Legendary actor Samuel L. Jackson and his wife LaTanya Richardson Jackson's relationship showcases how love can conquer all despite life's adversities.
The couple's union began over 50 years ago when Jackson and Richardson Jackson met in college. Over the years, their love has become an inspiration to many for various reasons. The list includes Jackson and Richardson Jackson's willingness to provide insight into the struggles they have encountered in their partnership and how they resolved it.
Another factor is the personal and professional impact Jackson and Richardson Jackson have had within the entertainment industry with their respective careers in film and Broadway and their contribution to their community.
To date, Jackson has played in over 200 projects consisting of films and television shows. The 74-year-old has reportedly become the "highest-grossing leading actor," according to Statista, with his movies making over $5 billion at the box office.
As for Richardson Jackson, the 73-year-old has been involved in over 60 projects ranging from television shows to films and plays. Richardson Jackson recently directed The Piano Lesson, which Jackson starred in. The Broadway play was nominated for two Tony Awards.
In light of the pair's recent successes, xoNecole takes a look back into Jackson and Richardson Jackson's relationship and how they became one of Hollywood's beloved couples.
1970
Jackson and Richardson Jackson's love story began in 1970 after the pair became an item. At the time, the couple were both college students, with Jackson attending Morehouse College while Richardson studied at Spelman College.
During a cover story with the New York Times, Jackson and Richardson Jackson shared that the duo was seeing other people in the early stages of their relationship. Richardson Jackson explained to the publication that this was due to their various differences.
"Sam was not part of my circle... I was a theater snob, he loved movies," she said.
As the years went by, the couple's bond grew deeper as they participated in numerous projects together as members of the Morehouse Spelman Players.
1980
After ten years of dating, on August 18, 1980, Jackson and Richardson Jackson would officially tie the knot.
Although limited details about the nuptials were released to the public, Jackson revealed during an interview with The Jennifer Hudson Show that Richardson Jackson had 23 bridesmaids, and he was forced to balance the number out by telling his friends to ask people they knew to be his groomsmen. Jackson wrapped up his statement by saying it was the "best-reviewed" production.
In addition to the wedding details, the Shaft star provided insight into how he proposed to Richardson Jackson. Jackson disclosed that Richardson Jackson handed him a stack of wedding invitations and instructed him to attend.
"My story was, I came home one day, and she (LaTanya) already had these invitations printed up, and she gave me a stack and said, 'Be here,'" he stated.
While on the other hand, Richardson Jackson's version of the events of their proposal recalled a completely different story. Jackson added that Richardson Jackson informed him that he had to ask the actress' grandfather for permission to marry her, and following that conversation, he proposed in a formal way.
"She said 'No, that's not what happened... I actually had to go and talk to her grandfather because he'd told her he wanted to walk her down the aisle before he died," he said. "So I went and asked him for her hand or whatever."
Near the end of the segment, Jackson explained that he couldn't recollect the exact details of the proposal because he was on drugs at that time and that his wife could be right about how it all went down.
"That's probably what happened because I was on drugs, and I don't know what the hell was going on at the time," he stated. "So, she's probably right!"
1982
Two years into their marriage, Jackson and Richardson Jackson welcomed their only child, Zoe Jackson, on March 28, 1982.
Over the years, the couple has made it their mission to prioritize their daughter's well-being despite their hectic schedule. In a 2011 interview with The Irish Examiner, Jackson shared that being an active parent was important to him because he saw the negative impact of having an "absentee" father.
"My dad was an absentee dad, so it was always important to me that I was part of my daughter's life, and she deserved two parents, which is part of the rationale behind us staying married for 30 years," he said.
To date, Zoe has made a name for herself within the entertainment industry as a television producer for numerous reality shows, including The Bachelorette, Top Chef, and RuPaul's Drag Race, to name a few.
1990
In 1990, Jackson and Richardson Jackson's marriage began to take a toll as the actor battled drug and alcohol addiction.
In a past interview with Vanity Fair magazine, Jackson disclosed that, at the time, he thought his substance abuse was under control because he could function normally at work and balance his daily responsibilities.
But during the summer of that same year, Richardson Jackson found Jackson lying unconscious on the floor after partying all night with drugs in his hands.
The Pulp Fiction star recalled the incident in a 2019 interview with 60 Minutes. Jackson explained that he brought home cocaine and attempted to cook when he passed out. As Jackson woke up with Richardson Jackson standing over him, they mutually decided he had to get help.
"I bought the cocaine. I went home, cooked it, and woke up, and when I woke up, LaTanya was standing over me. I was passed out on the floor. I never got to smoke it. Next day I was in rehab," he said.
Jackson would attend a rehab facility in New York and complete the program nearly a month later. Following his rehab stint, Jackson landed the role that would catapult his acting career to new heights in Spike Lee's 1991 classic Jungle Fever.
The beloved actor credits his wife for seeing him through it all.
"I credit her because she could've taken Zoe and walked out and been done with me. But she didn't," he stated. "That's a greater love than I would ever know. Cause I don't know if I would've done that."
1999
As Jackson and Richardson Jackson's careers took off with their respective onscreen and Broadway projects, the couple used their celebrity status to create the Samuel L. and LaTanya R. Jackson Foundation in 1999.
According to People magazine, the Samuel L. and LaTanya R. Jackson Foundation "has donated money to educational, arts and health organizations." The publication also reports that Jackson and Richardson Jackson’s other contributions include a $5 million donation to Spelman College.
In addition to their foundation, Richardson Jackson and Jackson use their platforms to bring awareness to social issues.
2020
Over the years, as Jackson and Richardson Jackson continued to succeed in their respective careers, the couple would hit a milestone in 2020, their 40th wedding anniversary.
In August of that same year, Jackson uploaded a present-day photo of the pair and a heartfelt message regarding their love story. In the post, the Glass star explained the reason why the couple's relationship has stood the test of time is that they have constantly supported each other through life and its adversities.
"50 years ago we started dancing, it was all fun & games. 40 years ago today, shit got real! The slow drag of our lives pressed together, I led sometimes, sometimes she did. We finally found that rhythm where there was no leader, we moved as one," he wrote.
"We're still glued together, hip to hip, a holding each other up, not covering as much of the floor, but owning & loving the space that's ours. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY @ltjackson_ Love You for keeping me on my toes & on the beat for 18,250 days. You make my soul sing!! Don't change the tune, we're not done dancing."
2022
A few years later, Richardson Jackson opened up in a joint interview with People magazine and claimed that love wasn't the only factor that helped maintain the couple's relationship.
The Fight Temptations star explained that when she and Jackson first started dating, they made a pact to "stay together" and figure things out regardless of the situation, hoping to change the negative narrative behind the African American household.
"In the beginning, we always said the most revolutionary thing that Black people could do was stay together, raise their children with the nucleus of having a father and a mother, since everybody likes to pretend that that's not the dynamic of the African American family," she said.
"That it's just children out here being raised by women, which we know is false. In order to change that narrative, we made a decision to say, 'We are going to stay together no matter what. We'll figure it out.'"
As Jackson and Richardson Jackson's 43rd wedding anniversary quickly approaches, they have fulfilled their pact of switching the narrative of Black love and have inspired countless others to strive for excellence.
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Feature image by Cindy Ord/Getty Images for Tony Awards Productions
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As I quickly ran down my “Christmas list” of desires, as I came towards the end and then looked him in the eyes (because we were walking), he calmly and simply said, “I can be that.” Chile…CHILE. It took me close to a year of discovering so many cryptic things about him for me to realize that there is a really big difference between what someone “can be” vs. who they actually are — and that oversharing can set you up for dating a character more than a genuine individual. Lesson learned. Lesson freakin’ learned.
I can’t lie, though — when I recently read about a current dating trend known as “floodlighting,” from my own personal experience, that’s probably the closest that I’ve ever come to it. I think it’s because, since I’m so open with damn near everyone and also, since my past pattern has mostly consisted of taking friendships into something more (as opposed to dating people who I barely know), I’ve never really taken the classic floodlighting approach to try and connect with someone else.
I do have clients who have, though — and the trend is concerning enough that I definitely thought that it was worth writing about; mostly as a PSA to not floodlight and also to be cautious if you sense that someone is currently in the process of trying to floodlight you.
And just what do I mean when I say that? Read on, sis. Read on.
Floodlighting. According to Author Brené Brown.
GiphyBest-selling author, podcaster, and professor Brené Brown is a pretty popular person. Since quotes are my thing, that’s probably how I “connect” with her most because I like things that she has been credited for saying like “Maybe stories are just data with a soul,” “The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it” and “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”
And since self-reflection is such a big part of her platform, it didn’t really surprise me when I found out that she is actually credited for coming up with the term “floodlighting.” It would seem that in her audiobook, The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections, and Courage, she stated this:
“Oversharing? Not vulnerability; I call it floodlighting. ... A lot of times we share too much information as a way to protect us from vulnerability, and here's why.
I'm scared to let you know that I just wrote this article and I'm under total fire for it and people are making fun of me and I'm feeling hurt — the same thing that I told someone in an intimate conversation. So what I do is I floodlight you with it — I don't know you very well or I'm in front of a big group, or it's a story that I haven't processed enough to be sharing with other people — and you immediately respond ‘hands up; push me away’ and I go, ‘See? No one cares about me. No one gives a s*** that I'm hurting. I knew it.'
It's how we protect ourselves from vulnerability. We just engage in a behavior that confirms our fear.”
If that was a bit challenging to follow, what Brené is basically saying is…well, you know how sometimes you will watch a post on social media by someone you don’t know, your first reaction is something like “Ugh. TMI.” and then you may actually say some form of that in their comment section? If others join in with your sentiment, the poster may follow up with a second video about that being why they don’t share their lives — it’s because people only take shots at them for doing so. Yeah, social media? Oh, there is PLENTY of floodlighting that goes on up in there, chile.
Okay, but what would be the strategy for floodlighting if it proves to be such a risky approach to connecting with other people? According to Brené, by sharing too much information about ourselves only to then receive some level of rejection for it — it’s kind of a “hurt you before you hurt me” kind of thing.
Meaning, “I’m not the best at cultivating intimacy and so, if I overshare and you pull back, I can make you be the ‘bad guy’ for rejecting me which makes all of this a test that you failed instead of my choosing to create an authentic connection and owning my part if things don’t end up working out.”
And yes, many people do this because, at the end of the day, they aren’t very comfortable with genuine intimacy. They also do it because they don’t really get that, when it comes to intimacy, another word should be the goal instead of vulnerability anyway.
I’ll explain.
It’s Important to Remember What Vulnerability Means
GiphyAsk pretty much any of my clients about what I think about the word “vulnerable” when it comes to marriage and they’ll tell you that I am not a fan. That’s because I lean into being pretty word-literal (as far as original definitions go) and I am aware that vulnerable means things like “capable of or susceptible to being attacked, damaged, or hurt,” “open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.”
And y’all, for the life of me, I don’t know why anyone would choose to vow to spend their lives with an individual who they would need to be vulnerable with because, if your partner is susceptible to damaging you or they leave you open to attack or temptation — does that sound healthy to you? Yeah, me neither.
So, what word do I prefer then? Dependent. And what’s so wild to me is the fact that our culture is so used to the word “vulnerable” that many, even when it comes to their close connections, are far more uncomfortable with the word “dependent” — and boy, ain’t that a damn shame. Dependent is all that I want to be with my intimate dynamics because that’s all about “relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc.” — and that is what you should do with your closest friends and definitely who you are in a romantic relationship with.
In fact, if the relationship is solid, it should be interdependent: “mutually dependent; depending on each other.” However, the thing to keep in mind with getting to the point where you can rely on someone is it takes time. While vulnerability, on some levels, can be rushed and semi-forced, dependency is an organic experience that occurs from life simply…happening.
Now keep all of this in mind as we explore how floodlighting reveals itself in a dating situation.
Floodlighting. When It Comes to Dating.
GiphyOnce I processed floodlighting, as far as dating is concerned, it actually made me think of people who have sex very quickly in the beginning of a relationship. I’m pretty sure that at least 70 percent of us know of someone who has raved about a person who they’ve only gone out on a couple of dates with. However, because they’ve already had sex with them and it was really good, suddenly, they believe that they’ve met the one.
Y’all, it truly can’t be said enough that “an oxytocin high” does not true intimacy make — oh, but because it feels amazing, it can have you out here thinking that something lasting and real has transpired when really, there hasn’t been enough moments shared or experiences had to know that for sure. However, since the sex was rushed, it can cause you to want to speed up the relationship too. It can tempt you to be like, “I mean, if we’re great in bed, surely we will be amazing in other rooms of the house too.” Floodlighting is a lot like this.
