October is bringing the gifts of the harvest Full Moon right out of the gate. It's time to reap the rewards for all of the hard work you've put in since the spring. After a six-month retrograde, Pluto finally goes direct, helping you feel more empowered after undergoing some deep, soul work. Of course, when one planet goes direct another goes retrograde and this month it's Mercury transiting between Scorpio and Libra. The New Moon on the 16th encourages us to restore balance to our lives while a second Full Moon on Halloween invites us to indulge in the sensual pleasure of life.
Check out your sign to see what's in store for you in the month ahead:
Aries
AriesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober requires a little more patience than you'd prefer but a subtle shift in your perspective can transform some challenging energies into personal testimonies. The Full Moon on the 1st sets the tone for your winner's mindset, helping you burn through any illusions that keep you stuck in victim mode. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo inviting you to fall in love with the details. You're a visionary at heart but sometimes you need help grounding your brilliant ideas into reality. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're ready to approach any career challenges with more tenacity than ever before.
Mercury goes retrograde on the 13th, encouraging you to dive deep into your personal healing by stocking up on self-help books or checking in with your therapist. The New Moon on the 16th could find you taking a commitment to the next level or partnering up with someone new in business. When the Sun enters Scorpio, the allure of nurturing more intimacy can lead you to a deeply transformative connection. Towards the end of the month, Mercury shifts your attention towards renegotiating contracts and boundaries within personal relationships. The month wraps up with a rare occurrence of a second Full Moon clarifying what changes need to be made to increase your earning potential and create the life of luxury that you deserve.
Taurus
TaurusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober kicks off with a Full Moon enhancing your intuitive abilities and connection with the spirit world. Pour some libations for your warrior ancestors or guides to assist you in overcoming any obstacles. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo making it a perfect time to plan the perfect romantic outing for you and bae. Get creative and try not to take things too seriously if they don't go exactly as planned. Remember—it's the thought that counts. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, opportunities to share your wisdom and spiritual ideologies may present themselves. This is also a favorable time for traveling abroad to a place that your soul is longing to return.
Mercury retrograde begins on the 13th, giving you a chance to renegotiate contracts or the expectations within a relationship. The New Moon could suggest that it's time for a new routine or work environment. Setting intentions for improving your physical and mental health is also supported. When the Sun enters Scorpio, communication can be murky, thanks to Mercury retro doing his thing. If possible, avoid signing contracts during this transit or pay close attention to the fine print! On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift your focus to reorganizing your workspace or getting into a better flow with your schedule. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon in your sign helping you see yourself and your potential for greatness even more clearly.
Gemini
GeminiLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe Full Moon on the 1st illuminates your social network (and possibly your presence online), making this a supportive time to launch your new product, service, or merchandise. When Venus enters Virgo, it's time to get your home in order for hibernation season. Stock up on your fave fall-scented candles and whip out your Halloween decor. We may be socially distancing this year but you can still enjoy a party at home with you and the myriad of other personalities you embody. On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, making it a good time to schedule that doctor's appointment for any recurring health concerns.
The New Moon on the 16th is supportive for starting a new creative project or meeting a new boo that you could potentially be cuddling up with during cuffing season. When the Sun enters Scorpio, you have the potential to cut out some bad habits that are affecting your mental and physical health. Sometimes a simple shift in your daily routine—like going to sleep earlier—could make all the difference. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears helping you tie up loose ends on a creative project. Just try not to get too distracted by any old fling(s) popping up during this transit. The Full Moon at the end of the month will provide you with the clarity you need on whether you should give someone a second chance or leave their text message on read.
Cancer
CancerLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a passionate Full Moon in Aries motivating you to overcome any obstacles that stand in the way of you and your success. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo, encouraging you to organize that million-dollar idea you have into a business pitch with a detailed strategy intact. Your relationships take your healing process even deeper when Pluto goes direct. Remember that anything you don't like about someone else is likely a suppressed behavior within you. On the 13th, Mercury begins its retrograde, making this a perfect time to revisit a creative project or childhood hobby. Don't be surprised if an old fling pops up just in time for cuffing season.
The New Moon on the 16th has you looking to plant your roots somewhere, making this a good time to start looking for a new property to invest into. Just wait until next month to sign your name on the dotted line. On the 22nd, the Sun meets up with Mercury which could make communication weird between you and a romantic interest. There's a thin line between privacy and secrecy. Lead with honesty. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus shift gears bringing your focus to family and home matters. Beautify your space for the fall to create a cozy environment for entertaining your loved ones. On the 31st, the Full Moon brings a long-term goal of yours to fruition, giving you reason to celebrate your hard work. Call up your friends for a small gathering to revel in your victory.
Leo
LeoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleAn opportunity to share your expertise on a larger platform could present itself around the Full Moon on the 1st. It's time to let your individuality shine forth boldly as you inspire those around you to do the same. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo, inviting you to get your retail therapy habit under control. When Pluto goes direct, you'll have even more willpower to make better decisions when it comes to your money. On the 13th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to revisit any recent decisions you've made about your home environment. This isn't the best time to sign any contracts for that new home or apartment but if you must pay special attention to the fine print and ask someone else to look over the contract with you.
The New Moon on the 16th is a good time to sharpen your negotiating skills before you decide to sign your name on the dotted line. On the 22nd, the Sun links up with Mercury, bringing your focus to healing generational trauma. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus shift your attention, communicating more effectively to assure that everyone involved in the relationship is satisfied. If you're into social media marketing, this is the perfect time to amp up your charm to attract new clientele or customers. October comes to a close with a rare second Full Moon on the 31st reminding you that persistent effort is always rewarded.
Virgo
VirgoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober kicks off with a Full Moon in Aries helping you burn through the facade to allow your individuality to shine forth. Past experiences that made you feel like an outcast or weirdo no longer sting as much as they once did. On the 2nd, Venus enters your sign, opening up the floodgate of blessings that come when you're living in your authentic truth. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're ready to express this deep appreciation for the journey that molded you into who you are through a creative project or artistic expression. On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, inviting you to dive deeper into your esoteric studies. Exploring astrology, divination, and metaphysics can help you unlock doors you've only dreamt of walking through.
Around the middle of the month, the New Moon is a supportive time to plant seeds for that new stream of income you want to grow. This is also a favorable time for solidifying a business partnership. On the 22nd, the Sun meets up with Mercury, helping you dive into more meaningful conversations that lead you and others through a transformative, healing process. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus invite you to revisit your budget and make some adjustments where necessary. This is also a time to assess whether the energy you're investing into an endeavor is paying out a good return. The month closes out with a bang with a rare-occurring second Full Moon encouraging you to share your spiritual gems with others through writing or teaching. Traveling abroad could be just the experience you need to level up spiritually, making this a perfect time to book a vacation to that special place your soul has been longing to return.
Libra
LibraLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month takes off with a fiery Full Moon helping you get clear about what your boundaries are and who actually respects them. People that don't make the cut will likely be removed from your life. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo which has you inclined to lay low and cuddle up with your fave person. Love matters take on a more private approach during this transit which can help you cultivate more intimacy with someone you'd like to grow closer to. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're feeling more confident in your leadership abilities and ready to face any career challenges head-on.
On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, inviting you to reassess your budget and make changes where necessary. Avoid making major purchases during this transit. The New Moon in your sign is the perfect time for a fall makeover. When the Sun and Mercury meet up on the 22nd, discussions about shared resources may arise within a partnership. Ask yourself if this person is more of a liability than an asset. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears, making you the center of the conversation. Everybody and they mama wants to be all up in your business. You may even be revisited by an ex. Assert those boundaries when necessary. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon freeing you up from a financial responsibility, or debt, that has been looming over your head.
Scorpio
ScorpioLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober kicks off with a Full Moon giving you the courage to finally ditch that bad habit that's been affecting your health. This is also a time to make some adjustments to your daily routine to support your overall well-being. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo helping you gain some traction on social media. Ask yourself how you can better serve your online community to reap the rewards of more followers and engagement. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're ready to share more about your personal healing process through your blog or an IG live session. On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, making you the go-to person for everyone to share their secrets.
The New Moon on the 16th helps you get to the root of any unbalanced relationship patterns that need to be cleared out of your subconscious. On the 22nd, the Sun meets up with Mercury which could make communication a little murky. If someone is trying to sell you something, take their recommendation with a grain of salt. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus team up to help you reestablish balance in your life by inviting you to connect with your Higher Power and the deeper meaning of your life. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon on Halloween making it clear where you and a significant other stand. Be prepared for some changes within an existing relationship or business partnership as they're ultimately aligning you with more compatible options.
Sagittarius
SagittariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a passionate Full Moon making it the perfect date night for you and that cutie you've been eyeing on that dating app. Fortune favors the bold, sis. Don't be afraid to shoot your shot. If you've been working on anything creative, this is the perfect time to reveal your artwork to the world. On the 2nd, Venus moves into Virgo which helps you attract some blessings when it comes to your career. You're finally receiving the recognition for all of your hard work. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're feeling more fiscally responsible to make some major boss moves to secure your financial security.
On the 13th, Mercury goes retro which has your excessively talkative self tight-lipped about something you're working on behind the scenes. The New Moon on the 16th has you moving and shaking amongst a new crowd that can help you accomplish your dreams. When the Sun and Mercury meet up on the 22nd, you may find it difficult to contain your excitement but some of your recent moves are better kept private for the time being. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus link up making you a magnet on social media, meaning this a supportive time to revamp your online image or your brand. October comes to a close with a sensual Full Moon inviting you to enjoy yourself but be mindful of overdoing it.
Capricorn
CapricornLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober begins with an intense Full Moon that could result in you calling it quits and moving residence—especially if you and a family member aren't seeing eye-to-eye. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo and your wanderlust has your sights set on an international excursion that will give you just the kind of reset that you need. When Pluto goes direct, you're feeling way more confident (and less emo) after going through a Dark Night of the Soul. The lessons may have been grueling but you've come out on the other side more self-aware and empowered than ever before.
Around the middle of the month, Mercury goes retro, giving you a chance to catch up with old friends that you haven't seen since the beginning of the pandemic. On the 16th, the New Moon invites you to plant seeds for the next career milestone that you want to accomplish. The Sun and Mercury link up on the 22nd, which has you craving more deep conversations with your social circle that carry on late into the midnight hours. If you've got something personal to share, call up a friend instead of telling Twitter all of your business. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears to help you attract just the right people with information that can help you get ahead in your chosen career field. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon encouraging you to reveal that creative project or ditch the non-committal loser that's wasting your time.
Aquarius
AquariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe feisty Full Moon on the 1st has you ready to talk yo' shit regardless of how others may receive your truth. When Venus enters Virgo, you could be attracting some unexpected financial support through a credit lender, grant, or that sugar daddy you used to entertain. On the 4th, Pluto goes direct, giving you the power to push past the limitations of your subconscious. You are more than capable of achieving success in whatever way you define it for yourself. On the 13th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to revisit some key conversations related to your career development. An opportunity that you thought passed you by may be circling back around because you're actually ready for it now.
The New Moon on the 16th encourages you to expand your knowledge through self-study or formal education to position yourself as a guide or teacher for others. The Sun enters Scorpio on the 22nd and links up with Mercury, making this a good time to step into a leadership role. You don't need a ton of experience to influence others. You just need to share your testimony to inspire them instead. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears, making this a good time to start planning that holiday getaway. The month wraps up with a Full Moon that could have you uprooting from your current home to establish yourself elsewhere.
Pisces
PiscesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleMoney matters take center stage with the Full Moon on the 1st. You may have some revelations about the way you're making money. If you're interested in striking out on your own as an entrepreneur, this energy supports you in doing so. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo, inviting you to make some plans within an established relationship. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you'll begin to notice the effects of the transformation you've undergone over the past several months—especially within your friendships. On the 13th, Mercury goes retrograde, making this a good time to dive deeper into your studies about spirituality and esoteric topics.
The New Moon on the 16th supports you in receiving the financial support that you need to start up that business or get that home loan. On the 22nd, the Sun and Mercury meet up and you're in the mood to travel. Hold off on doing so during the retrograde but feel free to start making plans for a holiday getaway. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus shift gears, making this a good time to review shared resources that you have with bae or your business partner. If you've got outstanding debts, it's time to get serious about paying it off (or you can always opt for deferring your student loan for the 3rd time). October closes with a Full Moon placing the spotlight on your social media presence. If you've got a product or service to launch, here's your chance to really make an impression.
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A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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