Not too long ago, I was having a conversation with a wife of over two decades who hates to be on the receiving end of oral sex. It had me so intrigued that we ended up discussing it for almost an hour. Basically, what she said was that although she enjoys going down on her husband, she has never really found cunnilingus to be appealing with any man; plus, her husband can’t seem to come up with a technique that will change her mind.
Being the healthy sex-in-marriage fan that I am, I asked her to consider queening (you can learn more about that here). Then I told her that I was super grateful for her honesty and candor because it was going to inspire me to do some (extra) research on oral sex in general.
And so, y’all, here we are. Depending on how fast you read, be prepared to devote at least 5-7 minutes to some of the facts, statistics, and other intel that I’ve found out that’s centered around nothing but oral activities. Something tells me that there will be at least one tidbit in here that will cause your mouth to fall wide open (umm…no pun intended…LOL).
1. There Are Solid Health Benefits from Oral Sex
GiphyFirst up, oral sex having health benefits is not some line that a horny guy came up with; there is actual factual data to back that up. Aside from the fact that, just like sexual intercourse, it can reduce stress, increase dopamine levels, decrease pain and discomfort in the body, and keep your heart in great shape, oral sex is also great at fighting signs of aging and, thanks to the oxytocin boost that it provides, it can even help to make minor wounds heal faster.
Hey, that’s not all, though. When you get a chance, check out “Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm” to read more about how sperm/semen helps to boost cognitive abilities, improve the quality of your skin, and even make your teeth whiter (no joke!). There’s even melatonin in sperm/semen that can help you to sleep better.
As far as vaginas go, guys can serve themselves well by engaging in cunnilingus. One reason is that, so long as the vagina is healthy, there are as much as “100,000 to 100 million Lactobacillus cells per gram of vaginal fluid” up in there. Yep, the va-jay-jay is the ultimate probiotic, and probiotics are helpful for men because they lower stress, improve moods, strengthen immunity, stabilize testosterone levels, and help to prevent inflammation of their prostate.
2. Oral Sex Won’t Get You Pregnant BUT…
Even though oral sex won’t get you pregnant (which can be a huge plus if you’re not ready to be or interested in conceiving a child), please don’t think that you’re home-free on the STI/STD front because that absolutely couldn’t be further from the truth.
Basically, every sexually transmitted infection or disease (which at the end of the day is pretty much the same thing, although more people are starting to feel comfortable with the word “infection” in spite of “disease” still being more popular) that can be transmitted via sexual intercourse can also be transmitted during both fellatio as well as cunnilingus — this includes chlamydia, gonorrhea, and even HIV.
So, if you’re someone who has a casual mindset about oral sex, thinking that it’s somehow “safer,” just remember that there are more things to be concerned about in life than not getting pregnant. So yeah, definitely get tested every six months, and don’t feel the least bit bad about asking for your partner’s STI/STD test results before going down, either (especially if it’s someone new).
3. Even Though “Sex” Is Literally in the Term, Guess What?
GiphyI went to Christian schools until college, and boy, there was nothing like hearing people (especially girls) go into complete and utter denial that they had sex if it was of the oral variety — even though it is literally called “ORAL SEX.” What in the world? It makes you wonder if people even know what the definition of sex (when it comes to sex) actually means because it’s not sexual intercourse.
Sex, as a verb, in Merriam-Webster means “to arouse the sexual desires of,” and if you put “sex” on Google, it says, “sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse.”Seventeen Magazine says that sexual stimulation counts as sex and although a survey published inWomen’s Health Magazine reveals that a lot of people don’t think oral sex is “definitely sex,” they do see it more in a “sex light” if an orgasm transpires (humans are a trip, boy!).
Me? I think WebMDsums it up very well whenever folks want to deflect from oral sex being sex: “Oral sex involves genital contact and is an intimate act.” Yes, y’all — it’s sex. It’s time to let the denial…GO.
4. Fellatio's Origin Is Extremely Literal
If you and some of the people in your world like to play your own randomly weird version of impromptu Jeopardy, perhaps this lil’ tidbit of information will come in handy one day. Although I’m pretty sure that you know that fellatio is all about orally stimulating a man’s penis, did you know that the word’s origin is in the Latin language and that it literally means “to suck”?
As far as cunnilingus goes, from what I’ve read and researched, it too is Latin; however, it’s the combination of two words: cunnus (which speaks to a woman’s vulva) and lingere (which means “to lick”). Hmm…sounds very close to lingerie, doesn’t it? That’s another deep dive for another time, I guess.
5. It Doesn’t Happen As Much As You (Probably) Think It Does
GiphyI’m not sure if this will surprise you, but it certainly did me. Did you know that, on average, people only engage in oral sex around five times a month — whether they are on the giving or receiving end? As far as analingus is concerned (because oral stimulation of the anus certainly qualifies as oral sex), twice a month is what most folks are doing out here (whether they choose to admit it or not).
6. No Head Is a Deal-Breaker for Quite a Few People
As I was checking out some popular surveys on the topic, I was kind of thrown to see that only a little over half of the US population thinks that oral sex not being on the table is a sexual deal-breaker. Hell, I wish a man would expect me to commit for the long haul without that being on the menu (negro, please!).
To me, that speaks of pure selfishness with a dash of immaturity, although some of my male friends said that if they had to choose between intercourse and blowjobs, it would be intercourse for the win every single time (the same survey said that close to 93 percent of women enjoy giving head, by the way). Thoughts?
7. Fellatio Can Benefit Fertility and Pregnancy
GiphyI’ve already shared some of the ways that giving head can benefit the lives of both men and women; however, did you know that it can also make it easier to conceive too?
There’s a study in the Netherlands that revealed there are paternal antigens in a woman’s partner that, when she swallows his sperm/semen, can actually increase her chances of conceiving and decrease her chances of miscarrying. Hmph. Y’all keep on thinking that sex is nothing but a casual act if you want to. Science constantly proves that it’s way more intricate and purpose-filled than that, chile.
8. The Average Age of One's First Sexual Experience Is...
It’s not TMI for me because I wrote it in my first book. The first time I was on the receiving end of oral sex was around 19. Apparently, I’m an old head because, guess what the average age is for both guys and girls? Freakin’ 16. Hmph. What immediately comes to my mind is what someone I know used to say to their daughters when they were in high school: “The same penis that you’re trying to suck is the same one their parents are trying to get them to wash.” Talk about a reality check.
Anyway, at the same time, around 33 percent of girls and 36 percent of guys say that they never had oral sex during their teen years, so that can give some of your parents hope if you’d prefer none of this to go down before their high school graduation.
9. Throat Cancer Is Not What You Have to Worry About When It Comes to Oral Sex
GiphySome of us are old enough to remember (it was just a decade ago, by the way) when actor Michael Douglas caused folks to freak out in a semi-major way by saying that he got throat cancer by giving oral sex. Eh. Not quite. The complete truth is no, you cannot get throat cancer from oral sex. At the same time, what you can get is the human papillomavirus (HPV).
It’s an STI/STD that’s currently the most commonly transmitted in our country, and if it’s left untreated, it can turn into precancerous cells that could very well lead to throat cancer in some instances. Just one more reason to get tested regularly and to only, umm, engage with those who do the same.
10. What You (Might've) Heard About White Folks and Oral Sex Is Apparently…True
Back when I was younger, and I would hear folks who were like 10-15 years older than me talk about oral sex, oftentimes they would say, “That’s what white folks do.” Now, while I think we’ve been just as oral as everyone else (just probably more private or perhaps even sneaky about it), there are official formal studies that say that white men start going down on folks before any other demographic and that white people, in general, partake in oral sex more than any other ethnicity. Gee, I guess those people I was ear hustlin’ on were kinda-sorta right.
11. Mouthwash Can (Possibly) Be Beneficial on a Couple of Levels
GiphyHere’s a hack: If you’re looking for a way to give your partner an extra tingly sensation when you’re performing oral sex or you’d like a flavor that is a bit of a “distraction,” put a mint in your mouth beforehand or gargle with some minty antibacterial mouthwash.
If you do decide to go the mouthwash route, it’s actually got another benefit — word on the street is it can help to kill off some of the bacteria colonies in your mouth and throat that are directly associated with the STI/STD gonorrhea. Pretty wild, right?
Now, this doesn’t mean that you can just gargle some Listerine after unprotected oral sex and be all good. However, there is more data coming out that it can be beneficial on the killing bacteria front as far as certain STIs/STDs go. The more you know.
12. Certain Animals Get Down with the Get Down
Oral sex isn’t limited to humans. There are actually certain animals that take great pleasure in it, too. Some that top the list include hyenas, goats, sheep, cheetahs, lions, bears, fruit bats, and gorillas. Something that I personally like about knowing this is it proves what I am a firm believer in — that sex isn’t just for procreation. All sorts of mammals engage in it for sheer pleasure, too. #salute
13. Guys Wanna Go Down More; Women Find It Less Pleasurable to Return the Favor
GiphyIf you’ve got a guy who tries to deflect from being more “orally active,” share with him that some popular studies actually reveal that more straight men would like to perform cunnilingus than they actually do. Meanwhile, although a lot of women are open to performing fellatio, some surveys say that only 28 percent of women take great pleasure in doing it. Some of the top reasons include because they feel like they are doing it out of obligation, while others don’t like doing it during casual sex.
14. More Church Folks Could Stand to Learn What Cistern Means
Church folks, chile. I won’t say any names, yet I will share the story. I once heard a Black megachurch pastor go on and on about how back in his “unsaved days,” he used to receive oral sex often (come to think of it, I don’t recall him saying that he was on the giving end as well…ANYWAY). Oh, but now that he’s come to the Lord, he doesn’t “disrespect his wife” by having her do that.
I promise you that I think a lot of folks need a Schoolhouse Rock Gospel Edition when it comes to the Bible and how fond it is of sexual activity because when King Solomon (2 Timothy 3:16-17) said, “Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well” in a chapter of the Bible that is devoted to marital fidelity (Proverbs 5:15) — I wonder how many people get that a cistern is defined as being “a reservoir or receptacle of some natural fluid of the body.”
Do I need to go deeper, or should I just pass the collection plate around one good time now?
15. One of the Oldest References to Oral Sex Is Pretty Mind-Blowing
GiphyWhat I just said brings me to one final point. Those of us who pay attention to the geography of the Bible know that it consists of Africa (Egypt specifically) and the Middle East. That’s why, whenever folks say that it’s “the white man’s religion,” I roll my eyes. Anyway, guess what I read once upon a time? Salon published an article entitled, “Ancient Egyptians were so into oral sex, they put it in their religion — and religious art,” which complements what I just said about the cistern pretty well, if I do say so myself. That’s not what tripped me out, though. It’s the tale of Isis and Osiris.
As legend has it, when Osiris was killed by his brother and cut into pieces, his penis was missing. Isis made one out of clay, sucked it, and brought Osiris back to life. It is one of the oldest documentation of oral sex in history. Like I said…mind blown.
_________________
So, tell me, which of these 15 points caught you totally off guard and why? For me, what I like about these kinds of pieces is it’s a reminder that everything has layers and things that we can always learn more about. Clearly, fellatio, cunnilingus, and analingus are no exception. Not by a long shot.
Clearly. *Whew*. CLEARLY.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
'One Of Them Days' Star Keke Palmer & Director Lawrence Lamont Dish On The Wild & Hilarious Buddy Comedy
You know those days when everything that could go wrong… does? Where all you can do is laugh, cry, and maybe call your bestie for moral support? Well, One of Them Days takes that feeling, cranks it up to ten, and delivers a comedy that’s as chaotic as it is relatable.
Starring Keke Palmer and SZA, this buddy comedy follows two best friends navigating one seriously outrageous day. Directed by Lawrence Lamont and co-produced by Issa Rae and Keke Palmer, the film brings big laughs, wild moments, and a much-needed dose of Black sisterhood to the big screen.
And with a cast that includes legends like Kat Williams, Vanessa Bell Calloway, and Abbott Elementary breakout star Janelle James, you already know the energy is on point. But what really makes the film shine is the chemistry between its leads.
“I didn’t want it to feel like a bunch of cameos. I wanted actors who embodied their characters,” Lamont shared. “Keke and SZA alone? They’re just dynamic. They really feel like besties. Even when the cameras weren’t rolling, I was like—should we still be filming this?Behind the Scenes: A Movie Made at Lightning Speed
Filming One of Them Days wasn’t just fun—it was fast. The entire movie was shot in just 21 days, which meant the cast and crew had to keep up with the action.
“We were moving at lightning speed, but I think we caught lightning in a bottle,” Lamont said. “One of my favorite scenes is the payday loan center scene. When I called cut, Keke and SZA were literally on the ground cracking up. They had so much fun.”
And that fun wasn’t just for the cameras. The film also brings a fresh take to Black-led comedies, proving that Black women deserve to be front and center in every genre.
“I want Black women to see that they can lead movies,” Lamont emphasized. “Not just be the co-star, not just third or fourth on the call sheet. Black women have fascinating stories, and they deserve to be the story.”
Keke Palmer: The Queen of Doing It All
If there’s one thing about Keke Palmer, it’s that she’s always working. But even with her long list of credits, One of Them Days is special—because it’s her first feature film as a producer. And she’s not doing it alone.
“Queen Latifah has always been so encouraging. She’s supported me creatively and in business since I was nine years old,” Palmer shared. “And then obviously, Issa—I mean, this is my first feature film as a producer, and when she had the project, she brought me on board. We worked on it together for six years. It takes one of us, wherever we are, to lift each other up.”
Why You Need to See This Movie
With its laugh-out-loud moments, ride-or-die friendship, and a fire soundtrack, One of Them Days is giving us the kind of fun, rewatchable comedy we’ve been missing.
“I remember going to see Superbad in high school, and we went three times,” Lamont said. “I want people to feel that excitement again—just going to the movies and having fun.”
So grab your besties, hit the theater, and get ready for One of Them Days—because if you’ve ever had a ridiculous, chaotic, what-the-hell-is-happening kind of day, this movie is for you.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Sony