This is a women's lifestyle site. This means that, automatically, we are Team Vagina. But since all of us got here with the help of a penis and many of us enjoy the company and pleasure of them as adults, I thought it would only be fair (and necessary) that since I wrote "15 Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Your Own Vagina" that I circle back around and share some interesting facts about men's genitalia too.
Something tells me that if you take five or so minutes to, at least skim this, there will be a couple of times when your eyes get big. Shoot, I write about sex for a living and about four of these points tripped me right on out. Are you ready for a little bit of semi-NSFW reading that will make you well-versed in the lane of male genitalia?
1. Baby Boys Have Erections Within the Womb
I've got an ex who used to get erections whenever he ate something that he really liked. It was the first time when I saw actual proof that men can get hard for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with sex. Another solid example? Baby boys are able to get erections while they are developing in their mother's womb (check out "It Starts in the Womb: Helping Parents Understand Infant Sexuality"). Oh, and speaking of development, a man's penis officially stops growing once he hits his early 20s.
2. There Are “Growers” and Then There Are “Showers”
Here's a great PSA for why you should never assume that grey sweatpants are telling you all that you need to know about a guy's genitalia. The reality is that some men are "growers" while others are "showers". What's the difference?
A shower is someone whose penis is basically the same size whether he is flaccid or erect while a grower is someone whose penis grows significantly in size whenever he experiences an erection. Factors like tissue elasticity, collagen and a man's overall health can determine what category he falls into.
Also, interestingly enough, it's not uncommon for some fellas to start off in one category and then move over into another as he ages. One more thing. Whatever is visible to the naked eye is only half of what a man has goin' on. The other part of his penis is housed inside of his body.
3. Smoking Can Shorten a Man’s Penis
If you're currently with a smoker, here's another motivation for him to quit. Something that smoking does is restrict blood flow to his penis. When that happens, it can prevent him from getting—or maintaining—a maximum erection; this, in turn, can result in a smaller penis. How small? Only about a centimeter. But still, since smoking is unhealthy anyway, why not convince him to get that centimeter back by stopping?
4. Erectile Dysfunction Is Not Nearly As Common As Erectile Dissatisfaction
When a man struggles with getting or maintaining an erection, the proper term for it is erectile dysfunction. While it affects approximately 30 million American men, something that I found to be fascinating is the fact that a far greater culprit is erectile dissatisfaction. No, it's not when a man is no longer interested in his partner. Erectile dissatisfaction is what happens when, as a man ages, he starts to compare his younger sexual self to his current way of being. This tends to happen to many men when they are between the ages of 40-50. Oftentimes, it's because it takes them a longer time to become erect in between sexual escapades. The remedies? Less stress and more patience from their partner are a great place to start.
5. Going by a Man’s Shoe Size Is a Total Myth
Unfortunately, I still hear people reference this myth enough to where it has to be mentioned. The size of a man's shoe has NOTHING to do with the size of his member. Matter of fact, one of my past partners had a huge foot and one of the smallest penises that I had ever been with. On the flip side, according to theInternational Journal of Impotence Research, a man's age, height and index finger length does have something to do with how much is going on down below. But still, you really won't know until…you know.
6. Semen Is a Low-Calorie “Snack”
I say it often because it's true. Sperm (the cells that actually fertilize eggs) and semen (the fluid that carries the cells) are like the ultimate multi-vitamin (check out "Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm" to learn why). If you are a partaker and any part of you is curious as to how many calories you're taking in whenever you throw a shot back, you're getting somewhere between 5-25 calories. At least that's what the word on Google street says.
7. The Average Man Has Many Erections a Day
How many erections do most men have on a daily basis? The average clocks somewhere around 11 with 3-5 of them happening at night. How long do nighttime erections last? Usually somewhere between 25-35 minutes.
So, if your man happens to be all about tapping your shoulder in the middle of the night or being totally down for morning sex, this is probably why.
8. Ejaculate Moves Pretty Fast
Ever wonder how fast ejaculate comes out? It's not slow, by any means. While it does kind of vary per guy, the average is somewhere around 28 miles per hour. When you think about how that's double the amount of a lot of school zones, it reminds us why Samantha (from Sex & the City) once said, "They don't call [a blow job] a job for nothin'."
9. Some Men Can Climax Without Erections
Never assume that just because a man doesn't ejaculate during sex that he didn't have a really good time. When a guy climaxes without releasing any semen, it's called a dry orgasm. Matter of fact, it's not uncommon for guys to "reach the peak" without ever having an orgasm at all.
10. Broken Penises Are A Real Thing
A man who says his penis is "broke" is someone who is basically expressing that the blood vessels that are inside of his penis ended up bursting which resulted in some pretty painful swelling. And what causes a broken penis (or penile fracture) to happen most often? Rigorous masturbation, his partner being on top (and moving too vigorously at an awkward angle) or him bumping into something—pardon the pun—hard (like a door) while his penis is erect. If it does happen, ice packs and ibuprofen can help with the healing process.
11. Some Men Can Give Themselves Fellatio
This might just be the most random (and fascinating) penis point on this entire list. While some call it "auto-fellatio" and others refer to it as being "self-fellatio", there are men who are actually limber enough to give themselves head. I read somewhere that approximately 1 in 400 men are able to do it. Does the same go for women and cunnilingus? Maybe if you're a contortionist, but since we don't have anything that "sticks out" when we're aroused, it's a lot more difficult. (I don't know if you consider that to be good or bad news. Report back.)
12. Blue Balls Are Also Real (and Have a Scientific Name)
Whenever you hear a man talk about having blue balls, it's best not to roll your eyes. Yes, it's a very real thing and the scientific name for it is prostatic congestion (or epididymal hypertension, depending on who you ask). It's basically what happens when blood gets trapped inside of his testicles, resulting in some pretty extreme achiness and discomfort. Now here's what guys may not tell you.
Blue balls don't only transpire when a man is horny and unable to get a release. It can also come as the result of having too much sex, masturbating too often, having a cold, drinking excessively or even eating too much spicy food. That's why an orgasm isn't the only remedy for prostatic congestion. Taking a warm shower or an aspirin can oftentimes bring relatively quick relief too.
13. Very Few Men Actually Need Magnum Condoms. XL, That Is.
I don't know about you but, back in my sexually active days, it always used to tickle me that almost every man I was with had a pack of Magnums, even though every man I was with wasn't in need of one—if you know what I mean.
From what I've read, only six percent of men should actually purchase that brand, if it's the "XL variety" that they are after (which is exactly what they typically choose to buy). The reason why is because Magnums measure at a little over eight inches long and a little over two inches wide. While the average size of most penises (erect) is 5.16 inches.
That's why it really is best, for all parties involved, for men to ditch the ego boost of a Magnum and utilize an actual condom chart before actually purchasing this kind of prophylactic. Condoms are most effective (and feel best) when they actually…fit correctly.
14. Stress DEFINITELY Affects a Man’s Erections and Orgasms
When a man has a difficult time maintaining an erection or having an orgasm, more times than not, stress is the root cause. In some instances, this is referred to as "orgasmic dysfunction" which can be brought on by age and medications but also shyness, low self-esteem, relationship problems, sexual guilt (that's sometimes brought on by religious beliefs and upbringing) or even—get this—nagging. The reason why this is a good thing to keep in mind is because, a lot of times, we think that only women need to be "mentally in tune" in order to enjoy coitus. But, as you can see, if men aren't in a place of peace and calm, it can wreak havoc on their sex lives too.
15. Black Men Do Lead the “Pack”. But Only Slightly.
I believe it's a man by the name of Roberto Esquivel Cabrera who currently holds the record for having the largest penis in the world. How large is it? You ain't ready—it's a whopping 18.9"! He's not a Black man which makes him the perfect lead in for my final penis fact. While it has been stereotyped since, forever, that Black men have the biggest penises out of all ethnicities, that is only "a little bit true". What I mean is, according to another study conducted by the International Journal of Impotence Research, "We have shown that the man's mean penis length who identifies himself as black is just a little bit bigger than the one who identifies himself as white. However, there were no significant differences between groups regarding self-assessment of genital body image." This is a nice way of saying that you shouldn't assume our Black kings are always "large and in charge" or that Karen's brothers are teeny-tiny. It's kind of a crap shoot, so require more than penis size when selecting a partner; even when it comes to sex.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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Sheryl Lee Ralph On Why Living Separately From Her Husband Of 19 Years Works For Them
Sheryl Lee Ralph has always unapologetically been herself, and her approach to marriage is no exception to that rule.
In a recent PEOPLE cover story with Janine Rubenstein, the Abbott Elementarystar opened up about the unconventional marriage she and her husband, Vincent Hughes, have embraced since tying the knot in 2005: living separately. Vincent, a Democratic member of the Pennsylvania State Senate, resides in Philadelphia, while Sheryl's thriving career keeps her in Los Angeles as her home base.
“We also live in separate places,” Sheryl revealed to the publication. “When I go to see him, love to see him. When it’s time to leave, ‘Bye-bye. See you soon!’ I’m telling you, life is good. Perfect. I get to be the real good wife!”
Their unconventional setup allows them both to thrive in their respective careers while maintaining a strong union. “He has his own life. I have my own life,” she explained. “He has his own real career, I have my own real career. He has his light to stand in, I have my light to stand in. He’s not looking at me thinking about status or this or that. He’s doing his thing. I get to do my thing.”
Sheryl, who has two children from her previous marriage to Eric Maurice, shared that their decision to live separately stemmed from practical considerations. “You fall in love with somebody and you realize, he’s not leaving his career. He is not leaving Philadelphia. I’m not leaving Hollywood. And when you have children, you can’t just pick up your children and move across country,” she told PEOPLE.
She added, “So it just worked out that I was in California, he was in Philadelphia, and every two weeks we saw each other, and it worked out well, and it has continued to work out well. We will celebrate 20 years of marriage, thank you, and some people can’t even get through two. So, it’s all good.”
This isn’t the first time Sheryl has made it known that their marriage is nothing but solid. In 2023, xoNecole covered the actress set the record straight that she and her husband had moved in together full-time after nearly 18 years of a long-distance marriage. Speaking exclusively to E! News, Sheryl clarified, “It’s not true at all. If you’re going to write things, just try to get it close to right. We’ve been married 18 years and together 21 years.”
She further elaborated on their dynamic: “We live together on and off, in that I’m shooting Abbott Elementary in L.A. He is at the Capitol every week, so we see each other in between.”
While Sheryl's marriage continues to thrive, her career has also seen quite the "renaissance" thanks to the success of Abbott Elementary. “I’m in a show that is literally lightning in a bottle,” the Emmy winner shared with PEOPLE. “But it was not given to me. I worked towards this moment, and it took a young person to see and value the work and offer me this way forward. That doesn’t happen a lot, but it happened to me.”
Reflecting on the remarkable highs of her career journey, Sheryl recalled a moment foreshadowing what was to come from the late Cicely Tyson. “One day I was on a plane, and Cicely Tyson said, ‘Many great things are going to happen to you. Many, many, many,’” she said. “The elders have been good to me, and they would not be surprised.”
Just as Sheryl's career has flourished by her staying true to herself, her marriage has also reaped the benefits of doing what works best for them. The couple will celebrate 20 years of marriage this July. And for them, living apart reflects their ability to honor their individuality and personal ambitions while growing together.
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