2020 marks the 20th anniversary of when I said, "Screw doing a regular 9-to-5. I'm gonna be a professional writer!" And although I've interviewed dozens times dozens of people at this point, almost each individual has said something that caught me totally off guard. OlanikeeOsi—yep, that's meant to be all one word—is, by no means, an exception.
As soon as she answered the phone, I could tell that she this 27-year-old was well-spoken, very comfortable in her skin and totally unapologetic about her life—and lifestyle. Yeah, this was going to be interesting. Then add tax. Then add inflation onto that.
What Exactly Was Her SelfishBabe “Trigger”?
I figured that the best way to get the conversation going was to pick her brain about how the name of her "creative baby" was first conceived. She paused for clarity's sake and then said, without missing a beat, "I think a lot of it had to do with getting married at 19 and divorced at 24." Wait, come again? I heard her right. "It wasn't that my marriage was exactly bad," she expounded. "But I remember sitting on the floor one day and filling out some test papers. My husband felt like I was sitting on 'his side' of the couch and things just escalated from there. I put a hole through the bathroom door and, at one point, he had my hands around my neck," she paused to give a deeper explanation. "It wasn't exactly that he was trying to choke me, but…things just got totally out of control. But I went to school and came back home, totally unafraid of him. But I did ask myself, 'If I had a daughter, would I want her to be in a relationship like mine?' Then I realized that I needed to ask a more important question than that—'Why does it need to be my daughter? Do I want to be in this kind of relationship?"
The answer was "no" and while OlanikeeOsi does make a point to say that her divorce was amicable, she no longer speaks to him. "I'm not angry, bitter or anything like that," she says. "I wish him well and I enjoyed our experience. I just think that was a season and chapter of my life that served its purpose, but he's not a friend. It was simply time for other things." Other things…like…what? We'll get a little more into that in a sec.
The Evolution of the SelfishBabe Revolution
As many of us do when a love relationship ends, OlanikeeOsi began a path of self-love that was rich, rewarding and, for her, truly life-altering in a myriad of ways. While she comes from both a Caribbean and Christian home—a home that is both close and functional, for the most part— OlanikeeOsi is open about choosing a path that her mom (her dad passed away when she was young) has had to do some adjusting to. She gets spiritual readings. She consults the spirits of the ancestors for guidance. A book that she attributes to her growth is Sacred Woman: A Guide to Healing the Feminine Body, Mind, and Spirit by Queen Afua. She speaks of being profoundly spiritual, just in a way that is different from her upbringing.
And something that her own spiritual path has taught her is the importance of being selfish. No, not practicing self-care. Being completely, totally and intentionally selfish.
"You know what I've come to realize?" OlanikeeOsi asks, then answers in the same breath, "Self-love is very selfish. To me, it's more important to do what you need in order to fill up your cup instead of neglecting your needs and trying to fill the empty ass cups of others."
And so, after a few months of getting comfortable with being selfish, the platform, app and podcast (not all at once, but they do all exist now) of SelfishBabe was born. "At first, I was offering products called Goddess Detox," explains OlanikeeOsi. "But then it hit me that just because you use products that may have a self-love theme to it, that still doesn't mean that you love yourself. I needed to do more."
From there came posts called Goddess Habits, but it wasn't long before OlanikeeOsi changed that over to SelfishBabe. "I just thought it was important to get away from the bad connotation that doing what it takes to make you better and happy, even if others have a problem with it…that may be selfish, but it's OK to be selfish in that kind of way. I have absolutely no problem with it. No one should."
Now, with her mission clear, OlanikeeOsi started posting Selfish Truths on IG. She also began selling T-shirts with different "selfish" messages on them. The more OlanikeeOsi did, the more her platform found its voice. Then, one day, the ancestors told her that it was time for an app.
"One day, I was on the toilet and it came to me," OlanikeeOsi nonchalantly explains. "We have phones, we're going to always be using our phones, so why not bypass all of the passwords and logins and provide a way for women to easily access tools for how to love themselves with an app?"
That's exactly what she did. It would appear that between her drive, her ancestors and that quality time in the John, OlanikeeOsi was truly on to something because SelfishBabe—an app that is free, by the way—currently has 150,000 subscribers and counting.
What Can You Expect from the SelfishBabe App?
And just what kind of messages can you expect, whether it's from the app or on her SelfishBabe IG page? OlanikeeOsi calls her messages "fun, jazzy and cool", sprinkled with "colorful language". "There are a lot of platforms that promote self-love, but I had a hard time finding ones that were totally relatable to millennials," OlanikeeOsi explains. "In order for women, especially younger women, to selfishly and authentically love themselves, relatability is important. I talk on my app like I would talk to my homegirls." Is there something I should be reading in between the lines, here? "Not really. But I have had people write and ask me why I cuss…you know, stuff like that. I do it because it's how I speak. I think the realness is what resonates."
OlanikeeOsi says that while the app is for everyone (she does love that it connects so well with Black women, but it's for any woman who can connect with her passion, platform and delivery), she is absolutely not going to shift her approach to cater to others' perspective of how SelfishBabe should be. "We need to really deal with our shit. Again, authenticity is important." Noted. And agreed.
The Evolution of OlanikeeOsi
Photo by Kaye McCoy
I must admit that as a marriage life coach, I was curious about where things were currently on OlanikeeOsi's personal front. You know, if all of the "selfishness" was truly paying off in matters of the heart. It was here were OlanikeeOsi taught me my something new for the day.
"I had a boyfriend who is now my friend and a business partner. Now I have a girlfriend." When I asked her how everything was going in comparison to her marriage, she said, "Great. I think practicing ethical non-monogamy is a great fit for me." That was my second "come again?" in the interview. "It's about not conforming to traditional monogamy, but instead, being open to different people and experiences for different seasons of your life," OlanikeeOsi explains. "It's about choosing not to bind yourself to a false promise that you may not be able to keep and being free to enter and exit relationships as you need." OlanikeeOsi then adds, "Besides. I don't think I'm meant to have sex with just one person, not necessarily even in a relationship. So, when it's time for me to move on or my girl to move on, we will. With love, just doing what is best for us."
Isn't that a little...selfish? I didn't ask that in my head either. OlanikeeOsi lightly laughs and says, "Yep. Exactly. Now you get it. My girlfriend and I are on the same page. We love one another, but not at the expense of doing what's best for our own selves. Yes, that is selfish and that's the entire point." (By the way, I asked her if she thought her divorce played a role in her approach to relationships. She peacefully and emphatically said, "Absolutely not. If anything, my marriage was trying to get me to conform to something, someone, that I'm not.")
I told OlanikeeOsi that although our worldviews couldn't be more different in a lot of ways, I did dig that her sense of self came off as very authentic; for me, that was super refreshing. After chatting with her for about an hour, I don't believe that OlanikeeOsi is offering to others what she's not wholeheartedly believing in for herself. To me, that's dope.
And just where does OlanikeeOsi want all of this selfishness to eventually take her? By this time next year, she'd like to have a million subscribers and for SelfishBabe to be a literal one-stop shop for all things self-love from messages to online courses to…just about anything you can imagine.
And what about the women who may be on the fence about joining up? Well, OlanikeeOsi helped us out by sharing some signs that a membership on SelfishBabe is exactly what someone needs. "If you are trying to fit into other people's boxes; if in your inner circle, you're considered to be 'the weird friend'; if you're super unconfident and always comparing yourself to others; if you're currently unhappy with your life, or if you're tired of always putting other people ahead of you and your needs, you need to become a SelfishBabe. You need to become equipped to live your life for you and do some of the things that either your ancestors weren't allowed to do or gave themselves permission to do. I do it every single day of my life—and I have absolutely no regrets."
For more info on SelfishBabe, check out @SelfishBabe on Instagram or visit SelfishBabe.com.
Featured image by Megan Monique @TheMeganMonique
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
Mercury enters Aries from April 16 until May 10, and what you were trying to see through or understand better while Mercury was retrograde here last month, you are experiencing a breakthrough now. Mercury in Aries is insightful and courageous, and people are more likely to speak their minds and initiate conversation with this energy. Mars then enters Leo from April 18 until June 17, reminding us that sometimes it’s okay to be a little more selfish and to focus on what you need right now. Mars in Leo brings forth confidence, creativity, and passion, and brings an exciting energy to charge of your life and advocate for yourself.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
Mid-month, Mars moves into your 12th house of closure and endings, and there is a journey of healing that you experience until June 17. You are motivated to understand yourself better and are looking at the past more right now in order to do so. This is a month of recovering and healing from what has been, for new foundations to be built upon. The New Moon on April 27 is a beautiful way to end the month, as you are getting glimpses of a new, abundant, adventure that is ahead of you.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
April is a month of success, progress, and dreams coming to fruition, Scorpio. You are focused on your health, your priorities, and creating space for the new beginnings that you are creating in your life right now. The Full Moon mid-month is a big closure moment for you, and you are owning the fact that you have healed and you are no longer the same person you were in the past. This is a month of stepping into your power and feeling supported in doing so.
Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus, which will be highlighting your health and what your body needs more of right now. This is a New Moon to set your intentions for your everyday life and to create a new, beneficial routine that will make things easier for you at the end of the day. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 9th house of adventure, and you are leaving the month with your sights set high. Travel plans are likely, and this is a good time to create some new plans for yourself.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
Mars enters your 8th house of transformation mid-month and will be fueling your need for some change, excitement, and emotional rejuvenation over the next month and a half. You are entering an impactful moment of the year for you, and you are motivated toward change right now. The New Moon at the end of the month is in a fellow earth sign, highlighting the romantic new beginnings you are entering now. Overall, this month is a process, and you are opening new doors while finding gratitude in what is here for you now.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
Mars enters your house of love and partnership on April 18, and you enter a passionate and steamy time. Romance is in the air for you as you move through the month, and you are spending more of your time with those who you want to move forward with. Venus also moves into a relationship area of your chart before April ends, and you are surrounded by love and community. Overall, this month is showing you that you are not alone and you don’t have to go through the heavy stuff alone either.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole