In case you didn't know paranoia and your first pregnancy go hand in hand. You'll spend each trimester with the goal of making it to each prenatal appointment without hearing the words “abnormal test results."
My first batch of mommy guilt came when I was admitted to the hospital last summer for an asthma attack when I was five months pregnant. My GYN repeatedly reassured me that the albuterol I was inhaling wouldn't affect the baby. “If you have to choose between albuterol and not breathing, I would say not breathing is probably more harmful to the baby," she joked, but I still worried that pumping on my inhaler would result in me one day sitting in front of elementary school principal telling me my daughter needed to be tested for ADHD.
Little did I know, my asthma was the least of my problems. In addition to eventually having a scheduled c-section due to a mild case of placenta previa, during one of my first prenatal appointments my GYN entered the office and casually revealed that I had tested positive for HPV. My fiancé and I sat there exchanging confused expressions both wondering if we should be worried.
As a sex educator I've lost count of how many times I had taught my students about HPV being fairly common, but being diagnosed was something I didn't expect.
Who had I gotten it from? Was it going to affect my daughter? Was it a first-class ticket to cervical cancer? Sensing the slight trace of panic in my fiancé's furrowed eyebrow, the doctor went on to recite a rehearsed spiel about HPV being fairly common and something we would have to keep an eye on in the years to come. It was the first time she told me, “I wouldn't worry about it," as she continued to do throughout much of my pregnancy. In fact she treated the diagnosis like a case of athlete's foot, which actually turned out to be a big help in keeping me focused on the bigger task at hand. Most importantly, the baby wasn't at risk for infection.
After hearing the baby's heartbeat and learning that I had gained an impressive two pounds over the past few months, on the car ride home my fiancé blurted out, “Oh my God. What if this is my fault? What if because of me you and the baby have cervical cancer?" I can understand how people who don't spend their workdays putting condoms on bananas and getting excited over the details of super gonorrhea might panic when they hear about anything that can't be cured and starts with an “H" and ends with a “V."
But the truth is HPV is so common almost all sexually active men and woman will get it at some point in their lives and it can take years to appear.
With both us having several partners before we became exclusive, there was no way to tell who gave who what. I could have gotten it prom night or in my college dorm. If you ever had unprotected sex, there's a strong possibility that you could have HPV too. But is that really a big deal?
[Tweet "If you ever had unprotected sex, there's a strong possibility that you could have HPV too."]
Yes and no. It's almost two years later for me and as far as I know I'm free of any signs of cervical cancer. But it is important for me to get yearly pap smears so that my doctor can make sure I stay in the clear. There's also the chance that it could completely clear up on its own. According to the CDC about 79 million Americans are currently infected with HPV and about 14 million people become newly infected each year. In fact as I broke the news to a friend a few weeks after my diagnosis she laughed before telling me, “Girl, I got diagnosed with that a few years ago. No biggie."
So should you just continue to get it cracking as usual since the odds are you'll be infected anyway? Just because HPV is common doesn't mean it isn't a threat or that you shouldn't protect yourself. Here are few facts to consider before your next pap smear:
Having your v-card (and a penis) has its advantages.
Here's another good reason to hold onto to your v-card a little bit longer: If you haven't had sex (that includes anal and oral too) you're probably HPV free. There is an HPV vaccine available, although doctors warn that if you have already been sexually active for some time, it may not be worth the injection since you probably have already been exposed. Doctors recommend young women and men get the vaccine at age 11 or 12 before becoming sexually active. Males can get “catch-up" vaccines through age 21 (females have until age 26) if they have never been sexually active and didn't get the vaccine when they were younger. You should also continue to use condoms to lessen the chance of catching HPV or spreading it to others.
Because there are different strains, men can carry the strain that causes HPV and pass it to their partners, but won't be at risk for cervical cancer since they "lack" the proper anatomy.
Symptoms can take time.
A positive HPV result doesn't mean you need to kick your cheating-behind partner to the curb. Nor does it mean someone must have had all kinds of wild, crazy sex with all kinds of partners. Unfortunately with STDs comes a stigma that someone must have traded in all their morality for a good time because of course responsible people don't get HPV. Like any other STD, it only takes one time and it may take years to develop symptoms after you have sex with someone who is infected, meaning you or your partner could have been infected for years without knowing.
Different strains have different symptoms.
There are HPV strains that cause genital warts, some cause cervical cancer and some completely disappear on their own. Genital warts are not the cutest most comfortable things in the world, but are treatable.
You know what is pretty sexy though? That paper gown you'll be rocking at your next annual exam. Cervical cancer can successfully be treated especially if it is detected early through regular HPV screenings, which doctors recommend for women over 30.
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
'One Of Them Days' Star Keke Palmer & Director Lawrence Lamont Dish On The Wild & Hilarious Buddy Comedy
You know those days when everything that could go wrong… does? Where all you can do is laugh, cry, and maybe call your bestie for moral support? Well, One of Them Days takes that feeling, cranks it up to ten, and delivers a comedy that’s as chaotic as it is relatable.
Starring Keke Palmer and SZA, this buddy comedy follows two best friends navigating one seriously outrageous day. Directed by Lawrence Lamont and co-produced by Issa Rae and Keke Palmer, the film brings big laughs, wild moments, and a much-needed dose of Black sisterhood to the big screen.
And with a cast that includes legends like Kat Williams, Vanessa Bell Calloway, and Abbott Elementary breakout star Janelle James, you already know the energy is on point. But what really makes the film shine is the chemistry between its leads.
“I didn’t want it to feel like a bunch of cameos. I wanted actors who embodied their characters,” Lamont shared. “Keke and SZA alone? They’re just dynamic. They really feel like besties. Even when the cameras weren’t rolling, I was like—should we still be filming this?Behind the Scenes: A Movie Made at Lightning Speed
Filming One of Them Days wasn’t just fun—it was fast. The entire movie was shot in just 21 days, which meant the cast and crew had to keep up with the action.
“We were moving at lightning speed, but I think we caught lightning in a bottle,” Lamont said. “One of my favorite scenes is the payday loan center scene. When I called cut, Keke and SZA were literally on the ground cracking up. They had so much fun.”
And that fun wasn’t just for the cameras. The film also brings a fresh take to Black-led comedies, proving that Black women deserve to be front and center in every genre.
“I want Black women to see that they can lead movies,” Lamont emphasized. “Not just be the co-star, not just third or fourth on the call sheet. Black women have fascinating stories, and they deserve to be the story.”
Keke Palmer: The Queen of Doing It All
If there’s one thing about Keke Palmer, it’s that she’s always working. But even with her long list of credits, One of Them Days is special—because it’s her first feature film as a producer. And she’s not doing it alone.
“Queen Latifah has always been so encouraging. She’s supported me creatively and in business since I was nine years old,” Palmer shared. “And then obviously, Issa—I mean, this is my first feature film as a producer, and when she had the project, she brought me on board. We worked on it together for six years. It takes one of us, wherever we are, to lift each other up.”
Why You Need to See This Movie
With its laugh-out-loud moments, ride-or-die friendship, and a fire soundtrack, One of Them Days is giving us the kind of fun, rewatchable comedy we’ve been missing.
“I remember going to see Superbad in high school, and we went three times,” Lamont said. “I want people to feel that excitement again—just going to the movies and having fun.”
So grab your besties, hit the theater, and get ready for One of Them Days—because if you’ve ever had a ridiculous, chaotic, what-the-hell-is-happening kind of day, this movie is for you.
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Feature image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Sony