

So, as I’m in the process of finishing up my next book, there is a good amount of content on what I used to think a friend was vs. how I define friendship now. As I was walking down memory lane of some, “What the hell was that?!” relational dynamics, I thought about how a few folks have told me, over the past year or so, that some of the friendships they thought they would be old and gray with are either nonexistent or not anywhere close to what it used to be.
Geeze. Ain’t it wild how some of the folks who you thought would be in your world for the rest of your life end up not even functioning in the same universe as you? And when you stop and look back on it, although there were probably a few things that you kept overlooking for the sake of keeping them around, there is probably one main thing that had you be like, “You know what? Enough is enough at this point.”
Why Do Friendships End?
Today, 12 women are going to share what their own final straw is. My motive for even bringing this up is because life is all about choices (did you know that we typically make between33,000-35,000 decisions every single day?!), and one of the most potentially life-altering ones that you will ever make is who you choose to share your life with and influence your world by.
That said, you’ve got someone very close to you who you’re unsure about; maybe one (or more) of these experiences will provide you with the clarity that you seek — because time is precious…with relationships, we must use it very wisely.
*Middle names are always used in this type of content so that people can speak freely.*
12 Women Reflect On Why Their Friendships Ended
1. Reneé. 31. Friendship Ended After 10 Years.
“You ever had a friend who is just a lot of work? They’re fun, they’re funny and you have a good time with them. But you’re always their emergency contact — and it has nothing to do with their physical health. I just got tired of her always being in a crisis and never wanting advice about how to get out of her BS.
"She thinks that being a real friend means that you cosign on whatever she does and then that you bail her out whenever she does it. When you’re in college, it’s funny. Get past that age, and it’s draining.”
2. Angeleeya. 36. Friendship Ended After 20 Years.
“I’m sure you’ve heard the quote, ‘no person is your friend (or kin) who demands your silence or denies your right to grow’ by Alice Walker. My friend hates accountability, so she demands my silence. She’s always making poor decisions, which keeps me in a headspace that I don’t like to be in, which is denying my right to grow. I look back and think about how much time I wasted thinking that I was helping her when it was more like I was enabling her life.
"Now that she’s gone, I have more time to pour into me and my own needs. I miss her but not enough to give up what I got because I let her go — myself.”
3. Waverly. 28. Friendship Ended After Three Years.
“When I was single, my friend and I were fine. I can’t think of one fight that we ever had. When I got with my [now] husband, it was a little awkward; I thought we just needed to adjust things a bit. When that girl paid for her bridesmaid dress at the last minute, was a no-show at the rehearsal dinner, and came late to the wedding, and then was passive-aggressive the entire day — she didn’t wish me well, and I knew it. I waited until a few months to see if things would get better, but she barely called and had an attitude when she did.
"My husband said, ‘We can’t have people around who aren’t happy for us’ and I agreed. I tried to talk to her about it, and she kept saying we could talk later. Later turned into never. My number has changed, and I am fine with that.”
4. Mycah. 40. Friendship Ended After 9 Years.
“Have you ever had a friendwho refuses to apologize but they want you to do it all of the time? They can do big s-it, and you should overlook it, but if you accidentally hang up on them while they’re in mid-sentence, they’re going to hold a grudge until you acknowledge it? That’s what my former best friend was like. Your best friend shouldn’t be so emotionally high-maintenance that you feel like you have to walk on eggshells just to keep the peace.
"Pretty much all of my other friendships are way easier and, at 40, if it’s going to be more difficult than it needs to be, I don’t want it — especially when it comes to dealing with other people.”
5. Chell. 26. Friendship Ended After Five Years.
“Don’t date a friend unless you both are on the same page about it. I lost my best guy friend because I developed feelings for him, and he was physically attracted to me. We decided to see if we could date, but I was emotionally ‘ahead’ of him. So when things turned sexual, I started to want something more, and he just wanted us to remain friends who had sex.
"I began to resent him, and that made him pull back. About six months in, our friendship became a weight. We’re still cordial — even a step up from that. We’ll never be what we were. It wasn’t worth it.”
6. Brayleigh. 43. Friendship Ended After 10 Years.
“I once had a very close girlfriend who just doesn’t take initiative. As long as I’m doing the calling, the planning of hanging out or taking girlfriend trips, she’s all about it — but if I am quiet and still, she can easily go weeks without us speaking. I know some people say that they can do friendship that way, but it annoys me; not just to do most of the work but that you think we should be each other’s closest reliable source and you’ll only connect with me if I put in the effort to connect with you.
"When I brought it up to her, what ‘took it there’ was her telling me that I was ‘a lot’ and ‘insecure.’ I think another thing that your closest friend should be is a place where you can be your most vulnerable. If I have to chase you down and get attacked when I share my feelings or something that you don’t want to hear about yourself, why are we even friends? She couldn’t answer that question. That was my sign.”
7. Isha. 23. Friendship Ended After Four Years.
“My closest guy friend started dating my closest girlfriend. Neither one of them told me about it until my guy friend found out that my girlfriend cheated on him — then, all of a sudden, he wanted me to do something about it. Long story short, he caught feelings, and she didn’t, and he tried to pull some ‘birds of a feather’ psycho-babble on me and act like her decisions reflect on my character. So, he said that he didn’t trust her or really even me anymore, and that put tension on the entire dynamic.
"He didn’t take accountability for hiding it from me either. We found ourselves not having much to talk about other than her, and that got on my nerves. We’re friends. We’re not best friends anymore, though. I side-eye her a bit for not telling me, too. She’s not off of the hook either.”
8. Daphne. 31. Friendship Ended After Seven Years.
“Back when I told Shellie that I thought she was petty for not liking her friends to be friends, she just said, ‘Keep living.’ I hate that she was right because the reason why my BFF and I are no longer is because she started to become like a clone, [a] parasite, something in my other relationships. Over the last couple of years of our friendship is when my career started to soar, and the folks who I was meeting, she would insert herself into my connections and try and get as much out of them as she could.
"Not only was it selfish and shady but it had those people looking at me crazy, too. When I confronted her about it, she took it as me being jealous and threatened. I thought it was gaslighting, and we had a big fallout over it. Keeping worlds separate isn’t a bad thing. The world is big enough that people don’t have to constantly be on your coattail to get what they want in life.”
Shellie here: The article that she’s referring to is “Why I Prefer My Friends To NOT Be Friends With Each Other.”
9. Evelyn. 30. Friendship Ended After 11 Years.
“My former friend was a liar. I don’t know how else to put it. It’s like she had four or five different lives going on. She would play holier-than-thou with me and literally be in these streets with other folks. It got to the point that I couldn’t trust her because the other sides of her were so different than who she portrayed herself to be with me. I think what hurt me more than anything was her thinking that I couldn’t handle us having different values. I still think she believes that we’re not friends anymore because of that when really it’s just because she’s not a genuine person.”
10. Deelah. 29. Friendship Ended After Seven Years.
“Shellie used to tell me that if you’ve got to keep tabs on your relationships, that’s your first sign that reciprocity is lacking. I love my [former] friend and there are times when I really do miss her. I just know that if I were to ever reach out to try and fix us, nothing is going to change. I’m going to do most of the calling unless she needs something, she’s always going to find an excuse for why she dropped the ball on my birthday, and I will eventually get sick of trying to get her to listen to my problems without her making them about herself. Even when I told her that I didn’t think we could stay close friends, she played the victim role. Friendships shouldn’t be harder than a relationship. Damn.”
11. Josephine. 33. Friendship Ended After 11 Years.
“My former BFF was never that great of a communicator. When you’re friends with someone, you try and take the good with the bad. Here’s what we’re not gonna do, though: You’re not gonna be on some ‘hey girl’ when you’re in my face and then taking shots at me on social media and acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about whenever I ask you about it. That’s how she handled all of our issues — not handling them and then putting our business out on front street.
"It started to feel like I couldn’t trust her, then it started to feel like she was out to get me and ruin how people see me but play innocent the whole time. I asked her to stop handling things like that and she was like, ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Since she didn’t want to respect my feelings, I had to get out of the friendship. It feels safer without her.”
12. Myla. 46. Friendship Ended After 39 Years.
“You know how they say that people are breaking up for half of the time before they get a divorce? I think the same thing about friendships. My former best friend has been in my life, most of my life, but I think we’ve been friends in name only since our late 20s. Sometimes, it’s the memories and what used to be that makes you think that you’re still bonded, but your lives don’t really mesh anymore. The final straw for me was looking at how she was as a wife and mom and it being so different from me.
"We found ourselves arguing more than taking each other’s advice or even just listening, and the more that happened, the more I realized that we had nowhere to go. Our kids are friends, and so we don’t get in the way of that, but now, it’s more like we do play dates than friendship bonding. I can’t really say it’s hard for me because I think I let her go a long time ago. The wasted time is what bothers me most because it should’ve happened before it did.”
____
I know, right? All of these stories are confirmation that if anything has layers, levels, and complexities, it’s friendship — and when it comes to close friendships, if anything can impact your life in a way that nothing else can, those would be it.
That’s why I think this type of content (check out “Is It Time To Initiate A 'Friend Divorce'?”) is important because, while ending a friendship can be hard, sometimes it really is necessary…sometimes it’s what you need to do to get to the next better thing for you.
An author by the name of Sylvester McNutt III once said, “Closure happens right after you accept that letting go is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been.” If that resonates with you, maybe it’s time to end a friend chapter and begin a new narrative.
If it is, take it from me and the 12 women I spoke with — that’s okay. Beneficial even…if you both are preventing each other from having better friends and, more importantly, being the best kind of friend to yourself. If it’s time, sis — break free and get free. Ultimately, it’s worth it.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your April 2025 Horoscopes Are All About Softening Into Love & Speaking Your Truth
April is a month to slow down and to fully grasp what has been. The month starts in fiery Aries Season, but we are also in the thick of Retrograde Season as we begin the month as well. Thankfully, Mercury finally goes direct on April 7, after being retrograde mid-March, and communication matters are clearing up. This is a month of mental clarity, a fresh start, and not being afraid to dream a little bigger.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, and this Full Moon brings relationship and financial matters full circle. This is the time to let go of what doesn’t make you feel balanced or in harmony and to create space for more peace to enter your life. Venus goes direct in Pisces on the same day, after being retrograde since March 1, and love is healing. With Venus now direct, there are more opportunities for commitment and longevity in love, and there is overall a greater feeling of romance, receptivity, and compassion in the air now.
Mercury enters Aries from April 16 until May 10, and what you were trying to see through or understand better while Mercury was retrograde here last month, you are experiencing a breakthrough now. Mercury in Aries is insightful and courageous, and people are more likely to speak their minds and initiate conversation with this energy. Mars then enters Leo from April 18 until June 17, reminding us that sometimes it’s okay to be a little more selfish and to focus on what you need right now. Mars in Leo brings forth confidence, creativity, and passion, and brings an exciting energy to charge of your life and advocate for yourself.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
ARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
Mid-month, Mars moves into your 12th house of closure and endings, and there is a journey of healing that you experience until June 17. You are motivated to understand yourself better and are looking at the past more right now in order to do so. This is a month of recovering and healing from what has been, for new foundations to be built upon. The New Moon on April 27 is a beautiful way to end the month, as you are getting glimpses of a new, abundant, adventure that is ahead of you.
LIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
SCORPIO
April is a month of success, progress, and dreams coming to fruition, Scorpio. You are focused on your health, your priorities, and creating space for the new beginnings that you are creating in your life right now. The Full Moon mid-month is a big closure moment for you, and you are owning the fact that you have healed and you are no longer the same person you were in the past. This is a month of stepping into your power and feeling supported in doing so.
Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus, which will be highlighting your health and what your body needs more of right now. This is a New Moon to set your intentions for your everyday life and to create a new, beneficial routine that will make things easier for you at the end of the day. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 9th house of adventure, and you are leaving the month with your sights set high. Travel plans are likely, and this is a good time to create some new plans for yourself.
CAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
Mars enters your 8th house of transformation mid-month and will be fueling your need for some change, excitement, and emotional rejuvenation over the next month and a half. You are entering an impactful moment of the year for you, and you are motivated toward change right now. The New Moon at the end of the month is in a fellow earth sign, highlighting the romantic new beginnings you are entering now. Overall, this month is a process, and you are opening new doors while finding gratitude in what is here for you now.
AQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
Mars enters your house of love and partnership on April 18, and you enter a passionate and steamy time. Romance is in the air for you as you move through the month, and you are spending more of your time with those who you want to move forward with. Venus also moves into a relationship area of your chart before April ends, and you are surrounded by love and community. Overall, this month is showing you that you are not alone and you don’t have to go through the heavy stuff alone either.
PISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
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Hmph. I know there has got to be at least three times a week when our grandparents will hear about something that folks present as being revolutionary that causes them to just roll their eyes, shrug their shoulders, and continue to go on with whatever they were doing. Listen, call it old-fashioned thinking if you want to but if you want to avoid a lot of unnecessary regret in this life, hang out with your elders (and actually listen to what they are saying) sometimes — they’ve already been where you are and, since when it comes to them, you can’t say the same, you just might get a few gems (in fact, I can almost guarantee it).
Take sobergasms, for instance. Oh, I’m willing to bet that a senior in your life has mentioned them, just in another way, before. If you’ve never heard of the term, it’s actually a pretty good one because it means just what you think it does: SOBER ORGASMS. And just to make sure that we all are on the same page, it’s sex — that hopefully includes orgasms — that involves very little to no alcohol.
I thought that it was important to address this term for a couple of different reasons. One is for the reason that is mentioned in the origin story of sobergasms that I will address in just a sec. Another is because…people who are in long-term committed relationships? I think it’s pretty safe to say that, unless they both have some sort of substance abuse situation going on, most of them have sex some, if not most of the time, without alcohol (and certainly without drunkenness) being involved. Those who engage in casual/recreational sex, though? Well, I’ve got some stats included in this piece that will show you how much alcohol and copulation go hand in hand in a lot of those instances.
And although some studies say that casual sex (i.e., hook-up culture) isn’t quite as rampant as it was, even just a few years ago, at the same time, let’s not act like it isn’t still happening. Hell, every time we hop on social media, we see evidence (and sometimes fallout) of that. Plus, while many people are out here declaring that they don’t want or need marriage anymore (chile) — do you hear them saying that they feel the same way about sex?Yeah…exactly.
With all of this being said, let’s take a moment to look into what sobergasms are really all about and why, if you are sexually active and are not in anything serious, you should strongly consider having (more of) them.
The Origin Story of Sobergasms Is…
Aight, so here’s the backstory of sobergasms. Last year, right around the holiday season, the sexual wellness brand Lovehoney decided to partner up with an alcohol-free drink company (CleanCo) to create a mocktail (I will share the recipe in just a sec) — you know, a cocktail that doesn’t have any alcohol in it. They did it because their UK (where they are based) research revealed that people tend to drink almost 40 percent more during the holidays (in the US, Americans reportedly drink twice as much as they usually do around that time).
If you add to that the fact that Lovehoney conducted their own study which cited that 64 percent of participants have admitted to having sex while being intoxicated and yet only 20 percent said that they actually enjoyed it.
And that was the main motivation for why Lovehoney came up with sobergasms: it’s a way to encourage people to be more intentional about going without drinking (so much) so that they can engage in the kind of sex that they will actually find to be pleasurable; especially since their findings also discovered that only 29 percent of men and 11 percent of women have consistent orgasms when they are drunk compared to 45 percent of men and 15 percent of women who do when they are sober.
As I thought about all of this, I decided to go on my own fact-finding mission about alcohol and its relationship to sex. It helped me to come up with even more reasons to cosign on sobergasms — and I’m hoping that it will do the same thing for you.
Before I share 10 interesting stats, first, the recipe for the mocktail that Lovehoney and CleanCo came up with:
Sobergasm Clean Drink
25ml fresh lime juice
50ml CleanCo Clean T
1 tbsp fresh orange juice
1 tbsp hot honey
Sea salt, chili flakes, and lime for garnish
You can click here for thorough instructions on how to make it. Over on this side of the pond, we’re pretty big on mocktails ourselves and so, if you'd like to test out some other recipes, check out “10 Spring/Summer Cocktails (& Mocktails) That Your Vagina Will Truly Enjoy” and “Sexy Sips: 8 Fall-Themed Mocktails That Are Aphrodisiacs Too.”
And while you’re pondering which mocktail you would actually like to try first, let’s get into some other reasons why oftentimes “less is best” when it comes to mixing sexual activity with alcohol consumption.
10 Stats to Keep in Mind When It Comes to Mixing Sex with Alcohol
When it comes to how many people partake in alcoholic beverages, Gallup cites that 65 percent of Americans who are over the age of 21 claim to do so. Out of those, the average amount of drinks that they consume on a weekly basis is around four. The preferred drink of choice? Wine (31-35 percent) with liquor being a close second (30 percent). Now factor all of this into your mind as you read the following information about alcohol and its relationship to sex:
1. One study revealed that almost 30 percent of participants were less safe when it came to their sexual decisions due to them having alcohol in their system.
2. About half of the sexual assaults that happen on college campuses involve alcohol whether it’s the perpetrator, the victim, or both.
3. Among college-aged women, when they are having sex while in a relationship, alcohol is involved 20 percent of the time. When it’s casual sex? Alcohol is involved 53 percent of the time (heavy drinking happened a whopping 36 percent of the time).
4. 42 percent of college students binge drink and 400,000 of them have sex without using a condom while consuming alcohol.
5.One study revealed that almost 72 percent of college students regretted their sexual decisions at least once. Out of the ones surveyed, almost 32 percent said that alcohol was involved when they did.
6.Of people aged 18-25, more individuals regretted having sex while having alcohol in their system than they did when it came to weed or ecstasy.
7. Women tend to participate in “non-traditional” sexual acts and masturbate more when they are intoxicated than when they are sober.
8. Although a small amount of alcohol in a woman’s system can arouse them sexually, high amounts will decrease it and can even make it harder for them to become naturally lubricated.
9. Alcohol increases the probability of having more sex partners for women.
10. Alcohol can make it more challenging for women to climax.
When you take all of this in, although I certainly appreciate how Lovehoney has brought to our attention that too much alcohol can make sex less physically pleasurable, as you can see, it can also make coitus more risky, potentially more dangerous and it can cause us to make some pretty unwise decisions, if we’re not careful as well.
And so honestly, this additional intel should further solidify why you should be uber cautious and super careful if you are going to bring alcohol into the picture when it comes to having sex with another person — again, especially if it’s recreational sex. Because even though intercourse, on average, lasts between 3-7 minutes (Google is right there), that small window of time can result in a lifetime of consequences that you may not wish to experience.
Besides, it’s not like sober sex doesn’t have its own benefits…
5 Benefits of Having Sex While You’re Completely Sober
You know what’s interesting about the word “sober”? It doesn’t just mean that you aren’t drunk; it also means that you are “rational,” “self-controlled” and “level-headed” — and yes, when you are about to have sex with someone who you aren’t in a serious, long-term or exclusive sexual relationship with, it’s best that you are all of these things. Because while alcohol can initially make you feel like sexual activity will be more fun, sober sex has the following five proven things to offer.
1. You can better trust your decisions. Recently, I watched a video of four women who taped and posted themselves driving drunk. Moments later, all of them were ejected from the vehicle that they were in and only one survived (and she is in critical condition). Imagine if they could go back in time and go without having alcohol in their system before getting in that vehicle. SMDH.
When it comes to today’s topic, no matter what pop culture tries to tell you, any act that can potentially result in you conceiving or contracting something that doesn’t have a cure is serious as all get out. That’s why, especially when it comes to casual sex, you want to make sure that you go into the act as level-headed as possible — and you can only really do that if/when you are sober.
2. You can clearly articulate your needs and expectations. We’ve all seen a movie (or personally know someone) where a woman got tipsy and wanted to do certain sexual things; however, as alcohol began to affect her system even more, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go further or not. When you’re sober, it’s so much easier to articulate what you want/don’t want and what your expectations are. T
hat said, there are so many people who have sex-related regrets and a big part of the reason is because alcohol totally clouded their judgment and sometimes altered their thoughts and words. Definitely something to (always) keep in mind when it comes to consuming alcohol in the presence of others.
3. You’re more present. I also want to make sure that I touch on some of the things that prompted Lovehoney to come up with sobergasms in the first place. As far as the purely pleasurable side of sex goes, ask anyone who has a satisfying situation in their bedroom and I’m willing to bet that one thing that they will advise is to not overthink the experience and to remain in the moment.
When you’re intoxicated, your mind tends to be all over the place. When you’re sober-minded, it’s easier to remain focused.
4. Sex definitely tends to be more pleasurable. I’ve already shared with you that you are wetter and it’s easier for you to climax when you don’t have a lot of alcohol in your system. A part of the reason is that, since your brain is your biggest sex organ, it’s important to keep in mind that alcohol has a way of negatively affecting the communication pathways of your brain; when that happens, it can cause your moods to become erratic and you tend to become less coordinated too.
Not well-lubricated. Not climaxing. In a bad mood. Do those that sound like the keys to an awesome sexual experience? Right…absolutely not.
5. There is a lot less regret. Once you have sex with someone, you can’t take it back. That’s why it’s so important that you go into the act feeling like this is something that you really want to do (the person and the acts included); you significantly decrease the chances of you having this type of certainty when you’re not sober. And sexual regret can sometimes be one of the hardest things to get past.
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Sobergasms. Although there seem to be new terms that come up daily, one that I can definitely get behind is that. Because it encourages everyone to be sober-minded and sexually responsible in order to ultimately have a more fulfilling sexual experience.
And I will certainly raise a mocktail to that.
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