My name is Sheriden and I am currently 2.3 years into the healthiest relationship of my life. I worked for this love and I manifested this love and every day that passes, I am eternally grateful that we choose each other. Nothing is perfect, not even a healthy relationship, but I must say that I don’t expect perfection. I just expect effort, understanding, compassion, and stability. What I love about our story is that there are so many things that could have kept us away from each other: being long-distance, being from two different countries, and being in the middle of a pandemic, but we constantly found ways to make our love work because there was an ease (despite our circumstances) and a willingness that neither of us had ever experienced.
What drew me to my boyfriend more than the romance was how loving he was. Even though he worried about operating from a place of coldness, his vulnerability, his affirming nature, supportive ways, and warmth with his words and his actions showed me and continue to show me the opposite of that. He is like no one I've ever experienced. He reminded me of the way I treated myself and therefore I felt love in a way that I had always seen it molded for me, but not necessarily shown to me. And for that, I will always look to him with fondness.
When attracting my relationship, I leaned on a list of non-negotiables I created after reading Shan Boody’s The Game of Desire: 5 Surprising Secrets to Dating with Dominance--and Getting What You Want. What I loved about that list was it held me accountable for the qualities I was looking for in a romantic relationship, my ideal partner, and therefore my ideal partnership. This internal dialogue got me thinking about the qualities of a partner that is ideal in healthy, loving relationships but more specifically to the people taking part in the relationship. Your partner has to be the ideal partner for you, and although there might be qualities seen as universal, there are some that might rank higher in significance than others.
So, whether you are single and not ready to mingle, actively dating, or in a relationship, below are some essential qualities to look for in a partner. Feel free to add or subtract based on your own individual needs.
1. Empathy
Someone who has empathy displays two things: that they are available to their partner emotionally and that they care about the other person's feelings as they do their own. What’s important to note here is that being empathetic isn’t the same thing as agreeing with everything that is said or expressed by a partner in a relationship. Instead, empathy looks like understanding and understanding is important in relationship-building, making the partner feel seen and heard, as well as increasing a sense of connection and cooperation. According to psychotherapist Cindy Sigal, AMFT, “Empathy bridges the divide between being separate individuals with different backgrounds, feelings, and perspectives.”
2. Self-awareness
Self-awareness informs the ability to self-reflect. Through self-awareness, a person can resist the urge to blame, self-victimize, or retreat and instead own who they are, their behaviors, their values, and their responses. By doing this, a person who is self-aware can be honest with themselves and address and/or correct potentially problematic characteristics about themselves. It’s not that someone who is self-aware avoids certain arguments or disagreements, but they are able to better navigate them by not putting the responsibility of their triggers or responses onto their partner.
Getty Images
3. Sense of Humor
A sense of humor is essential for a good life, so there’s no wonder why it can also have such a positive effect on one’s romantic life. A crucial part of developing a bond is the ability to relate to one another and sharing a good sense of humor is an easy way to do that. Humor enhances connection and intimacy between two people. Humor can also come in handy when managing conflict effectively. Let's be real, it's hard to stay mad at someone when that inside joke they always share to relieve tension enters the conversation. Humor is a sign of playfulness and playfulness is a sign of enjoyment which ultimately leads to a more satisfying, fulfilling relationship.
4. Respect
Respect is considered to be the foundation of a healthy, successful relationship, and rightfully so. If there was ever any wonder of what respect is in relationships, respect is the acknowledgment and the acceptance of a person as a whole individual outside of the relationship. They have their own feelings, they have their own ideas and perspectives, they have their own experiences, and respect for them is saying that that is okay. When there's respect, two people can openly talk to each other about any and everything, lead with honesty, give space when needed, respect boundaries, listen to each other actively, and ultimately value the other person’s needs.
5. Openness
Openness was briefly touched on in the previous quality mentioned in this article, but it deserves a section of its own. The ability to be open goes hand in hand with effective communication. Openness is a standard of communication that creates a feeling of safety, security, validation, and depth. Instead of walking on eggshells or a feeling of keeping the peace, a partner who is open can be honest about their needs, feelings, fears, insecurities, etc. without fear of repercussion or the relationship ending. This avoids creating resentment in relationships which can often be damaging to a relationship if left unchecked.
Getty Images
6. Patience
As the bible says, "Love is patient." And there is a lot of truth to that. Trust is important and so is respect, but something a little understated to the longevity of a relationship is one's ability to be patient. According to marriage.com, patience is the opposite of aggression which means that space is created to allow for a healthy communicative approach that encourages the other person to remain open rather than shut down. It also is a quality that demonstrates one's ability to show that they value their partner beyond whatever conflict or flaws arise. It shows an uncanny ability to weather the storm without punishing the other person for what they might internalize as something being "wrong" with them.
