There are very few things in this life that I adore more than my bed — and I’m not kidding. I actually picked out bedding and decor that would make my bedroom one of my absolute favorite places to be. Hell, even my friends will tell you that I’m good for saying that my bedroom space is like a Six Flags experience for me.
At the same time, what’s kind of weird about all of this is, my chronotype (more on that in just a sec) actually says that I’m most productive in the early morning hours which means that, for better or for worse, I’ve had to condition myself to be more of a morning person than my bed and I would like.
There are some proven perks to making the shift. Aside from the fact that early rising makes it possible to have more time to get more things done in a 24-hour day, there are also studies to support that being a morning person is better for your mental health, helps to lower depression-related symptoms, can make you more energized and productive throughout the day and, some research indicates that it’s better for your overall physical health and well-being too.
For all of these reasons, I thought it would be a good idea to share some tips on how you can become more of a morning person if that’s always been a goal of yours that you happen to struggle with or if you want to try it for a while to see if it truly is a good look. With the help of the following 10 tips/hacks in just a few months (give or take a few weeks), you may find yourself wondering why you weren’t getting up with the sun and the birds years ago.
Unsplash
1. Know Your Why
Something that I enjoy doing is taking personality tests, and one of the most enlightening ones that I’ve taken in a while is a chronotype one (which I talk about in the article, “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”). The general concept is we’re each a bear, wolf, lion, or dolphin. What that means is each animal speaks to the time of day when we are the most productive.
Me? I’m a lion, which means that I tend to get the most done before noon, and so when I was trying to be less of a night owl and more of a morning person during a particular season of my life, my motivation was to get enough rest so that I could get up and get more done during the time when my mind and body actually prefer to.
All of this is why I think that the first thing that you need to consider when it comes to becoming more of a morning person is to figure out why you want to do it. With a clear motive and plan in place that can inspire you to get up an hour (or more) earlier because there is a true mission in mind that can make the sacrifice (by definition, a sacrifice is giving up something good for something greater) easier.
2. Change Your Bedroom’s Window Treatments
I can tell you from personal experience that if you’ve got blackout curtains in your bedroom, it’s gonna be chal-leng-ing to try and get up in the morning, no matter how bright it may be outside. That’s because those types of window treatments are designed to keep natural light out.
That’s why, if you truly want to become more of a morning person, another thing that you should do is go with sheer curtains or opened blinds; that way, your body can start to wake up as the sun rises. As a bonus, natural light provides health benefits like a boost of vitamin D, lower stress levels, and a better night’s rest at the end of each day, so it’s kind of a win all the way around.
Unsplash
3. Create a Morning and Nighttime Routine
While checking out a doctor’s blog on the benefits of creating a life routine, some of the things that he shared is it can reduce stress, make you more efficient, and even cause your life to become more meaningful. If you add to this the fact that a routine can create habits that will last for years to come, it makes a lot of sense that it’s wise to have a morning and nighttime routine.
As far as a morning routine goes, it could be that you pray and/or meditate, journal, sip some herbal tea, go through some affirmations, or take a longer shower so that you start your day off feeling truly refreshed. On the flip side, your nighttime routine can consist of things like soaking in the tub, creating a sleep schedule, reading a book, doing some stretches before getting into bed, verbalizing some things that you are grateful for and that you accomplished throughout the day and listening to some soothing music.
The bottom line here is you rob yourself of enjoying getting out of and into bed (plus, you can throw your sleep rhythm off a bit) if you only jerk yourself out of bed in the morning and/or immediately fall asleep due to sheer exhaustion at night. That said, some tips for how to create and customize your own morning and night routine can be found here.
4. Stop Consuming Stimulants Before Bedtime
Especially as I get older, one habit that I definitely need to break is to stop drinking before going to bed. Why? Because I’m the type of person who, even if I run to the bathroom with all of the lights off in the middle of the night, once I’m awake, I’m up for at least an hour — and that can be annoying as all get out when I’m trying to get back to some quality zzz’s in. If you can relate, it really is best to stop drinking about a couple of hours before turning in.
Oh, and if stimulants like alcohol or coffee are your thing, you should go even longer without those. Alcohol needs to be at least three hours prior to your bedtime, and many health experts say that when it comes to caffeine (yes, your beloved coffee), it should be a whopping eight.
