King Noire
Pronouns:
He/Him
Occupation(s):
"I'm a Master fetish trainer. A Master Fetish trainer is someone who helps people identify their fetish and then helps them find ways to live them and experience them in healthy, pleasurable, and safe ways. I'm an adult performer or male talent — "porn star" or however they describe it today — an Erotic Touch Masseuse, Fantasy Flight Pilot, and I've been a Gogo Dancer."
What has your time in the industry been like? How has FOSTA impacted you?
"I think since I do a lot of different things, a lot of times people are just a taken aback when they find out what i do. I think if people find out what I do before they've spoken to me, come to a lecture, or musical performance or anything else I do, they automatically think, 'Well, he slang dick for a living, so he's got no brain or no soul or no heart.'
"The perception of sex workers is that we're all doing this to pay for drugs or it's [generally] just a negative stereotype that a lot of people have towards sex work that kind of permeates into all the different aspects of what we do. People think that they can talk to you any kind of way, whether it's online or at a tradeshow. They think they can just put their hands on you. They say wild stuff that they wouldn't say to anyone else. I get d*ck pics, p*ssy pics, all types of sh*t all the time. If I get 20 per day, I know that a woman is probably getting 100 to 1000 a day... It's open season on anyone who is in the adult entertainment industry. I [constantly] have to remind myself that if it's like that for me, then you know it's way worse for what sisters are going through out here."
"I think it's important to look to people for who they are and their deeds instead of what their profession [is]. I think it's also important to realize sex is a natural thing, it's a beautiful thing, and we are all human."
What should the world know about sex work?
"We're your family, we're your neighbors, we're everyday people just like you — we just happen to make money in a different way. I think it's crazy that we live in a world where if somebody tells you, 'Hey, I work for the military and I drop bombs on people for a living," that's more respected than if somebody tells you that they dance and entertain people. What people do for a living doesn't make them good or bad, it's just how they earn a living.
"I think it's important to look to people for who they are and their deeds instead of what their profession [is]. I think it's also important to realize sex is a natural thing, it's a beautiful thing, and we're humans in a lot of ways. People come to us, who might not be able to find someone to help them experience the world in a way that they wanted to experience the world or open up their eyes to news ways to pleasure. It's not a negative thing, it's a positive thing. Everyone in the world got here through sex and I think most of us are having sex, so I don't think that's something that should be frowned upon."
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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The desire to transform and start fresh that often comes with the beginning of the new year and the subsequent shedding of old skin can also have you questioning where exactly to begin in your attempts to reinvent yourself. According to Dr. Kim Foster, M.D., the journey to reinvention and changing your life starts with the very foundational shift of changing your identity.
"The secret to true transformation isn’t in setting more goals or working harder or even changing your environment. Those things can help, but they are not the core of what actually drives change. The real key is your identity. It’s who you believe you are at your core," Dr. Foster said in a video uploaded to YouTube entitled "The Ultimate Guide to Reinventing Yourself in 2025." To her, "behavior follows identity," and the most important work in reinvention lies not in what you do but in who you become.
With Dr. Foster's insights in mind, the following list of reinvention micro tips is designed to cut through the online noise and focus on actionable steps that align with the deeper work of becoming the person you need to be to truly reinvent yourself.
1.Define and visualize:
Delmaine Donson/Getty ImagesReprogramming your mindset starts with seeing yourself differently and visualization is a powerful tool to usher in that transformation. By defining your future self in vivid detail, you create a blueprint for the person you are becoming. Visualization techniques allow you to practice embodying that version of yourself before the external shifts happen, bridging the gap between who you are now and who you want to be. Some visualization techniques include:
The understanding here is that the more you see it, the more you’ll believe it, and with time, the more you’ll become it.
2.Create an identity board:
If you want to know want to know what an identity board is, it's like a vision board, but better. While vision boards are known for their ability to help you focus on external aspirations and goals, identity boards are great tools to use that help you delve deeper than what's outside of yourself. Instead, it helps you better align with the values, traits, and mindset of the dream identity you are working toward.
As Peace Immam shared in her YouTube video, an identity board can be a transformative tool for reprogramming your subconscious beliefs and shifting away from limiting patterns that keep you playing small. According to Peace, identity boards can be very specific to you, including images or symbols that represent the mindset, lifestyle, and habits you desire to become versus what you want to achieve outside of you.
By focusing on the habits, traits, and lifestyle of that reinvented version of you through an identity board, you place yourself on the path to embodying the identity, aligning with the energy and behaviors of your present self with the reinvented self you are becoming.
3.Write a personal mission statement:
ShutterstockIf creating an identity board isn’t your thing, crafting a personal mission statement is another powerful way to gain clarity, vision, and focus. A personal mission statement helps you align your values with your goals. This simple yet impactful exercise anchors you in your journey of reinvention, aligning you with the energy of your dream self while shaping your decisions and daily habits.
When you define who you want to be and the life you want to create, you give yourself a roadmap to move through life with intention. Whether it’s a paragraph or a single sentence, your personal statement keeps you grounded in your purpose and future vision.
4.Pay attention to your thoughts and change your inner dialogue:
Whether you realize it or not, your inner dialogue influences how you see yourself and what you believe is possible at your core. Negative self-talk and limiting beliefs can keep you tethered to a version of yourself you've outgrown, making it difficult to step into your fullest potential. Similarly to what Dr. Foster touched on at the start, a big part of reprogramming your identity lies in observing these thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve you and consciously choosing to rewrite them.
You can begin by paying attention to what you think about yourself, i.e., your strengths, your worth, and your abilities. When you catch yourself thinking limiting beliefs, challenge them by replacing them with self-affirmations that reflect the version of yourself you are becoming. This practice helps align your inner dialogue with the energy and mindset needed to match that of your future self.
True transformation happens when your beliefs about yourself are in harmony with the person you need to be to achieve your goals.
5.Thoughtfully build your circle:
Vladimir Vladimirov/Getty ImagesThe relationships and connections you surround yourself with play a vital role in your journey of reinvention. Evaluating your circle isn’t just about letting go of toxic friendships or relationships that no longer serve you, it’s also about intentionally creating a support system that aligns with your values, goals, and the person you’re becoming. Thoughtfully curating your circle ensures you have the foundation you need to thrive.
Nurture friendships and connections that are healthy, uplifting, and reciprocal. Look for bonds that foster your growth and provide mutual encouragement, and don’t overlook the importance of community care. Building networks outside of romantic relationships, be it through mentors, colleagues, online groups, or hobby-based communities, creates a web of support that can inspire, guide, and uplift you as you evolve.
6.Carve out space for God and meditation:
A recurring theme across the reinvention is the importance of nurturing a spiritual life. In the videos I watched specifically, some creators shared that they meditate daily for grounding and clarity, while others emphasized the importance of carving out time for God at the start of their day by watering their relationship with Him through prayer, focus, and connection.
Prioritizing this spiritual time helps center you, providing the clarity, peace, and strength to rise to your fullest potential and stay aligned with your purpose. A daily spiritual practice helps center you, giving you the clarity and focus to rise to your fullest potential.
7.Invest in yourself:
Rocka/Getty ImagesReinvention requires intentional investment in your growth, confidence, and well-being. Start by refreshing your wardrobe to reflect the elevated version of yourself you’re stepping into or developing a signature scent that embodies your essence. Cultivate different routines (morning, night, self-care, skincare, etc.) that support this transformation and help you feel aligned with your new identity daily. Beyond the physical upgrades, invest in your personal development through courses and classes that support your talents, teach new skills, and refine your strengths.
If you have the means, consider working with life coaches or therapists, even temporarily, as they can act as guides and accountability partners on your journey. These professionals provide tools to help you hone in on your life vision, stay aligned with your goals, and navigate the challenges of growth with clarity and intention.
When you pour into yourself, you create fertile ground to flourish in your reinvention.
8.Leave your comfort zone:
You know what they say, growth begins where your comfort zone ends. Trying something outside of your usual routine, like attending an event alone, starting a new hobby, or exploring a new city, helps you build confidence and expand your perspective, which is why leaving your comfort zone is a powerful cheat code to reinvention. Want to know another cheat code for stepping out of your comfort zone? Making regular solo dates a practice.
Take yourself to a new restaurant, explore a museum, or try an activity you’ve always been curious about, all in the name of cultivating independence and deepening your connection with yourself. And, of course, entering into the realm of your fullest potential.
Pushing past your limits allows you to discover strengths and qualities you didn’t know you had, which is essential for reinventing yourself. Each step outside your comfort zone helps reshape your identity, aligning you with the confident and capable version of yourself you’re striving to become.
9.Celebrate your wins, both big and small:
miniseries/Getty Images
When you’re in the process of making shifts, inviting big change, and growing into a new version of yourself, it’s easy to overlook the importance of celebrating the wins you collect along the way. The journey of reinventing yourself can be challenging, and acknowledging the big wins (and the small wins) helps to keep you motivated and grounded. Small celebrations create moments of joy and gratitude that give you the momentum to continue stepping into your higher self.
Also, an important note to remember: what feels like a win to you might not be important to someone else, and that’s okay. You don’t need external validation from the people around you to celebrate yourself. Whether it’s buying a cake to celebrate hitting 5,000 followers, treating yourself to something special for sticking to Dry January or having a photoshoot for your birthday, these milestones matter because they reflect your growth and commitment to self.
10.Prioritize fitness:
Prioritizing your fitness is a game-changer when it comes to reinvention and shifting your identity. Moving your body daily not only enhances your physical health but also builds discipline, confidence, and mental clarity, all of which are essential if reinvention is the goal. The benefits of regular fitness are unmatched, from improved mood and energy levels to a stronger sense of self-worth and accomplishment.
Starting your day with fitness, especially before work, is a powerful way to pour into yourself first. This practice reinforces the idea that you are a priority and sets the tone for showing up as your best self throughout the day. Whether it’s a mental health walk, yoga, Pilates, or an intense workout, finding sustainable forms of movement you enjoy helps you stay consistent with the future self you’re working to become.
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