7. Affection
Affection is another essential in a healthy relationship. Affection adds a layer of intimacy that isn't always as present in non-romantic relationships. As such, it is important that the person in a relationship understands that there is a degree of warmth and kindness that should be expressed in an outward way. Some forms of affection (like handholding or various forms of PDA) might be more important to some people than others, but warmth and closeness should be something expressed in a partnership, whether it's verbal, emotional, or physical acts of affection. Being open to giving and open to receiving affection in a romantic relationship adds pleasure and further connection in relationships.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Getty Images
- What We Tend To Get Wrong About Finding Mr. Right - xoNecole ... ›
- The Pros & Cons Of Creating A 'What I Want In A Man' Checklist ›
- Why Having A 'Frozen Five' Is The Ultimate Dating Game-Changer ›
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Everything Jodie Turner-Smith Has Said About Life & Love After Divorce
Jodie Turner-Smith is very much everything. And we don’t say that lightly.
Her beauty, resilience, and talent are otherworldly. From her iconic role in Queen & Slim to her red carpet slays, she’s our queen. Being a celebrity is not for the faint of heart. Even if you try to keep your personal life on the down-low, the spotlight can be blinding. And even more so when it comes to love.
In 2018, Dawson Creek alum Joshua Jackson entered Jodie’s life. Rumors circulated that they first crossed paths at Usher's 40th birthday celebration, and subsequent sightings of them together at various events fueled speculation. Their relationship took a public turn in November 2018 when they attended the U.S. premiere of Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri as a couple. As time progressed, their bond became increasingly apparent through their appearances at award shows and other social gatherings.
In August 2019, the couple sparked wedding speculation when they were spotted acquiring a marriage license in Beverly Hills. Later, reports confirmed that they had tied the knot on August 18, 2019.
In 2020, they welcomed their daughter Juno into the world. In March 2023, Turner-Smith candidly shared with PEOPLE that she believes fulfillment comes from becoming the best version of herself for her child's sake. She wrote, "And I try to involve her in my life, not let work be this thing that exists outside of her, but that she also gets to be a part of. And so that she sees me being a working mother and being fulfilled and wanting to mother at the same time."
The world was astounded when Turner-Smith unexpectedly filed for divorce in September of last year, citing irreconcilable differences. Three months later, photographs surfaced showing Jackson holding hands with actress Lupita Nyong'o, raising questions about the timeline of events and the reasons behind the sudden split.
When speaking withGlamour, Jodie said, “Sometimes things we really want to work just don’t end up working and that’s okay. The most important thing is that you choose what’s healthiest for you and your family and definitely your children. There are so many different moments in our life where we look at ourselves and say, ‘Who am I and am I being true to that?”
Jodie is focusing on a new chapter in her life. Ahead, find everything Jodie has said about life and love after divorce.
Jodie on Moving Forward
Excited for the future, Turner-Smith and Jackson prioritize setting a positive example for their daughter, acknowledging when situations aren't functioning as intended.
During an interview with The Times, she shared, “The big takeaway is that this is about just as much love and joy as it has always been. This is only about taking a step forward into a better life for everybody involved.”
Jodie on Co-Parenting
Turner-Smith has said that she and Jackson are going through an "adjustment period" in terms of co-parenting, but that she's trying to get to the level of friendly exes. While the uncoupled pair is still working to smooth things out, she told Glamour, “It’s an adjustment period for anyone when they split up with someone, because you’re used to being with your child all the time.”
Jodie went on to say, “But nobody hands you a manual. Everyone’s trying to figure it out. Each parent has a different life, and especially if the reason why you’re splitting up is because you have different lives, it’s only further complicated by how you’re going to co-parent.”
Jodie on Focusing on Herself
Shortly after the announcement of her divorce, the actress took to Instagram sharing a quote, "Everything heals and grows when it is loved well. People, too."
Turner-Smith previously used quotes to convey her emotions during her divorce journey. Earlier in the month, the actress took to Instagram to share her perspective on love languages. "People don't always say, 'I love you.' Sometimes it sounds like: Be safe. Did you eat? Call me when you get home. I made you this."
Jodie on Battling the Innanets
The mommy mogul doesn’t bother responding to every single thing people say or think because it's a waste of time. Jodie told The Times, “At the end of the day I am not the only person in the world going through a divorce. There are millions of people in the world who are going through what I’m going through and that’s something that’s amazing about the internet, that sometimes it can offer you community.” And like Bishop GloRilla said, “At the end of the day, the day gotta end.”
Jodie on Dating
Like many of us, Jodie is over men. While she confessed to Glamour that she’s crushing on actor Steve Sanghyun Noh, the lead’s gorgeous husband in the Apple TV+ series Pachinko, she’s not currently dating. “Honestly, I think I love him,” she says, before quickly correcting herself, “I’m actually not dating, I’m over men.” In the meantime, she is searching for a cardboard cutout of Steve.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for Victoria's Secret