Ever have life test you and force you into unknown territory? Sometimes, those challenges can birth our biggest blessings and yield new pathways for our lives that we never planned or imagined.
This rings true for wife, mother of two, and founder and "Chief Chandler" of Posh Candle Co., Tay Watts.
Posh Candle Co. sells hand-poured 100% soy candles (and accessories) that come in containers with memorable sayings and scents such as "Bad and Bougie", "Grey Sweatpants", and "Allergic to Bulls**t". While Tay always had a passion for crafts and entrepreneurship, it wasn't until she was in graduate school and found out she was unexpectedly pregnant with her second son that she realized she'd need to merge these two interests to fuel another source of income for her family. At seven months pregnant, Tay launched Posh Candle Co. with the mission to inspire women to be their authentic selves.
Tay chatted with xoNecole about the successes and curveballs she's experienced running her Posh Candle Co. and how she's evolved as a solo entrepreneur. She also discusses the critical moment in her business when she was forced into full-time entrepreneurship, how she balances motherhood, critical resources that have been instrumental in her personal and business development, and tips for others looking to stand out in crowded niches.
Check out Tay's story below!
What is the need you are trying to fill with Posh Candle Co.?
I thought about the way that I use candles and the way they were being presented to me at the stores. I wasn't finding that connection. I burn candles when I'm in work mode, when I'm cleaning, catching time to myself as a mom, during bathtime or when doing meditation. I wanted the phrases to promote or encourage a positive mindset, promote self-love, or spark laughter. For example, our "F**kboy Repellent" is one of the candles that make people laugh.
Courtesy of Posh Candle Co.
"I wanted the phrases to promote or encourage a positive mindset, promote self-love, or spark laughter."
What were some of the biggest challenges you faced early on?
[At the time], I was in the middle of my last year of graduate school. I had my final papers, internship, and then a newborn. I was trying to find that balance of work and life. [Also, candles involve] a lot of testing. You simply don't just mix a scent and wax and put it out there. It can take months before you find a perfect combination. There are some scents that don't work well in soy wax. It took me about six months to develop the first four scents. Recently, I've been working on a scent and it's been about six months.
A lot of money goes into getting samples of fragrances from different suppliers and sourcing the jars from different connections. You want to connect with suppliers who offer high quality materials. You're collecting samples from all over to make sure you're getting the best. You don't want to mix something together and send it out to people and they're like, "What is this?"
Did you have any prior entrepreneurial experiences? How did you start building your customer base?
I took eight years of failure and put that into Posh Candle Co. My first business was back in 2008. It was a jewelry company. I was one of those people that thought you could put up a website and people would find you. I quickly found out that was not the case. I got one order in one year. I [also] had a soap business. I've done hair, bath and body.
Prior to launching Posh Candle Co., I had a long talk with myself. I said if I'm not willing to put everything into this, don't start it. If I'm not willing to go super hard, then I don't deserve it. To me, the common theme of why all of those projects failed was simply me. I wasn't going out and learning out what I needed to. I wasn't applying all of my talent. I wasn't interested in learning about SEO. I was doing the bare minimum. I decided I was going to put my all into it and see what happens. Within those few months of launching, I was head down - full throttle. Within six months, I had an order for 5,000 candles.
"I decided I was going to put my all into it and see what happens. Within those few months of launching, I was head down - full throttle. Within six months, I had an order for 5,000 candles."
How did you get that first 5,000-candle order?
I was building relationships. I was in a few Facebook groups for entrepreneurs every day networking and giving free advice to other people. Also, I started reaching out to influencers and upcoming bloggers. I told them we were a new candle company and they looked like they would enjoy our product. [I asked], "Can I send you something? There's no pressure for you to post it." These were micro-influencers so they were excited to get something for free. They would get the candle and repost it. My idea was to show that somewhere in the world someone had my candle and were enjoying it. That was a strategic way to create trust. I pay attention to a lot of the things I'm drawn to and the things I do before I purchase and apply that to my business.
What’s a challenge you’ve had since launching?
The biggest challenge is growth and how I'm not yet at the point of building my team. I have no idea how to hire someone. Wholesale orders are getting bigger and coming in faster to the point where I'm so wrapped up making them that I don't have the time to sit with someone [and train them.]
If you want to scale, [I've learned] you should start with a business plan. I went with whatever was going to help me provide income. I wasn't really thinking about the long-term. If you're really serious about it and thinking in the future, that should [be included in your plan.]
