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As women, experiencing period pain is an all-too-familiar aspect of our lives. From mild discomfort to debilitating cramps, the aches of our flow can significantly impact our daily routines and overall well-being.
Getting our menstrual pain under control can prove to benefit us throughout the days of our period, but it can also enhance our lifestyle and alleviate us from being bound to our bedside as cramps, bloating, and headaches subside. While the discomfort we experience before and during our cycle comes with the experience of being a woman, it shouldn’t have power over how productive and well we feel during our cycle.
As we take care of our bodies during our period through proper rest, exercise, and eating well, we become better equipped to handle period pain and maintain a positive mindset. Still, it’s nice to know that there are capsules on the market that can give us the relief we need to reclaim control over our well-being during that time of the month.
That’s why we’ve provided 8 supplements that alleviate period pain, restore balance during your menstrual cycle, and allow you to embrace a happier and (less painful) flow.
XCramp™ by the Fix
This unique blend of magnesium and ginkgo biloba actively relieves menstrual cramps and reduces pain/dysmenorrhea, providing relief from menstrual spasms. It also helps reduce premenstrual tension symptoms because you deserve a pain-free period.
The Fix
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Black Women, You Deserve More: How Over-Giving Is Holding You Back In Love & Life
As a Black woman who has been conditioned to over-extend, overgive, and carry the weight of everyone else, I am going to hold your hand when I say this: Putting yourself first is no longer an option, it's the only option, sis.
In a world that demands our self-sacrifice, expects us to bend until we break, and labels us “strong” so we never dare complain or grow weary as we lift others ahead of ourselves, the journey to living authentically and prioritizing our own needs can feel radical. We’re taught to prove our worth through resilience and endurance, but at what cost? Too often, that cost is losing ourselves in roles that don’t truly honor who we are or what we truly need. And that is far too expensive of a cost.
I know this for a fact because a lot of my healing journey has involved unlearning what I learned about love as a child and unpacking the rhetoric around what Black women are expected to be for everyone, even if it's a danger to ourselves. I realized I was tired not because of life or the people around me but because of the things I was passively choosing for myself by not choosing myself.
Living more authentically has meant unlearning the belief that love is earned through over-giving and people-pleasing. It has meant learning how to advocate for myself even in discomfort in order to advocate for my wants and needs instead of settling for less. More than anything, it has also meant learning how to prioritize myself out of self-love and doing so as a daily practice.
Authenticity is not just a buzzword making its rounds on social media. It's a necessity and is arguably one of the most powerful things you can do for self.
That's why this conversation with Samantha Saunders, Licensed Professional Counselor & Authentic Relationship Expert, is so important. The host behind the Moving Beyond You podcast knows firsthand what it means to lose yourself in the pursuit of being enough for others. "When I was in my first marriage, I was so focused on being the ‘perfect wife’ and avoiding the stigma of divorce that I completely lost myself," she shares. "I thought if I just worked harder, sacrificed more, and ignored the red flags—like my husband’s repeated affairs—I could make it work. But all I did was make myself smaller and smaller until I didn’t recognize who I was anymore."
Through her own journey of self-reclamation, Saunders has learned that authenticity isn’t just about being honest with the world, it’s about being honest with yourself. In this interview, she opens up about her path to living an authentic life, her insights into breaking unhealthy relational loops, and how embracing abundance can help you reclaim your narrative and live a life that truly speaks to you.
If you’re ready to shift from over-giving to choosing yourself by living authentically, keep reading.
The Power of Authenticity in Self-Prioritization
For many women, particularly Black women, putting yourself first presents a unique challenge. Between societal expectations and personal obligations, self-prioritization can not only feel uncomfortable but also selfish, a word we've been conditioned to fear. From an early age, we're taught to swallow and shrink ourselves as we shape-shift into whatever the moment calls for. But what happens when those roles consume us to the point that we no longer recognize ourselves, or even disappear?
Like so many of us, Saunders had a similar story. After over 30 years of living according to what society told her she should be, she had a realization: In her pursuit of checking off the "right" boxes (i.e. being married, having kids, staying strong), she had lost herself.
"I didn’t know who I was outside of what other people needed or expected from me," she tells xoNecole. "So when you ask how living authentically plays a role in putting yourself first, the truth is—you can’t fully know yourself without checking in on what you truly want, not just what others say you need."
Samantha Saunders, LPC & Authentic Relationship Expert
Courtesy
Saunders ended up reflecting on a question that would prove to change the trajectory of her life: "If nobody had a say in how I lived my life, not my family, not society, not even my own fears, what would I do?"
For her, the answer was clear. It led her to walk away from a marriage that no longer aligned with her truth and to begin living for herself. While every woman’s answer will be different depending on her season of life, Saunders emphasizes that the core takeaway remains the same: Living authentically requires self-prioritization.
"When you’re not true to yourself, it’s easy to fall into patterns of over-giving, people-pleasing, and settling for less," she explains. "But when you honor who you are and what you truly want, you create space for healthy, reciprocal connections. Relationships should add to your life, not drain it. They thrive when two whole, authentic people show up for each other, and that can only happen when you make yourself a priority."
The truth is, that choosing yourself is an essential part of living authentically. Choosing yourself is not just about bold moves and major life shifts, it's a daily practice. It’s about learning to check in with your needs, set boundaries that honor your well-being, or refuse to shrink yourself for the comfort of others, you are choosing authenticity. You are choosing you.
Signs You’re Stuck in an Unhealthy Relational Loop
Old relational patterns might be the hardest thing to unlearn, even as you start to prioritize yourself more. Though they are often rooted in scarcity, those relational patterns feel familiar and because they are familiar, they become almost like second nature, meaning that without even realizing it, you become stuck in an unhealthy relational loop, a cycle of self-abandonment masquerading as duty, connection, and of course love.
According to Saunders, these loops can show up in ways we don't even question because we view them as normal because they are familiar to us. "Unhealthy relational loops can look like this: You argue, there’s yelling, silent treatment, or someone says something hurtful, and then eventually you 'move on.' Maybe there’s an apology, maybe not, but the behavior doesn’t actually change. You feel like you’re stuck on repeat, and deep down, you know nothing is improving," she explains.
Another major sign? Over-giving or over-functioning in relationships. "Maybe you’re constantly doing things for others at the expense of your own well-being because you’re afraid of disappointing them or losing the relationship. A lot of times in unhealthy relationships we are over-functioning for the other person, whether that’s emotionally or trying to get them to change in some capacity. You might also notice you’re always seeking approval, doubting your decisions, or second-guessing your worth," Saunders expounds.
Other signs of unhealthy relational loops can include:
- Over-explaining or justifying your needs
- Feeling emotionally responsible for others
- Staying in cycles simply because they are familiar
"You are not obligated to keep living in a pattern. You don’t have to keep attracting the same dynamics of giving and just because it’s familiar," Saunders reminds us. "Familiar does not mean safe. Familiar does not mean yours. It just means you have been conditioned to accept it."
"Familiar does not mean safe. Familiar does not mean yours. It just means you have been conditioned to accept it."
Saunders reiterates that familiar patterns are often ones that stem from survival mode, a learned response from our past experiences that we had to earn love or fight to be chosen. But she makes it clear that in case no one told you, "you are no longer that version of yourself who had to fight for scraps. You are becoming a grown healed woman who is allowed to choose abundance, especially in your relationships."
But how do you break a cycle that already feels so ingrained in how you move through the world? Saunders offers a framework for recognizing and releasing these patterns:
How to Heal Unhealthy Relational Patterns: 5 Tips
1. Slow down and see the pattern:
"The moment you feel that familiar pull [of] over-explaining, fixing, shrinking... pause. What is your body telling you? What's the urge? And whose voice is in your head when you feel like you have to do it? Awareness is your first step out."
2. Separate reality from fear.
"A scarcity response is fear dressed up as wisdom. It whispers, 'If I don’t do this, I’ll lose them,' or 'If I say no, they’ll leave.' But is that true, or is it just a version of you that still believes she has to work for love?"
3. Interrupt the cycle with something new.
"When you catch yourself falling into an old pattern, ask yourself: 'What would a healed, abundant version of me do?' Maybe that means not texting first. Maybe that means allowing yourself to receive instead of proving your worth. Maybe that means choosing rest over performing. The shift starts with one different choice."
4. Regulate your nervous system.
"These patterns aren’t just in your mind, they live in your body. That anxious pull to do something? That’s your nervous system running old programming. Breathe. Move. Meditate. Teach your body that you are safe even when you don’t over-function."
5. Rewire your beliefs about love, connection, and worth.
"You have to start believing that you are inherently worthy of love and support not because of what you do, but because of who you are. Real love does not require your exhaustion."
From Scarcity to Abundance: How to Stop Over-Giving and Start Thriving
If learning how to break free from unhealthy relational loops teaches us anything, it’s that we are not obligated to stay in spaces that drain us just because they’re familiar. We don’t have to keep choosing relationships, habits, or beliefs that operate from a place of fear, over-giving, or self-sacrifice. But even when we recognize these cycles, it’s not always easy to stop identifying with them. Why? Because of scarcity.
Scarcity conditions us to believe that letting go of what is familiar means that we are losing. Scarcity makes us believe that if not this, what else is there? What if there is not another opportunity after this, another relationship, another chance? What if there isn't more?
According to Saunders, it's this mindset that keeps us from choosing abundance, from leading a life of authenticity, and ultimately from truly choosing ourselves.
"Scarcity is a mindset we inherit from experiences where we felt like there wasn’t ‘enough.’ Enough love, time, opportunities, or support. It keeps us stuck in fear, thinking we have to cling to what we have because something better might not come along. But the truth is, there are billions of opportunities, people, and chances in this world. Your only limit is what you allow yourself to believe."
So how do you actually make this shift? Saunders offers these key steps:
How to Shift from Scarcity to Abundance: 6 Tips
1. Reframe your beliefs.
"To shift into abundance, start by reframing your beliefs. Instead of thinking, 'This is my only chance,' remind yourself, 'There will always be more.' Whether it’s love, success, or community, abundance exists when you stop operating from fear. 'I have to earn love' or 'Opportunities are limited' must be replaced with 'I am already worthy' and 'What’s meant for me won’t require self-sacrifice.'"
2. Set boundaries that honor your worth.
"Scarcity makes us overextend ourselves because we think saying no means we’re losing something. But boundaries create space for what you truly deserve. Ask yourself, 'Does this add to my life, or does it drain me?' Then make decisions accordingly."
3. Let go of over-giving and practice receiving.
"Practicing receiving without guilt is key, allowing love, help, and rest without immediately feeling the need to reciprocate reinforces that you are deserving just because."
"To shift into abundance, start by reframing your beliefs. Instead of thinking, 'This is my only chance,' remind yourself, 'There will always be more.' Whether it’s love, success, or community, abundance exists when you stop operating from fear."
4. Stop settling and raise your standards.
"Setting and maintaining bare minimum standards in relationships, work, and personal care ensures that you no longer settle for less than what aligns with your worth. The real shift happens when you stop moving from desperation and start moving from trust, knowing that chasing or over-giving won’t bring you what’s truly meant for you."
5. Embrace the power of no.
"Embracing the power of saying no without guilt or fear creates space for what actually nourishes and supports you. When you fully believe in your own worth, you stop proving yourself and start choosing what aligns with the life you truly want.
6. Ground yourself in gratitude.
"Focus on gratitude. When you recognize what you already have, it reinforces the belief that more is possible. Gratitude helps you lean into abundance and lets you move through life with confidence instead of fear."
How to Start Putting Yourself First Today
So, how do you start putting yourself first? Well, it starts with small, intentional choices that reinforce your worth and shift you out of over-giving and self-neglect. In terms of practical tips, Saunders emphasizes prioritizing yourself starts with the little things, like recognizing where your energy is going and reclaiming it.
"Take a look at your schedule, your to-do list, or even your text messages. Identify one thing you’re saying yes to out of guilt, obligation, or fear of disappointing someone, and say no instead," she advises. Whether it’s declining a last-minute request, rescheduling something that doesn’t fit your energy, or stepping away from a draining conversation, setting these small boundaries is a powerful way to take back your time.
Just as important as your actions are the thoughts that shape them. "If you catch yourself thinking, ‘I have to overwork to be successful’ or ‘If I don’t do everything, I’ll lose people,’ pause and reframe it," she encourages. Instead, try replacing those thoughts with, 'Success flows when I take care of myself first' or 'I am worthy of love and support without over-functioning.' This simple mindset shift can completely change how you move through life.
And when it comes to boundaries, one of the most freeing things you can do is stop explaining yourself. "You don’t need to justify prioritizing yourself. A simple ‘I’m not available’ is enough," Saunders reminds us. "Watch how much lighter you feel when you stop giving people permission to validate your choices." Letting go of the need for permission or validation allows you to stand firmly in your decisions without guilt.
4 Ways to Put Yourself First Without Feeling Guilty
For Black women, self-prioritization is more than self-care, it’s self-preservation. This radical act of choosing ourselves is about reclaiming our time, our energy, and our wholeness. But just because we are learning that pouring endlessly into others leads to our own unraveling doesn’t mean there isn’t room to prioritize the people we love. It simply means we can no longer afford to do so at the cost of losing ourselves in the process.
"Balancing self-prioritization while nurturing healthy relationships starts with the understanding that putting yourself first doesn’t mean neglecting others—it means making sure you’re showing up fully, not resentfully," says Saunders. "This will include setting boundaries, communicating clearly, and ensuring that your relationships are built on mutual respect, not self-sacrifice."
The truth is, that healthy relationships don’t require self-abandonment. They don’t thrive on exhaustion or performance. They require both individuals to show up fully and authentically. And prioritizing yourself does not mean neglecting others. It means making sure you are included in the love and care you so freely give.
It means no longer depleting yourself in relationships just to be seen as worthy. "Many people, especially Black women, have been conditioned to believe that prioritizing themselves means neglecting others, but in reality, when you care for yourself first, you show up in relationships from a place of fullness, not depletion."
So how do you balance both? How do you nurture your relationships while making sure you don’t disappear in the process? Saunders shares the following key steps:
1. Get Clear on Your Non-Negotiables
"What do you need to feel like you? Whether it’s alone time, a morning routine, therapy, or simply not answering calls after a certain time, those things matter. When you make space for them, you show up in relationships from a place of wholeness, not depletion."
2. Set Boundaries & Communicate Them Early
"Healthy relationships thrive on clear expectations. If you need a night to yourself, say it. If a conversation is draining you, step away. Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re guidelines for how you can love and be loved without losing yourself in the process."
3. Check in With Yourself Regularly
"We check in on others all the time—How are you? But how often do you ask yourself that? Take a moment each week to pause and ask: Am I honoring my needs, or am I slipping into over-giving? Your well-being shouldn’t be an afterthought."
4. Release the Guilt
"You don’t have to prove your love by over-sacrificing. The people who genuinely care about you will respect your need for balance. Love should feel mutual, reciprocal, and energizing not something that drains the life out of you.
"At the end of the day, the healthier you are mentally, emotionally, [and] physically the healthier your relationships will be. You don’t have to choose between taking care of yourself and being there for others. You can do both. The key is making sure you don’t disappear in the process.
"So ask yourself: 'Am I showing up from a place of love, or from a place of obligation?' The answer will tell you everything you need to know," Saunders concludes.
For more of Saunders, cop her 7 Days to Reclaim Your Peace and Start Healingjournal here.
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