A Scorpio’s love life is fueled with passion, intensity, and intimacy. A Scorpio in love brings out an emotional and vulnerable side to Scorpio that not that many people see right away.
Scorpio in Love & Relationships
They love the chase, and they are willing to pursue what it is their heart desires. They will go to the ends of the earth for those they love, and they are very protective, supportive, and loving. Not to mention, Scorpios are sexy. They naturally exude this type of magnetism and mystery in their life, and they intrigue many who come in their peripheral.
Scorpios are known to be the sexual and passionate sign of the zodiac, and there is a reason for this. Scorpios are ruled by the 8th house of intimacy, sex, commitment, and emotional depth. Scorpio also rules the reproductive system and sexual organs of the body. Needless to say, the sex life of a Scorpio is one for the books. Their stamina is unmatched, and people’s experience with them in love is often unforgettable in many different ways.
Scorpio Love Compatibility: Best & Worst Matches in the Zodiac
The downside of Scorpio in a relationship is that they tend to get attached to people in a way that can be detrimental to them and those involved. Scorpio’s emotions run high, and if not regulated properly, they can be very emotionally impulsive, leading them to make decisions they later regret. Scorpios can be led by passion and power rather than positive intention, and moves through a lot of transformations in their love life, evolving and learning more about themselves through each experience.
When Scorpio is paired with someone who they are naturally compatible with, however, fewer challenges get in the way of the positive and harmonious traits they possess. If a Scorpio feels trust and safety in their relationship, you will get the best of them. Overall when it comes to a Scorpio in love, they are like sour patch kids. First, they're sour, then they’re sweet.
Who Are Scorpios Most Compatible With?
Scorpio + Aries Love Compatibility
Scorpio and Aries have an immediate connection that is fueled by the fiery energy they both contain. These two come together through their passionate demeanor and they often hit it off right away. The challenges here come through during the relationship as with both of these signs being ruled by Mars, there can be a tendency for disagreements and aggressiveness in this relationship. The intimacy is great, but is it worth the fights and heated arguments? This pairing will have to work on being open to each other’s perspectives and feelings and watch out for power struggles between each other.
Scorpio + Taurus Love Compatibility
This is a soulmate pairing. One of Scorpio’s best matches in life is a Taurus. Scorpio and Taurus are sister signs, meaning they are on the exact opposite sides of the zodiac wheel, and they’re like the yin and yang. Scorpio and Taurus give power couple energy, and they accomplish a lot together. What makes this relationship work is that they both tend to have the same goals and need for security within a partnership. There is a good give and take here, and Taurus is someone who brings out a more calm and dedicated Scorpio. This is a relationship that will go the distance.
Scorpio + Gemini Love Compatibility
Scorpio and Gemini together is a bit of a chaotic pairing. There is a lack of similarities in the relationship to sustain this connection, but they do make life very interesting together. Gemini's energy is too curious for Scorpio’s “I need to know everything” personality. Scorpios in a relationship want to go deep and know everything about their partner. This type of vulnerability is what makes them feel safe in a relationship. Gemini starts to feel claustrophobic with this type of attention, and they would have to learn to understand what each other needs in order to make this relationship work.
Scorpio + Cancer Love Compatibility
This water sign duo is a match for the books. Scorpio and Cancer are a sweet couple and a couple that puts each other first. This is a pairing that has both love and friendship, and they also tend to have a good family base and support system around them. The intimacy and sexual chemistry between Scorpio and Cancer are off the charts, and this is an unforgettable connection. Being that this is a water-water duo, emotions will run high in this relationship, however, and things will get messy if there is not enough grounded energy and logic. This couple will need to be careful with the dramatics and emotional impulsivities, however, there is enough chemistry and love here to end up at the altar.
Scorpio + Leo Love Compatibility
Scorpio and Leo are not a pairing you see too often. Although there is passion, this is often a fling type of relationship where there is an immediate spark and connection, but one or other ghosts never speak again. You don’t see too many Scorpios and Leos together for years because this pairing tends to have a lot of ego struggles. What makes this work is if they both put their egos aside, and look at each other as human beings looking to connect and not someone looking to conquer the other. Scorpio and Leo are both fixed signs and it can be hard to compromise or cooperate with one another, as they tend to be stuck in their ways.
Scorpio + Virgo Love Compatibility
This is another soulmate relationship. Scorpio and Virgos are some of the most similar zodiac signs, and their zodiac symbol is also very similar as well, showing the connection these two have. Scorpio and Virgo are both lovers and best friends. They get each other and are both highly intuitive individuals, giving this couple an ethereal type of energy together. Scorpio encourages self-empowerment and passion within Virgo, and Virgo shows Scorpio the importance of the mind, and of slowing down more to enjoy life. This is a couple that can have fun together out and about, and also be completely satisfied staying home and being in their own world. This is a very good match.
Scorpio + Libra Love Compatibility
Scorpio and Libra are right next to each other on the zodiac wheel, which is just about the only similarity they have. Scorpio and Libra are a couple that would have to put in the work in order to make the relationship last. Although they are both relationship-oriented signs, Scorpio tends to be more dominant in their approach than Libra. Libra wants to be swept off their feet and loves to romanticize their life. Scorpio loves the idea of this rom-com type of life, but when it comes to living in it, it leaves them feeling more uneasy than settled. The thing about Libra and Scorpio together is that Scorpio tends to feel like the rug is going to be pulled under the feet at any moment.
Scorpio + Scorpio Love Compatibility
A Scorpio/Scorpio pairing is intense, intimate, and hot. This is a relationship where you wouldn’t expect these two to go together and be compatible, but they prove everyone wrong. The thing about dating your own sign is that there is an underlying energy of just getting each other in a way that no one else can. This is especially true for a Scorpio and Scorpio match as these two aren’t open books, so the fact that they can understand each other without having to dig too deep right away, makes them feel more safe and comfortable to pursue the relationship. This is a healing, passionate, and empowering couple.
Scorpio + Sagittarius Love Compatibility
A Scorpio and Sagittarius couple is rare, and to be honest, a little underrated. Scorpio and Sagittarius together create a life of adventure, freedom, and hope. Sagittarius helps Scorpios get out of their emotions, and into the world. Scorpio shows Sagittarius that emotions aren’t scary or something to run away from and that the further you are willing to go within, the more treasures you can find and healing that can take place. Scorpio provides security in the relationship, while Sagittarius provides flexibility. If they are willing to work together and get to know each other better, this can work.
Scorpio + Capricorn Love Compatibility
Scorpio and Capricorn are the power couple of the zodiac. This relationship is all about evolving together and creating a successful and passionate life together. Scorpio meets their match when it comes to Capricorn, and they can’t get away with a lot of the stuff they can with other zodiac signs. Their driven and goal-oriented personalities are what makes this couple pair so well, and they tend to create a nice life and family life together. They will need to work on not being too hard on each other however and will need to remember to put romance and positive energy into the relationship as well.
Scorpio + Aquarius Love Compatibility
This is an eccentric couple. Scorpio and Aquarius tend to hit it off right away, and they just vibe. What makes them have this immediate connection is that both of these signs tend to be lone wolves in life. They can sense this energy from each other, and immediately understand that they come from the same place. When it comes to longevity in the relationship and if this relationship can last the tests of time, that is a different story. In order to make this relationship work, they will have to make sure they are growing together in life and that they aren’t moving in separate directions. This relationship tends to be better in theory than in reality.
Scorpio + Pisces Love Compatibility
Scorpio and Pisces make a highly emotional, intuitive, and compassionate relationship. They deeply understand each other and want to make the relationship work. They both tend to cater to each other’s feelings in this relationship and will go the distance to make sure the relationship is doing well. The work they are both willing to put in is what makes this relationship work, and they are both willing to do so because they genuinely love each other. With all water/water signs duos, however, they have to watch out for over-compromising and letting emotions rule everything, and if they are willing to take things slow and really examine the intentions of the relationship and what they both want as a couple, this can be a forever.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
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"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
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Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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