The announcement that Netflix acquired the 90's sitcom Moeshahas given us all nostalgia. Still, minutes into season one, everyone, including Jasmyn Lawson, editorial manager of Netflix's Strong Black Lead had to admit that Kim was treated like trash.
Yeah, Moesha was big trash, especially towards Kim. Oooo. I am not ready for the think piece tweets
— Jasmyn (@JasmynBeKnowing) August 1, 2020
😩😩😩😩
Minutes into season one of Moesha it was clear: she was there to be the butt of every joke. Her friends weren't kind to her, and when Moesha wasn't picking her apart, she was chasing Hakeem, who visibly wasn't interested. It was hard to watch, and I wondered how actress Countess Vaughn felt playing a character like Kim. Ultimately, the show's takeaways are a mirror of the times, and the thoughts and feelings of those in the writer's room.
Still, that doesn't change the lasting impression that many plus-sized women felt with them after all of Black Twitter re-watched Moesha together. Seeing Kim made me question how I saw myself growing up.
My weight has fluctuated since childhood, but when I think back to the years that I hated how I looked, I realized that I wasn't even overweight. I developed a lot faster than my friends, and by thirteen, I had the body of a grown woman. But I stood out, and everyone saw and I was picked on a lot. By girls who didn't like me, adults in my family, and guys I went to school and church with. So at almost 30, it's clear why I gravitated towards The Parkers, Vaughn's spin-off and not Moesha. I didn't like Moesha because I didn't feel seen. And chances are if you're reading this and you're plus size, you didn't feel seen either. But how could you?
On cable television, 90% of women featured are not plus size. 67% of American women wear a size 14. This is why when we have the opportunity to have plus size women on screen, we need more from their characters. And why characters such as Kelli from Insecure are a clear indication of the necessary work we still have left to do.
I wish I could say that scenes where Kelli is overly flirtatious and often the butt of the joke (when she peed on herself at Coachella, or got fingered underneath a table while she proclaimed that it was her 'cheat day', another stereotype of plus size women fad dieting) weren't just in poor taste. Still, they can have a lasting effect as studies show "overweight girls who internalize fat stereotypes report low psychosocial well-being" and feelings of inadequacy.
To dismiss the reality of these stereotypes that fat women have higher sex drives, no self-control, or tell jokes so that they don't become the joke, is cringeworthy on screen.
And while I love that Kelli is seen working and showing up for her friends, why is she the only character on Insecure that we've never seen in a relationship? We've been through hell and back with Issa and Lawrence, been to Tiffany's baby shower and seen her battle postpartum depression, met Andrew's brother and weird wife on vacation - and we've never even seen the inside of Kelli's bedroom.
Ask yourself why that is.
Watching #Moesha in my 30s hits different now. The fat shaming of Kim aka Countess Vaughn from the pilot onwards has me shook. I know it was the 90s, but DAMN! Every episode a Fat Joke?! I really wonder what that does to a young actor’s self esteem week after week on set?
— Danielle Pinnock (@bodycourage) August 1, 2020
Vaughn's character Kim shined in her hit spin-off The Parkers, but Oscar-winning actress Monique dealt with so much fatphobia. The plot was her chasing Professor Oglevee for the show's entire run, while his thin love interest Veronica often commented on what she deemed to be her "grotesque" body; all for Nikki to finally end up with Stanley at the end, after she fell in love with a man who loved her for her. And shows like The Game that displayed Malik Wright hiding his "fetish" for big girls when he told his secret love interest Renee that she couldn't go to the door in his sneakers because he didn't want to blow their cover, as if being seen with her would've been career suicide. The media has made it clear with its slander of Lizzo that the world doesn't see it for fat women, but when our own people create stereotypical characters, it makes us question how they see us and to be frank -- it's triggering.
The stereotypes that are placed on plus size women weren't something I experienced until I was grown, and by that point I'd already known that every man didn't treat us that way. But what about the women who've never seen anything but what is portrayed in the media?
Where are the plus size women that are just women, who live full lives, have sex scenes like Brely Evans' character on OWN's Ambitions, Rondell Lancaster? We need more of them; we deserve more of them, it's been time. What I loved about 90's TV characters like Living Single's Khadijah and Synclair, who's weight was never even mentioned and they lived their lives, and had sex scenes, often. Queen Latifah's character owned her own business, had a long-lasting relationship, and Synclair was happily married on-screen, as a plus-size woman. They were women with goals, ambitions, families, and partners that we saw visibly on a weekly basis.
Which is why Vaughn's spin-off meant so much to me. She dated and was showered with love by the men who courted her, had her own business, had great friends, and she was the fashion icon we never knew we needed. It gave me the confidence to experiment with my clothes, know that I was worthy of men dating me with intention, and it solidified my relationship with my mother.
Kim's character revamp was what we needed, and as much as we love Brandy, Moesha will forever be a reminder of the times we lived in when we weren't seen as equal. Where even on our own shows Black women weren't protected. As a community, plus-size women share an experience of pain and lack of acceptance, but we are so much more than that.
So, for anyone who watched Moesha and didn't feel like you were enough, know that I see you, I love you, I am you, and we are more than enough.
Here's to all the shows that will be written that our daughters will have to look to for encouragement, not images that will retraumatize them years later.
Featured image via Tenor
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak