I make it no secret that, back in 2015, I went on what I call my "Get Your Heart Pieces Back Tour". Men who I felt I had some unresolved issues with, I purposely sought them out so that I could finally make peace with them and, more importantly, myself. When I think about where I currently am as a person overall, it truly is one of the best things that I've ever done.
I thought about that lil' tour of mine when one of the latest episodes of The Skin Deep popped up in my YouTube feed recently. It featured exes Steven and Krystal. After three years of not seeing or speaking to one another, they met up, face to face, to ask each other questions like, "What do you remember about the last time we spoke face to face before reconnecting?", "Do you miss what we had?" and "Would you ever consider dating again? Why or why not?" I don't want to give away too much of the dialogue or outcome; if you want to see how it all panned out, Part One is here and Part Two is here. What I will say is there is a line that was shared that was extremely insightful—"Once you realize you were the toxic person, everything changes." Sometimes, "interviewing an ex" can reveal a lot—about them, you and the relationship overall.
Although I know that some people would never dream of hittin' up their ex just to pull out a deck of cards with semi-uncomfortable questions on them, what the episode did remind me is how important—and necessary—relational interviews can be. I mean, who said that they should only be for professional purposes? After all, an interview is defined as being "a formal meeting in which one or more persons question, consult, or evaluate another person".
So yeah, I definitely think that exit interviews for couples who break-up can be helpful (so that clarity, healing and hopefully peace can manifest). More importantly, I think that pre-commitment interviews should transpire; just so, if two individuals are seriously contemplating taking things to the next level, they can be certain that they are both on the same page.
And just what kind of questions should you ask—and be willing to be asked—in said interview? Let's start here.
“Do you want a serious relationship?”
Something that will spare you tons of potential heartache and wasted time is not assuming that just because you've been giving a guy a lot of your time, heart and, quite possibly your parts, that you're both on the same page about where your relationship is headed. While you're thinking that three months of steady dating is going to lead to something long-term, he might be thinking that you are simply a cool person to spend time with. So yeah, right off the rip, the first thing that should be discussed is if you both want to be in a serious relationship. If he says "yes", the next question is what needs to immediately follow.
“If so, what does ‘serious’ mean to you?”
Definitely one of the hardest things about being in, just about any kind of relationship, is coming to a happy medium when it comes to different perspectives on things. Things like what? Things like words. Take the word "serious", for example. While you might think that serious means exclusivity and working towards marriage, the guy you're seeing might be more on the tip of seeing you more than once a week and making your phone calls a priority.
The reason why I know this is because I know a guy right now who's been seeing a woman for almost five years. Although he's not having sex with anyone else (according to him, anyway), he has absolutely no intention on popping the question; not just any time soon but probably ever. Meanwhile, she's out here believing that since they talk on the phone every day and spend holidays together, she's got a proposal in her future. SMDH. When it comes to dating, many times "serious" is relative. Get clarity on where you both are coming from so that neither of you are disillusioned or end up being disappointed (if not straight-up pissed).
“How do you think it would benefit us both to go to another level?”
Remember how I said that one definition of an interview is to evaluate another person? To evaluate is "to judge or determine the significance, worth, or quality of; assess". That said, even though all of us have great worth, that doesn't mean that all of us are designed to be highly significant in the lives of the people we come across. If you're going to go up a notch in your relationship with someone, you need to determine if they show the qualities and traits of being able to be significant and purposeful for you. What I mean by that is, by going beyond where the two of you are now, how will that benefit you both mentally, emotionally and spiritually? If you're not sure, maybe you need to take out the time to get to know each other a little better. Because, if someone can't help you to be better than you are without them, on the intimate tip, why exactly do you need them to be any closer to you?
“What are your personal relationship deal-breakers?”
Anyone who has ever been in a session with me knows that one of the things that I always recommend is them "knowing what their line is" in a relationship. I'm not talking about when it comes to things like abuse; hopefully, it's a given that you won't stand for that. No, what I mean is what are the things that are up for negotiation, to a point? Maybe you're willing to date someone who is still trying to figure out where they stand when it comes to their religious beliefs. Maybe you're open to testing out a long-distance relationship for a certain period of time. Maybe dating a broke guy while he's completing his education or is getting his business off of the ground is something that you're open to. At the same time, maybe these are things that you're willing to deal with for a season but not forever.