Unsplash
5. Prep for the Next Day
If a part of what you hate about getting up early in the morning is feeling rushed, there is definitely a workaround for that. You can easily add 30 minutes to your morning window by preparing for the next day the night before. This can include laying out (and ironing) your clothes, preparing your lunch, checking the best GPS travel route, and putting together your to-do list for the following day.
Just knowing that you’ve got your morning organized before turning in can help you to sleep more soundly and wake up in a more relaxed state of mind.
6. Prioritize Something in the Morning (Every Morning)
A part of the reason why some of us don’t consider ourselves to be morning people is because all we see is a day full of work and other obligations before us, and getting up earlier means that we have to do them sooner —and in comparison to staying all comfy and cozy in our bed, the bed is always going to win. That’s why another hack that could help is to prioritize something that you actually enjoy in the morning.
Maybe it’s watching a morning program, getting coffee and a pastry at a local donut shop, or exercising in the early am so that you can knock it out of the way. If you reward yourself for getting up (earlier), that can make it easier to do.
Unsplash
7. Move Your Bedtime Up (in 15-Minute Increments)
It’s kind of unrealistic to think that you will become a morning person — pardon the pun — overnight. So, one thing that could help you out is to move your bedtime up in 15-minute increments over the next 2-4 weeks or so. In other words, if you typically go to bed at 11 p.m. and you want to start waking up at 5:30 a.m. while still getting no less than seven hours of sleep, this week, go to bed at 10:45 p.m., next week at 10:30 a.m., and so on. That way, changing your sleep schedule won’t feel so drastic, and you’ll be better able to ease into it.
8. Use a Nature Sounds Alarm Setting
Believe it or not, there’s research that indicates that traditional alarm clocks aren’t as beneficial for us as we might think. For one thing, they don’t really “ease” us out of bed; it’s more like they shock us. Plus, just knowing that the sound will go off in the morning can disrupt your sleep patterns. That’s why it’s best to either go with a digital or sunrise alarm or to set your smartphone to make a nature-related sound when it’s time for you to get up (there are also nature sound alarm clocks that you can buy). These options are more soothing to the soul while still being just as effective.
Getty Images
9. Keep a Sleep Schedule (Even on the Weekends)
I once read an article that said a sleep schedule is all about prioritizing this type of rest. Well, since sleep helps to recharge and rejuvenate your system, regulate your blood sugar, boost your immunity, strengthen your cognitive abilities, reduce your stress levels, maintain a healthy weight, give you more energy, and so much more — sleep is definitely something that you should treat as a paramount practice in your life. And yes, if you want to become a morning person, a sleep schedule can help with that, too.
At the end of the day, creating a sleep schedule is all about incorporating a night routine and also making the effort to go to bed at the same time, each and every night, including the weekends (yep, a sleep schedule has no “cheat” days). If you do this consistently enough, your mind and body will treat your sleep schedule like a pattern/habit — then, before you know it, waking up in the morning will be super natural for you.
10. Choose Your Words Wisely
Last one. I once read a blog post on how to become a morning person. One of the things that it said that stood out was that it’s important to “change your story” because if all you seem to focus on — and declare — is that you are not a morning person, it’s going to be so much harder to change that reality.
You know, there is a good deal of science in these streets to back that negative words give us stress and anxiety while positive thoughts and words can literally alter our reality for the better.
So, if you really want to become a morning person, start believing and declaring that you are one — it might be the most powerful hack of all. Enjoy the shifting, sis. Ultimately, it’s worth it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by andreswd/Getty Images
RELATED
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
And that is why, while I was recently out in cyberspace seeing what the topic of sex had to offer (of merit), a particular study especially caught my attention. The reason why is because, while the topic of faking orgasms has been explored, pretty much ad nauseam at this point, what I haven’t personally seen a lot and enough of is how to stop them from happening so much and when people do them, what personally caused them to in the first place.
Today, we’re going to strive to get down to the root of some of those queries. And so, if you’ve always been curious about how to make the cycle of faking orgasms stop, this piece just might shed a little light. Here’s hoping anyway, chile.
Faking Orgasms. Why I Loathe It So.
GiphyDo you ever stop to think about certain songs from back in the day and wonder if they were released now, would people try to cancel them (hmph, as if this culture ever really cancels anybody for really anything, right?)? An example of what I mean is Alexander O’Neal’s song, “Fake”. If you’re too young to know it, or it’s been a while since you’ve heard it, feel free to go back and listen to the lyrics in order to grasp where I am coming from.
