It's 8:00 p.m.. You have a major team deliverable tomorrow, and despite 52 offers from your coworkers, you turn them all down and are convinced that you are the only one who can complete the task to your satisfaction.
After cleaning every room in your house, meal prepping for the week, and randomly picking lint out of your sweater, you decide to stay up until 3:00 a.m. creating the presentation, storyline, and handouts… and it looks amazing. After the presentation, everyone calls you a genius and wonders how you do it, but all you can think about is the sleep you're about to get that night.
On the brink of exhaustion, you swear that you're never going to procrastinate again, but you and I both know you will because you're a procrastinating perfectionist.
People don't understand us, but we're blessed with a skill set that can transform into a curse if left unchecked. Rather than get started, we wait and plan and perfect in order to avoid getting started. Even if the end product is ah-mazing, continued procrastination will prevent us from reaching our full potential. Why settle for a B when you can get an A?
Here are 5 phrases you've probably said if you're a procrastinating perfectionist and tips to get back on track.
"It will get done."
If anything, this is the procrastinating perfectionist's go-to catch phrase. The thought of impending deadlines hang over our heads like a dark cloud, and yet here we are, deciding to watch a whole season of House of Cards knowing that we could finish a designated task 3 days in advance if we were on top of our scheduling. Stop it!
Tip: Follow the "one touch rule": As soon as something is assigned to you or designated for a certain day/time, only "touch" it once. Don't start and then stop. Don't push back the deadline. Just force yourself to sit there and complete the task until it's complete and then cross it off the list.
"It's all in my head."
This phrase lets us act like we have actually began working on a task, when in reality, it's a cop out. Unless you truly have written a list or created an outline with actionable steps (or however you prefer to organize your life), you have not made legitimate progress.
Tip: Create detailed schedules/to-do lists and be accountable for the items you place on them. If you know you cannot bake 78 cakes in an hour, do not put it on your to-do list. Setting mini-deadlines can help you accomplish more sophisticated goals, but be realistic and ensure that you are following through.
"The deadline motivates me." or "I was waiting for inspiration."
Similar to the "it's all in my head" excuse, the "I was waiting for inspiration" claim also allows us to be complacent with inactivity. Sometimes you have to force yourself to be productive by creating an environment where you can focus, or refusing to move onto other activities before completing an agenda item.
Tip: At a minimum, research shows that it takes at least 18 days to change a habit, so repetition and forced realignment with more productive goals can help you get back on track.
"It would be easier if I did ____ myself." or "No one does____ like I do."
Refusal to ask for or receive help can guarantee that you will not complete some tasks. Learning to let go and/or relinquish some control is an important life skill. There are ways to contribute your opinion without leading the whole project and having your hands in too many pies can prevent you from having the capacity to focus on projects you truly care about.
Tip: Invest in training others or leaving detailed instructions so others can pick up tasks where you left off. Their interpretation of a project may not be the same, but sometimes the incorporation of fresh perspectives can lead to even better end products.
"It all worked out."
If you're a vegetarian who occasionally eats a burger, are you really a vegetarian? That's not how it works, sis. Just because you feel good about the end product, doesn't mean that the road you took to get there was appropriate.
Tip: Don't pat yourself on the back for unproductive behavior. When you have that "I really should be productive right now" feeling, do. You'll thank yourself for it later.
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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