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Use This Time To (Mentally, Emotionally, Financially) Prepare For The Holiday Season
Whew. Doesn't it seem like we just had a holiday season not too long ago? And here we are. In October. Eight weeks (give or take a few days) from Thanksgiving and roughly 12 weeks away from Christmas. Where did the freakin' time go? If you're someone who likes the cold weather, holiday movies and music and the delicious food that is oh so characteristic of the holiday season yet the planning and some of the people that come with it all can cause you to low-key hyperventilate, months in advance, I just wanted to offer up a quick cheat sheet that can remind you to mentally, emotionally and financially put some steps into place.
That way, this year, you can go through the holidays feeling more refreshed than drained.
How to MENTALLY Prepare for the Holidays
Ask yourself what YOU want to do.
If there's one thing that the holidays and weddings have in common, it's the fact that so many times, people end up getting so caught up in other people's plans and expectations that they don't get to do what they really want to do themselves. While, in all actuality, you will probably have to engage in a bit of compromising over the holidays, don't lose sight of what you'd like to do during that time too. If you want to be friends rather than family, take a trip alone or even just chill at your house for one or both of the holidays, better to state that now and prepare everyone than A) totally blindside them with your plans or B) concede to what's expected of you while internally seething the entire time.
Put a weekly to-do list together.
October is here. Again, this means that November is right up the street and if you hang a sharp right, there's December. I'm not sure what it is that makes so many of us want to feel stressed out and overwhelmed because we waited until the last minute to get all that we need but that is so oftentimes the case. This year, decide to be revolutionary, to buck the system and to do a little bit at a time, each week, until Thanksgiving and Christmas arrive.
For instance, if you're hosting one of the days, set aside one week to purchase items that you may need for your guests, another week to clean the downstairs of your home, another week to do upstairs, another week to go grocery shopping, another week to cook, etc. Breaking things down into small projects will help to keep your anxiety levels low. It can also help you to do a more thorough job in each area because, since you won't be rushing, you can really think through what needs to be done in every category.
Pre-determine to only control what you can control.
Your auntie talking crazy (in someone else's home). Your parents missing their flight. Your car not starting. These are examples of things that, to a large extent, you are not going to be able to control.
Thing is, once you accept that as being a part of your reality, it can actually help to take a lot of pressure off because when you determine in your mind to do what you can do and let the universe handle the rest, it prevents you from getting all frazzled and bent out of shape.
Speaking of the car thing, if folks are staying with you, it can never hurt to encourage them to rent a vehicle. One more car for people to do what they want, so that they aren't solely relying on you is always beneficial.
How to EMOTIONALLY Prepare for the Holidays
Jot down what your boundaries are.
Say that you're newly married and while you and your in-laws are cool overall, your mother-in-law has shown clear signs of being passively aggressively pushy and demanding, pretty much since you met your boo. You can best believe that someone like that is either going to try and intimidate you into surrendering to their holiday plans or guilt your husband so that you both give in. The point here? Setting boundaries are key. If you are married, you and your husband need to decide what your united front will be and then express it.
If you're single and the control freaks are other family members, whether it's a phone call or even an email with a heads up on what you will and won't be able to do, that is something that definitely needs to go down. Listen, for whatever the reason, a lot of family folks think that boundaries don't apply to them. You don't have to go along with that way of thinking. In fact, the better (and clearer) the boundaries are, the easier, ultimately, it can be for drama to not be (as much of) an issue. Figure out what yours should be for the sake of your sanity. Then put everyone on notice, sooner than later, so that they can emotionally…adjust.
Ponder your triggers and how to deactivate them.
Speaking of boundaries, something that's fascinating about the holiday season is people typically run on high energy and high expectations. The challenge that comes with both of these is they can lead to great disappointments, if you're not careful. That's why I'm such a huge fan of "trigger deactivation" — you know, really taking out the time to figure out what or who triggers you and why, so that you can come up with beneficial ways to not let it or them push your buttons so much.
Since a lot of triggers center around past experiences, nothing says a colossal trigger fest quite like sitting around a table on Thanksgiving or an evergreen tree on Christmas. That's why now would be a really good time to assess what really gets on your last nerve, why that is the case and then follow that up with ways that you keep "it" from getting to you too much. Because the reality is, you will probably only be around your trigger(s) for a couple of days; however, if things go way left when it comes to how you respond/react to them, the fallout could continue for years to come. Anyway, if you'd like a bit of assistance in this area, feel free to check out "How To Handle Folks Who 'Trigger' You".
Make self-care essential.
Why oh why do people decide that the holiday season is the best time to run themselves absolutely ragged? If ever there was the right time to make sure that your mani/pedi, massage, waxing, hair and whatever other self-care rituals that you are used to transpire, now until New Year's Day is definitely when you should make those happen. In fact, because the holiday season is when booking appointments can be an absolute headache, strongly consider hitting up the salons/spas now to schedule everything well in advance. One, so you won't have to freak out when they tell you they are filled up come November and two, so that you'll know to stash some money aside for yourself…because you deserve it.
How to FINANCIALLY Prepare for the Holidays
Determine which holiday you want to spend the most money on.
This hack right here is super important because I've actually read that Americans, on average, spend close to $1000 just on Christmas gifts alone. If you spend that much on presents before even getting into travel expenses, food, stuff for yourself, etc., it's easy to see how folks can start off a new year in the hole. That's why it's super important to 1) create a budget that's specifically for the holidays and 2) decide which holiday you want to spend the most on because, just like you can run up a tab on gifts for Christmas, food can be super pricey on Thanksgiving too.
By determining ahead of time what you will and will not do, financially, and then holding yourself accountable (for instance, saying that you'll spend $500 in gifts and using your credit cards are absolutely not an option), that can provide you peace of mind that you're living within your means, so that you can start another year off on the right foot.
Put $50 aside per paycheck.
If money is super tight and you have absolutely no idea how you're going to make your coins stretch, I've got two tips. First, check out an article that I wrote last November entitled, "Coin Collection: 10 Easy Ways To Save $500 By Christmas". It's got some practical ways for you to store up some cash. If you don't wanna do all-a-dat, you can always discipline yourself to put aside fifty bucks per pay day. If you get paid on a bi-weekly basis, that can still give you around an extra $200 by Thanksgiving or $300 by Christmas.
Cop plane tickets now.
If you plan on flying out somewhere, did you know that you can get the best rates if you start checking for flights between four months and three weeks prior to when you have to leave? While I know there are a ton of sites that can help you to book last-minute cheap tickets, a lot of them come with long layovers and/or extra fees. You know, one time, I booked a roundtrip ticket for under $100 to see my goddaughters and I know it was because I looked a couple of months ahead. Anyway, for hacks on how to get a super inexpensive flight, check out Thrifty Nomads, "How to Book the Cheapest Flight Possible to Anywhere". It's got quite a few hacks that I think you will enjoy.
BONUS: An Effective Way to PHYSICALLY Prepare for the Holidays
Shed a few pounds now. Proactive is always better than reactive, right? Keeping that in mind, did you know that reportedly, on average, we gain somewhere around eight pounds between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day?
The sad part is a lot of us try and curtail this by either avoiding all of the foods that bring us so much joy during the holiday season or going on some sort of a starvation diet after the fact. This year, don't do either. Instead, determine to comfortably shed that amount of weight before Thanksgiving even comes by cutting back on sugar and carbs, exercising a bit more and shoot — drinking more water.
I promise you that whenever I want to lose five pounds or so, all I've got to do is replace whatever I typically drink with water and weight falls right on off. A lot of us don't realize that we're drinking calories via alcohol and juice, but we are but if you sacrifice those things now, that can mean more hot chocolate and eggnog without feeling any kind of guilty over the holiday season — and just how awesome is that?
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
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The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
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Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
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This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
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Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
In today’s economy, we’re always looking for ways to stretch every dollar. However, the allure of new gadgets, trendy clothes, and the latest dining spots can often lead to impulsive spending. An iced latte here and an Uber Eats delivery there, topped off by a spontaneous online order can add up over time.
For those seeking to curb frivolous expenses and adopt a more mindful approach to their finances, participating in a no-spend month could be the solution to gaining control over their spending.
What is the No-Spend Challenge?
The no-spend challenge is a personal finance exercise where individuals commit to not spending money on non-essential items for a specific period. This could mean cutting off a subscription service, limiting your nights out for drinks, pulling back on online shopping, and holding off on big, spontaneous purchases to see how much you’d save over the month. The challenge encourages participants to evaluate their spending habits, identify areas of unnecessary expenditure, and redirect their financial focus toward savings and debt reduction.
This spending requires one to differentiate between needs and wants, with the base necessities being food, transportation, housing, essential bills, and medical/mental health expenses.
Preparing for a No-Spend Challenge
When embarking on a no-spend month, proper preparation is key to ensure you make the most out of the experience.
Financial expert and founder of The Frugal Feminista, Kara Stephens, says that having a compelling “why” can serve as a motivator to endure the ups and downs of the challenge, especially if it's your first time. “Have a clear idea of what your goals and outcomes are for the challenge. Do you want to be grateful for what you have? Do you want to save a certain amount of money?” she tells xoNecole. “Know what's going to be your ‘after-no-spend challenge' sustainability plan because we're hoping that your habits and your perspective on spending are changing and that you find a way to make that a part of your life after the challenge.”
One of the initial catalysts for the recent popularity of the no-spend challenge is to combat “revenge spending.” This spending habit, triggered by the “life is short” reality of the pandemic, has caused many of us to want to make up for lost time or missed experiences, which can lead to reckless financial decisions and jeopardize future stability.
Because of this, Stephen advises us to reframe our thinking around revenge spending to avoid putting our financial future at risk.
“Try and shift your perspective on revenge spending and say, yes, I want to live my best life, but how can I spend it responsibly?” she says. “How can I revenge spend on a budget? How can I remove the idea of revenge spending from my lexicon and just live well and plan systematically so it doesn't take away from my future financial goals?”
Benefits of A No-Spend Month
Taking part in a no-spend month has a number of benefits, one of which is the self-awareness and gratitude you gain by cutting out non-essential purchases. “You’re more financially self-aware because you're only thinking about what you deem as essentials,” Stephens says. “It can also make you more resourceful because you have to use what you have in your home, rather than going out and shopping.”
Those who take part in the challenge often find they become more intentional with their purchases, distinguishing between what they truly need and what they can do without. The money saved over this course of time can then be redirected towards paying off debt, building an emergency fund, or being put into a sinking fund.
Due to the rigid nature of the challenge, Stephens says that it’s important to have a sustainable framework to follow the no-spend challenge to avoid reverting to old habits. “It can be like "yo-yo dieting,” she explains. “If you were very strict for a certain period, but didn’t create any type of habit or change of mind to continue with it, you could resort back to revenge spending, ironically.”
Things to Keep In Mind
While it may seem like just another financial trend, taking part in a no-spend month can provide precious data about not just how much money you spend but also your mindset and relationship around money. You can observe how your feelings about money change and highlight areas of improvement. Alternatively, you can even start a sinking fund that allows you to put money aside for large purchases or personal experiences.
Ultimately, it’s not that spending money is bad, it’s about how you approach spending in a responsible way that ensures your financial security and success in the long run.
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