and I kept fighting back with God's word. I rested on Psalms 118. Ultimately those negative thoughts were defeated. I started walking in the truth of God's promise that she'd be okay and eventually my mom recovered. Had I fallen victim to the lies of the enemy that my mom wouldn't wake up, I could have lost hope and pulled the plug.
God's word is filled with the truth of who we are, who He is and His power. Consistently meditate on His word and use it to fight negative thoughts. The power of God is stronger than ANYTHING and when you use His weapon to fight back those negative thoughts, you will win! Rest on Him, He will get your mind right!
Guided Reading
Use the following bible verses as ammo when the negative thoughts creep into your mind:
When you feel unworthy | "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9 |
When you feel weak | "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 |
When you can't see the finish line | "God is within her, I will not fail" Psalm 46:5 |
When you don't feel beautiful | "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14 |
When you're afraid | "The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The Lord is with me; he is my helper." Psalm 118:6-7 |
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Originally published August 11, 2019
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Hailing from Los Angeles, Monique Love is a faith-based, lifestyle writer and founder of the digital magazine, WithLoveByLove.com. Through her writing, she encourages millennial women to boldly love themselves and Christ all while navigating the everyday world. For updates and her latest stories, follow her on Instagram @withlovebylove_ and on her site WithLoveByLove.com.
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Are You & Your Partner Financially Compatible? Here’s How To Tell.
With nearly half of all marriages that end in divorce citing finances as the nail in the coffin to deading their relationship, financial compatibility is one aspect of long-term compatibility that doesn't get talked about enough. Beyond the circular 50/50 discourse and whatever hot-button issues regarding providers and the like, at its core, financial compatibility is about how well your financial behaviors, values, and long-term goals align with those of your partner.
More than it is about how much money a person makes or doesn't make, financial compatibility focuses on how you think about money, how you spend your money, and most importantly, how you plan for the future with your money. Think, questions about money mindsets, spending habits, debt, budget, etc. Are you a saver and he's a spender? Do you see money as a tool for freedom? Does he see it as something to hold on tightly to as a means of survival? Can you talk about your financial goals and plans openly?
Knowing if you and your partner are financially compatible can save a lot of heartache, a lot of headaches, and a lot of money in the end. Keep reading for a few key indicators to pay attention to and learn whether or not you and your partner are truly aligned financially.
Signs You’re Financially Compatible
1. You can talk about money without judgment.
Conversations about money aren't something you dread. You're able to talk to your partner freely and openly about money matters, like debts, bills, the budget, etc., even when it is uncomfortable. There is an understanding that talking about money doesn't have to be something you're on the defense about, instead it's an opportunity for transparency, clarity, and solutions.
2. You respect each other's money personalities.
What is a money personality? According to Ken Honda, author of Happy Money, a money personality is our "approach and emotional responses to money" and there are seven money personalities we can fall under. These personalities can help us understand our own relationship with money, as well as our partner's. For example, maybe you're someone who likes to treat yourself to a fancy dinner once a month and your partner is someone who believes ordering takeout and not cooking meals at home is a cardinal sin.
When you can respect each other's money personalities, neither approach is subjected to judgment and shifts can be made in each other's spending habits as needed and from a place of love versus guilt or shame.
3. You agree on what it means to have "financial security."
Whether it’s building a stacked emergency fund, paying off debt before putting a downpayment on a home or being able to splurge on a baecation without checking your account balance before the bill arrives, your definitions of what it means to be financially secure are in sync, or at least compatible enough to reach a compromise.
4. You are not each other's "financial parent."
You’re not constantly teaching, fixing, or stressing out over what the other person is doing with their money. Although I fast-forwarded through a lot of the most recent season of Love Is Blind, I did pay attention to Virginia and Devin and money seemed to be a recurring theme in their conversations. It was clear Virginia had her ish together when it came to money and her financial plans for the future and Devin was not quite on her level.
Though she said no at the altar for additional reasons, I could also see how sis could eventually get very tired of being her partner's second mama, so to speak. And that's the thing about being your partner's "financial parent," eventually, you could end up feeling like you are one-half of a "parenting" or "teaching" dynamic with your partner instead of feeling like you're equals in a partnership.
5. You make financial decisions with each other in mind, not for each other.
Whether it’s booking a trip, deciding which debt to tackle first, saving up for a big purchase, or planning out your next move, there’s a mutual respect for each other’s input. Those shared goals might look like wealth, freedom, stability, or just a debt-free life that feels soft and secure.
You don’t have to be chasing the same bag in the same exact way, but you do need to be aligned on the vision. What you're building should feel like a joint venture with shared effort and purpose, not one of y’all making major money moves like you're still single. Making financial decisions is not just about where the money goes, it's about where you’re going together.
6. You're aligned when it comes to the big stuff.
Financial compatibility extends to the long-term of money management. The legacy, structure, and shared responsibility that comes with decisions like shared accounts, estate planning, having babies, or even blending families. Will you split bills or combine income? Who’s taking time off if you have a child? How do y’all feel about generational wealth or investing for your family’s future? You and your partner have had the real conversations.
These conversations can’t wait until after the wedding or until after a baby’s here. They’re the foundation for how you function as a unit, and if you're not aligned, or at least willing to get on the same page, that incompatibility can cause friction in the end that love alone can't fix.
Love is cute and all, but building an empire together? That’s the real flex. Tap into our new series Making Cents to see what financial compatibility really looks like when love and legacy go hand in hand.
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