
The 'Pre-Commitment Interview' Every Dating Couple Should Have

I make it no secret that, back in 2015, I went on what I call my "Get Your Heart Pieces Back Tour". Men who I felt I had some unresolved issues with, I purposely sought them out so that I could finally make peace with them and, more importantly, myself. When I think about where I currently am as a person overall, it truly is one of the best things that I've ever done.
I thought about that lil' tour of mine when one of the latest episodes of The Skin Deep popped up in my YouTube feed recently. It featured exes Steven and Krystal. After three years of not seeing or speaking to one another, they met up, face to face, to ask each other questions like, "What do you remember about the last time we spoke face to face before reconnecting?", "Do you miss what we had?" and "Would you ever consider dating again? Why or why not?" I don't want to give away too much of the dialogue or outcome; if you want to see how it all panned out, Part One is here and Part Two is here. What I will say is there is a line that was shared that was extremely insightful—"Once you realize you were the toxic person, everything changes." Sometimes, "interviewing an ex" can reveal a lot—about them, you and the relationship overall.
Although I know that some people would never dream of hittin' up their ex just to pull out a deck of cards with semi-uncomfortable questions on them, what the episode did remind me is how important—and necessary—relational interviews can be. I mean, who said that they should only be for professional purposes? After all, an interview is defined as being "a formal meeting in which one or more persons question, consult, or evaluate another person".
So yeah, I definitely think that exit interviews for couples who break-up can be helpful (so that clarity, healing and hopefully peace can manifest). More importantly, I think that pre-commitment interviews should transpire; just so, if two individuals are seriously contemplating taking things to the next level, they can be certain that they are both on the same page.
And just what kind of questions should you ask—and be willing to be asked—in said interview? Let's start here.
“Do you want a serious relationship?”

Something that will spare you tons of potential heartache and wasted time is not assuming that just because you've been giving a guy a lot of your time, heart and, quite possibly your parts, that you're both on the same page about where your relationship is headed. While you're thinking that three months of steady dating is going to lead to something long-term, he might be thinking that you are simply a cool person to spend time with. So yeah, right off the rip, the first thing that should be discussed is if you both want to be in a serious relationship. If he says "yes", the next question is what needs to immediately follow.
“If so, what does ‘serious’ mean to you?”

Definitely one of the hardest things about being in, just about any kind of relationship, is coming to a happy medium when it comes to different perspectives on things. Things like what? Things like words. Take the word "serious", for example. While you might think that serious means exclusivity and working towards marriage, the guy you're seeing might be more on the tip of seeing you more than once a week and making your phone calls a priority.
The reason why I know this is because I know a guy right now who's been seeing a woman for almost five years. Although he's not having sex with anyone else (according to him, anyway), he has absolutely no intention on popping the question; not just any time soon but probably ever. Meanwhile, she's out here believing that since they talk on the phone every day and spend holidays together, she's got a proposal in her future. SMDH. When it comes to dating, many times "serious" is relative. Get clarity on where you both are coming from so that neither of you are disillusioned or end up being disappointed (if not straight-up pissed).
“How do you think it would benefit us both to go to another level?”

Remember how I said that one definition of an interview is to evaluate another person? To evaluate is "to judge or determine the significance, worth, or quality of; assess". That said, even though all of us have great worth, that doesn't mean that all of us are designed to be highly significant in the lives of the people we come across. If you're going to go up a notch in your relationship with someone, you need to determine if they show the qualities and traits of being able to be significant and purposeful for you. What I mean by that is, by going beyond where the two of you are now, how will that benefit you both mentally, emotionally and spiritually? If you're not sure, maybe you need to take out the time to get to know each other a little better. Because, if someone can't help you to be better than you are without them, on the intimate tip, why exactly do you need them to be any closer to you?
“What are your personal relationship deal-breakers?”
Anyone who has ever been in a session with me knows that one of the things that I always recommend is them "knowing what their line is" in a relationship. I'm not talking about when it comes to things like abuse; hopefully, it's a given that you won't stand for that. No, what I mean is what are the things that are up for negotiation, to a point? Maybe you're willing to date someone who is still trying to figure out where they stand when it comes to their religious beliefs. Maybe you're open to testing out a long-distance relationship for a certain period of time. Maybe dating a broke guy while he's completing his education or is getting his business off of the ground is something that you're open to. At the same time, maybe these are things that you're willing to deal with for a season but not forever.
There are a lot of people who end up feeling blindsided, one year into a relationship, because they assumed that their partner was gonna be down with certain things about them for the long haul while their partner thought that it would be a temporary type of situation. Again, deal-breakers are things that people try and find a middle ground on but, if they can't, the deal is off. For you—and him—what exactly would those types of things be?
“What are your personal relationship expectations?”
I've got a girlfriend who absolutely hates the word "should". I get why too. Should tends to come with a whole lot of assumption and presumption. He should know to make a big deal about Christmas. He should know that he should pay for every date. He should know that after six more months, I want to be proposed to. Oh yeah? Why should he think that? Because that's the way you tend to process things?
It's not fair to expect anyone to meet expectations that you haven't verbally expressed. So, while you're in the process of your pre-commitment interview, while you might not want to hit him all at once with the 50 things on your list, it is a good idea to at least express the first 10. While you're at it, ask him what his "10" are as well. Expectations aren't a bad thing. Unspoken and/or unreasonable ones are. You can't come to a decision of what fits that list in your relationship without discussing them, upfront, as much as possible.
“Do you feel like you’ve had enough time since your last relationship?”
I'm not exactly sure who came up with the whole "You need half the amount of time of your relationship to heal from it" rule. To me, I think that knowing whether or not you're truly over someone depends on how profound the connection was and how/why it ended. But what I do know is you don't want to be out here being the rebound.
Another guy that I know? Although he's in total denial about it, he's been in an emotional affair with his first love, ever since they broke up, close to 20 years ago. I call it that because even though he's single, she's married. Plus, whenever they communicate, they sneak around in order to do it. Them still communicating is not only unfair to her spouse, it is keeping my friend emotionally stagnant to the point where he is unable to fully give himself to another person.
Some people, they don't even know they are still hung up on their ex until they are confronted with the notion (see "6 Reasons Why You STILL Can't Over Your Ex"). Even deeper than that, some people don't realize that they are not able to have a fulfilling present-day relationship because they are still hung up on their past (the second episode of David Banner's new podcast touches on some of this). The best way to enlighten someone to this kind of revelation is to ask. The best way to know that you are ready to be in something new is to have them to ask you in return as well.
“What would you expect to change should we decide to officially get together?”
Even with as much as I study and observe relationships, I'm not exactly sure why giving things a title or "making things official" can automatically alter the dynamic of two people. Maybe it's because whenever someone hears "boyfriend and girlfriend", "fiancé and fiancée" or "husband and wife", there are already preconceived notions about what comes with those words.
Whatever the case may be, during your pre-commitment interview, it's really important to not assume that just because the two of you decide to become something more that you both are on the same page about the "day-to-day duties" that come along with that.
I know my fair share of couples who end up feeling super frustrated, a few weeks into their commitment, and it's all because one thought that things were going to go one way while the other had something completely different in mind. While we're on this point, here's a heads up to my sistas—oftentimes a guy thinks that the only thing that should be different is what you will refer to him as in the future. That's it. So yeah, if you all are going to go up a notch, make sure you discuss what you both think should come with that. It will spare tons of WTF moments, moving forward.
“Are you cool with us being in the same place a year from now?”
A journalist by the name of Sydney J. Harris once said, "The greatest enemy of progress is not stagnation, but false progress." Although I'm personally not a fan of stagnation either (have you ever left a cup of water standing for like a week? It starts to stink), I totally get where he is coming from. What my 45 years on this planet have taught me is, one of the worst things that you can do to someone is waste their time. When it comes to relationships, one of the ways that can happen is give someone the impression that committing on one level will eventually lead to another one.
Translation—if you are currently dating someone, you desire marriage someday, and you both decide to be boyfriend and girlfriend, please don't assume that it automatically means you'll be engaged next Christmas. If you want to know where the two of you are headed in the next 12 months (take or leave a few months), ask your partner what their relationship goals are.
Just as sure as I'm sitting here and typing this, I can promise you that the answer to this one question can almost instantaneously help you to determine if you should commit to this guy—or not. Because if you are all about progress and he's not, why even get committed in the first place? Amen and hallelujah! Good luck on y'all's interview, sis.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Your April 2025 Horoscopes Are All About Softening Into Love & Speaking Your Truth
April is a month to slow down and to fully grasp what has been. The month starts in fiery Aries Season, but we are also in the thick of Retrograde Season as we begin the month as well. Thankfully, Mercury finally goes direct on April 7, after being retrograde mid-March, and communication matters are clearing up. This is a month of mental clarity, a fresh start, and not being afraid to dream a little bigger.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, and this Full Moon brings relationship and financial matters full circle. This is the time to let go of what doesn’t make you feel balanced or in harmony and to create space for more peace to enter your life. Venus goes direct in Pisces on the same day, after being retrograde since March 1, and love is healing. With Venus now direct, there are more opportunities for commitment and longevity in love, and there is overall a greater feeling of romance, receptivity, and compassion in the air now.
Mercury enters Aries from April 16 until May 10, and what you were trying to see through or understand better while Mercury was retrograde here last month, you are experiencing a breakthrough now. Mercury in Aries is insightful and courageous, and people are more likely to speak their minds and initiate conversation with this energy. Mars then enters Leo from April 18 until June 17, reminding us that sometimes it’s okay to be a little more selfish and to focus on what you need right now. Mars in Leo brings forth confidence, creativity, and passion, and brings an exciting energy to charge of your life and advocate for yourself.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
ARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
Mid-month, Mars moves into your 12th house of closure and endings, and there is a journey of healing that you experience until June 17. You are motivated to understand yourself better and are looking at the past more right now in order to do so. This is a month of recovering and healing from what has been, for new foundations to be built upon. The New Moon on April 27 is a beautiful way to end the month, as you are getting glimpses of a new, abundant, adventure that is ahead of you.
LIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
SCORPIO
April is a month of success, progress, and dreams coming to fruition, Scorpio. You are focused on your health, your priorities, and creating space for the new beginnings that you are creating in your life right now. The Full Moon mid-month is a big closure moment for you, and you are owning the fact that you have healed and you are no longer the same person you were in the past. This is a month of stepping into your power and feeling supported in doing so.
Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus, which will be highlighting your health and what your body needs more of right now. This is a New Moon to set your intentions for your everyday life and to create a new, beneficial routine that will make things easier for you at the end of the day. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 9th house of adventure, and you are leaving the month with your sights set high. Travel plans are likely, and this is a good time to create some new plans for yourself.
CAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
Mars enters your 8th house of transformation mid-month and will be fueling your need for some change, excitement, and emotional rejuvenation over the next month and a half. You are entering an impactful moment of the year for you, and you are motivated toward change right now. The New Moon at the end of the month is in a fellow earth sign, highlighting the romantic new beginnings you are entering now. Overall, this month is a process, and you are opening new doors while finding gratitude in what is here for you now.
AQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
Mars enters your house of love and partnership on April 18, and you enter a passionate and steamy time. Romance is in the air for you as you move through the month, and you are spending more of your time with those who you want to move forward with. Venus also moves into a relationship area of your chart before April ends, and you are surrounded by love and community. Overall, this month is showing you that you are not alone and you don’t have to go through the heavy stuff alone either.
PISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
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