Working remote can be lonely as hell. There, I said it. I've been working remote, off-and-on, for more than ten years now, and the truth of the matter is that once you get past the high of time and space flexibility and the euphoric pleasure of not having to tolerate Chatty Cathy or Over-Ya-Shoulder Micromanager Molly, there's a crash phase where it all becomes this tragic scene of jaded disconnect.
And clearly, I'm not alone. Recent research shows that more than one-third of professionals feel lonely when working remote, and that loneliness increases by 67% when compared with working in a traditional office setting.
As much as remote work is glamorized, I, and many others, have oftentimes missed out on the benefits of everyday interactions with coworkers, teams, and supervisors, especially when it comes to mentorship, emotional support, and promotions. (I mean, let's be honest: Promotions really happen when managers and CEOs can actually observe, in person, your communication, social, emotional intelligence, and leadership skills. And there are certain nuances of leadership that are not truly evident via a virtual presentation or Slack thread.)
When the isolation sets in, work days can become monotonous, and you start to feel like you're not even a valuable part of the team anymore. Everything becomes just work, with hardly any of the human connection perks along with it. So how do you beat these feelings of loneliness and disconnect? Here are a few helpful tips:
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1. Invite coworkers to in-person meet-ups, game nights, or happy hours.
Just because you're remote doesn't mean you can't actually interact with others who work for your company. Send a Slack DM, a group email, or a LinkedIn message and invite coworkers or colleagues to have happy hour cocktails, go bowling, or get coffee. Attend local networking, volunteer, and conference events that you know in-office members of your team will be. Ask your manager about heading up a meet-and-greet for other remote professionals, or coordinate one of your own. This was super-helpful for me in moments of loneliness throughout the years simply because I found that I wasn't the only one feeling that way and that there were opportunities to connect that I hadn't really tapped into as much as I should have.
Find ways to interact with others to make that real-life connection beyond Zoom meetings or virtual activities that you've probably mentally checked out of being interested in anyway.
2. Schedule breaks to spend time outside during your work day.
Take your lunch to a park or nearby outdoor space and get some fresh air. Sometimes we get so caught up in meeting deadlines, staring at screens, and taking calls that we forget we need a bit of natural vitamin D from being outside. If you can, link up with other people in your industry (or who also work remote and live in your city) to do something fun during your lunch hour, and if you barely know anybody on your team, again, LinkedIn is your friend. Even if you don't directly interact on a day-to-day basis, having someone to talk to during a work break is always a great way to stay connected or even make a new friend.
For me, taking walks or getting lunch outside of my home office (hotel or Airbnb) office just helped me feel less detached and isolated.
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3. Spend more time with family, friends, bae, former classmates, and members of organizations you're part of.
Loneliness is oftentimes a sign you need to really lean into your current relationships with family, friends, and other people currently part of your network. I know, I know, sometimes mama-sister-cousin-and-em can't relate to the woes you face professionally, but maybe they can serve as the perfect reminder that you are indeed loved---which always, for me, fends off any feelings of loneliness when working remote. Go to that brunch, church service, BBQ, or lunch with your favorite family members and friends, and take deliberate steps to keep in touch on a consistent basis.
Sometimes loneliness is par for the course when working remote, but it doesn't have to make the experience a total fail. And if all else fails, request to return to the office, seek a hybrid situation, or find employment that truly taps into interaction with others.
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I sipped the herbal beverage offered by the concierge and took in my surroundings while the front desk attendant rapidly typed in my information. The hotel was beautiful. The kind of pristine white and neutral color palette that would normally disinterest me, but this place was artfully designed and tastefully decorated. More museum than monotone. With water surrounding a narrow walkway that parted ways to different destinations— restaurants to the left, the beach ahead, my room to the right.
I exhaled a sigh of relief that my home for the next three days was just as breathtaking as social media had described.
I’ve always wanted to take a solo trip. Something about traveling abroad without the comfort of friends and family scared me a little, which made me want to do it even more. While I’m no stranger to moving solo, I find solace in knowing that there’s usually someone journeying with me to foreign lands. But this year, I wanted something different. I wanted to not only step outside of my comfort zone but also embrace the peace and clarity that only stillness can provide.
