My name is Sheriden and I am currently 2.3 years into the healthiest relationship of my life. I worked for this love and I manifested this love and every day that passes, I am eternally grateful that we choose each other. Nothing is perfect, not even a healthy relationship, but I must say that I don’t expect perfection. I just expect effort, understanding, compassion, and stability. What I love about our story is that there are so many things that could have kept us away from each other: being long-distance, being from two different countries, and being in the middle of a pandemic, but we constantly found ways to make our love work because there was an ease (despite our circumstances) and a willingness that neither of us had ever experienced.
What drew me to my boyfriend more than the romance was how loving he was. Even though he worried about operating from a place of coldness, his vulnerability, his affirming nature, supportive ways, and warmth with his words and his actions showed me and continue to show me the opposite of that. He is like no one I've ever experienced. He reminded me of the way I treated myself and therefore I felt love in a way that I had always seen it molded for me, but not necessarily shown to me. And for that, I will always look to him with fondness.
When attracting my relationship, I leaned on a list of non-negotiables I created after reading Shan Boody’s The Game of Desire: 5 Surprising Secrets to Dating with Dominance--and Getting What You Want. What I loved about that list was it held me accountable for the qualities I was looking for in a romantic relationship, my ideal partner, and therefore my ideal partnership. This internal dialogue got me thinking about the qualities of a partner that is ideal in healthy, loving relationships but more specifically to the people taking part in the relationship. Your partner has to be the ideal partner for you, and although there might be qualities seen as universal, there are some that might rank higher in significance than others.
So, whether you are single and not ready to mingle, actively dating, or in a relationship, below are some essential qualities to look for in a partner. Feel free to add or subtract based on your own individual needs.
1. Empathy
Someone who has empathy displays two things: that they are available to their partner emotionally and that they care about the other person's feelings as they do their own. What’s important to note here is that being empathetic isn’t the same thing as agreeing with everything that is said or expressed by a partner in a relationship. Instead, empathy looks like understanding and understanding is important in relationship-building, making the partner feel seen and heard, as well as increasing a sense of connection and cooperation. According to psychotherapist Cindy Sigal, AMFT, “Empathy bridges the divide between being separate individuals with different backgrounds, feelings, and perspectives.”
2. Self-awareness
Self-awareness informs the ability to self-reflect. Through self-awareness, a person can resist the urge to blame, self-victimize, or retreat and instead own who they are, their behaviors, their values, and their responses. By doing this, a person who is self-aware can be honest with themselves and address and/or correct potentially problematic characteristics about themselves. It’s not that someone who is self-aware avoids certain arguments or disagreements, but they are able to better navigate them by not putting the responsibility of their triggers or responses onto their partner.
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3. Sense of Humor
A sense of humor is essential for a good life, so there’s no wonder why it can also have such a positive effect on one’s romantic life. A crucial part of developing a bond is the ability to relate to one another and sharing a good sense of humor is an easy way to do that. Humor enhances connection and intimacy between two people. Humor can also come in handy when managing conflict effectively. Let's be real, it's hard to stay mad at someone when that inside joke they always share to relieve tension enters the conversation. Humor is a sign of playfulness and playfulness is a sign of enjoyment which ultimately leads to a more satisfying, fulfilling relationship.
4. Respect
Respect is considered to be the foundation of a healthy, successful relationship, and rightfully so. If there was ever any wonder of what respect is in relationships, respect is the acknowledgment and the acceptance of a person as a whole individual outside of the relationship. They have their own feelings, they have their own ideas and perspectives, they have their own experiences, and respect for them is saying that that is okay. When there's respect, two people can openly talk to each other about any and everything, lead with honesty, give space when needed, respect boundaries, listen to each other actively, and ultimately value the other person’s needs.
5. Openness
Openness was briefly touched on in the previous quality mentioned in this article, but it deserves a section of its own. The ability to be open goes hand in hand with effective communication. Openness is a standard of communication that creates a feeling of safety, security, validation, and depth. Instead of walking on eggshells or a feeling of keeping the peace, a partner who is open can be honest about their needs, feelings, fears, insecurities, etc. without fear of repercussion or the relationship ending. This avoids creating resentment in relationships which can often be damaging to a relationship if left unchecked.
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6. Patience
As the bible says, "Love is patient." And there is a lot of truth to that. Trust is important and so is respect, but something a little understated to the longevity of a relationship is one's ability to be patient. According to marriage.com, patience is the opposite of aggression which means that space is created to allow for a healthy communicative approach that encourages the other person to remain open rather than shut down. It also is a quality that demonstrates one's ability to show that they value their partner beyond whatever conflict or flaws arise. It shows an uncanny ability to weather the storm without punishing the other person for what they might internalize as something being "wrong" with them.
7. Affection
Affection is another essential in a healthy relationship. Affection adds a layer of intimacy that isn't always as present in non-romantic relationships. As such, it is important that the person in a relationship understands that there is a degree of warmth and kindness that should be expressed in an outward way. Some forms of affection (like handholding or various forms of PDA) might be more important to some people than others, but warmth and closeness should be something expressed in a partnership, whether it's verbal, emotional, or physical acts of affection. Being open to giving and open to receiving affection in a romantic relationship adds pleasure and further connection in relationships.
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The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
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When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
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When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
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Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
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Some folks are saying that October is now “uncuffing season” as partners won’t have to deal with the weight and expectations that come with this time of year. From matching Halloween costumes to voting to Thanksgiving and Christmas, it seems the new cuffing season has moved to January.
In August 2021, Zoë and Channing were first rumored to be romantically involved after being photographed riding together through the streets of New York City on a BMX bike. The following month, they were seen leaving the Met Gala together, and Tatum confirmed their relationship on Halloween by posting a picture of them wearing a couples costume from Martin Scorsese's iconic 1976 film Taxi Driver on Instagram.
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After collaborating on Zoë's directorial debut, Blink Twice, where Channing played a starring role, their relationship blossomed into a full-out romance. Approximately a year later, the Step Up star popped the question.
Because the streets are always watching, PEOPLE reported that Channing joined Zoë in seeing a production of a play by Blink Twice costar Levon Hawke in New York City's Red Hook neighborhood on Oct. 6. Most recently, Kravitz has been seen in public without her engagement ring, notably during an outing with her Big Little Lies co-star Shailene Woodley.
So the news of the split kinda comes as a surprise as we were just oozing over the couple’s undeniable chemistry during their Blink Twice press run in August. Channing and Zoë openly discussed their relationship and collaborated on multiple videos that went viral.
Even proud papa Lenny Kravitz gave his approval. During an interview with BBC’s Radio 2, he said, "He was raised well. So, you know, he’s got manners. He’s charming. He’s a soulful human being. And so, he’s become part of the family quite quickly. He fits and they're in love. We’re going to have a wedding next year."
As we mourn this breakup, let’s run back some memorable moments from the possibly uncoupled pair.
"Art is our love language."
When asked about future collaborations with her boo during the premiere of Blink Twice on Aug. 23, Zoë shared, "I think it's what we love, and we love talking about it, and experiencing it, and supporting each other.” Channing chimed in saying, “This is what I'll say about creating with someone that you are with or love: I suggest it. If you are thinking about having a kid or if you're thinking about getting married, go find the hardest possible creative project with your partner.”
“I got you forever.”
Channing took to Instagram to share an adoring photo of him holding Zoë. He captioned the photo, “This little sweet. She So tired bro. Every time I wondered if she’d break…. She just kept going and going and going. Always on the dig for truth. She pour’d every single ounce of her into this film. I’m so proud to stand ten toes down for her, this film and everyone in it. forever. Knowing what it took to make it. No one will ever know.”
The last line took us out: “Thank you for finding me and seeing me. I got you forever. Me and you back to back against it all. I’ll never blink. Let’s go. #blinktwice”
GOAT Talk
On Complex’s GOAT Talk, a show where stars are prompted to reveal their favorites of all time, Channing and Zoë disclosed their go-to song for singing in the shower, their beloved ad-lib line from Blink Twice, and their stance on conspiracy theories and their favorite rapper. The moment Channing challenged Zoë’s answer that Catwoman is the best superhero of all time was just too cute.
“The Lie Detector determined…”
The cast of Blink Twice underwent Vanity Fair's well-known lie detector test, facing a barrage of probing questions. Among the inquiries were: Did Channing Tatum and Naomi Watts ever irritate Zoë Kravitz during the filming of Blink Twice? Did Naomi ever pilfer anything from the set? Did Channing's portrayal of Gambit in Deadpool & Wolverine surpass his personal expectations?
Best of all were the moments you saw Zoë and Channing look at each other adoringly and when they would finish each other sentences. “We are equally cool,” Zoë beamed.
Puppy Love
The pair hung out with BuzzFeed and a slew of adorable puppies while chatting about their favorite improvised moment on set, who has the best rizz — which is apparently Channing according to Zoë — and their first impressions of each other. Not only did they binge-watch Love Island together but they also boasted they would win Love Is Blind if they were on the show.
The Pressure
Zoë Kravitz recently sat down with Esquirefor an interview and got real about her thoughts on becoming a parent. She shared that she's always kinda thought motherhood might not be her thing. “For a long time, I felt like there was something wrong with me. I was waiting for this light to go off in my head, and it never did. When you’re younger, you’re like, ‘Well, I can’t have kids. I’m too young! It’d be crazy.’”
Her viewpoint on childbirth and parenthood has evolved as she has matured and witnessed the societal pressure placed on women to reproduce. While she recognizes the immense strength and courage required to carry and raise a child, Kravitz believes that women should not be made to feel obligated to do so.
Zoë continued, “For a lot of people that have children, it is this giant, life-changing event – and I do think there is a certain amount of focus and respect that they should get from their community. There’s a lot of pressure on women to have children, and there’s a feeling that if you don’t, you don’t have purpose here.” The director feels a special connection to her new movie akin to giving birth.
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