When you think about what makes a man “it" for you, does the size of his d**k really matter?
I find myself revisiting this question time and time again in my love life. For most women, the element that elevates sex into great sex territory is the size of a man's package as it is often quite telling of the quality of his delivery.
I was one of those women way back when. I drank the Kool-Aid and believed the hype that the BBC category on Pornhub and conversations with girlfriends over drinks projected.
Bottom line, size mattered. And if he wasn't packing, sex was going to be subpar at best. There was no way a 5 and below could do what I imagined in my mind an 8 or above could do. But, my first experience with an 8 or above told me a different story.
Like most men, Guy A talked about how big it was to me prior to us actually doing the deed and I believed he was probably exaggerating like most men who say they're “big" do. But a week or two later, he proved to me (and my roommates at the time) that he was every bit of the 9 ½ inches that he said he was. My eyes widened and I giggled with glee from anticipation of having him fill me completely. I would quickly learn that in order to enjoy sex with a big d*ck, you have to adjust and became accustomed to his size (riding is absolutely out of the question, but if you can take it, doggy will probably be the most adventurous you can be the first time around).
Ain't no one night stand over here bih.
What's more, I learned that because guys with above-average penis sizes have SO much length, they don't necessarily think they have to work as hard for the pleasure that they illicit from you – i.e., the stroke game can err to the side of being weak as hell. However, that won't stop you from shrieking loudly every time his head repeatedly high-fives your cervix throughout the encounter. Pain and pleasure's thin line will challenge your senses and not necessarily for the better. Whereas a big d*ck seemed good in theory, in reality? Not so much.
I'd actually like to add my coins to the collection plate of d*ck size thoughts and say that size doesn't actually matter. At least, not when it comes to having a partner that knows how to lay it down. In the pursuit of great sex, the connection will always matter more.
In the pursuit of great sex, the connection will always matter more.
For that reason, and another big d*ck beau that came shortly after him that resulted in a similar lackluster feeling – albeit the high-fives to my cervix, I decided to revisit my question of if size mattered to me. The real answer to that question was further emboldened in me with one of my more recent beaus.
I was so close to eliminating him completely after the first time we made love, just because of his size alone.
The package didn't match the sender. Given his height and stature, I overestimated what Guy B would look like unwrapped and erect. In all actuality, he was far below average. It made our first time together very awkward. I couldn't move much because he had a certain angle he had to hit so that he didn't slip out, among other things. So, I not only felt underwhelmed, I felt constrained. If I hadn't grown to like him so much as a person, I would have cut him off then and there. However, I also remembered that while sometimes sex is amazing and earth-shattering and all of those intense adjectives you want it to be the first time around, other times love has to be practiced in order to be made perfect.
And I was right.
The second time far exceeded anything that was the first time. It was much more passionate, much less hurried. We were able to work together in achieving a rhythm because he relinquished some of his control and allowed himself to just be with me in the moment instead of so focused on the mechanics of it. I still felt filled, despite his size and the connection I felt reminded me of the ex I had let go of. By the third time we had sex, he was able to make me orgasm vaginally – something I had only done with one other person in my life. Baby, I was amazed.
So, while I previously scoffed at the idea that a small d*ck could EVER take me to the finish line, I was quickly put on hush mouth as I felt that familiar build up in my body release and let go as the sea of pleasure washed over me.
I more than finished, I arrived.
The act of laying it down can be done just as skillfully with a five or below as it can with a BBC. Size is relative and sex is deeper than any length his package brings to the table. Sex is about connection first and foremost. Honesty and respect next. Chemistry after that. And way, way, way down on the list where it's almost nonexistent should be size. When he knows what to do with it, the rest is history.
The act of laying it down can be done just as skillfully with a five or below as it can with a BBC.
Besides, small d*cks matter too.
Do you think size matters? Let us know in the comments down below.
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and Skylar
Cj Hart @hartbreak
Today, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
