Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they get it.
In this installment of Money Talks, xoNecole chats with Sage The Flame - a 21-year-old full-time adult content creator and erotic artist who is on track to saving five figures this year and breaking the negative stigmas against sex work and sexuality. Amid the pandemic, Sage pivoted by taking her OnlyFans side hustle to full-time status following strip clubs closing. The adult content-friendly website has allowed her to take her financial destiny into her own hands and monetize her work as an erotic content creator.
"I've always been comfortable with nudity and interested in sexual expression so I had been selling my own nude content since I was 18 and decided to sign up on the platform after consulting with another sex worker and realizing it could optimize my ability to monetize my content in a more organized way," she explained.
Here's what the Baltimore-bred badass had to say about her life as a top erotic artist on OnlyFans, gifting her mother with nearly $40,000 cash, and what we should do to learn more about the sex industry.
On OnlyFans:
"OnlyFans is a platform where you can monetize any type of content (similar to Patreon) but it's adult content friendly.
"People pay a monthly subscription fee and they can also pay to see additional content that is sent via DMs. OnlyFans takes 20% of all revenue including tips, which can be sent from any subscriber at any given time for any reason."
On multiple streams of income:
"At the moment, online adult content is my primary focus. Once I feel like I've really solidified that foundation, I'll be branching out. Stay tuned to see what's next."
On financial stability:
"Since I started in April 2019, it has always been a nice financial safety net to have. Now that I'm realizing how enjoyable the whole process is, I'm working on making it my main stream of income. It's currently allowing me to increase my financial stability by granting me the time to learn more about financial organization/literacy and also plant seeds for other streams of income to grow.
"For example, I can record enough content to last me 30 days. While that content is earning residual income within those 30 days, I can then start researching and upgrading my photography and videography skills and increase my knowledge and personal assets."
On being a spender or a saver:
"I'm on track to saving five figures this year, [so] I would say I'm a saver. I just thoroughly enjoy seeing money grow. What has helped me keep my savings plan on track is having an Excel spreadsheet with savings milestones. I list out everything I want to save for (short-term and long-term) and I'll include something fun and rewarding at the end of each milestone so that I greatly reduce the urge to get sidetracked and splurge. For example, once I reach the current milestone I'm working towards, I get to treat myself to new tattoos."
Courtesy of Sage The Flame
"I just thoroughly enjoy seeing money grow. What has helped me keep my savings plan on track is having an Excel spreadsheet with savings milestones. I list out everything I want to save for (short-term and long-term) and I'll include something fun and rewarding at the end of each milestone so that I greatly reduce the urge to get sidetracked and splurge."
On the worst money-related decision she’s ever made:
"Ignoring my own intuition and over-valuing the opinions of others when it came to the vision of my business and execution of my ideas because I assumed that since I'm so young I probably don't know any better. Always trust your gut."
On overcoming financial lows:
"Right before I started stripping, my finances were actually a big stressor on me. My paycheck was very inconsistent. There was a period of time where I wasn't able to pay myself, outside of my OnlyFans side hustle, for nearly three weeks.
"For a period of time, I just tried to push through and really tried to make things improve. Then, I really analyzed the situation, did my best to release all the worst-case scenarios that were floating around in my head, and ultimately realized I needed to make a big shift if I wanted my situation to change. I proceeded to consult a well-known stripper in Miami, weighed all my options, and eventually decided to buy my first pair of pleasers and execute."
On budget must-haves:
"Honestly I'm not a budget guru, I have a pretty simple Excel spreadsheet where I make sure to list everything (monthly and irregular expenses) and that works pretty well for me. But whatever you do, the absolute most important step is actually sticking to your plan as best as you possibly can!"
On her biggest splurge:
"So far in life, my biggest splurge has been gifting my beautiful mother $35,000 cash. My original plan was to buy her a baby Tesla but I figured she would appreciate having the agency over how to spend the money more so than a car and luckily, she allocated it wisely."
On unhealthy money mindsets and habits she had to let go of in order to prosper:
"Mapping out my goals is what really allowed me to finally start saving. Without having anything solid to work towards, I kept spending my money as quickly as I was making it. Also, I definitely had to unlearn the idea that money was hard to get [or that] I was incapable of achieving financial abundance. And I had to learn that it's OK to reach out for help or advice whenever I need it. I would come up with ideas and execute things that would put me in positions of abundance. Circumstances started to align for the better."
Courtesy of Sage The Flame
"I definitely had to unlearn the ideas that money was hard to get [or that] I was incapable of achieving financial abundance."
On promoting body positivity and increasing confidence:
"People who are paying for your content are usually always going to have a positive interest in you and will most likely positively affirm you if your content is good. OnlyFans has been helpful for me in that it affirms my work and my efforts. It makes it easier for me to express myself to paying supporters and it gives me an outlet and a safe space to document my sexual journey and showcase my erotic art which I really love. I don't think that OnlyFans is inherently helpful or harmful when it comes to confidence and body positivity though. It all depends on the person who is using it and how they are using it.
"When it comes to confidence, you could compare it to the strip club. On one hand, it can definitely make you feel sexy, powerful, and confident, while on the other hand, you could get into the mental loop of comparing yourself to other girls and thinking about what you could be lacking and what you need to 'fix' about your appearance or you could end up relying too heavily on external validation.
"When it comes to body positivity, I think it has carved out a lane and created easier access to success and monetization for women of all body types and appearances. The success that these women are having as independent OnlyFans creators seems to be a manifestation of [sex worker inclusive] feminists and the body-positive movement that was started by fat black women and their efforts to boost the conversation surrounding fatphobia. I am a conventionally attractive, light-skinned, able-bodied woman whose body type is already pretty well-affirmed through the lens of society so I don't think OnlyFans has done anything to change body positivity for people who look like me, although it seems to be boosting the conversation about sex work for the entire community as a whole which I'm happy to see."
On living her "hoe truths freely", as mentioned on Instagram:
"It's truly fantastic and freeing. Ever since becoming sexually active, I've always had an interest and curiosity in sexuality but for a long time, I kind of convinced myself that this was a background interest due to internalized whorephobia and fear of how I might be perceived if I intentionally pursued and expressed my interests out loud. I've allowed that interest and outward expression to organically grow over the years but ever since spending time reflecting in quarantine, I've come to the realization that I am truly fascinated with sex. I am fascinated with the history of sex, the alchemy of sexual energy, the science of sex, sexual education, sexual pleasure, the expression of sexual energy, erotic art, etc. It's actually more of a foreground interest of mine and I'm happy to be able to align with my truths and grow from there."
For more of Sage The Flame, follow her on Instagram.
Courtesy of Sage The Flame
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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You know, sometimes, when I go back and look at some of the articles that I’ve penned for the platform before, I truly can’t believe how fast time flies. Take the piece, “What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?” — now, how in the world did it turn five this year? I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around it. And although the piece does address some key points — like the fact that there is somewhat of a difference between being spiritual and being religious (although more people should read James 1:27 in order to understand how the Bible defines religion to be…it just might surprise them) — I want to explore a deeper angle of our spirituality, along with what we should require of it.
Today, let’s look at spirituality from the perspective of “the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things,” “a quality that goes beyond religious affiliation, that strives for inspiration, reverence, awe, meaning and purpose…” (Murray and Zentner) and, perhaps, more than anything else, “the relationship between ourselves and something larger."
You know, it’s a woman by the name of Dr. Maya Spencer who once said, “Spirituality means knowing that our lives have significance in a context beyond a mundane everyday existence at the level of biological needs that drive selfishness and aggression. It means knowing that we are a significant part of a purposeful unfolding of Life in our universe.” Indeed.
And while keeping that in mind, if this is a time of your life when you would like to “clean or cleanse your spirituality” by doing things like removing negative energy, getting rid of old or counterproductive patterns and/or by stepping into an elevated space as far as your human spirit and soul are concerned, you might be pleasantly surprised by how easy and even fun that can be for you to do.
To effectively clean/cleanse your spirit, start by asking — and answering — the following five spirituality-focused questions:
What Inspires You?
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Remember how, in the intro, I shared that one definition of spirituality is “a quality that goes beyond religious affiliation, that strives for inspiration, reverence, awe, meaning and purpose…”? That is actually where I am pulling a lot of these questions from because, the reality is that focusing on things that inspire you, intentionally pondering your purpose, and also by encouraging yourself to become an overall better human being — these things definitely tie into your spiritual side whether you are “traditionally religious” or not.
And so, when it comes to cleansing your spirituality in this season, a great question to start off with is what actually inspires you? And listen, believe it or not, inspire is a pretty layered word. I say that because, while one definition is “to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.),” another is “to communicate or suggest by a divine or supernatural influence,” while synonyms of the word include excite, affect, cause, motivate, provoke, and instill. This means that if you truly want to say or do things from a place of inspiration, you need to produce things from a divine or supernatural space (interesting, right?).
The reason why it’s so important to “spring clean” in this department is, oftentimes you can be motivated or provoked by things that aren’t really all that good, healthy and/or beneficial for you (social media fast, anyone?) — things that take your mind off of what’s divine — sacred, godly and extremely good. As a result, you find yourself producing out of a mind and heart space that is compromised when it comes to your core standards, values, and even goals.
So yes, in the effort to cleanse your spirituality, begin by really reflecting on what you claim inspires you — then revisit what the word actually means…just to be sure that you are being honest with yourself about whether something or one is truly inspiring you…or not.
What Amplifies Your Purpose?
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Purpose is always something that is going to be a pretty big deal to me. That’s why I’ve written articles for the platform like “What Does It Mean To Have 'Purposeful Relationships'?,” “Please Stop Picking People Who Don't 'Fit' Your Purpose,” “The Conversation You Need To Have With Yourself Before The New Year Begins,” “How To Handle 'Purpose Fatigue'” and “5 Signs You Are Living Your True Purpose.” It’s because really, if you’re not focused, most of all, on the reason why you exist in the first place, nothing else is going to be fully, truly, and authentically fulfilling for you.
So, when it comes to this part of your spirituality, first take some time to make sure that you know what your purpose is. If you have no clue and you’re ready to find out, as a wise person once said, wisdom comes in the questions, even more than the answers, and Rockwood Leadership Institute has a whopping 132 questions that you can ask yourself in order to get to the root of what your purpose is here. On the flip side, if you do know and you’re just not feeling completely satisfied in what you are currently doing as it relates to executing your purpose, it sounds to me like you are going through a bit of a “purpose growth spurt,” and yes, there is such a thing.
For instance, I am very clear on what my purpose in life is — I am here to teach what I study and research about when it comes to the topics of covenant marriage, sex, and the biblical Sabbath. All are covenant principles that have been unbelievably compromised in a thousand different ways. However, as I evolve, transform, and mature, my understanding of what I know does as well, and that “upgrades” how I approach and share my purpose with others. You see, purpose is never supposed to be stagnant…it is ever-shifting as far as how you accomplish things within it.
And that’s why, spiritually, it’s so important that you make sure that you are AMPLIFYING YOUR PURPOSE. To amplify is “to make larger, greater, or stronger; enlarge; extend.” If you are not putting forth the effort to do just this, there is some spiritual cleansing that must be done because, if there is one thing about a person’s purpose, it’s the fact that it’s HUGE which means that there will always be plenty to do within it until their time on this earth ends.
What Makes You Love Better…and More?
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I believe I’ve mentioned before that a show that I loathe with every fiber of my being (and there really is so much to choose from these days — SMDH) is TV One’s For My Man. Not only is it a program that discourages full-level accountability, but it irks me to no end every time that it says that a woman did some heinous crime in the name of love. According to Scripture, GOD IS LOVE (I John 4:8&16). Not only that, but the Love Chapter in Scripture has a very healthy, sane, and mature take on how we should love and require love in return (I’m going to share two translations of I Corinthians 13:4-8 for expanded context):
“Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always ‘me first,’ doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies.” (I Corinthians 13 — Message)
“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].” (I Corinthians 13 — AMPC)
Now, think about what you see displayed on television when it comes to relationships. Based on these verses, is it love? Is it really? Ponder all of the relationship content that’s on social media. Does it sound like this kind of love? Does it really? The times when you’ve done things that you know were purely rooted in selfishness, impatience, and/or refusing to do for others what you would want them to do for you — how can any of that be loving? If you do believe in God and you also believe that you were made in his image (Genesis 1:26-28), this means that a part of your own spiritual DNA is love. This also means that if you know that your love has been tainted by material or physical things (which, by definition, is the opposite of spirituality), it’s time to make some real adjustments.
That said, take some time, think about the people and things that you profess to love, and ask yourself if it’s really love or is it lust or entitlement or immaturity. Then ask yourself what you can do to love those individuals and items better.
Remember, since you are made from Love, it’s important that you love like you are.
How Effective Are You When It Comes to Compassion?
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Personally, I think that whenever someone does something reckless and then follows up with the Bible says not to judge, I find it to be a supreme level of gaslighting. The context of that verse is saying that in the way that you judge, you will be judged and that you should make sure that you are right in the area that you are judging before you judge someone else (Matthew 7:1-5); however, be clear that judgment is a form of accountability which is why there are also verses like “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment” (John 7:24 — NKJV) that exist — not to mention the fact that discernment literally means “keen judgment” and the Good Book supremely promotes that: “Strike a scoffer, and the simple will become wary; rebuke one who has understanding, and hewill discern knowledge.” (Proverbs 19:25 — NKJV)
And that’s why, any time the topic of “don’t judge” comes up, I am known for saying something along the lines of, “PUH-LEEZE. If I say ‘You’re cute,’ I just judged you. Humans don’t have a problem with judgment; they don’t like criticism or accountability.” And gee, is that unfortunate because it’s hard to grow without both of those things. However, the key that comes with being on the giving end of criticism or holding someone accountable is applying a quote by author Anne McCaffrey: “Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”
This world has a lot of…stuff going on, stuff that needs to be addressed and stuff that needs compassion applied while it is. By definition, compassion is about having concern for others, especially if what you see them going through, they have either told you or you can discern is tied to some level of internal suffering. And that’s why, in the spirit of spiritual cleansing, something else to ask is if you are holding others and even yourself accountable while operating from a place of genuine care and concern or is your ego just wanting to elevate itself or prove that it’s right?
You know, we’re living in a time when, more and more, people are frowning on humility which is unfortunate because a definite quality that comes with being a compassionate person is absolutely that — “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4 — NKJV)
It really is almost impossible to be profoundly spiritual without being a compassionate person. Is this an area that needs some “cleaning up”? If so, there is no time like the present.
What Encourages You to Be Wiser and Full of More Truth?
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Musician Jimi Hendrix once said, “Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.” Aristotle once said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Confucius once said, “By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is the easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest." Thomas Jefferson once said, “The wisest men know their weakness.” Author Gift Gugu Mona once said, “A woman of peace is a wise woman who understands that peace is more powerful than trying to prove a point.”
And what does it mean to be wise?
People who can regulate their emotions are wise. People who actually learn from their experiences (and the experiences of others, so that they don’t have to experience everything) are wise. People who know how to tame their ego are wise. People who are flexible/adaptable, non-materialistic, are self-aware, can be relied upon for great perspectives and insights, and are teachable are wise. The self-disciplined are wise. The patient are wise. The non-entitled are wise. Those who prioritize well are wise.
Those who do not live above their means (across the board), they are also wise. And there is no way that you can be wise without being willing to be completely honest, yes truthful with yourself about where you could stand to gain more wisdom and what must be done — and sometimes sacrificed — in order to get it.
And so, as I close this piece out, when it comes to spring cleaning your spirituality, ask yourself who and what encourages and enables you to become a wiser individual — AND who and what hinders that from transpiring. Then be honest with yourself about what is challenging you for the better and what, frankly, is only dumbing you down. Indeed, in order to live out the full potential of your spirituality, wisdom must come into play. However, it’s important to keep in mind that, for wisdom to truly flourish, it is a conscious choice — a daily decision.
And it will never come so long as you are making up excuses, justifying poor behavior (check out “Accountability Time: Let's Stop Calling It A 'Mistake' When It Was A 'Choice'”) or lying to yourself about what needs to be done. Taking those approaches to life is literally the opposite of being wise.
A French priest by the name of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once said, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” I can only imagine how much the quality of our lives would improve if we took that in on a very serious level.
The good news is you can choose to do it — right here and right now.
See yourself as a spiritual being.
Clean/cleanse whatever hinders that reality.
And watch how you begin to soar, supernaturally, by design, because of it, sis.
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