And why am I bringing it up in the context of today’s conversation? Well, whenever I think about folks faking orgasms, that song almost instantly plays in the background of my mind because, while he’s basically talking about the word from the definition of “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc.,” when I think of “faking it” in a sexual way, definitions like “to deceive,” “to pretend” and “anything made to appear otherwise than it actually is” are what I ponder — because y’all, I don’t care how many people do it, how can any of those definitions truly be good, right or helpful when it comes to copulation? Deceiving your partner into thinking that you climaxed when you actually didn’t? Pretending to be satisfied when you actually aren’t? Making sex appear like it’s one kind of experience for you when it actually…isn’t? SMDH. Yeah, that is something that I can never personally get behind, which is why I once penned, “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” for the platform. To me, since sex is about establishing a profound mental, emotional, and physical connection, how can that truly and authentically happen if one or both involved individuals are not being honest with each other about what they want, need and desire in order to make that happen?
Yeah, when it comes to the ever so popular fake orgasms, I’ll pass and will forever encourage others to do the same.
Faking Orgasms. Why So Many People Do It.
GiphyHere’s what’s wild, though — even if what I just said made complete and total sense to you, there’s still a really good chance that you’ve faked at least one orgasm before (check out “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”). Know what else? There’s also a good chance that your partner has done the same (check out “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”. And why is it that so many continue to do it, even if, in the back of their mind, they believe that it’s at least somewhat counterproductive?
Well, from the personal conversations (and coaching sessions) that I’ve had with both men and women, the top reason for why so many men fake orgasms is because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings by telling them that the sex isn’t as good as they might think that it is, and when it comes to women, they fake in order to hurry up and get the experience over with — which, when you really think about it, for both genders, the motives are pretty much two sides of the same coin: people not being satisfied and trying to avoid sharing that reality with their partner.
OK, butwhat does science say is the main cause for men and women faking it? Well, a top reason for whya lot of men decide to go that route is because they simply want to get the experience over with (although being unable to orgasm due to drunkenness, medication, and/or boredom ranked pretty highly, too). And women? Difficulty achieving an orgasm is the biggest one (check out “How Can You Know For Sure That You've Had An Orgasm?” and “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms”). Hmph, when I stop to take this all in, I find both reasons to be unfortunate. On the male tip, is it just me, or does it seem like there is a real disconnect of intimacy if that is why men fake it? What I mean by that is, if you’d rather “hurry up and get done” — are you having sex with your partner or at your partner (some of y’all will catch that later)? And, as far as the ladies go, if you are so uncomfortable and/or self-conscious and/or embarrassed about not being able to climax to the point that you will lie and say that you did — do you trust your partner enough to tell him the truth and then are you willing to work through the process of achieving an orgasm…together?
These types of questions are what piqued my curiosity when I happened upon a study of over 11,000 participants that transpired over in the UK. The focal point of it? Since faking orgasms is so prevalent, what actually causes people to stop? Because listen, none of us are actually going to get anywhere if we only focus on the problem and don’t seek to find some sort of solution (lawd).
Faking Orgasms. What Actually Makes People Stop.
GiphyOK, so from what I’ve read and researched, The Journal of Sex Research hassemi-recently published the study that I was just referring to. Before we get into what caused people to stop lying — umm, faking orgasms, check out these findings first:
·51 percent of participants claimed to have never faked an orgasm before
·Close to 66 percent of men and 34 percent of women say that they have faked an orgasm
·Almost 19 percent of men and 35 percent of women say that although they have faked one in the past, they have since stopped
·Almost nine percent of men and 20 percent of women are currently “faking it”
Yeah, I already know. The discrepancies between the men and women are quite noticeable. Let’s keep going, though, because the reason for why men and women decided to stop is the main reason why we’re all here — plus, it’s pretty interesting.
So, when it comes to the demographic of individuals who no longer fake it, what brought them to that point and place? Fascinatingly enough, around 26 percent of both men and women said that the communication between them and their partner improved while 24 percent of both men and women said that it was because their partner became more attentive. Well looka there — when couples connected on a mental and emotional level, the physical aspect of sex got better. Some other points did come into play, though:
·Around 29 percent of women and 25 percent of men decided to be content without having an orgasm
·Around 19 percent of men and 18 percent of women decided to get orgasms on their own (i.e., masturbate)
·Around 19 percent of men and (wow) two percent of women were caught faking it
·Around 15 percent of men and 10 percent are currently not having sex
OK, so when you read all of that, what tripped you out the most? As someone who works with married couples and is a huge advocate of them gettingthe most pleasure possible out of their sexual experiences, honestly, the first three (because, if you are married, please don’t settle fora sexless dynamic). I’ll break down why for each one.
First, if you used to fake orgasms and no longer do because you have settled for — pardon the pun — anti-climatic copulation…settling is exactly what you are doing. Listen, even if you’re not able to achieve a vaginal orgasm (and many women are not), it’s important to remember that there are oh so many other kinds to choose from (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”). And what if you’ve tried those and still there are nofireworks? Make an appointment to see your doctor (to get your hormone levels checked) and/or a sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). Remember, the reason whyyou have a clitoris is so that you can experience the heights of sexual pleasure. If that’s not happening for you, it’s important to do all that you can to get to the root of why.
Secondly, not faking it because you have taken matters into your own hands — literally. So, here’s my issue with that. Unfortunately, our culture is so lust-crazed that we tend to forget (or is it ignore?) that sex shouldn’t ONLY be about cumming; sex should also be about connecting. And so, while masturbation may help you out in the climaxing department, it’s essential to not get so used to it that you fail to bond with your partner or that you put up walls of resentment because there are things that are happening when you’re alone that aren’t happening when the two of you are together. In other words, don’t let jacking off or solo sex toy experiences get in the way of heartfelt and honest conversations with your partner about your sexual needs (check out “How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom” and “Sooo...What's Your Favorite TYPE Of Sex?”).
Finally, getting caught lying — again, I mean, faking it. Yeah, I know that I’m not the only one who noticed that there is a pretty big difference between how many women caught their man acting like he had an orgasm when he didn’t vs. how many men noticed that their lady acting like she had an orgasm when she didn’t. To that, let me first say that if you thought, “If a man ejaculated, he came. Duh” — look updry orgasms sometime. Believe it or not, it is possible for men to orgasm without cumming. And to the fellas (who may be reading this): I continue to be amazed by how you can’t tell if a woman is faking it because even if she is yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs, if her vagina isn’t contracting, guess what? Yeah, between that and extra lubrication coming from her vaginal area —those are pretty common signs that an orgasm has transpired; this basically means that if you don’t notice these things going down, how attentive of a sex partner are you? #justsaying3 Tips to Avoid Faking Orgasms
GiphyNow that you know what science says about why people fake orgasms, did any of the intel surprise you? More importantly, if you can personally relate to what was said, did any of the information inspire you to make some changes in your own sex life? Yeah, if faking orgasms is indeed a thing in your own world right now, as I close this out, here's three quick tips:
1. Remember the definitions of fake. Never forget them. Deception. Pretending. Making something look like something that it is not. No time to get into all of this today, yet I have worked with many people who fake orgasms and…fake other things in their relationship. You don’t want to deceive your partner or yourself. It’s not going to help the relationship. Ultimately, it’s only going to cause hurt and/or harm. Communicate your thoughts and feelings in the way that you would like to hear someone convey theirs to you (respectfully, thoughtfully, etc.); do make sure to share them, though.
2. Stop “performing”. Start being REAL. Know who fakes a lot of orgasms? Porn actors (I prefer to call them that over “porn stars”). That’s because sex work is…work; it’s a billion-dollar industry that people get paid to act like sex is always the bomb. You’re not a porn actor, so why put that kind of pressure on yourself? No matter what the reasons are for why an orgasm isn’t coming for you, if you are having sex with someone who can’t handle the realness of the reasons or “worse”, doesn’t care — don’t put that on the sex or yourself. Sis, you are simply sleeping with the wrong person/people.
3. If you build it, one way or another, it will come…and you will cum.Do orgasms come easier for some than others? 1000 and 10 percent. That is absolutely not the point, though. If experiencing this type of pleasure is what you long for, with the help of your intentions, your partner’s willingness, and if need be, professional assistance, you can get there. Not by faking it — by being honest about the fact that you need more time, patience, and empathy.
____
Clearly, faking orgasms is a common thing; that doesn’t mean that it has to be the case for you, though. As you unpack what has made you start, process how to make it all stop.
Hmph. Better to take a while in order to experience what true bliss feels like than to keep faking it and never really know.
Words to live — and lie down — by. #wink
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy