Perfection is unattainable.
I know this.
You know this.
We know this.
So, why is it that I find myself waking every morning surprised and, honestly, disappointed that I am still living this imperfect life?
I am young. I know that I have yet to experience the true disappointments of the world. I still see things as a little shinier than they are. I still find myself debating if the world had always been this bad or if my youth had made me blissfully ignorant, as I adorned the world through my rose-colored glasses.
When I set out to accomplish a goal, I always start off with an unrelenting amount of gusto and determination. I am highly motivated, ready to make a change, and confident that it will go perfectly. But, as time goes by, and reality sets in, the goals that once seemed so achievable are now feeling further and further from my reach. I struggle to recapture the energy and excitement that I once possessed, because with every rejection, failure, or misstep that energy and excitement has steadily turned its back to me.
That glory, that perfect thing I aspired to capture, that perfect, live-changing goal seems to be nothing, but a mirage conjured up in my thirst for a new life.
A different life.
A perfect life.
But as I told you, perfection is unattainable.
I know this.
You know this.
We know this.
Yet, I still find myself constantly searching for perfection in every corner and crevice of my life, because although I know perfection is unattainable, my brain has yet to fathom that perfection, regardless of my unshakable plans, cannot be obtained.
Then, instead of appreciating where I have come, I spend most of my time focused on where I have been and where I will never go. I resign myself to the idea that the battle has been lost. That all the work I have accomplished that led me here have been for not. Instead of seeing myself as progressive, I slap a failure sign on yet another fallen plan. I cry tears of anger and disappointment, ignoring that unrelenting fact that keeps knocking at the forefront of my mind: Perfection is unattainable...but progress is not.
Striving for continuous improvement instead of perfection should be the goal.
So, why is that every chance that we get to give ourselves a pat on the back, for coming as far as we have come, ends up being a shove into ongoing traffic? Why is it that instead of appreciating how far we've come, we glumly look at the miles we have to go? Why is that we can give everyone we love and care for a break for being "perfectly imperfect" but we still find the cracks in our own formidable foundations? Why are we so hard on ourselves?
Well, it's simple really: we spend most of our time aspiring for perfection instead of progress. There's a fine line between striving to do better and never getting anything done because you're trying to make it better. And until we acknowledge that line, we will continue to reflect in our inability to ever be "satisfied."
So, if you're like me and you want to leave this toxic cycle of unhealthy self-criticism, inconsistent motivation, and flawlessness mindset behind, check out the tips below. With this, you and I can stop our unattainable attempt at perfection and simply appreciate our progression.
The Hindrance of Perfection
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Here are some ways that perfectionism might have stopped you from realizing achievable goals:
It slows you down.
Trying to achieve perfection requires more energy, focus, and time. When you narrowly focus your attention on details, things take more time, which can dwindle your energy and tire you out. This makes it more difficult to make meaningful change.
It leads to self-criticism.
When you fall short of a goal, your judgmental inner voice can start throwing insults your way, creating a never-ending battle with yourself. This self-imposed mental assault may lead you to abandon your goal completely. Worse yet, you may be left with an underlying sense that you'll never have the resources or the ability to achieve your goals.
It hinders new ideas and ways of doing things.
When your concentration is directed toward flawlessness, you lose the ability to be aware and open to other possibilities. Perfectionism can keep you stuck doing the same thing over and over again with the same result.
It makes your motivation inconsistent.
By focusing on perfection, you tend to think in terms of black or white. Win or lose. Fail or succeed. There is no gray or middle ground. This type of thinking can make your motivation rather inconsistent. For instance, when things are going well, you might feel confident, skilled, and capable. These positive emotions can encourage you to keep going. But as soon as things turn for the worst, you start feeling discouraged and uninspired. These negative emotions tend to taint your energy and enthusiasm, which makes it tough to pursue the goal.
The Beauty of Progression
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Focusing on progress instead of perfection, can make it much easier and enjoyable to reach your goals. Here are some benefits of focusing on progress:
It convinces you to keep going.
It can be empowering to look back and see the progress you've made despite challenges you've endured. When things become difficult, draw on your past successes to propel you forward. Reflecting on your progress can also reinforce the belief that you can change — that your goals are within your reach. This belief in yourself fuels your motivation and can sustain you during challenging times.
It encourages a mindset of learning, not failure.
In the business world, there is a term used to describe the concept of viewing each mistake as an opportunity to learn from what went wrong, rather than as a win-or-lose proposition. It's called "failing forward," or "failing up." Try applying this concept to your daily life. The word "failure" becomes obsolete because there are only learning experiences on the path to achieving your goals. When you focus on what you've learned, it takes the pressure off and gives you space to experiment with new approaches to see what works and what doesn't. The path to obtaining your goal becomes more enjoyable.
It gives you more reasons to celebrate.
By focusing on progress, your eyes are open to each accomplishment and success, no matter how small. With this awareness, it becomes possible to celebrate every breakthrough. You'll relish the next step because you're excited about what the future holds.
It's sustainable.
Perfectionism isn't sustainable because life is ever-changing and perfection does not exist. There will always be new trials and tribulations that will sway you from your original goal. You'll need to be nimble and flexible to manage all the challenges life hands you. By focusing on progress, you can more easily overcome obstacles, because you know there will be ups and downs. You know that you don't have to be perfect. You know that the path to success isn't a straight line but rather sharp, unexpected turns. Knowing this keeps you on the path to accomplishing your goals.
So, next time you find yourself trying to be perfect, beating yourself up for each misstep, remember this: perfection is unattainable. Instead, identify one or two actions you can take to solve a problem you may have, reframe past failure, and see it as progress. But most importantly, set realistic goals.
Strive for progression instead.
Featured image by Getty Images
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RELATED
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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