When it comes to a lot of the self-help content that I write on any platform, oftentimes what you’re going to see me offer up is a list of questions. There are a couple of reasons why. One reason is that, although most of us share similarities (just by being human), all of us are also individuals. So, for many things, there is no cut-and-dried answer — based on who you are, how you view things and the stage that you’re currently in when it comes to your life, your answers may vary from someone else’s. Another reason is because questions can cause us to look deeper into ourselves than we might do if the questions were never presented in the first place.
And so, since from what I’ve read and researched, the average American has sex approximately 54 times a year and also since many of them aren’t in a long-term committed relationship, I thought it would be a good idea to share a few sex-related questions; ones that, if you are currently single and sexually-active, you should ask yourself at some point before January ends. Just so you can be sure that you’re not just “having sex to be having sex” but that you are moving with clarity, so that what you are doing isn’t just what you want to be but need at this particular point and place in your life.
1. Why Am I Having Sex? (Or Not Having Sex?)
An author by the name of Daniel H. Pink once said, "Asking 'Why?' can lead to understanding. Asking 'Why not?' can lead to breakthroughs." And you know what? When it comes to sex, I think this is a very valid point. When you’re in a relationship and sexually active, oftentimes the “why” is easier to understand — sex is typically a very essential part of a romantic relationship, so you’re engaging in sexual activity in order to maintain the connection and bond. But what about when you’re not involved in something as serious? Beyond sexual pleasure, what are the other reasons why you are…engaging?
Listen, if your “why” is ONLY because you like how sex makes you (physically) feel, you’re grown and do you. However, being that no form of birth control is 100 percent effective and there are things like STDs floating around (some of which are incurable), it’s a good idea to think about if the act is worth the potential risks (like potentially getting pregnant by the person you are currently sleeping with) — and if you believe that it is, why is that?
There’s a flip side to this too. Recently, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “6 Solid Reasons To Consider A Season Of Abstinence In The New Year.” Whether you are currently abstaining or you’re strongly considering doing so for a season, you need a “why” too. Is it for religious reasons (because a holy book says not to)? Is it for spiritual purposes (you want to take some time to focus on your soul)? It is because you feel like you aren’t making wise choices when it comes to the partners that you’re picking (check out “Don't Mistake A Great Sex Partner For A Great Life Partner”)? Maybe it’s for reasons similar to why I chose to “do a bid” which was “I’ve been doing some of the same things, expecting a different result and I need a break to figure out what the hell is going on.”
Whatever the case may be, when you’re clear about why you’re not having sex, it can help you to set boundaries and then honor them, no matter how tempted you may be along the way, so that you’re able to reach whatever your intended goal is. Otherwise, if you’re just “doing it to be doing it,” you may be doing IT again, sooner than you planned (if you catch my drift).
2. Am I Getting What I Need from My Sexual Experiences?
“Need” is an interesting word because it can be defined in all sorts of ways. A need can be what you require. A need can be what you think is necessary. A need can be a wish. An unmet need can be a deal-breaker. And in the context of all of these things, if you are indeed sexually active, you need to ponder if you’re getting what you need from your experiences and from the people you are sharing these experiences with.
If you need foreplay, are you getting that? If you require a partner who isn’t sexually active with other people, have you stated that? If time together outside of the bedroom is necessary, is that what’s going down? If you wish that you could be getting more out of the sex than what you’re getting, what do you plan on doing to change that? When it comes to whatever it is that you need, are you willing to walk away if you don’t get it?
A lot of people stay in sexual situations that aren’t really fulfilling them because, although they aren’t receiving what they need, the “oxytocin highs” (the hormone that is designed to bond you to your partner, by the way) keep them caught up anyway. And unfortunately, it’s not until they sit down and ask themselves, “Is this what I need to be doing right now?”, do they even consider if things need to change — or end. There’s no time like the present to ponder your sexual needs. Please make sure that you do.
3. How Much Am I Prioritizing My Sexual Health?
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), “More than 1 million STIs are acquired every day.” If that isn’t enough of a reason to prioritize your sexual health and well-being, I honestly don’t know what is. So yeah, where’s your condom stash? If you’re on some other form of birth control, have you noticed that it’s compromised your health in other ways? When’s the last time you got tested for STDs? When’s the last time you asked your partner about their STD status? Are you noticing that you’re getting more yeast infections than usual (that can happen when sperm/semen throws your pH balance off; especially when you get a new sex partner)? And beyond the physical, how are you doing mentally and emotionally? Do you feel stable and secure in the dynamics that you are in? Are you experiencing any levels of guilt, confusion, or frustration? Does your sex life bring you peace or some low-grade levels of chaos?
Listen, there are a lot of things out in this world that feels good yet aren’t necessarily good for us. There are also things that provide great highs and then vast lows. While this isn’t always or automatically the case when it comes to sex, it’s always important to ask yourself if it is impairing your holistic health on some level — and if it is, what modifications you should make in order to change that.
4. Have I Set Any Sex-Related Goals? If Not, WHY NOT?
A goal is basically a directed aim. It’s when you set out to do something and, because of your commitment and laser-like focus, you achieve it. And yes, sis, when it comes to sex, you definitely should have a goal or two. I’m not saying that the goal has to be marriage. In fact, I wish folks would stop thinking that sex is a means to an end as it relates to cultivating a serious relationship because sex isn’t to be seen as a tool of manipulation. What I’m saying is, I know some people, single and married, who have a pretty piss poor sex life, and yet they are still quite active and it’s all because they’ve never thought about setting goals in order to make things a lot better.
Is the goal to have more orgasms? Is the goal to experience more romance (check out “Tonight's The Night For A Really Romantic Sexual Experience”)? Is the goal to try new things? Is the goal to not keep picking the same man who’s in a different (pardon the pun) package (check out “Are You Dating The Same Guy Over And Over Again? Maybe.”)? Is the goal to learn more about what it means to be a sexual being? Is the goal to figure out if you’re satisfied or merely settling? Whatever the case may be, again, setting sexual goals is a great idea because it can help you to sexually evolve — because in no area of your life should you ever be stagnant. Sex is not exempt.
5. Do I See Sex from Beyond a Physical Pleasure Perspective?
There’s a woman I know who basically talks about men like she loathes them. At the same time, she’s definitely one of the most sexually active people that I know. Whenever I bring up to her how semi-contradictory her mouth is from her actions, she usually says something along the lines of, “It’s just sex.” Yeah, not really. Even if you don’t choose to look at sex from a spiritual angle, oxytocin is called the love/bonding hormone because that is a part of what the act does — brings you closer to your partner. You making the choice to not acknowledge that changes absolutely nothing.
So yes, it is also a good idea to do a little bit of sex journaling (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”) to really reflect on your views of sex — outside of the bedroom. How did you learn about sex? What were your first experiences like? How do you go about selecting your partners? What are the things that you are proud of? What do you regret? Who were your favorite and least favorite partners and why do you feel the way that you do about them? How does sex affect you on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level? How has your sexuality regressed, shifted, or evolved throughout the years?
In order for you to know what you want/need sexually, it’s best that you really get to know yourself first. Beyond climaxing (or not climaxing), what’s your perspective on sex at this particular moment in your life?
6. Has Sex Been Making Me Better or Worse?
I like shouting out my peeps and there have been a couple of times when I’ve brought up GRAMMY/Emmy/Dove Award-winning producer SHANNON SANDERS. One of the songs that he wrote (and sings) that I really dig right now is entitled “Better.” While I’m pretty sure that it’s mostly because he can sing his entire ass off, there is something about him talking about how much better a woman makes him that really hits home with this particular point. The reason why I say that is because, another part of the reason why I took a break from sex is, it was actually getting to a point and place where, although the act felt amazing, it actually wasn’t making me a better person.
Something that makes you better improves you. Something that makes you better helps to complete you. Something that makes you better causes you to surpass who you were before you brought it into your life. Is sex doing that? For me, sex was making me worse. When something makes you worse, it makes you inferior when it comes to your character. When something makes you worse, it affects your health in a negative way. When something makes you worse, it keeps going on a decline from not good to mediocre to downright bad.
Listen, only you can know for sure if sex is making you better or worse right now, but if it isn’t Option A, what can — and should — you do to change it? Because anything that isn’t making you better is only making you worse…in the long run.
7. Am I Having Good Sexual Communication with My Partner(s)?
Last spring, I wrote an article entitled, “Are You A Good Sexual Communicator? You Sure?.” When I’m speaking of communication, I’m not talking about reenacting a love scene from your favorite rom-com (that is scripted anyway). I just mean that it’s so very important, especially when you are sexually active and not in a long-term committed relationship, that you and your partner remain on the same page. For instance, I know someone who has been having sex with one of her friends (check out “5 Things You Should Ask Yourself Before Having Sex with A Friend” and “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”) for a while now and was assuming the entire time that they were only having sex with each other. NOPE. Because they are “just friends,” her guy-friend was like, “Why would you think that when we’re not in an actual relationship?” See why open, honest, and verbal communication is key?
How do you define intimacy? How does he?
Do you feel the two of you are sexually compatible? Does he?
What are your current turn-offs and turn-ons? What are his?
Is sex ultimately affecting or infecting your relationship?
What would cause the dynamic that you currently have to change?
