It's hard not to gravitate to Sarah Jakes Roberts. Minutes into our phone call, I am reminded why I, and thousands of others, have found solace in her ministry. She is a force of a spiritual leader, whose magnetism is inextricably tied to her superpower: transparency.
If you've ever seen the first lady and co-pastor of The Potter's House at One LA and Denver in her element, it's difficult to imagine that she once avoided the spotlight that comes with her family name. "I feel like the manifestation of our purpose has different stages: shock, reality of impact, and then there's intentionality," the Don't Settle for Safe author tells me. "I think up until 2015, I just lived in this phase of shock where I felt like, Wow, people understand what I'm saying. I felt this whole time that I was living in this box and on this island, and no one understood but me."
"I feel like the manifestation of our purpose has different stages: shock, reality of impact, and then there's intentionality."
As one of five children to Bishop T.D. Jakes, the West Virginia native spent more time in church than most. In the Mountain State, her father's small congregation felt like kin, but that sentiment would change dramatically once he shifted his ministry to Dallas in 1996.
Only eight at the time, Sarah sensed the gravity of the move but couldn't anticipate the scrutiny that lied ahead. As The Potter's House swelled in size (today, it is home to over 30,000 members), so did the pressure to appear infallible.
As a child, she quickly became acquainted with false rumors surrounding her father's ascension. She also heard the secrets members exchanged about each other and witnessed how men and women bold enough to own their humanity were isolated from those who opted to pretend they had their lives under control.
Sarah attempted to blend in with the latter in an effort to keep her name out of the gossip circuit, but she struggled to find a ministry she believed she could add value to. She soon became content with fading in the background, where she would ultimately discover her tribe – a group of kids who couldn't pinpoint where they belonged in church and itched to experience life beyond the politics of it all. With a desire to feel normal, Sarah didn't merely test the limits between The Potter's House and the world outdoors. She tore through them.
Less than a year after Time magazine deemed T.D. Jakes "America's Best Preacher," Sarah discovered that she was pregnant at 13.
Although her family stood by her side as the judgment poured in, the shame that loomed wouldn't be easy to shake. Sarah worked tirelessly to finish high school early while raising her son, but her attempt to redeem her image unraveled in college as she sunk into an unhealthy relationship (and, later, marriage) marked by infidelity and deceit.
"I think that toxic relationship was my drug of choice," she reflects. "Other people may dive into work, they may dive into alcohol, they may smoke something. For me, that relationship was a distraction from me having to deal with my own pain and issues, and I don't think that I could get to a place where I was ready to receive love again until I figured out why I needed to be distracted from myself."
"I don't think that I could get to a place where I was ready to receive love again until I figured out why I needed to be distracted from myself."
On the brink of divorce, Sarah launched a personal blog as an outlet to address her hurt through prayers and stories that mirrored her own. In this space, she didn't have to conceal her brokenness. Here, she had the liberty to own her scars.
Little did she know, she would draw an audience of women longing to do the same. "I didn't really think that it was ministry but the more that it became increasingly clear that it was, I just made a vow that I was going to be as authentic and transparent as I could be," she says.
Her memoir Lost and Found: Finding Hope in the Detours of Life, a vivid look into her biggest trials and the grace she collided with through them all, followed in 2014. "I felt so many of my experiences were interconnected that I could not paint just half the picture for the person reading it," Sarah insists. "I wanted them to see the full scope of how I ended up in some really challenging but, ultimately, defining moments of my life."
In the years to come, she would rediscover love, expand her family with husband Touré Roberts, and settle into a purpose far greater than she imagined.
"I'd say 2017 is when I really decided to embrace fully that I have a call and that my call is unique to where I am, and it's not limited to where I'm invited but rather it is maximized when I use it to build things that reflect the people who are attached to it," Sarah explains.
This July, she did just that with her first-ever Woman Evolve conference in Denver. Over two days, women in attendance heard from the likes of Angela Rye, Michelle Williams, and Tiffany "The Budgetnista" Aliche during a life-altering experience that promoted both spiritual and practical development.
The idea for the event came to life when the first lady made a notable observation at a women's conference she spoke at earlier in the year. "It stood out in my mind that the women had on these 'Squad Goals' shirts that had Mary, Esther, and Ruth on it, and I was like nobody ever wants Eve to be in their squad goals because Eve messed up so bad by eating from this forbidden fruit," she exclaims.
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As a result, Sarah committed to studying the Book of Genesis where she discovered that Eve's story didn't end in disgrace as common legend would have it after all. "There's this moment when God tells her that her seed is going to crush the head of the serpent," she points out. "If Eve could evolve past her mistakes, she could give birth to something that would ultimately bring restoration. For me, that is the foundation of Woman Evolve – the idea that at some point, we can all identify with being Eve. We can all identify with moments where we knew better but didn't do better, but if we're willing to evolve, then the sky is the limit and restoration is possible for us."
Beyond the pulpit, Sarah is motivating others to not merely survive but thrive in their most trying seasons through her Wild Women fashion collection released this summer. "I think everyone just wants to live in the Promise Land without recognizing that who you become in the wilderness earns you the right to live [there]," the pastor affirms.
"How we maintain our character, our integrity, our faith, and our hope in those critical moments where we feel defeated, where we are disappointed, is ultimately what gives us the power to try again, lift our heads, and keep it moving."
Whether through her Woman Evolve store or upcoming Night In The Wild tour, which starts in Maryland this November, Sarah is igniting a movement that challenges what it means to be a modern woman of faith. "I really feel like I know people online, so I am most excited about connecting with people who have resonated with my messages and with my life," she expresses. "I'm looking forward to that connection and sisterhood."
With nothing less than a transformative adventure in mind, she assures us that walls will come down to get to the heart of all we can become. "I think we, as women, can do very well in surface-level conversation, but it really takes intentionality and transparency for us to be vulnerable, and I think that when someone sets the tone, it allows us all permission to say, 'Well, I'm struggling too,'" she explains. "I'm looking forward to creating an environment by setting the tone with my own vulnerability that helps us to see that the woman I may envy is actually going through something that I can help her with and together, I believe that we can create momentum that allows all of us to win."
In many ways, Sarah Jakes Roberts has become who she once searched for within the walls of the church but couldn't find – a woman who walks in the assurance that her missteps do not disqualify her from God's love or divine use.
"It's really humbling," she says while taking in the full scope of her growth. "When I finished the Woman Evolve conference, I had so many women tell me, 'Congratulations,' but I told them that I'm just glad to be a part of it because this is exactly what I would have needed to keep me from going through the things that I went through. I know that it is helping women who are like me, so I have peace that I had to be the one who struggled and cried so other people could be free."
For more of Sarah Jakes Roberts, follow her on Instagram. And find out more about her Women Evolve movement by clicking here.
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Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Feature image by @jorgemezaphotos
