I've Got 7 IRL Takeaways From The 'Pop The Balloon' Dating Show, Chile.
Whew. When I tell y’all that it truly never fails that, at least twice a year, something will come around that totally catches me off guard as far as how it’s able to grasp and then hold my attention? Words truly cannot express. And, as you can see from the title of this, in this season, one of those things is the internet-hit dating showPop the Balloon.
If you’ve never seen it before (if you’re online at all, is that even possible that this point?!), the co-creator is a woman by the name of Arlette Amuli who also happens to be the host. If you go to her YouTube page, the first thing that you will probably notice is her (absolutely beautiful) wedding video from a couple of years back and so, I’m assuming that since she found her own beloved, she wanted to provide a fun and entertaining way for others to do the same.
Now, as far as how smoothly all of that goes? Well, I’ll put it to you this way: when The New York Times published an article on Pop the Balloon earlier this summer, their headline was “Like a Firing Squad, but for Romantic Rejection.” LOL. And although, it pretty much depends on who you ask if it’s as mentally and emotionally drastic as all of that, what I will say is if you choose to view the show beyond something to do while on your lunch break or something to take your internalized irritation out on after a long week, you might just learn a few tips on how to “fine tune” your own approach to dating.
And that’s where my personal top IRL (in real life) takeaways from the show actually come in…
1. Double Standards Are Always Gonna Look/Sound Ridiculous
GiphyListen, I have watched enough Pop the Balloon episodes to know that if there is one thing that I am going to see, on loop, pretty much every time are double standards — both ways. Women think it’s cool to ask complete strangers how much money they make while they are appalled that a guy would ask about their body count (both questions are hella rude, by the way). Men don’t like wigs and weaves and yet think that women are being “difficult” if they don’t like locs or would prefer a lineup on a beard.
And can somebody please tell me how and why it’s cool to tease men for not being 6’ tall (only 15 percent of American men are) and yet, somehow, it’s misogyny abundant for a man to not want a woman who is in a certain weight class — aren’t they both preferences?
Examples of this are when social media commenters were just fine with this woman at around the 34:22 mark of this episode who said that a guy was too thin and yet were pissed when a guy at the 17:11 mark of this episode said that he popped his balloon because the woman’s weight wasn’t what he was attracted to (humans are something else — LOL). And while we’re here, for so many women to take issue with submitting these days, they sure do want to (physically) look up at men a lot — interesting. Also, while we’re here, a guy is not short if you are 5’4”, in four-inch heels, and he is 5’11”. Please let’s stop the madness.
And since this ridiculous kind of rhetoric is something that I see, hear, and notice, both online and off, I thought that a great place to start with this particular article is it’s really important to not have double standards while dating. At the end of the day, they create this sense of delusional entitlement that is pretty ridiculous.
Why? Because what you’re essentially saying is “I should have what I want, just because, but you shouldn’t because I don’t agree with it.” And when does that kind of mindset ever really work out for the betterment of a relationship? Moving on.
2. Please Have Realistic Expectations
GiphyEarlier this year, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “Okay, So Here's What You Need To Know About the '6-6-6' Man”. If you’re not familiar, that’s the kind of man who is at least 6’ tall, has at least 6” (of yes, that), and makes six figures. Now, if only 15 percent of men in this country are 6’ or taller, you can only imagine how rare a 6-6-6 guy (especially a single one) is (in walks, “The (Dating) Delusion Calculator. Let's Discuss.”).
And that’s why it always tickles me whenever a tall guy walks onto the Pop the Balloon platform (like this one at around the 34:52 mark ofthis episode) and gets passes on things that shorter men will not (like cornrows, jeans, etc.) just because he’s tall. And a lot of us, we’re the same way in the real world. If someone catches our eye or is our visual type (check out “According To Experts, We All Have A 'Type'”), we’ll let all kinds of stuff slide, including initial red (or orange or yellow) flags.
And where does the “unrealistic expectations” part come in with this point? Well, this time, I’m approaching it with a bit of a twist. For sure, two indications of having unrealistic expectations are you’re expecting a perfect individual (when you yourself aren’t that) or you’re not even a little bit flexible (which, according to many mental health experts, is a literal indication of having unrealistic expectations) when it comes to your list of wants in a relationship.
However, another example of having unrealistic expectations is when your expectations don’t make sense to the general public. Like this episode at around the 12:02 mark where the young woman said that she wants a man who takes care of her and her friends (girl, what?) or shoot, damn near the entire episode of 19 which featured men and women who said, “You’re super attractive just not my kind of attractive.” Or this episode here at the 1:06:00 mark where the last woman was rude and seemed to lack self-awareness, pretty much the entire time because she didn’t like that men didn’t find her being (self-admittedly) tipsy on set as attractive (wonder what her thoughts would be if the dynamics were flipped).
If the things that you’re expecting from someone else are what you would side-eye them about if they had the same expectations of you, you are being unrealistic in your expectations. Are you gonna cover the tab for a guy and all of his friends? If you’re attractive and someone says, “I just don’t think I’m attracted attracted” — doesn’t that sound a bit…unnecessarily complicated?
Don’t let these shows have you out here thinking that you can Build-A-Bear a man — that it really is as simple as picking flawlessness from an assembly line of guys. That is delusional thinking at its finest.
3. Ain’t Nothin’ Wrong with Vetting Via Social Media First
GiphySince I don’t have any social media accounts, I was a bit late to the game when it comes to even knowing about Pop the Balloon. That said, since I’m the type of person who likes to give credit where credit is due, my first time really taking it semi-seriously was after watching YouTuber Mediocre Tutorials and Reviews dissecting some episodes. Apparently, one of the things that he does whenever a woman first introduces herself is look up her Instagram handle to check out if her digital footprint actually lines up with how she presents herself on the show —and I get why that would be a wise move.
Before I get into why, I already know what some of you are thinking: people lie on social media all of the time and that would be beyond correct. In fact, one article I read (hey, don’t shoot the messenger) said that millennials do it more than any other living generation with Gen Z not being too far behind — and the motive is all about trying to impress people.
Still, just like many employers look at prospective employees’ social media accounts to see how they conduct themselves (and even how commenters interact with them because that can reveal additional intel, believe it or not), before going on an official date with someone, it can’t hurt to do the same thing and for the same reason — ‘cause hey, even if they do prove themselves to be dishonest in real life, at least you can call them out on it because you already had something to go on via the internet presentation. And that gives you reason to, at the very least, put your guard up, moving forward.
4. Don’t Dish Out What You Can’t Take. Then Rinse and Repeat.
Oh, so many episodes to choose from but, when it comes to this particular point, this (above) is the one that immediately came to mind. I think it’s because if you go around the 20:00 timestamp, this young lady is telling a man that “women are gonna women,” so he shouldn’t take issues with faux lashes, etc. (I also peeped how at around 15:29, she self-professed that she’s “a lot” and then popped her own balloon towards the end of another round at the 40:40 because she thought the guy wasn’t “strong enough” because she needs someone to “pull her in”…whew, chile) and then around the 32:32 timestamp, another young lady literally says to a man, “I like mustaches, I just don’t like yours.”
Now why should one man be ridiculed for his preferences while another should take a woman’s preferences with grace?The hypocrisy is truly all over the place.
And yet, probably why ish like this is so annoying to watch is because, unfortunately, it happens just as much in real life, wouldn’t you say? A great example? Somehow, it’s wisdom for women not to date single fathers and yet, when a man doesn’t want to date a single mom, somehow the word “misogynist” almost always finds its way into the discourse (funny how I don’t see misandry brought up as if that’s not a real thing as well. Hmm…).
There is plenty of data out in cyberspace to support the fact that social media is creating more and more narcissists by the day and three signature traits of narcissism is wanting admiration, can’t take criticism, and feeling entitled, and like you’re more exceptional than others.
That said, if you think that you can tell someone what you don’t like about them and then act like they committed some sort of unpardonable sin for telling you what they don’t like about you — not only could you be leaning into narcissism but you’re also revealing that you really suck at dishing out what you cannot take. And, one way or another, that is gonna bite you in the butter — if not immediately, eventually.
5. Games Are Just That
GiphyI always like it when I can find a way to weave a throwback song into my content, and when it comes to this particular point, “Games” by Chuckki Booker wins:
Would you be with me if I had nothing
If I couldn't buy you something
Now you've got your share
And look who's paying
I got your thing together
And you're not staying
I've worked hard
To get the things I have, ooh, oh
I've worked hard
To get the things you need
And I wanna know
Why you wanna play on me?
Why you wanna play your games on me?
I’ll admit that sometimes I get more “triggered” by Pop the Balloon than I actually should. The reason why I choose to frame it that way is that, even though I couldn’t possibly guess the motives for why each contestant comes onto the show (although A LOT of people seem to do it for nothing more than clout), what I do have to keep in mind is it’s pretty much a dating-themed game show at the end of the day — and games are for entertainment purposes more than anything else.
That’s actually why I find it wild that some folks are still emotionally invested in The Bachelor/The Bachelorette franchise or even Married at First Sight at this point. Ever check out the success rate of the couples on those shows? It ain’t even a little bit impressive (read more about that here and here). Oh, and speaking of The Bachelor, you’re in for a real treat if you never got to watch Lifetime’s UnREAL show from back in the day. Rumor has it that former producers from The Bachelor helped to write the scripts and chile…CHILE. Anyway, it’s on Tubi (at least for now). You can check out all four seasons here.
Okay, so all of this dating content that’s on television, streaming channels, and the web? Again, if anyone can find a genuine connection out of them, more power to them— and I mean that sincerely (shout-out to MAFS’ Woody and Amani Randall, for example).
For the most part, though, it’s all a form of game-playing and, in the real world, relationships shouldn’t be treated that way (which is why the approach to dating shouldn’t automatically mimic what you see via that type of programming). And what are some clear signs that someone is playing mind games when it comes to relationships (or potential relationships)?
They gaslight.They love bomb. They are inconsistent with their communication. They send mixed signals. They aren’t clear about where things are or are going — oh, I could go on and on with this one.
Anyway, the biggest takeaway with this point is always to remember that the objective of playing a game is for there to be a winner and a loser at the end of it. Love isn’t like that — not real, healthy, and genuine love. Neither is the process towards getting to it when both people have the right motives. Do you? Does he?
6. Become What You Want
GiphyThis will be the shortest point of all of my points because its title really covers everything. If you want a man who has good credit, make sure that you do. If guys want a woman who is wise in her sexual-related decisions, they should live the same way. It really is wild — and by that I mean, flat-out crazy — that I can watch shows like Pop the Balloon and people will look at someone crazy for not having a ton of money in their bank account or for not rocking a six-pack…when they don’t.
Listen, if in your mind, it should be a sign of maturity and evolution for someone to have their sh-t together while you don’t — how are you not boldly and totally contradicting yourself? Honestly, living by the motto that you should strive to become what you want in someone else? It’s what helps you to take a mature and even humble approach to dating because if you want others to give you grace for being a “work in progress,” you damn sure need to extend them the same courtesy. Well, if you want karma to be kind to you in the dating world, that is.
And that brings me to my final point.
7. Do You Desire a “Date”? Or an Actual Relationship?
GiphySometimes, while watching a Pop the Balloon episode, I will roll my eyes all the way in the back of my head because it’s beyond evident that the some of the women just want some high-end date that they can post on their IG page and the guys just want a Coke-bottle that they can try to have sex with as soon as possible. The main thing that makes it all hella evident is the kind of questions that are asked: they’re super superficial and that causes me to think that “they” aren’t looking for love or anything even close to that. It’s all basically an act of opportunism.
And that’s why I’m going to close all of this out with my final takeaway being that, whenever you watch shows like Pop the Balloon and you find yourself wanting to take the same approach that the contestants do, first ask yourself if you desire nothing more than a one-and-done date or do you want something much deeper and fulfilling than that?
If it’s the latter, that’s why I’ve penned articles for the platform before like “6 Things To Discuss On The Second Date. If Either Of You Is A Single Parent.,” “A Male Relationship Coach Shares 7 Questions Women Should Ask Men On The Third Date,” “7 Things People Don't Take Seriously Enough When They First Start Dating Someone,” and “The 'Pre-Commitment Interview' Every Dating Couple Should Have.”
Because, while some folks are wasting time trying to figure out if a guy is at least five inches taller than them when their heels are on (SMDH), people who are serious about making a real connection know that there are far bigger fish to fry than that, chile. In other words, in order to have a deep connection with someone, you need to actually…go deep(er). Yes, deeper than easily 60 percent of the folks tend to do on Pop the Balloon.
____
Is the show close to addicting? Well, I know that I’ve personally spent a couple of hours more than I planned to while talking back to my PC monitor — a few times. LOL. Bottom line, just make sure that it’s more entertainment and even a low-key cautionary tale than anything else.
The search for love requires more than just being uncompromising about how a random stranger looks or having a set of expectations that seem like you want to live out a scripted rom-com rather than actually share a life with an actual human being.
A solid relationship doesn’t come from balloons that you don’t pop. Things of value are never that simple. In real life, leave that mentality to the internet world — not your own, sis. Something tells me that you’ll thank me later, if you do.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
We have less than 40 days left in 2024, and while I'm not one to rush goals just because it's the end of the year, it can be fun to challenge yourself to think about ways you'll close out this year big.
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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We Asked 20 Single Women How They're Spending The Holidays, Here's What They Said
Let’s keep it real: being single during the holidays doesn’t mean you’re missing out—at all! xoNecole recently chatted with 20 single women about their holiday plans, and trust me, the energy was uplifting. Sure there were some emotions about being single, but these women are living life.
While social media fills our feeds with couples in matching pajamas, we’re here to reclaim the narrative. This season is all about celebrating ourselves and our friendships. Whether it’s throwing a cozy pajama party with your girls, indulging in some self-care while binge-watching holiday movies, or taking a solo trip, the magic of the holidays can shine just as bright when you’re rolling solo.
We’re redefining what festive looks like: it’s not just about relationships, but about love, joy, sisterhood, family, and the freedom to do you. So grab that hot cocoa and a sexy holiday dress, those suitcases if you’re traveling, turn up the music, and let’s make this holiday season all about us—because single doesn’t mean sad; it means the girls are living life.
