
Five Rules For Making A Friends With Benefits Relationship Work

When it comes to "friends with benefits", we are usually discouraged from participating in this type of relationship. I think that is because they usually tend to be one-sided. One person usually wants more while the other does not want to commit to more with that person and is satisfied with a purely sexual relationship. The person that wants more usually becomes a reluctant participant in the game in hopes that one day the other person will want more and choose them. While that situation may be the norm when it comes to friends with benefits, it is not always the case.
Sometimes two people are on the same page and truly only want one thing from each other. In those instances, it is still important to set rules and boundaries.
Also, it's important to have check-ins from time to time. Just to see if you are both still on the same page and assess if anything has changed. Maybe things are going well with the guy that you have been casually dating and you two have been talking about becoming exclusive. Or maybe you're starting to catch feelings. The one thing constant thing is change so check-in with your casual partner and keep the following guidelines in mind.
1.Be Honest
Be honest with yourself and ask yourself whether you can really handle this sort of arrangement. Is being in an FWB really what you want? If you are absolutely sure you can handle it, it's equally as important to be honest with your partner too. Be upfront and honest about what you like and/or don't like. If you're not enjoying yourself, then what's the point really? Also, if you find that one day you're just not interested in participating anymore, you should definitely let them know. Don't feel pressured to continue just because you previously agreed to it. You are always allowed to change your mind about anything.
2.Choose Wisely
I learned my lesson about dating in the workplace in my 20's so I would definitely not recommend indulging in a friends with benefits situation with a coworker. Things could go left and quickly. If you want to choose a casual partner to engage in a friends with benefits relationship, consider choosing an actual friend. Or if you want to avoid the potential for things to go awry, choose someone in your life that you don't secretly harbor feelings for or see a future with. It allows you to stay present and in the moment of not wanting anything more.
3.Set Rules and Expectations
Yes, rules. You two may decide that you will only sleep with each other or maybe you've decided that you aren't allowed to question the other about anything that does not involve the two of you, while others have a "no cuddling" or "no sleeping over" rule. The rules or expectations that you set are not one size fits all and will be determined by the individuals involved in the friends with benefits relationship but in a situation like this, it is always a good idea to set some rules and try your best to follow them. Boundaries are beautiful.
4.Stay Safe
Even if you two agreed to only sleep with each other, let's be honest, things happen in the heat of the moment and people aren't always comfortable being upfront about them. You two are not in a committed relationship so that person may not necessarily feel obligated to divulge that information to you. Your safety is literally up to you and only you. Take care of yourself and make sure that safe sex is of the utmost priority in your relationship.
5.No Catching Feelings
Whew...this one is easier said than done but if this thing is going nowhere but the bedroom, it has to be done for your own sake. Of course, feelings and matters of the heart often don't care what the mind tells them but, it's important to at least keep them in check. You signed up for a strictly friends with benefits situation so that means no asking him who that was that texted him the last time you were over at 1 in the morning and certainly no catching an attitude because you didn't like the comment that some chick left under his latest Instagram post. You're there for one thing and one thing only, so you have to operate accordingly. And that goes for the both of you. Stay in your lane.
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- When To End Friends With Benefits Relationship - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
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Erica Green is a Clinical Research Associate, blogger, and a sneakerhead. She has a love for all things women and she's pretty sure that women are God's greatest creation. Connect with her on Instagram @ erica_britt_ or www.lovethegspot.com
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Love Is The Muse: How Skylar And Temi Built A Creative Life Together
When Temitope Ibisanmi DM’d the word “muse” to Skylar Marshai, he knew he was shooting his romantic shot. He didn’t realize, however, that he was connecting with his future business and creative partner, too.
“I was the boyfriend,” Temi says. “Everybody out there knows, you’re the cameraman at that point.”
Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Today, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak