
Two things that I wasn't allowed to do much of during my adolescence was wearing black or wearing make-up. While my religious upbringing may have played a role to a certain extent (I grew up Seventh-Day Adventist although I consider myself to be a disciple now), something that my mother used to say about black is, "you've got forever to wear something so dark" and, as far as make-up went, "one day, you're gonna thank me when you age better than a lot of your friends who have all of that stuff on their face."
Now that I'm in my 40s, while I definitely own some black clothing, it's rare that you will ever see me in it, even at funerals because my brain is wired to wear a more "joyful" hue. And as far as make-up goes, while back in the 20s I rebelled, all it really did was cause my skin to break out more. So, once my 30s rolled around, I focused more on skincare. Since then, waterproof mascara and lip color are my mainstays yet it's rare that you'll see me with a full face on. And yes, my mother was right — I get complimented on looking younger than my age all of the time.
That's why, while I definitely think that a "beat face" is an art form and there is certainly nothing wrong with going "all in" when it comes to cosmetics, I also think that balance is important and that there are some really good reasons to consider going without make-up on your face, at least once a week. And while there is actually a myriad of them, I'm gonna share eight solid ones today.
1. It’ll Save You a Ton of Time
It's not until my hair is in a protective style that I realize how much time I save not having to style my hair on a daily basis. Again, while it's been a hot minute since I've had concealer, foundation, eyeshadow, blush, etc. on, when I sit and think about how long it would take me to "do it right" when it came to applying make-up back in the day, lawd, it had to be at least 30-45 minutes. Now that I think about it, oftentimes "putting my face on" is what caused me to be late to certain things. So yeah, when I think about a top reason why going without make-up can sometimes be a really good idea, the amount of time — time that you will never get back — that you will save is definitely a top one.
2. It Can Save You a Boatload of Money Too
I'm thinking that it's no surprise that the beauty industry is a billion-dollar one and we as Black women are a huge part of that. Yet when you break it down into how much each of us spends, guess how much reports say that is? A whopping $15,000 in our lifetime which basically boils down to being somewhere around $40 a month. Y'all, that is a freakin' car!
So, if money is currently tight and you're looking for a way to keep a few coins in your pocket, going make-up-free sometimes could end up being the money-saving hack that you didn't know you were missing.
3. Your Skin’s Texture Will Improve
Is your skin's texture a bit on the rougher side? If so, make-up could be the culprit (especially if you make a habit of sleeping with it on). Although we're literally shedding 30,000-40,000 dead skin cells every minute of the day (pretty crazy, right?) when we've got make-up all over our face, that makes it hard for those cells to leave which results in clogged pores and a rough texture. Once I personally started focusing on improving the health of my skin instead of covering up my "flaws", my own skin's texture started to become baby smooth. These days, I will put rosemary oil on my face in the day and sweet almond oil on it at night, and whew — the glow and softness are truly unmatched. Straight up.
4. Your Pores Can Breathe
Something that I have is larger pores (check out "10 All-Natural Ways To Make Your Pores Appear Smaller"). It's a huge part of the reason why, even in my 40s, I still get pimples from time to time (especially around my period…which yes, still comes, right on schedule, chile). And while I am well aware of the fact that things like foundation can help to protect my schedule from the outer elements, I also know that it can do a real number when it comes to clogging up pores which can lead to breakouts. That's why, when you do wear foundation, it's best to avoid one that is oil-based. And in general, you really should give your pores a break sometimes by going without putting anything on them, so that you can do things like exfoliating and steaming your face which will give your pores can get a break and deep cleanse them so that your complexion can become/remain nice and smooth.
5. It’s an Anti-Aging Hack
Tell me something — when's the last time you actually read the label on your favorite cosmetic brands. If you never have before, I recommend that you do because a lot of these companies use all kinds of chemicals that may produce pretty hues and temporary visual effects but long-term…uh-uh. If they're not irritating your skin, they can dry it out which can result in fine lines and wrinkles over time which can cause you to look older than you actually are — if not immediately, eventually.
This is another reason why going without make-up sometimes is a smart thing to do. If you want your Black to not crack, you need to be intentional about moisturizing and pampering it. Yes, we've got melanin on our side, but constant make-up use can do some real damage to us, just like everyone else if we're not careful.
6. It Can Do Wonders for Your Self-Confidence
Something else that my mother used to say often is, "Make-up shouldn't change; it should enhance." Do I like my eyes more with a couple of coats of mascara? Definitely. Are my lips super on-point when they've got a liner and some gloss on them? Chile, listen. Still, I've gotta admit that it has done my self-esteem a lot of good to know that if I go out with absolutely nothing on, I'm still a cutie pie because the face God gave me is just fine as is. There's no way I would've come to that conclusion if I didn't go without make-up. And a woman who is truly, genuinely and fully self-confident? She radiates beauty in a way that cosmetics could never ever do for her.
7. It Will Keep You from Totally Relying on Cosmetics
Back when I was in high school, I went to school with a lot of white girls who literally lived in a full face of make-up. Because of what I said in the intro and also because the girls of other ethnicities (including my own) didn't put on nearly as much, what white girls sent themselves through was pretty fascinating to observe. That was until I saw some of them without any make-up on and then I was like, "Please put it back on. How quickly can you do it too?" The moral to the story here is when you are so consumed with cosmetics that you literally look like an entirely different person when you take it off, that can put you on a cycle of being super reliant on it because you don't feel like you are pretty or appealing without it because you have literally created another face. And that can be a dangerous way to approach how you see yourself.
8. Natural Is Sexy
I'm not sure why so many women get triggered when they hear men say that they don't particularly care for a lot of make-up because what that basically boils down to is they are all about your wake-up face and what in the world is wrong with that? Even as a woman, when I see someone who is fresh-faced in pictures or even when I'm out, she causes me to do a double-take because 1) I dig the self-assuredness and 2) it reminds me of a compliment a man gave me years ago that still remains on the forefront of my mind — "Thanks for remembering what you look like."
Can you be sexy with make-up on? Sure, you can. There is something about how cosmetics can put an "explanation point" on our looks that is undebatable. Still, when my mother's husband once said that the thing that he liked most about her beauty is the woman he went to bed with is the woman he woke up with, I totally got where he was coming from. Going without make-up and letting your natural beauty shine through is always sexy AF because you're saying that "I know that I am sensual and alluring, just as I am" — and who can't be turned on by a woman who feels that way…about herself? Exactly.
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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How To Avoid Being An Emotionally Impulsive Spender This Holiday Season
Geeze. Can you believe that we are just a few days out from another Christmas? Yeah, me neither. In fact, because I’m not a holidays person myself (check out “So, What If You Don't Observe Holidays?”), it wasn’t until one of my clients was venting about how stressed out she was due to all of the holiday season procrastinating that she had been doing that I realized just how fast December is actually flying by.
If, like her, you’re feeling frazzled because, although you told yourself last year that you weren’t going to wait until the last minute to “handle your business,” you ended up doing exactly that, fret not. I’ve got 10 tips that can keep you from making emotionally-triggered decisions as far as your financial expenses are concerned. Merry Christmas. #wink
1. Create a Budget. Stick to It.
GiphyBudgets, boy. I recently read that one of the reasons why they don’t work for a lot of people is because many folks don’t have a clue about how much money they spend on a monthly basis to begin with. SMDH. That said, at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that a budget is simply setting boundaries/limits on your spending — and being intentional about moving in this fashion is always a wise move; especially when it comes to this time of the year…especially being that it’s typical for half of all Americans to take on some type of holiday season debt with 17 percent needing six (or more) months to pay it off.
Know what can prevent this kind of financial chaos? A SPENDING BUDGET. Tips for how to create one of your own this year can be found here.
2. Never Shop When You’re Stressed or Pressed
GiphyYou know how they say that it’s not a good idea to go grocery shopping when you’re hungry? Although the holiday season can be a stressful time, avoid shopping for gifts (or décor or food for recipes) when you are feeling stressed out or pressed for time. More times than not, that cultivates anxiety which could cause you to either purchase things that you don’t really want or to spend money that you don’t really have (P.S. If you’re relying on credit cards, that qualifies as money that you don’t really have. Just sayin’).
3. Don’t Keep Up with the Joneses
GiphyKnow something else that can stress you out: trying to keep up with the Joneses. And y’all, now that we have social media, the reality is that envy is at an all-time high. That’s because it can be really easy to watch holiday engagements, holiday trips and folks bragging about the things that they’ve received in times past, only for you to find yourself wishing that you were them — or putting pressure on yourself and those in your world to keep up.
Listen, it is King Solomon who once said, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners” (Proverbs 1:19 — NKJV) and “A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones” (Proverbs 14:30 — NKJV) and he’s considered to be the wisest man who ever lived (during his time — I Kings 4:30). Yeah, both of these verses are a spiritual reminder that whatever you are planning to do or give, do it out of the goodness of your heart — not so that you can low-key “outdo” the next guy.
4. No Need to “Tit-for-Tat”
GiphyThis one might be a bit controversial yet I’m totally okay with that. I don’t care what the occasion is, no one is OWED a present. A gift is a voluntary token of one’s appreciation or affection. That said, if you decide to give someone a present this year, don’t automatically expect something in return. If you get something, cool. If not, if you were giving for the right reasons, it really shouldn’t matter (RIGHT?). On the flip side, if someone decides to get you something and you don’t have something to offer in return, also cool.
Other than going to someone’s home for a holiday dinner or party, for anyone to feel like they should have something in hand because someone else does…that’s not giving, that’s competing — and that absolutely should not be the spirit that you are in (or around) during this time of year.
Again, a gift is not an obligatory thing. If you’ve always thought otherwise, it’s time to do some serious reprogramming.
5. Avoid the Pressure to Buy for Lots of Adults
GiphyLast month, Newsweek published an article that said it’s wise to not spend a ton of money purchasing gifts for adults. A financial expert in the piece said that it’s best to buy for kids because, more times than not, you’re going to get adults something that they already have a lot of, they don’t really need or they’re not going to use (beyond maybe regifting) anyway.
If you’re not feeling that insight, my take would be to exchange names and set a price cap for the grown folks. I say that because, I don’t think that people ever outgrow wanting something over Christmas. It’s just that the over-the-top energy should be reserved for the kiddies — and even then, the “4-gift rule” (want, need, read, experience) is probably your best bet for them…financially and otherwise.
6. Go for Thoughtful over Expensive
GiphyIt’s kind of wild how much close-to-torture folks send themselves through to purchase gifts that, a good 6-8 months now, most folks aren’t even going to remember. That’s why it’s also a good idea to purpose in your mind to get something thoughtful over expensive.
Honestly, that’s a big part of the reason why Etsy continues to be a go-to for gifts (for every occasion) for me. It’s because you can oftentimes get things customized/personalized which ends up meaning so much more to people than something that you bought at a generic department store that might have a high price tag yet still lacks in sentimentality and deep meaning.
7. Use Coupons and Promo Codes
GiphyCoupons (and promo codes) are a slippery slope in the sense that…they remind me of when I used to go overboard while thrift store shopping. I say that because, just because I might find several bomb dresses for under $20, what am I going to do with 50 of ‘em (over time)? It’s just as much of a waste of money as buying couture if neither option gets much use.
And that’s kind of the thing about coupons and promo codes. Some people end up overspending because they rationalize that so long as there are discounts attached, it’s all good. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that you should forego coupons and promo codes altogether. The key is to put together your shopping list (and budget) and then use discounts specifically for those items. If you do this, you could save well over $1,000 annually (at least, depending on what you decide to buy).
8. Avoid Add-Ons
GiphyYeah. Dodge add-on expenses. Add-ons like what? The first thing that comes to my mind is a warranty. What’s the chance that someone is actually going to need that? Another example is paying for things to be “professionally” gift wrapped. Chile, throw that stuff in a gift bag with some tissue paper and go on about your day. All good.
9. Rethink Gift Cards
GiphyIf there is any time of the year when there is a noticeable hike in gift card purchases, now would be it. And although they are a convenient approach to gift giving, at the same time, many come with hidden fees, the full amount oftentimes goes unused (which ends up being a waste of money) and they do come with expiration dates that are oftentimes forgotten.
So, if you’re someone who likes to wait until the last minute to do your holiday shopping, resist the urge to impulsively pick up a handful of gift cards. Unless it’s to a place that you know someone is going to use within the next few months, they could end up in somebody’s kitchen drawer for the next couple of years. And what a waste that would be.
10. They’ll Get It When They Do. And That’s Okay.

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GiphyOne more. Although it is super thoughtful and proactive to get people their gifts in time for whatever occasion you purchased them for, if trying to reach that goal is going to require paying for rush shipping that is damn near as high as the price of gift or spending a lot of gas money that you don’t have at the moment to drive miles and miles away — take the pressure off to spend a ton of cash just to make sure that something arrives at December 25. Listen, through doing business with Etsy, I have learned that through this administration, there are all sorts of tariff issues going on and the USPS is slower than ever too, so paying more may not guarantee much.
The hack? Send a message that something special is coming…soon enough. The thought really is what counts (more times than not); plus, it builds anticipation of something good coming, even if it’s after all of the Christmas Day hoopla. And no one (with sense) is going to have a problem with that.
Now don’t you feel better? Happy Holiday Shopping, sis.
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