Why did you diversify your product range?
I'm not just a candle company, but I create an experience. Diversifying offers you more opportunity to sell to your customers. People have different preferences. Maybe someone isn't a candle person but they like incense. They are going to become your customer. The sage, the Palo Santo… all of those are different items that create a mood and fragrance in your home.
"I'm not just a candle company, but I create an experience. Diversifying offers you more opportunity to sell to your customers."
Why did you decide to run Posh Candle Co. full-time?
For several months, I did the balancing act. I'd get up at 4 A.M. and take a one hour commute to work. I worked at a busy mental health clinic until 4 P.M. and then the commute back home was two hours. When I got home, I'd have to fulfill all my orders. Mental health has always been my passion. I had no intentions of quitting my 9-5. I was going to stick it out until I became licensed. Posh Candle Co. was never supposed to be full-time.
One day, I went to work and lost my job in a really weird way. They said my position was borrowed from another clinic and they want their position back. It took me about 15-20 minutes to realize I was getting let go. When it hit me, I cried in my office. What was I going to do? There's nothing more scary than being a full-time entrepreneur. You don't know what you're going to make day to day. A 9-5 is very safe. I took two days to feel sorry for myself. The turning point was the third day, I remembered that I asked for this. I was miserable commuting every day. I saw it as a sign to go.
"Posh Candle Co. was never supposed to be full-time. One day, I went to work and lost my job in a really weird way. It took me about 15-20 minutes to realize I was getting let go."
How do you balance work and motherhood?
It's all in the planning. You need to identify your most productive hours out of the day. For me, those hours are 3 A.M. - 9:30 A.M. Typically, that's before my kids wake up. I'm already up doing the most important things that I need to do. Having my kids with me every step of the way, I recognize their needs as well. After I'm done doing what I'm doing in the first part of the day, I make sure they get what they need. Maybe we'll go to the park, a museum, or see family. I use that as a way to wear them out. I know in the afternoon, I'll need to get more things done.
What tips do you have for standing out in a crowded market?
I looked back at the theme of what I've done in the past and I wasn't being myself. Everything you see on social media or the content I produce is all mine. The silly jokes I say, those are mine. I use my own authentic personality to find my tribe.
What keeps you going?
When people launch their business, they tend to chase others who are at a higher level than they are. My advice is to network at your level - network across. Take people with you.
It's about building relationships. Build authentically with people. When they get, you get. When you get, they get. It's about looking out for people and creating a community that you can rely on for support.
Courtesy of Posh Candle Co.
"It's about building relationships. Build authentically with people. When they get, you get. When you get, they get. It's about looking out for people and creating a community that you can rely on for support."
What’s your favorite business resource?
It used to be Shopify resources. Now, I came across this YouTube account called Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Finding that has been a game-changer. I love seeing different women from different backgrounds being interviewed and talk about their story and how they came up. If you're not social like me, it helps to see them and feel understood.
To learn more about Posh Candle Co, visit www.poshcandcandleco.com or @poshcandleco on Instagram.
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- How To Stand Out In Business With A Saturated Market - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- An Unplanned Pregnancy Inspired This SHEeo To Birth A Poppin' Candle Company - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, & Wellness ›
- Literally Just A Bunch Of Candles To Light When The World Gets ... ›
- From the Ground Up: Tay Watts Sparks Life Through Posh Candle Co. ›
- The Black Owned Business Highlight: Posh Candle Co. - YouTube ›
- Posh Candle Co (@poshcandleco) • Instagram photos and videos ›
- Posh Candle Co. | Scented Soy Candles, Smudge & Incense ›
Rana Campbell is a Princeton University graduate, storyteller, content marketing strategist, and the founder and host of Dreams In Drive - a weekly podcast that teaches you how to take your dreams from PARK to DRIVE. She loves teaching others how to use their life stories to inspire action within oneself and others. Connect with her on Instagram @rainshineluv or @dreamsindrive.
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
So…I wanna say that it must’ve been when I was either in the seventh or eighth grade that I participated in a series of etiquette classes.
As antiquated as that might sound to some these days and although I don’t remember a ton about them, what I am forever grateful for is learning how to properly set a table and what utensils to use at big formal dinners. When you’re a kid, you think stuff like that is totally unnecessary. Oh, but grow up, move in some circles and you’d be surprised how much random tips will hold you down in a pinch.
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
____
Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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Featured image by Drazen Zigic/Getty Images