If you meet someone and you like the potential of what it could be, you might be tempted to want to, like Brené said in her book: OVERSHARE. It could be oversharing as it relates to some personal traumas that you’ve experienced. It could be oversharing as it relates to intimate details about your past relationships. It could be oversharing as it relates to your mistakes and flaws. It could be oversharing as it relates to your sex life. It could be oversharing as it relates to all of the expectations and demands (along with why) that you have.
The reason for doing this? It could be that you’re hoping the person will take it all in without any pushback which will cause you to believe that you both are immediately on the same page or it could be that you are attempting to fast-track the relationship by believing that if you share all of who you are during date one or two (or even four), they will do the same and — ding — an instant relationship.
See, more than anything else, floodlighting is a test. It’s a bit manipulative. It’s potentially stressful. And, more times than not, it ends up backfiring. And then, if it backfires, because it was a test, you can blame them for not rising up to the occasion.
Please tell me that you get how toxic this all is. For one thing, no one wants to be tested like this. Secondly, it’s unfair to expect someone to be “all in” with a person who they are just getting to know. Third, you have layers to you — all of us do — and it can be overwhelming for someone to be expected to learn, retain, and even accept all of the layers at once. Yeah, one thing that I like about the term floodlighting is it has the word “flood” in it. Water? We’re made up of mostly water, so of course, it’s good for us. Being flooded by water, though? That could harm or even destroy us.
In many ways, trying to force intimacy onto another person…it manifests in a similar way. Of course, you should share what makes you…you. A bit at a time, though, while letting time do its thing. Too much too soon is…exactly that.
How to Cultivate Healthy Intimacy in the Beginning Stages of a Relationship
GiphySo, what are some things that you can do to avoid being a floodlighter?
See your intel as privileged information.
Everything about you is special and special things should be earned. That said, as you get to know someone, OVER TIME, you’ll be able to see if they can be trusted with your thoughts, feelings and ultimately your heart — and no, that can’t happen on the first couple of dates. Y’all, it really can’t be said enough that instant chemistry doesn’t mean that intimacy should be expected to happen overnight.
In other words, just because you see the potential for something awesome with another person, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t wait to see if the individual’s words and actions, consistently so, can complement the elation that you feel. Share a little. See how they respond. At another time, share a little bit more. See how they react. Rinse and repeat. Patiently and intentionally so.
Stop trying to pull stuff out of people.
There are all kinds of ways to be manipulating and controlling — and deciding that someone should move at your pace in a relationship is a way to be both things. In other words, not everyone is emotionally unavailable or immature simply because they don’t want to share every childhood experience or their relationship stories with you by date three.
No doubt, a lot of people self-sabotage something that could’ve been good because they were rushing someone to move outside of their comfort zone — knowing damn well that they would’ve had a problem with that if the shoe was on the other foot. Chill…what someone wants to tell you, they will. If they don’t? All you can — and should — do is decide if you want to move forward or not. That doesn’t require force on your part to come to that conclusion.
Nervousness is one thing. Being fearful is something else.
If the reason why you’re floodlighting is because you’re scared that people will not accept you or that they will abandon you, it really is best to put dating aside for a season and get into some therapy. Because, while being nervous about a potentially new relationship is completely understandable, being afraid of organic intimacy and then doing things that can hinder or prevent it is something completely different.
Put the tests away.
Listen, if you recall the tests that you took back in school, I have no clue why you’d want to put others through tests now that you’re a big-time adult. Tests are stressful, pressuring and sometimes, no matter how smart you are, you’re not going to perform well on them because you’re simply not a good test-taker (some of y’all will catch that later). There’s no need to “test” someone to see if they can take all of who you are. Again, time will reveal that on its own.
___
Personally, I think that floodlighting is so common that folks don’t even realize that they’re doing it or how problematic it actually is. Hopefully, this helps to shed some light.
Vulnerability tests? Uh-uh.
Seeing if someone can be depended on to care for you as you are? Relax. Time. Will. Reveal.
Now go on your date(s) and have fun. Damn. #winkLet’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
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