Not Demure, But Very Mindful: 9 Phrases Successful Black Women Use In The Workplace
Taking up space. Setting boundaries. Using our voices. These are all actions we have come to embrace as Black women who have bills to pay, legacies to leave, businesses to run, and deals to close. But what does this really look like in action?
For many successful Black women, it's about the words we use and how we use them, whether affirmations, calls to action, mottos, or living missions. And there are major power phrases that are common among the women we all admire and the leaders who keep the business engines running in America.
Here are 9 statements that assert power, set boundaries, and empower that any ambitious Black woman should have in her daily arsenal when at work:
1. “I respectfully disagree, and here’s why.”
Successful women speak up when they disagree, especially when their insights might be a better way to approach or solve a problem. And according to experts, "Healthy conflict is a powerful way to unlock diverse ideas and opinions from all the smart people."
Offering counterpoints and having healthy discourse when it comes to disagreement has been found to also contribute to workplace fulfillment, innovation, and creativity, all things that successful women leaders embrace and contribute to as well.
2. “I appreciate your feedback, and I’ll consider it.”
Being open to constructive criticism or other ways of looking at things is the mark of a great leader. They're never the only one "right" in a room, nor are they the "smartest." They know that it's the people around them---the very capable members of their teams---who are vital to their success and the overall success of a department or company.
In a discussion with students and staff at the Stanford Graduate School of Business, Oprah Winfrey talked about the importance of valuing people’s insights and feelings. She added that three vital questions must be considered, especially when you don't agree with someone's feedback: “Did you hear me? Did you see me? Did what I say mean anything to you?”
3. “I will follow up with you if I have any additional questions. Thank you.”
This sets a tone of not only acknowledging someone's efforts but ensuring they know that constant micromanaging or annoying follow-ups (about something you're very aware needs to get done) are unnecessary and not welcome.
Time is also a key factor here since successful leaders have very little of it to waste. In order to manage their time and fully function in their roles, indicating a clear indication of follow-up versus having a long conversation or debate in the moment is a better idea.
4. “Thank you for your time today.”
It's always just good manners to thank someone for taking the time to offer their talent, time, and efforts. It's also another way to acknowledge value, whether someone is an intern or a high-profile executive. The most powerful CEOs and entrepreneurs have embraced the power of a simple "Thank you," noting the benefits to morale and showcasing their values.
Successful women endear themselves to both clients and their direct reports when they have a spirit of gratitude and put it to good use.
5. “I have a few more vital points to share on this.”
This statement is an attestation of "taking up space" in action, especially when someone tries to silence you or cut the sharing of your vital insights short. We've seen this statement put into play with Vice President Kamala Harris in her debates with Donald Trump, as well as the infamous "Reclaiming my time" quote from Rep. Maxine Waters.
Utilizing your voice and ensuring that you're able to be fully understood for your intelligence, status, and experience is a must.
6. "No."
Yes, this is a statement. Successful women unapologetically say this often, and you don't need to make excuses or explain. Sometimes the answer is simply "No." Offering reasons can sometimes downplay your right to decline to do anything you don't want to do or no longer have the mental or physical capacity to sustain, especially if it's something outside of your job duties, pay level, or expertise.
7. "Our team did an excellent job on this. Let’s celebrate!”
Oftentimes, it's easy for company leaders to just keep pushing to the next project without acknowledging the wins of one that was just completed. Successful leaders know that in order to retain top talent, accomplishments must be publicly announced, celebrated, and rewarded.
8. “I have several projects to complete that need my full attention. Can we delegate this to _____ instead?”
Delegation is key for success, especially the higher you climb in your career, and setting a boundary on your time is important. When you have so many duties and tasks to juggle, it can get overwhelming and lead to burnout or worse, offering low-quality work.
Taking a stand on what you're capable of handling at one time is the best way to not only preserve your sanity but also ensure you'll remain successful and respected for excellent work in the long run.
9. “I’ve offered value and deserve a pay increase. Here’s what I propose.”
Unequal pay is still a problem for Black women in the workplace, and one key factor that contributes to a solution is demanding raises when we deserve them. One thing a successful woman won't do is allow herself to stay underpaid for long. They document their wins, discuss tangible return on investment of their time and talents, and negotiate what they deserve.
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Exclusive: Dreka Gates Talks Farm Life, Self-Mastery, And Her Wellness Brand
Dreka Gates is making a name in wellness through authenticity and innovativeness. Although we were introduced to her as a music manager for her husband, Kevin Gates, she has now carved out her own lane outside of music as a wellness entrepreneur. But according to Dreka, this is nothing new.
In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
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If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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Bi In A Straight-Presenting Relationship? Here’s What To Consider Before Coming Out
I don't know if it was Kehlani's latest tour or Teyana Taylor and Victoria Monét’s sizzling Usher tribute at the BET Awards, but something has sparked a lot of us into a late-in-life bi-awakening. Even Keke Palmer shared that she’s not strictly into men. But let’s be real: admitting you might not be fully straight while already in a relationship with a man? That can be downright terrifying.