There are a lot of people who end up feeling blindsided, one year into a relationship, because they assumed that their partner was gonna be down with certain things about them for the long haul while their partner thought that it would be a temporary type of situation. Again, deal-breakers are things that people try and find a middle ground on but, if they can't, the deal is off. For you—and him—what exactly would those types of things be?
“What are your personal relationship expectations?”
I've got a girlfriend who absolutely hates the word "should". I get why too. Should tends to come with a whole lot of assumption and presumption. He should know to make a big deal about Christmas. He should know that he should pay for every date. He should know that after six more months, I want to be proposed to. Oh yeah? Why should he think that? Because that's the way you tend to process things?
It's not fair to expect anyone to meet expectations that you haven't verbally expressed. So, while you're in the process of your pre-commitment interview, while you might not want to hit him all at once with the 50 things on your list, it is a good idea to at least express the first 10. While you're at it, ask him what his "10" are as well. Expectations aren't a bad thing. Unspoken and/or unreasonable ones are. You can't come to a decision of what fits that list in your relationship without discussing them, upfront, as much as possible.
“Do you feel like you’ve had enough time since your last relationship?”
I'm not exactly sure who came up with the whole "You need half the amount of time of your relationship to heal from it" rule. To me, I think that knowing whether or not you're truly over someone depends on how profound the connection was and how/why it ended. But what I do know is you don't want to be out here being the rebound.
Another guy that I know? Although he's in total denial about it, he's been in an emotional affair with his first love, ever since they broke up, close to 20 years ago. I call it that because even though he's single, she's married. Plus, whenever they communicate, they sneak around in order to do it. Them still communicating is not only unfair to her spouse, it is keeping my friend emotionally stagnant to the point where he is unable to fully give himself to another person.
Some people, they don't even know they are still hung up on their ex until they are confronted with the notion (see "6 Reasons Why You STILL Can't Over Your Ex"). Even deeper than that, some people don't realize that they are not able to have a fulfilling present-day relationship because they are still hung up on their past (the second episode of David Banner's new podcast touches on some of this). The best way to enlighten someone to this kind of revelation is to ask. The best way to know that you are ready to be in something new is to have them to ask you in return as well.
“What would you expect to change should we decide to officially get together?”
Even with as much as I study and observe relationships, I'm not exactly sure why giving things a title or "making things official" can automatically alter the dynamic of two people. Maybe it's because whenever someone hears "boyfriend and girlfriend", "fiancé and fiancée" or "husband and wife", there are already preconceived notions about what comes with those words.
Whatever the case may be, during your pre-commitment interview, it's really important to not assume that just because the two of you decide to become something more that you both are on the same page about the "day-to-day duties" that come along with that.
I know my fair share of couples who end up feeling super frustrated, a few weeks into their commitment, and it's all because one thought that things were going to go one way while the other had something completely different in mind. While we're on this point, here's a heads up to my sistas—oftentimes a guy thinks that the only thing that should be different is what you will refer to him as in the future. That's it. So yeah, if you all are going to go up a notch, make sure you discuss what you both think should come with that. It will spare tons of WTF moments, moving forward.
“Are you cool with us being in the same place a year from now?”
A journalist by the name of Sydney J. Harris once said, "The greatest enemy of progress is not stagnation, but false progress." Although I'm personally not a fan of stagnation either (have you ever left a cup of water standing for like a week? It starts to stink), I totally get where he is coming from. What my 45 years on this planet have taught me is, one of the worst things that you can do to someone is waste their time. When it comes to relationships, one of the ways that can happen is give someone the impression that committing on one level will eventually lead to another one.
Translation—if you are currently dating someone, you desire marriage someday, and you both decide to be boyfriend and girlfriend, please don't assume that it automatically means you'll be engaged next Christmas. If you want to know where the two of you are headed in the next 12 months (take or leave a few months), ask your partner what their relationship goals are.
Just as sure as I'm sitting here and typing this, I can promise you that the answer to this one question can almost instantaneously help you to determine if you should commit to this guy—or not. Because if you are all about progress and he's not, why even get committed in the first place? Amen and hallelujah! Good luck on y'all's interview, sis.
Did you know that xoNecole has a new podcast? Join founder Necole Kane, and co-hosts Sheriden Chanel for conversations over cocktails each and every week by subscribing to xoNecole Happy Hour podcast on Itunes and Spotify.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Three Dates In. Should The Two Of You Move Forward? Or Not?
Are You Wasting Your Time With "Expiration Dating"?
15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language
Here's Why You KEEP Not Getting What You Need In Your Relationships
Feature image by Shutterstock
- 6 Questions To Ask To Take The Relationship Next Level - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 21 Best Questions To Get To Know Someone - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Deep Questions To Ask Your Partner Strengthen Relationship - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Things To Take Seriously In Dating - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Ready To Start Dating Again, Questions To Ask Yourself - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, & Wellness ›
- Dating A Water Sign: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces In Love - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
RELATED
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Just think about it — if you purchase a carton of juice that says each serving is 120 calories per eight-ounce glass, and you have three or four of those bad boys over the course of one day, you’ve just downed 360-480 calories alone. So yeah, if anything needs to be consumed in moderation, fruit juice would be it (although, for the record, some of the juices that contain the least amount of sugar include cranberry, papaya, orange, pomegranate, and tart cherry juice, and, by far, 100 percent fruit concentrate is best because it’s commercial brand juice in its purest form).
However, let’s also keep in mind that 1) not all juices are created equal (for instance, using a juicer to make your own is going to be better for you, for sure; 2) fruit juice can help to hydrate, detoxify and energize you, and 3) there are nutrients in fruit juice that can do your body some real good…so long as you don’t overdo it. And today, we’re going to tackle 10 that are good for your vagina, especially so.
Are you ready to learn about which juices (and smoothies) will bless your va-jay-jay in a mighty way?
Unsplash
1. Apple Juice
When it comes to juices that also don’t contain a ton of sugar, it might surprise you that apple makes the list when you stop to think about how sweet it actually is. And whether it’s the high amount of fiber that apples contain, the pectin that’s in it that will help to keep your gut healthy, the fact that apples are easily made up of at least 80 percent water, or the fact that this is a fruit that has properties in it that help to reduce inflammation, apple juice can benefit your vagina on a few different levels. The more healthy bacteria that are in your gut, the greater your chances are of avoiding a yeast infection, and the more hydrated your system is, the more natural lubrication your vagina will have.
2. Avocado Smoothie
Whenever you decide to puree fresh fruits and/or veggies in a blender, what you typically end up with is a smoothie. Smoothies can be good for you because they can be a quick and easy way to pack a lot of nutrients in one serving. That said, another way to boost your vaginal health is to treat yourself to an avocado smoothie (and yes, avocados are a fruit).
One of the best things about avocados is the fact that they are basically a superfood thanks to the impressive amount of nutrients that are in them, including protein, fiber, vitamins B, C, E, K, folate, copper, magnesium, and potassium. Avocados are also another fruit that is good at maintaining gut health, and they’re packed with antioxidants, too.
Vitamin B is helpful if you’re looking for an all-natural way to combat vaginal dryness (so is vitamin E). Copper can help to reduce the appearance of premature gray pubic hairs. Magnesium is awesome because it helps to reduce symptoms that are associated with PMS, menopause, and even PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). Antioxidants are what help to keep (vaginal) infections at bay.
Unsplash
3. Cranberry Juice
A ton of water and fiber are in cranberries. Not only that, but they have some vitamin A, vitamin E, and copper in them as well. The reasons why (pure) cranberry juice is top-notch in the vaginal health department is because it contains chemical compounds known as polyphenols that help to fight off UTIs (urinary tract infections), they can keep your blood vessels healthy (which helps to improve and intensify orgasms), and the vitamin C that’s also in it can help your body to produce more collagen which can keep your vagina youthful for a longer period of time (check out “Keep Your Vagina Like A (Literal) Fountain Of Youth”).
4. Mango Juice
If, like me, you enjoy a good mango sans all of the stringiness — a great alternative is mango juice. Every time you enjoy a glass, you can feel good about the fact that you are getting quite a bit of fiber, vitamin C, copper, folate, vitamin A, and vitamin E into your system. Vitamin A is cool because it will help to boost your immunity (which means fewer vaginal infections), and the folate can help to reduce your chances of being diagnosed with HPV (human papillomavirus).
Something else to keep in mind about mangoes is they can help to keep your skin and hair healthy — which is also relevant when it comes to maintaining vaginal health (check out “Vaginas Age Just Like Everything Else. You Can Slow It Down, Though.”).
Getty Images
5. Pineapple Juice
If the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of pineapples and what they can do for your vagina is they make it taste better, I actually touch on that in the article, “10 Ways To Have An 'Extra Sweet' Vagina.” The reality is nothing can make your vagina taste like a fruit smoothie (because it wasn’t designed to); however, there are certain foods that can cause your secretions to be more…pleasant to the palate than others — and yes, pineapples are one of them.
Some other reasons why your vagina will appreciate you consuming pineapple juice is because an enzyme in it known as bromelain helps to promote tissue healing (including vaginal tissue that may be irritated). Plus, there are nutrients in pineapple that also reduce inflammation, and the off-the-charts amount of vitamin C that is in it will reduce your chances of experiencing recurring BV (bacterial vaginosis) while also helping to keep your pH levels and vaginal odor in check.
6. Lemonade
At the end of the day, lemonade is simply a mixture of lemons, water, and whatever sweetener you choose to use — and that’s why it also makes this list. You already know that the water in lemonade will help to keep your vagina nice and hydrated, so let’s focus on the lemons for a moment.
Without question, lemons are packed with vitamin C, which helps to synthesize sexual hormones like testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone. Something else that’s dope about lemons is they can help your body absorb iron better.
Vaginally, this is relevant because there is a direct link between iron deficiency and bacterial vaginosis.
Getty Images
7. Banana Smoothie
Let’s tackle another smoothie. Fiber, potassium, vitamin C, and antioxidants are all found in bananas, and all of these nutrients work together in order to improve your blood sugar levels, keep your digestive system in good shape, and give you energy. Potassium is great for your vagina because it helps to keep your vaginal muscles (i.e., your pelvic floor) from weakening, and the energy boost can definitely help your libido if your mind is in the mood more than your body may be after being completely worn out from the demands of the day.
8. Peach Juice
As far as taste goes, peaches are one of my all-time favorite fruits, so it’s really just a bonus that they are really good for my (and your) health and well-being. Aside from being a pretty good source of vitamins A and C, peaches also help to reduce allergy-related symptoms (which, yes, can sometimes lead to vaginal inflammation), can help to boost your immune system (so that you experience less vaginal infections), and they can keep your blood sugar at reasonable levels so that you end up with fewer yeast infections.
Unsplash
9. Grapefruit Juice
Now, before I get into this one, I do think that I should give you a heads-up that if you are taking a form of birth control that has estrogen in it, ask your doctor if you should drink grapefruit juice. The reason why I say that is science has proven that sometimes grapefruit juice can impact the levels of estrogen in the body (the more you know). Beyond that, though, grapefruit juice can be good for your vagina because it boosts immunity, is great for your skin’s health and well-being, can help to reduce inflammation, and will also deeply hydrate your system.
10. Berry Smoothie
Berry smoothies are delicious, and so it’s simply the icing on the cake that your vagina will benefit from them. Aside from the vitamin C and fiber that is also in them, it’s important to take note of the plant compounds that raspberries, blueberries, and raspberries have because many of them mimic estrogen, which can be helpful if you’re someone who is in the latter stage of perimenopause and you’re looking for an all-natural form of relief. Another dope thing about berries is the antioxidants in them can help to decrease oxidative stress, which ultimately reduces your chances of having a vaginal infection.
____
I don’t know about you, but I’m always interested in finding out things that will help to keep my vagina in optimal condition. So, if juice is one of your favorite life pleasures, again, so long as you don’t drink an entire carton (or bottle) in one sitting, know that your vagina will enjoy a glass of these 10 options just as much as you will. And isn’t that a delicious thing to know? Absolutely.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Tempura/Getty Images