Listen, there are a lot of people who have plenty of sex with someone and yet totally suck at verbal communication with them. That said, no matter what “kind of sex” you’re after this year, it’s important that you and your partner are in sync — not just so that you can be satisfied sexually but so neither of you end of blindsided in any way later down the road. Oh, and for those of you who are thinking, “Yeah, that would be awkward”…umm, they’ve seen you naked. You’ll be fine.
8. How Can I End 2022 with a “Bang”?
I don’t care what category it may be, one of the points and purposes of time is that we live our lives in such a way that we can look back and think, “Compared to this time last year, there have been vast improvements.” Although I’m sure you get that this last point has a bit of a pun to it (you know, BANG), I meant exactly what I said — if the sex you’re having right now was on a report card and the grade was “needs improvement,” what can be done over the next several months to make that a reality? And what are you going to do to make that so?
"Single sex" can sometimes be a bit of a complex topic but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be addressed. Regardless of relational status, you deserve to get what you want. Getting the answers to the right questions can help to get you there. Sis, please make sure that you do! #wink
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'We Had To Heal To Love': Taja Simpson And Ryan Easter’s Journey To Lasting Love
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
One of my favorite things about interviewing married couples and hearing their diverse “How We Met” stories is the way they affirm true love and integral beliefs. One principle that I wholeheartedly believe is that one must truly know and love oneself before effectively doing it for another human being, and Taja Simpson and Ryan Easter’s story affirms this.
Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Feature image by @jorgemezaphotos
The Final Mercury Retrograde Of 2024 Is OTW—How This Bold Energy Will Shift Your Perspective
The final Mercury retrograde of the year arrives this month, and this is an opportunity to close one chapter and prepare for a new one. Mercury retrogrades are the time of the year when you take a step back, assess where your life currently is, and be a little more flexible with how things are playing out for you. When Mercury is in retrograde, miscommunications and misdirections are more likely; however, this isn’t the time to fear where you are headed; it’s more about looking at things from a different perspective right now.
Mercury enters Sagittarius on November 2, will be retrograde from Nov. 25 until Dec. 15, and will be in this sign until Jan. 8, 2025. Mercury in Sagittarius is bold and outspoken but, in retrograde, can come across as impulsive and brash. Thinking before speaking is important right now, and so is considering your values and interests before committing to something new. Since Sagittarius rules long-distance travel, this isn’t the best time to plan a new trip or to rush the ones already in place.
Consider where you want to be, and take your time getting there.
What to Expect from Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius
A little more than a week after Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, Mars goes retrograde in Leo. With these important transits happening in fire signs, energy can be misdirected right now. It’s about looking at the full picture and not overwhelming yourself with too many options or interests. Take your passions and align them with your heart and willpower, without confusing inspiration with ego. Emotions are running high, yet this activation is creating a breakthrough in personal development before the year ends.
Read below to see how this Mercury retrograde transit will be for you. Read for your sun sign and rising sign.
Your Sun Sign and Rising Sign Horoscopes for Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius
ARIES
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and you are focused on the bigger picture right now, Aries. With Mercury retrograde in your 9th house of adventure over the next few weeks, this is the time to expect the unexpected and to go at your own pace. Don’t rush the clarity that is meant to bloom for you right now, and take things one day at a time.
Even if you don’t have all the answers you need right now, there are still some important truths and insights to gain. You are in the process of reinventing yourself and your life, and the universe is helping you get the space in order to do so. If you are traveling over the next few weeks, remember to be flexible and to go over plans thoroughly.
TAURUS
Mercury goes retrograde, and you enter a time of change and rebirth, Taurus. This transit, for you, is an opportunity to gain balance, perspective, and empowerment. Your commitments and close partnerships are being addressed right now, and you are seeing where your needs are being met and where they aren’t. You are on a journey of letting go and allowing more, and this is the time to focus on being more flexible rather than controlling outcomes.
This retrograde could also be affecting your shared finances and earnings, and this is a good time to take another look at the money coming in and the money going out and make sure things are in order here. Trust your intuition right now, Taurus.
GEMINI
Mercury goes retrograde in your sister sign, Sagittarius, and you are ready for a fresh perspective in love. This retrograde will highlight your 7th house of partnership, connection, romance, and inner harmony, and your heart is figuring things out right now. Confusion or disagreements are more likely within your relationship dynamics, and this is the time to address what your partnerships need.
If you have been feeling out of balance when it comes to love, then this is the time to get things back on track.
This Mercury retrograde is helping you gain a new perspective and reminds you that you deserve the love you are looking for. Use this time to forgive, grow, and use better judgment regarding matters of the heart and the relationships you are building in your life right now.
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CANCER
This Mercury retrograde transit for you is a chance to gain some renewed clarity regarding your health, well-being, and work life. You could be feeling more pressure to perform and have it all together on the job, and there is a need to delegate, let go, and take care of your health more right now, Cancer.
This transit will highlight where some cracks are seeping, where you may need to build stronger foundations and healthier daily routines, and also how you can manage a better work/life balance. Your daily lifestyle may feel a little more difficult to find consistency in right now, and this is because new avenues and perspectives are waiting for you to grab ahold of. Overall, use this time to listen to your inner voice and do more of what feels right for you and your body.
LEO
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and this transit highlights your 5th house of romance, creativity, passion, and happiness, Leo. This retrograde is an opportunity for you to address what and who makes you happy and how you can show up more for these fortunate experiences in your life. You are looking at if you’ve been making your happiness as much of a priority as it should be this year and also taking a look at what sources help you align with that energy altogether.
This time is about being a little bit more flexible, doing things differently, and being open to a new perspective. Relationship developments are also providing your heart more clarity right now, and you are balancing your needs with the needs of your partnerships and creative ventures.
VIRGO
Your ruling planet Mercury goes retrograde before the year ends, and this is helping you rebuild your foundations, Virgo. Mercury will be retrograde in an area of your life that has to do with your home, history, family, and emotional stability- and you are getting a new grasp on things here.
Where you have been planting your seeds and building for your future are coming up for review during this time, and you are gaining clarity on which of these foundations is stable enough to continue to build upon. You could be feeling less secure than you would like to right now, and this change of pace is helping you reassess your goals and figure out what is worth it for you and the legacy you want to live.
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LIBRA
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and the focus turns towards your communication channels, Libra. Mercury retro is already a more chaotic time when it comes to communication, and with this retrograde also happening in your 3rd house of insight and communication, you may feel this heaviness a little more right now.
This transit, for you, is about taking your time getting your message across, being patient while traveling and running errands, and giving yourself space to gain some new clarity.
Meditation, journaling, and talking to someone who can support you are therapeutic, and know that your voice deserves to be heard. You are looking at ways you can take up more space and show up in the world without letting your insecurities keep you away from true connection, vulnerability, and understanding.
SCORPIO
This Mercury retrograde is happening in your 2nd house of income, values, assets, and self-confidence, and you are taking a step back to assess your current reality, especially financially, Scorpio. This is a good time to go over your spending habits and earnings, to find greater balance here, and to think about some of your financial goals moving forward.
Look at your resources, skills, and talents, and make sure what you are receiving is equal to or greater than what you have been giving. Less is more right now, and this isn’t the best time to overspend or overindulge, as you need more time to grasp your current stance on things, and how to increase your overall wealth and abundance.
SAGITTARIUS
With this Mercury retrograde happening in your sign, it’s hitting a little closer to home for you, Sagittarius. This is a good time to refine your goals and direction in life and how you want to show up right now. You deserve to be able to change your mind when you need to, and you are thinking about some of the things you have done and what you want to do moving forward.
Miscommunications are more likely while Mercury is in retrograde, but you can use this as a source of empowerment, knowing that you are living in your truth and allowing yourself room to grow in the process. Remember to be a little kinder to yourself during this transit and to give yourself the grace you need right now.
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CAPRICORN
This Mercury retrograde for you, Capricorn, is about rest and taking care of your emotional world. You are being given the opportunity to spend more time alone, to gather your strength, and to heal before you enter the new year. A lot has happened, and there have been many changes in your world this year. This Mercury retrograde is here to help you find acceptance and closure.
You are in a preparation stage right now, and things can feel a little more lonesome in this energy, but with a different perspective, you can see just how much of this space your heart truly needs right now. The past is coming up for you to see things in a new light, and you are ready to gain some renewed insight, closure, and healing.
AQUARIUS
This Mercury retrograde highlights your friendships, community, and your hopes and dreams, Aquarius. You are being reminded of the importance of connection, but more significantly, of good connections. You are looking at who and what surrounds you right now and gaining clarity on whether this energy matches who you are and the things that you stand for.
Your social circle and the people around you are shifting as the power dynamics do, and you are finding your place and purpose amidst this change. It’s about identifying who and what makes you feel good and aligning things in your life to bring in more of that energy. Don’t be discouraged right now; find your people and ask for support.
PISCES
Your career and ambitions are the focus during this Mercury retrograde, Pisces. You have a lot to address here, and you are gathering your skills and talents and reminding yourself that you are worthy of your dreams. Miscommunications and setbacks are more likely within your professional world, but they are here to ask you if what you are striving for, is really what you need right now.
You are thinking a lot about how you show up in the world, what you want to be known for, and what successes you still want to obtain. This isn’t the time to let anyone’s idea or vision of you define who you are; rather, define that for yourself. Show up as you want to be seen, and don’t count yourself out right now, Pisces.
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