Cultural norms and societal expectations can make you second-guess whether you should even speak your truth. The thing is, most bisexual people are in what’s called "hetero-presenting" relationships—meaning, from the outside, it looks like a heterosexual relationship, but in reality, one (or both!) partner(s) may be bisexual. Being bi but appearing straight? It’s more common than you think. This phenomenon makes bi-erasure even more real!
Realizing you’re bisexual while in a hetero-presenting relationship doesn’t automatically mean you want to jump ship. So what now? How do you navigate this revelation and still keep your relationship intact? How do you even bring this up to your boyfriend or husband? And let’s be real—should you come out at all?
'Is Coming Out Even Worth It?'
Coming out can mean showing up more authentically, finding new communities, and maybe even expanding your dating options (depending on what you and your partner agree on, of course).
Many bi folks feel a huge sense of relief after coming out to their partners and loved ones. As sex therapist Shadeen Francis puts it, “This can be an exciting and growth-filled time. People often experience a renewed curiosity about themselves or their relationship, awe about their sexuality, and a deeper interest in or appreciation for their partner.” In fact, your bi-awakening might even bring you closer to your partner. Vulnerability in a safe, supportive relationship can really deepen your connection.
Shadeen also points out that “partners can be inspired to explore themselves more deeply. While it may not always be about sexuality, one person’s self-discovery often sparks reflection for those around them, including spouses.” In other words, honesty breeds emotional closeness.
What If Things Go Left?
It’s important to keep in mind that not every coming out story is all sunshine and rainbows. Coming out as bisexual while in a heterosexual relationship is a deeply personal experience that can shake up everything you thought you knew about yourself. For Black women, this journey is even more layered. “Cultural upbringing, race, and religion can all influence how you discover, accept, and navigate your new sexual identity,” explains certified sex educator Taylor M. Akers.
Realizing you're bisexual can be both liberating and terrifying. The fear of how your partner, family, or community might react can bring up waves of anxiety and self-doubt. You might wonder if you’re risking the safety of your relationship or your sense of belonging. And let’s be real, if your partner or your people don’t vibe with bisexuality, it can trigger feelings of rejection and leave you feeling misunderstood.
As Taylor Akers points out, the idea of coming out can even activate your survival instincts. “They may fear losing the security of their current relationship and the stability it provides. Feelings of rejection could arise, leading to anxiety or depression, especially if their spouse, family, or social circle culturally disagrees or is indifferent to bisexuality. That can feel unsafe and threatening to one’s sense of self and identity.”
While those fears and risks are real, it's important to remember that without risk, there can be no reward. Stay rooted in your 'why' when navigating the tough parts of these conversations, and remember that those who truly love you will want you to express yourself fully.
How To Navigate the Conversation
Once you've decided that coming out is worth it because you want to be fully seen for who you are, think carefully about when and how to tell your partner. Timing is everything—avoid dropping this potentially relationship-shifting conversation when they’ve just woken up or walked in from work. Sex Therapist Kamil Lewis suggests, “I recommend having the conversation at a low-stress time, maybe over dinner, after watching a show together, or during a light conversation about your relationship.”
Once you’ve picked your moment, connect with your support system! Whether the conversation goes smoothly or takes a turn, you’ll want someone on standby—whether to celebrate with or to lean on. Kamil adds, “If a close friend or family member knows about your bisexuality, let them know when you plan to talk to your partner. That way, they can offer support, no matter the outcome.”
When it’s time to talk, here’s a pro tip: keep the focus on your own experience. Sex therapist Shadeen Francis advises, “Share your feelings using ‘I’ statements, like ‘I’ve realized’ or ‘I feel.’ Then, listen to your partner’s reactions without judgment.” It’s important not to expect any specific response—they might need time to process before they can fully express how they feel. And above all, if you’re committed to the relationship, say so! As Shadeen points out, “It can be reassuring for your partner to hear, as many assume this means you want to break up.”
This conversation might also turn into a teaching moment. In a world shaped by compulsory heterosexuality, your partner might not fully grasp what “coming out” as bisexual means. So, open that notes app and jot down your thoughts ahead of time. Think about what specifically you want to share—and don’t hesitate to practice the conversation beforehand.
The Bottom Line
Ultimately, deciding whether to come out as bisexual while in a relationship with a man is a deeply personal choice, but it’s also one that can combat the erasure of bisexual identities. As we’ve explored, this journey can be both liberating and anxiety-inducing. Bisexuality is often misunderstood or overlooked, especially in hetero-presenting relationships, and coming out can be a powerful way to affirm your truth—not just for yourself, but for others who may feel unseen.
Whether it’s the joy of being more authentically known, the emotional closeness that honesty can bring, or the fear of potential rejection, remember that there’s no one right way to navigate this.
If you feel ready to share this part of yourself, consider the timing and approach with care, lean on your support system, and speak from the heart. And if the conversation takes an unexpected turn? Give your partner space to process, but also let them know your commitment to the relationship remains intact. This isn't just about coming out—it’s about resisting erasure, embracing your full self, and nurturing the love and connection you've already built.
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