Room for one.
Write on Kiah/Substack
“I’m going on a solo trip,” I responded whenever someone asked what my plans were for my birthday. The statement was often met with looks of intrigue and perhaps a bit of bewilderment as to why I would choose to be alone, in a foreign country, on my birthday—no less.
I must admit that I questioned the decision a couple of times myself. Birthdays are the one time of year when I can take a break from celebrating everyone else and be celebrated. But it’s also something that often only gets the spotlight if I’m the one planning it. And for the last couple of years, planning has been the last thing I felt like doing. I was starting to find self-centered celebrations to be a stressful endeavor. Figuring out where to go, who to invite, and what outfits to purchase (only for the outfits to not look as I had hoped). Organizing, waiting to see who would drop out last minute, and driving up the costs a little more. By the time I finished planning and prepping, I would find myself emotionally fatigued and lacking enthusiasm for the trip to come.
This year I just wanted to go and to be without the pressure of performing for the world to see. There would be no premeditated photo shoots. What I sacrificed in clothing hauls and beauty routines I made up for in high-quality accommodations.
This trip wasn’t about what would look great on social media, it was about what would feel good to my soul. With the perfect kind of bourgeois niceties that made you aspire for more than an average existence. I gave to myself (within my budget) how I desired to be treated—the best.
As I opened the door to my complimentary upgraded room (the first room was met with a lovely birthday surprise from my mom, but was a little too close to the noise of happy vacationers), I said a quiet prayer as I walked in awe throughout the suite.
Thank you, Father God, for providing me with the means to be able to experience this moment. For the opportunity to rest in a space that sparks joy.
I was also thankful that I decided to come on my own. It allowed me to experience the quiet solitude of the hotel in a way that I wouldn’t have if I was with others. I could go where I wanted and move at my own pace without considering how everyone else would feel or feel the need to entertain.
I casually moved about the property, stopping occasionally to snap a photo or two of aesthetically pleasing spaces. I treated myself to piña coladas on the beach as the sun set, and eucalyptus-filled steam rooms in the spa. I swam a few laps in an overlooked and under-used rooftop pool that I was quite sure most people didn’t realize existed and dipped my toes in the cold waters of the Pacific Ocean.
I did what I wanted, when I wanted—freedom at its finest.
Table for one.
Write on Kiah/Substack
I’ve always found eating alone at restaurants to be a little awkward. On one hand, I desire to be fully present and detached from my phone. Maybe lock eyes with a cute stranger and spark a conversation that carries well into the night. But I find that rarely happens. Instead, you’re looking around, watching others who are mostly coupled or in groups, trying not to stare. The bartender whirs to and fro as they mix together alcoholic concoctions, and even if there is someone joining in on your solo experience, their eyes are usually glued to their phones. Go figure.
But a solo birthday dinner in a beautiful country? Well, that’s different. You’re taking in your surroundings, chuckling at the drunken happenings around you, or tuning into too loud conversations that you can’t help but be privy to—keenly aware, but mildly amused.
And for some reason, everyone wants to talk to you. The waiters are extra friendly and attentive. The guests want to do you favors you didn’t ask for and snap photos because they like how your outfit matches the sunset. Your new next-table neighbors smile and clap as they sing along to the embarrassing happy birthday song that even fancy restaurants insist on chanting. You’re both the center of attention and the object of curiosity.
Who is this person who dresses up and dines alone?
It makes me realize how many fear their own company. They don’t know what to do when there’s no one to distract them from themselves. They’re afraid to look unpopular or unwanted. They fear the questions that they imagine other people are asking.
But I find that being alone is an invitation to truly know oneself. Deep ruminations turn into much-needed revelations. There’s a sense of empowerment that comes with being willing to do what others won’t. It’s in solitude that time slows to allow quiet reflection. And as a bonus, you feel badass when, at the end of it all, you pay for your check and walk away having accomplished your task for the day.
While I somewhat seriously declared this as my only solo birthday trip because next year, God-willing, I’m shedding the single title, I don’t believe this solo trip will be my last. There’s so much to gain in the absence of others. So many more parts of myself that I want to explore.
For more, check out the Write on Kiah Substack.
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