Compassionate.
If my friends could use one word to describe me, it would be compassionate. And that I am – or so I thought. I am also extremely giving and forgiving. But how do you forgive someone that has caused you a lifetime of emotional pain? How do you let your anger subdue with each memory and nightmare? This someone is a "him", and he thought it was OK to molest his cousin, which was me.
I had spent twenty-four months in therapy crying my eyes out learning to cope with my pain. I tried talk therapy, journaling, and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). I spent thirty-seven days solo in Europe to heal. And I did heal. I even journaled a letter in an attempt to forgive him. But still, I found myself angry. I believed I wouldn't be free until this wrong was made right. My favorite uncle aka "My Ace" who kept telling me to understand "him" is mentally ill. A Reiki healer told me I need to show "him" a sense of compassion. I didn't want to. We didn't forgive Harvey Weinstein, so why do I have to forgive "him"? But the memories and nightmares got to be too much. The remnants of pain lingered. I lacked sleep, peace, and a clear mind. I finally had to realize that forgiveness was not for "him", it was for me. It was for my peace of mind and well-being.
A friend of mine suggested that I try a past life regression with her therapist. A past life regression is a form of hypnotherapy that allows an individual to access memories and experiences from previous lives or incarnations that are hidden in their subconscious mind. It's a type of therapy that can help you understand deep connections, soulmate experiences, karmic relationships, unresolved emotions, and key lessons. At this point, I was willing to try anything. My journey into modern-day spirituality has been quite interesting and I have learned so much. I reached out to my friend's therapist and I scheduled a consultation. After a one-hour conversation, it was clear that a past life regression would help me understand if I met my cousin in any of my past lives. This appointment was scheduled two weeks later.
Preparing For A Past Life Regression
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I was asked to think of some questions to ask my spirit guides. A Google search revealed people generally ask about their life purpose, health, or relationships. I had so many questions I wanted answers to. Questions about my family, past lovers, friendships, and "him". But hypnotherapy can be two to three hours long and it is not cheap. I was about to pay $200 per hour to access my subconscious mind. These questions had to be specific and on point.
My Past Life Regression Experience
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My past life regression was scheduled on a summer morning in August. I was dressed comfortably. I threw on an oversized black t-shirt, a pair of gray sweatpants, and slipped into my jelly slides. I was advised not to consume too much food, liquids, and not to drink alcohol. I was excited and nervous as I had not done any type of hypnotherapy before. I walked into my therapist's office. My therapist was a woman, and I was welcomed with a warm smile. She reviewed my questions and ensured I had nothing to be nervous about. I was ready to begin. I was given a pillow, and a blanket as I laid on the couch and slowly closed my eyes.
My therapist began to put me into a relaxed state by asking me to take a couple of deep breaths. Her voice guided me into a deeper state of relaxation with colors, and detailed descriptions of scenery. By this time, I was in a transitive state. I was not awake, but I was not sleeping. I felt heavier and heavier as my body sunk deeper into the couch. My therapist then directed me to go to the first significant event in this lifetime. She continued to ask me descriptive questions as she wrote down what I said. What was I wearing? How old was I? What do I see? Where do I live? What was my name? Am I male or female? What kind of job do I have? For each significant event in this lifetime, I answered similar questions. Describing where I was, who I was with, how I felt, who was with me, and what was happening.
I felt like I was in a movie, and the theme of my movie was called freedom. I had a whole damn life too. A life that encompassed travel, passion, true love, and writing. I experienced everything; happiness, joy, hurt, pain, and fulfillment. I was a wife, a mother, and a divorcee. I had no regrets because I followed my heart and I flourished in my authenticity. In that lifetime, I lost my life to a snakebite in the mountains. This is revealing because I have a legit phobia of snakes and mountains are not my thing.
Life Lessons
Forgiveness
Sure enough, the same cousin appeared in my past life. He returned to this lifetime so I could learn how to deal with him differently. I needed to control the feelings of anxiety I had towards "him". I would have preferred to tell my family earlier on what had happened to me, but I didn't. So, in this lifetime I chose to release and heal. I was punishing myself for not being strong enough to make the right decision. It wasn't that I needed to forgive "him", I had to forgive myself. I had to give myself grace for who I was then and who I am now. I had to reconcile my unresolved emotions of guilt and self-hate that were no longer a part of me. A healing journey never ends. This was the only way I was going to continue to shed the past and live in the now.
Create the Life You Want to Live
In that life, everything I did fed my soul. I lived a full life. I was, and always will be a free spirit. Similarly, I am creating a life I love today. Even though in that lifetime I had a husband and a child, no one was holding me back, and there is no one holding me back now. I am creating every word, in every paragraph, on each page, and in this chapter. When I'm in the flow of the universe, then I flow with it. Sometimes, life takes unexpected turns, but we must learn to pivot to create the life we want to live.
A Message from My Grandmother
I have been told by psychics, Reiki healers, and mediums my grandmother is always with me. They see my grandmother protecting me and guiding me. One of my questions was "Out of all her grandchildren, why me?" Before my therapist brought me back to a state of consciousness, I met my grandmother in-between lives. My grandmother said I have always been special, and I am very much like her. I have a good heart as she did. She told me to continue in my journey, release my fears, and know that I will always be okay. I am to always walk forward, and not backward.
Post-Past Life Regression
My therapist gently guided me out of the transitive state I was in. I almost didn't want to wake up. She was impressed at how visual I was during the session as only a small percentage of people can do so. She said I was under for two and a half hours and I probably could have stayed under for three hours. We were only able to work through four of thirteen questions and I was OK with that. She said she would give me a written transcript of my past life, soul lessons, and spirit guide answers so that I can refer to them when needed. I thanked my therapist for her help and left her office feeling light-hearted and peaceful. I was also tired; my body and mind were exhausted.
Having experienced a past life regression and hypnosis, I would recommend it to others struggling with forgiveness, trauma, or other major life events. Through my spiritual journey, I continue to have a better understanding of myself.
My heart is now open, and my soul is now free.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- My Journey From Religion To Modern-Day Spirituality - xoNecole ... ›
- How To Forgive People Who Aren't Sorry - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
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Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Feature image by @jorgemezaphotos
“I was doing the same thing every day, and I just was getting tired of it. And we were remote at that time, and I'm like, this would be the perfect opportunity to explore. My partner was very supportive of it, and we were between Atlanta and Houston,” Kaylyn tells xoNecole.
“I have a young son, so Atlanta made kind of more sense because it was still close to my family, and that's ultimately what we decided. So I moved to Atlanta, and then my first job was with Compass (real estate company), and that was my first and last job, so far, fingers crossed.”
While working at Compass, she did marketing on the side. However, it took Kaylyn being laid off from the company to truly give full-time entrepreneurship a shot. Already having some clients, the marketing guru continued to build her clientele and ultimately became even more successful. The Florida State alum has even begun hosting events such as a lifestyle networking event “For The Tastemakers + Visionaries” back in October.
Moving to a new city can be daunting, especially when you’re trying to build a business. It’s important to make the right connections in order to thrive in your entrepreneurship journey. Kaylyn shares how she did it.
“I feel like you have to get out. And I think one thing about Atlanta, and it's probably prevalent in other cities, but you don't necessarily have to seek out those rooms, but also kind of understand what rooms not to be in because that can taint your experience honestly,” she explains.
“Like when I moved people were like, ‘You, like Atlanta?’ I'm like, ‘Yeah,’ but other people's experiences are different because they come for maybe the wrong things. But everything that I explored first was intentional for the progression of my career and the path that I was on. So I was looking for ways to be in marketing rooms, or, like, just find a job that was in marketing.
She adds, “My advice is it doesn't have to necessarily look like your dream company. And what I mean by that is because when I worked with Compass, it wasn't my ideal company. I took it literally because every company has a marketing department within it.
"And if this is a good-paying job, something that's still within my willpower, I know I can do it with no problem. Let me get my foot in the door. I'm all about getting my foot in the door somewhere because I feel like my personal connections are what has taken me further in life. So when I get into those spaces, I'm a sponge.”
What’s next for Kaylyn is curating more intimate events, building BLK Book’s portfolio, and giving back.
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Feature image courtesy Trenton Butler/ @mindofjr