When I was 19 years old, my period didn't come for two months. Naturally, my first thought was, oh shit, I'm pregnant, because there was definitely a possibility. I had been with my then-boyfriend for years and we weren't using protection, so the idea of two lines showing up on a stick wasn't that far off. Buying a pregnancy test at a pharmacy can be such an awkward experience, so I pulled my hoodie over my face as if I was on the run from the law, grabbed a bunch of unnecessary items, and I bought the test. All of that, and it came back negative. My OBGYN warned me that it was possible that I could have gotten a false negative so I scheduled an appointment with her and I was hopeful that by the time I had gone, my period would have come. It didn't. Two months turned into three, so I walked into that office prepared for the worst. Because I knew I didn't want a child, I had been rehearsing how I would tell my doctor that I wasn't ready to be a mother. My relationship was beyond dysfunctional, I wasn't mentally prepared for motherhood, and as selfish as it sounds, I didn't want to be a teenage parent.
As my legs dangled on the examination table awaiting what I thought would be the worst conversation, she walked in, and immediately hugged me. It was as if she knew everything I was feeling and she leaned in and delicately asked me, "Do you desire pregnancy?" And I abruptly responded, "No ma'am." As gentle as she was, I still wondered how I found myself standing in front of the same doctor who made sure I was on birth control before I left for college, telling her I might be pregnant as I approached junior year.
The days that I waited to hear back from her felt like years, but one day while I was at work, she called. When I went back in for my follow-up, she wasn't smiling at all - she looked worried. The words that followed after changed my reproductive life forever: "You're not pregnant, you have PCOS." At that point, I felt like pregnancy would have been easier to swallow. Between my tears and overall confusion, what I made out from the conversation was my hormones were off-balance, and that because I had gained a significant amount of weight, there was a possibility that I could be infertile. Leaving the office, she also prescribed that I take a medication called Metformin to bring my period down and stay on birth control to regulate my cycle. Afterwards, I immediately went home, called my mom, and did tons of research on PCOS.
What You Need to Know About Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
According to Healthline.com, PCOS is defined as a condition that affects a woman's hormone levels. Women with PCOS produce higher-than-normal amounts of male hormones. This hormone imbalance causes them to skip menstrual periods and makes it harder for them to get pregnant. PCOS also causes hair growth on the face and body and baldness. And it can contribute to long-term health problems like diabetes and heart disease. Birth control pills and diabetes drugs can help fix the hormone imbalance and improve symptoms.
Who PCOS Affects
PCOS is a problem with hormones that affects women during their childbearing years (ages 15 to 44). Between 2.2 and 26.7 percent of women in this age group have PCOS and studies show that up to 70% of women who have PCOS haven't been diagnosed.
Symptoms of PCOS
- Irregular or skipped periods
- Cysts in the ovaries
- High levels of male hormones
- Infertility/difficulty getting pregnant (because of irregular ovulation or failure to ovulate because if your period isn't coming, you aren't ovulating)
- Excessive hair growth – usually on the face, chest, back or butt.
- Weight gain
- Patches of dark skin
- Thinning hair and hair loss from the head
- Oily skin or acne
How PCOS Affects Black women
- Increased rates of hirsutism (excess hair growth in typical male patterns, but on a female)
- Higher risk of cardiovascular disease or metabolic syndrome
- Lower likelihood of getting pregnant (Black women do not have as much success with in vitro fertilization as white women, and they're also more likely to be obese—a risk factor for infertility)
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All of the information I found on Beyonce's internet, and I still felt lost because, outside of the irregular period, I had none of the symptoms that I saw online. I'd gone from mentally preparing to have an abortion, to searching for support groups for a hormonal disorder that could prevent me from having children. With a combination of prayer and self-reflection, I decided I'd do whatever it took to take my body back. As kind as my doctor had been, she wasn't helpful outside of the scope of Western Medicine and I needed more than pills, I needed real healing.
Over the course of three years, I did these things to reverse my PCOS symptoms:
- I worked out two to five days a week
- I went all organic (I started with little things, like buying the foods I consumed the most in the organic variety)
- I stopped drinking sodas/juice and eliminated high carb fruits/vegetables from my diet (I now only drink water, coffee, and green juice with no fruits added daily)
- I focused on losing stomach fat because excess weight around my midsection means added pressure on my ovaries
- I reminded myself that on days when I didn't want to work out, I was doing this for the children I wanted to give life to someday (I know it sounds like a lot but the thought of infertility is scary so I practiced affirmations daily)
- I got off Metformin and relied on my body to do the work
Months before my 23rd birthday, I made a follow-up appointment with my doctor. She was thrilled to tell me that my androgen levels (testosterone levels) had gone down and that I was making great progress. I walked out of that office feeling like I was finally on the path to fertility again, but I was still on the pill. What most doctors don't tell you about your period on birth control, is that it's not a real period. Because birth control alters the levels and hormones in your body, menstruation is triggered by a drop in the hormones estrogen and progesterone, both of which are artificially produced by the pill. This means that menstruating on the pill isn't a real period; it's "withdrawal bleeding" produced by a lack of artificial hormones aka, a "fake" period. So I couldn't be happy with those levels dropping if I was still taking birth control pills.
Once I was single I became celibate, so I didn't need the pill anymore, but I stayed on out of fear. Days before I finished my last pack, I decided to trust myself, pray even harder, and thirty days after I got off the pill, my period came on time and it's been regular ever since. My cycle has changed so much since being off the pill for the better, and I can feel so much now that I didn't before. Ovulation is something I'm excited to experience. I no longer have menstrual cramps because I feed my body what it needs, and I stay active. This journey hasn't been easy but I made a decision to undo the damage, and research (on everything from herbs to fight PCOS, plant-based feminine products, what your menstrual blood color means, and how to keep your hormone levels even through your diet.)
That doctor's appointment was eight years ago, and I'm now 60 lbs down. I have a new fertility doctor who, after a series of tests, officially confirmed that I was misdiagnosed. And I'm exploring such a beautiful relationship with my body and womb wellness overall.
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert