

If you do not know by now, there is so much turmoil going on in Africa. Unfortunately, many of the endless killings, rapes, government corruption and trafficking taking place is nothing new under the sun. These horrific acts are so deeply rooted and the world is finally witnessing it throughout various social media platforms. While the world is watching everything unfold, myself and along with many other Africans, that are living in the United States, are experiencing many emotions.
I was born in Nigeria, Benin City, Edo State to be exact. My parents made the decision that my older sister and I will be raised in the United States. So after I turned one, my family and I left. Despite not growing up in Nigeria, my parents often shared amongst my siblings and I, their experiences back home. They were explicit about the corruption they had to endure and always reminded us that we do not know true corruption until we go and live back home. I believed their statements and it has always been a driving force for me to want more out of life. However, despite my ambitious outlook on life while growing up, I realized that I never considered myself as privileged in the US.
As a Black Woman in America, privilege is the last thing that many people will associate me as because I am Black and a Woman. It was not until the ruthless killings was made public for the nation to see, that it dawned on me how privileged I am as a Nigerian living in the US.
Before you roll your eyes and bring out the history books to lecture me about oppression in Black America, please note that I am not saying that oppression does not exist because it certainly does. However, what I am saying is that visiting or hearing about other countries really puts life in perspective for you. My people back home in Nigeria have had a very long history of experiencing harassment, killings, rapes, kidnapping and so much more by people who were meant to govern and protect them. As a result, very little opportunities are awarded to them if they do not make a certain amount of money or affiliated with someone of "high power".
As mentioned before, the tragedy that the world is witnessing is not new news. The Special Anti-Robbery Squad, also known as SARS, is a special police force in Nigeria that was created in the early 90s to deal with crimes involving robberies, thefts and more. Unfortunately, its violent approach has created chaos for years and now the world is watching and hearing the cries of the Nigerian people. There is so much more to learn not just about SARS but Nigeria as a whole so I encourage you to do your research about Nigeria's government and most importantly listen to the stories from the Nigerians who have lived and continue to experience the harsh realities of the country.
The more I am learning about the history and current realities of Nigeria, the more I am realizing how fortunate I am beyond my education, employment and home. It is not just about material things but rather about the things that we often take for granted. When the Lekki Toll Gate killing massacremassacre occurred on Tuesday, October 20, 2020, I could not help but to think about the privilege I have to openly protest without the fear of being gunned down.
As the world continues to hear the cries and voices from the people of Nigeria, the reality of my privilege continues to become more apparent and I realize how necessary it is that I openly admit, through my conversations with others, that I am a privileged Nigerian living in America.
Admitting one's privilege generally humbles you to listen more and talk less because the freedom that you often take for granted can impact your perception of things. It is only through listening that we can really understand and adhere to the request of others.
By realizing that I am a privileged Nigerian-American in the United States, I have been able to adhere to the request of what my people back home are asking for.
While they are asking for us to share what is going on through our social media platforms, I noticed that many people living in the US are confused as to what kind of impact they can actually make. Unfortunately, privilege has made people forget that every country does not have reliable media and news outlets that can accurately get the devastating news out.
Instead of questioning their request, I have had to approach it from a humbling position of servitude. It is not until you come to terms with your privilege, that you have an open heart and mind to help the oppressed despite your opinions. As an individual who has always embraced and celebrated my Nigerian roots, I am discovering that it is equally as important for me to recognize and remind myself of the privilege that I possess in order to understand that it is my responsibility to find ways to serve my people back home.
This has allowed me to realize that "making it in America" should go beyond the achievements, degrees, titles and accolades. All of that means nothing if my people back home continue to suffer.
If you would like to find ways to donate to Nigeria during this time, please follow with The Feminist Coalition Group on Instagram.
Featured image by Ajibola Fasola / Shutterstock.com
Joy is a 2x Author, Empowerment Speaker, and Strategy Coach. Her platform, Speak With Joy, mission is, "To empower and equip Women and Young Adults to speak with JOY despite life's circumstances in the area of FAITH, PURPOSE, and RELATIONSHIPS".
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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I’ve gotta say that, for the most part, my friends are pretty damn chill. There is one (major) exception, though — and it’s an odd one. Even after all these years and countless times of me giving them the same answer, if there is a time when they think they are my mama, it’s when they see an email come through at an odd hour of the night. Then, all of a sudden, here they come asking me when do I get sleep if I’m emailing at (say) three in the morning.
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
If you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
There is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
Something that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
Even if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
I saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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