October is bringing the gifts of the harvest Full Moon right out of the gate. It's time to reap the rewards for all of the hard work you've put in since the spring. After a six-month retrograde, Pluto finally goes direct, helping you feel more empowered after undergoing some deep, soul work. Of course, when one planet goes direct another goes retrograde and this month it's Mercury transiting between Scorpio and Libra. The New Moon on the 16th encourages us to restore balance to our lives while a second Full Moon on Halloween invites us to indulge in the sensual pleasure of life.
Check out your sign to see what's in store for you in the month ahead:
Aries
AriesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober requires a little more patience than you'd prefer but a subtle shift in your perspective can transform some challenging energies into personal testimonies. The Full Moon on the 1st sets the tone for your winner's mindset, helping you burn through any illusions that keep you stuck in victim mode. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo inviting you to fall in love with the details. You're a visionary at heart but sometimes you need help grounding your brilliant ideas into reality. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're ready to approach any career challenges with more tenacity than ever before.
Mercury goes retrograde on the 13th, encouraging you to dive deep into your personal healing by stocking up on self-help books or checking in with your therapist. The New Moon on the 16th could find you taking a commitment to the next level or partnering up with someone new in business. When the Sun enters Scorpio, the allure of nurturing more intimacy can lead you to a deeply transformative connection. Towards the end of the month, Mercury shifts your attention towards renegotiating contracts and boundaries within personal relationships. The month wraps up with a rare occurrence of a second Full Moon clarifying what changes need to be made to increase your earning potential and create the life of luxury that you deserve.
Taurus
TaurusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober kicks off with a Full Moon enhancing your intuitive abilities and connection with the spirit world. Pour some libations for your warrior ancestors or guides to assist you in overcoming any obstacles. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo making it a perfect time to plan the perfect romantic outing for you and bae. Get creative and try not to take things too seriously if they don't go exactly as planned. Remember—it's the thought that counts. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, opportunities to share your wisdom and spiritual ideologies may present themselves. This is also a favorable time for traveling abroad to a place that your soul is longing to return.
Mercury retrograde begins on the 13th, giving you a chance to renegotiate contracts or the expectations within a relationship. The New Moon could suggest that it's time for a new routine or work environment. Setting intentions for improving your physical and mental health is also supported. When the Sun enters Scorpio, communication can be murky, thanks to Mercury retro doing his thing. If possible, avoid signing contracts during this transit or pay close attention to the fine print! On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift your focus to reorganizing your workspace or getting into a better flow with your schedule. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon in your sign helping you see yourself and your potential for greatness even more clearly.
Gemini
GeminiLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe Full Moon on the 1st illuminates your social network (and possibly your presence online), making this a supportive time to launch your new product, service, or merchandise. When Venus enters Virgo, it's time to get your home in order for hibernation season. Stock up on your fave fall-scented candles and whip out your Halloween decor. We may be socially distancing this year but you can still enjoy a party at home with you and the myriad of other personalities you embody. On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, making it a good time to schedule that doctor's appointment for any recurring health concerns.
The New Moon on the 16th is supportive for starting a new creative project or meeting a new boo that you could potentially be cuddling up with during cuffing season. When the Sun enters Scorpio, you have the potential to cut out some bad habits that are affecting your mental and physical health. Sometimes a simple shift in your daily routine—like going to sleep earlier—could make all the difference. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears helping you tie up loose ends on a creative project. Just try not to get too distracted by any old fling(s) popping up during this transit. The Full Moon at the end of the month will provide you with the clarity you need on whether you should give someone a second chance or leave their text message on read.
Cancer
CancerLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a passionate Full Moon in Aries motivating you to overcome any obstacles that stand in the way of you and your success. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo, encouraging you to organize that million-dollar idea you have into a business pitch with a detailed strategy intact. Your relationships take your healing process even deeper when Pluto goes direct. Remember that anything you don't like about someone else is likely a suppressed behavior within you. On the 13th, Mercury begins its retrograde, making this a perfect time to revisit a creative project or childhood hobby. Don't be surprised if an old fling pops up just in time for cuffing season.
The New Moon on the 16th has you looking to plant your roots somewhere, making this a good time to start looking for a new property to invest into. Just wait until next month to sign your name on the dotted line. On the 22nd, the Sun meets up with Mercury which could make communication weird between you and a romantic interest. There's a thin line between privacy and secrecy. Lead with honesty. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus shift gears bringing your focus to family and home matters. Beautify your space for the fall to create a cozy environment for entertaining your loved ones. On the 31st, the Full Moon brings a long-term goal of yours to fruition, giving you reason to celebrate your hard work. Call up your friends for a small gathering to revel in your victory.
Leo
LeoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleAn opportunity to share your expertise on a larger platform could present itself around the Full Moon on the 1st. It's time to let your individuality shine forth boldly as you inspire those around you to do the same. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo, inviting you to get your retail therapy habit under control. When Pluto goes direct, you'll have even more willpower to make better decisions when it comes to your money. On the 13th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to revisit any recent decisions you've made about your home environment. This isn't the best time to sign any contracts for that new home or apartment but if you must pay special attention to the fine print and ask someone else to look over the contract with you.
The New Moon on the 16th is a good time to sharpen your negotiating skills before you decide to sign your name on the dotted line. On the 22nd, the Sun links up with Mercury, bringing your focus to healing generational trauma. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus shift your attention, communicating more effectively to assure that everyone involved in the relationship is satisfied. If you're into social media marketing, this is the perfect time to amp up your charm to attract new clientele or customers. October comes to a close with a rare second Full Moon on the 31st reminding you that persistent effort is always rewarded.
Virgo
VirgoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober kicks off with a Full Moon in Aries helping you burn through the facade to allow your individuality to shine forth. Past experiences that made you feel like an outcast or weirdo no longer sting as much as they once did. On the 2nd, Venus enters your sign, opening up the floodgate of blessings that come when you're living in your authentic truth. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're ready to express this deep appreciation for the journey that molded you into who you are through a creative project or artistic expression. On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, inviting you to dive deeper into your esoteric studies. Exploring astrology, divination, and metaphysics can help you unlock doors you've only dreamt of walking through.
Around the middle of the month, the New Moon is a supportive time to plant seeds for that new stream of income you want to grow. This is also a favorable time for solidifying a business partnership. On the 22nd, the Sun meets up with Mercury, helping you dive into more meaningful conversations that lead you and others through a transformative, healing process. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus invite you to revisit your budget and make some adjustments where necessary. This is also a time to assess whether the energy you're investing into an endeavor is paying out a good return. The month closes out with a bang with a rare-occurring second Full Moon encouraging you to share your spiritual gems with others through writing or teaching. Traveling abroad could be just the experience you need to level up spiritually, making this a perfect time to book a vacation to that special place your soul has been longing to return.
Libra
LibraLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month takes off with a fiery Full Moon helping you get clear about what your boundaries are and who actually respects them. People that don't make the cut will likely be removed from your life. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo which has you inclined to lay low and cuddle up with your fave person. Love matters take on a more private approach during this transit which can help you cultivate more intimacy with someone you'd like to grow closer to. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're feeling more confident in your leadership abilities and ready to face any career challenges head-on.
On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, inviting you to reassess your budget and make changes where necessary. Avoid making major purchases during this transit. The New Moon in your sign is the perfect time for a fall makeover. When the Sun and Mercury meet up on the 22nd, discussions about shared resources may arise within a partnership. Ask yourself if this person is more of a liability than an asset. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears, making you the center of the conversation. Everybody and they mama wants to be all up in your business. You may even be revisited by an ex. Assert those boundaries when necessary. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon freeing you up from a financial responsibility, or debt, that has been looming over your head.
Scorpio
ScorpioLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober kicks off with a Full Moon giving you the courage to finally ditch that bad habit that's been affecting your health. This is also a time to make some adjustments to your daily routine to support your overall well-being. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo helping you gain some traction on social media. Ask yourself how you can better serve your online community to reap the rewards of more followers and engagement. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're ready to share more about your personal healing process through your blog or an IG live session. On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, making you the go-to person for everyone to share their secrets.
The New Moon on the 16th helps you get to the root of any unbalanced relationship patterns that need to be cleared out of your subconscious. On the 22nd, the Sun meets up with Mercury which could make communication a little murky. If someone is trying to sell you something, take their recommendation with a grain of salt. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus team up to help you reestablish balance in your life by inviting you to connect with your Higher Power and the deeper meaning of your life. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon on Halloween making it clear where you and a significant other stand. Be prepared for some changes within an existing relationship or business partnership as they're ultimately aligning you with more compatible options.
Sagittarius
SagittariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a passionate Full Moon making it the perfect date night for you and that cutie you've been eyeing on that dating app. Fortune favors the bold, sis. Don't be afraid to shoot your shot. If you've been working on anything creative, this is the perfect time to reveal your artwork to the world. On the 2nd, Venus moves into Virgo which helps you attract some blessings when it comes to your career. You're finally receiving the recognition for all of your hard work. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're feeling more fiscally responsible to make some major boss moves to secure your financial security.
On the 13th, Mercury goes retro which has your excessively talkative self tight-lipped about something you're working on behind the scenes. The New Moon on the 16th has you moving and shaking amongst a new crowd that can help you accomplish your dreams. When the Sun and Mercury meet up on the 22nd, you may find it difficult to contain your excitement but some of your recent moves are better kept private for the time being. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus link up making you a magnet on social media, meaning this a supportive time to revamp your online image or your brand. October comes to a close with a sensual Full Moon inviting you to enjoy yourself but be mindful of overdoing it.
Capricorn
CapricornLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober begins with an intense Full Moon that could result in you calling it quits and moving residence—especially if you and a family member aren't seeing eye-to-eye. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo and your wanderlust has your sights set on an international excursion that will give you just the kind of reset that you need. When Pluto goes direct, you're feeling way more confident (and less emo) after going through a Dark Night of the Soul. The lessons may have been grueling but you've come out on the other side more self-aware and empowered than ever before.
Around the middle of the month, Mercury goes retro, giving you a chance to catch up with old friends that you haven't seen since the beginning of the pandemic. On the 16th, the New Moon invites you to plant seeds for the next career milestone that you want to accomplish. The Sun and Mercury link up on the 22nd, which has you craving more deep conversations with your social circle that carry on late into the midnight hours. If you've got something personal to share, call up a friend instead of telling Twitter all of your business. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears to help you attract just the right people with information that can help you get ahead in your chosen career field. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon encouraging you to reveal that creative project or ditch the non-committal loser that's wasting your time.
Aquarius
AquariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe feisty Full Moon on the 1st has you ready to talk yo' shit regardless of how others may receive your truth. When Venus enters Virgo, you could be attracting some unexpected financial support through a credit lender, grant, or that sugar daddy you used to entertain. On the 4th, Pluto goes direct, giving you the power to push past the limitations of your subconscious. You are more than capable of achieving success in whatever way you define it for yourself. On the 13th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to revisit some key conversations related to your career development. An opportunity that you thought passed you by may be circling back around because you're actually ready for it now.
The New Moon on the 16th encourages you to expand your knowledge through self-study or formal education to position yourself as a guide or teacher for others. The Sun enters Scorpio on the 22nd and links up with Mercury, making this a good time to step into a leadership role. You don't need a ton of experience to influence others. You just need to share your testimony to inspire them instead. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears, making this a good time to start planning that holiday getaway. The month wraps up with a Full Moon that could have you uprooting from your current home to establish yourself elsewhere.
Pisces
PiscesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleMoney matters take center stage with the Full Moon on the 1st. You may have some revelations about the way you're making money. If you're interested in striking out on your own as an entrepreneur, this energy supports you in doing so. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo, inviting you to make some plans within an established relationship. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you'll begin to notice the effects of the transformation you've undergone over the past several months—especially within your friendships. On the 13th, Mercury goes retrograde, making this a good time to dive deeper into your studies about spirituality and esoteric topics.
The New Moon on the 16th supports you in receiving the financial support that you need to start up that business or get that home loan. On the 22nd, the Sun and Mercury meet up and you're in the mood to travel. Hold off on doing so during the retrograde but feel free to start making plans for a holiday getaway. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus shift gears, making this a good time to review shared resources that you have with bae or your business partner. If you've got outstanding debts, it's time to get serious about paying it off (or you can always opt for deferring your student loan for the 3rd time). October closes with a Full Moon placing the spotlight on your social media presence. If you've got a product or service to launch, here's your chance to really make an impression.
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Featured image by Laci Jordan for xoNecole
'We Had To Heal To Love': Taja Simpson And Ryan Easter’s Journey To Lasting Love
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
One of my favorite things about interviewing married couples and hearing their diverse “How We Met” stories is the way they affirm true love and integral beliefs. One principle that I wholeheartedly believe is that one must truly know and love oneself before effectively doing it for another human being, and Taja Simpson and Ryan Easter’s story affirms this.
Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Feature image by @jorgemezaphotos
Stepping Down But Not Out: Dorion Renaud On Growing Buttah And Moving On
When Dorion Renaud created Buttah in 2018, it was out of necessity. He had yet to learn that it would be as embraced by the culture as it has been.
The skincare company was created due to some of Renaud’s woes when caring for his skin. Ultimately, he wanted Black men to feel confident in their complexion after discovering that there were little to no products in the market that catered specifically to his problems of discoloration, breakouts, etc.
“I had no idea that people would even latch on to it or that it would take off,” Renaud tells xoNecole. “I didn’t know until I started hearing from people in the streets over the past couple of months when I announced that I was stepping down as CEO. So many people were telling me, ‘Thank you. We need you to keep going, and we got to do it again.’
"I understand my purpose in beauty even more now and realize that I must continue to evolve in the skincare space and keep learning what people are into. Just like clothes and other trends, I’m realizing that skincare has followed that because so many people have gotten to be here. Things are changing.”
When the former College Hill cast member kicked off Buttah in 2018, it was a passion project. Today, it is a heavy-hitter in the beauty world after securing spots on retailers' shelves, including Macy’s, HSN, Nordstrom, Ulta Beauty, and more. Now, just six years later, Renaud’s role within the company has shifted. No longer is he juggling being the founder, face of the products, day-to-day operator, and all that comes with being an entrepreneur.
“I will always be the founder of Buttah,” he explains. “I knew it was time. I’ll say the decision was probably more personal than professional, and it was the first decision in my life since I was 19 and doing television, I decided based on my personal life and not what I needed next in business. I learned so much quickly, and it was tough being the CEO of the company, the face of the company, and managing the ins and outs and day-to-day. I’ve grown so much and felt like I had done so much with Buttah, and it was just time.”
He adds, “I trust my gut. I trust God. Everything in my world started moving towards me, doing other things, expanding what I had learned with Buttah, and taking it to another place. This was an era. I also know when to walk away from the casino if you know what I’m saying, and that doesn’t necessarily just mean from a monetary standpoint.”
In the Black community, when the founder of a brand that we’ve grown to love and cherish changes ownership, terms like sellout are often used. Luckily, Renaud says that his experience has been positive. However, this does not mean that’s the norm for everyone else.
“I think it’s the lack of education around business, and that is what I aim to do in this next chapter,” Renaud explains when asked why he thinks the Black community is so skeptical of founders stepping down and selling their businesses.
“I started in a one-bedroom apartment and created Buttah in the middle of the night. I had to learn to detach emotionally from it and let it go when it was the right time for me. I think some people are in certain things for the long haul and want to go through the ups and downs with the companies. I am all for that, but it’s just a personal choice. Sometimes, when the climate changes and things change, your life changes. It’s time to step away.”
“I trust my gut. I trust God. Everything in my world started moving towards me, doing other things, expanding what I had learned with Buttah, and taking it to another place. This was an era. I also know when to walk away from the casino if you know what I’m saying, and that doesn’t necessarily just mean from a monetary standpoint.”
Renaud says he was inspired by Rihanna's resignation as CEO of her Savage X Fenty lingerie brand. As he looks ahead, Renaud’s dreams are more significant than ever. “I’m writing a book right now about rebranding yourself, starting your brand, and making money off of who you are in the right way,” he says.
“I am going to be diving back into acting. I will go back into the music and I will bring you all more innovative, amazing skincare for the rest of my life. I’ll bring products to the community as long as I'm here. I hope to be a major mogul one day and continue inspiring others, achieving all of my dreams, and living my purpose. I just want to manifest my purpose taking over for me and my community to be alright.”
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