*Responses are anonymous by request.
1.Unwrapping Joy
"I've been single for a few years, what has helped me the most is remembering that long before I ever fell in love, I enjoyed the holidays as a child. So my focus is on inner child connection and healing during the holiday season. I do what my inner child enjoys and make room for new memories too. That and buying myself something nice."
2.Detty December
"'I'm outside headed to Detty December this holiday season, but I also have a boo lol, so I'm not totally single, but I'm still living life."
3.Gifts For Me, From Me
"This Christmas I went all out with gifts for myself. I bought everything I wanted. I finally got a dog, my dream designer bag, luxury pajamas, expensive ornaments for my tree, I did it all and it felt so damn good to not need to ask anyone to get anything for me."
4.Just the Three of Us
"My mom and older brother are the ones I'm excited to spend time with the most. We're making new memories together and going to a holiday bar, and exchanging meaningful gifts."
5.Holiday Parties Galore
"I have a slew of holiday parties to attend, and I actually asked my boo to stay home and be with his family. I'll be going to the spa next week. I have several holiday parties and premieres on my docket, but mainly, I'm looking forward to tapping into myself. Journal, enjoying my hot tub, time with my thoughts."
6.A Cowboy Carter Christmas
"This year, I'm spending Christmas day with my family and Christmas night with my girls, watching Beyoncé perform at the halftime show on Netflix. We're gonna make a night of it with espresso martinis and get cute like we always do!"
7.Home for the Holidays
"Every year my family and I go back to Jamaica to stay with my aunt for Christmas and New Year's. Gifts aren't a big deal to me, so I book the flight and head home. Christmas is a time to reset, and I look forward to relaxing, eating great food, and enjoying some Black cake."
8.Holidays with Chosen Family
"Toxic family members make it difficult for me to want to go back home, so my roommates and I are celebrating together and enjoying the holiday season. We all cook together, and it feels like we're our own little family."
9.An Intimate Christmas Dinner
"I'm not traveling for Christmas like I planned, but I'm starting off the new year with a ski trip with my girlfriends, so I'm looking forward to that, and in the meantime, I'm headed to my parent's house for Christmas dinner."
10. While My Child's Away, Mama Will Play
"My son and I used to celebrate the holidays as a family with his dad, but now that we're co-parenting, we share holidays, and this year, he's with him for half the day. When he goes there for the evening, I'll probably roll up and enjoy the peace and quiet."
11. Girls' Night In
"This is my first Christmas without my ex. It's been challenging to have the holiday spirit; we were together for years, and I miss him so much. But I'm determined to be surrounded by love and my family. I'm having a girl's night with holiday movies and my favorite dinner, and I hope to have laughter no matter how I'm feeling currently.”
12.'Twas The Night Before Christmas
"My mom hosts a huge Christmas Eve party every year for my family. I still live at home, so I help her prepare the food, and she cooks everything from shrimp, crawfish, and pasta, and we all wear holiday pajamas and exchange gifts and holiday cookies."
13.Underneath the Mistletoe
"I actually just started dating someone. It's casual, but we're having fun. I plan on exchanging gifts and possibly having some fun with the holiday lingerie I just bought. Even if he isn't my forever, we're enjoying each other and I'm in the holiday spirit."
14. Christmastime in NYC
"I've been spending my time between New York and Los Angeles, so this year it's up in the air where I'll be. My best friend just got engaged, and she asked if I would want to spend the holidays with her, so I'm thinking about it and, in the meantime, enjoying Christmas in New York City."
15.Holiday Season = Birthday Season
"As a Sagitarrius, the holiday season is my birthday season - needless to say, I'm always having a good time! Double the gifts."
16.Holiday Hostess With the Mostest
"I'm hosting Christmas for my family for the first time this year. I just moved into a new home, and Christmas breakfast is our tradition, so I'm looking forward to cooking and exchanging gifts and giving back to them what they gave me every year while I was growing up."
17.Still Processing
"Christmas isn't really that big of a deal to me; since my mom passed, I stay home and watch a movie and think of those memories, but I'm happy that my friends and extended family check on me each year to see if I'm doing okay."
18.Catching Flights Over Gifts
"I'll be honest, at times Christmas as a single woman in my thirties isn't fun to just sit at home, so I always plan a trip to make sure that I'm happy on that day instead of buying a bunch of gifts that I don't need."
19.Showing Up & Showing Out
"2024 was all about health and wellness for me, and I dropped some pounds. I'm looking better than ever. So I'm going to every Christmas party I get invited to and giving a look."
20.A Naija Christmas
"My girls and I are headed to Nigeria. We're bringing in Christmas and the new year there together and I couldn't be happier."
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