After my girlfriends all bailed on my birthday trip, I found myself on an unintentional solo trip to Oahu. However, I knew I'd still be met with great adventure and lots of sun, I mean it is Hawaii after all. I refused to let a sudden lack of companionship ruin my birthday trip, so I booked the flights and prepaid all of my activities. I made sure I wouldn't have time to be lonely because from boat rides around the island, trips to the spa for a massage, hiking and snorkeling — my itinerary was packed! I didn't rent a car and was apprehensive about how I was going to get around the island, I thought I'd spend a fortune on Uber and Lyft. Surprisingly I found that getting around the island wasn't as difficult as I thought and Honolulu actually has a very efficient transit system. The bus is cheap, and for $5.50 I got a day pass and explored the island.
Hawaii is made up of eight main islands — Hawai'i, Maui, Kaho'olawe, Lana'i, Moloka'i, O'hau, Kaua'i and Ni'hau. The island of O'ahu is widely considered the heartbeat of Hawaii.And when it comes to visiting O'ahu, most tourists flock to Waikiki Beach, the popular and crowded side of the island. What some travelers fail to realize is that the island of O'ahu is filled with many gems, and they're only a short ride away from Waikiki.
From lush mountainsides, colorful koi fish, swimming with wild sea turtles, and taking in spectacular views, you can explore the island without breaking the bank on costly excursions.
If you're in Honolulu for a few days, you should visit some of my favorite places on the island.
Hula Grill Waikiki
Enjoy the sounds of the waves crashing into the shore and the unbelievable view of Diamond Head at the Hula Grill Waikiki located inside of the Duke's hotel.
Hula Grill has something for any taste you're in the mood for and their menu is vegetarian-friendly. They source their ingredients straight from the island, the restaurant boasts of locally caught fish, all-natural meats and O'hau-grown produce. There is also live entertainment offered throughout the week — so catch a bite, grab a mimosa, and get a friendly waiter to take a picture of you.
Byodo-In Temple
The Valley of the Temples Memorial Park is nestled on the other side of the island, if you're staying in Waikiki. You can take the bus there for less than $6 for a day pass. The trip is about one-and-a-half hours but peaceful and beautiful. The bus will shuttle you up the mountain side, which allows you to see the island in a more authentic light, outside of the tourist-ridden Waikiki.
Unlike Waikiki Beach, this side of the island is misty, the rain can be sporadic on the wayward side of the island and the air smells sort of like burning wood. The temple is an honorary shrine built to commemorate the 100th year anniversary of the first Japanese immigrants to Hawai'i. The temple is a replica of the historic Byodo-in Temple of Uji in Kyoto, Japan. It might also be familiar to you if you've seen the Chris Brown video for "Autumn Leaves" featuring Karrueche Tran. For just $3 admission, you can leave an offering at the Buddhist shrine, ring the sacred bell, feed the koi fish, and marvel in the wonder of black swans.
North Shore
Shutterstock
Escape the crowds of Waikiki Beach and head over to the north side of the island where the locals tend to go. The views are surreal and the locals are very friendly. You'll get to see wildlife like turtles, sea lions and more. Go swimming with turtles on Laniakea Beach. Beware that turtles, or honu, are protected animals in Hawaii and considered well-revered by local Hawaiians. If you see one on the beach, do not touch it — the locals get really upset about this one. It's said you should give them at least 10 ft of space and not disturb them, which can be kind of hard when snorkeling or swimming but do your best to keep this in mind. The beaches are calmer than Waikiki as well, which due to boats can experience very large and choppy waves.
Diamond Head
This beautiful hike up to Diamond Head is sure to yield spectacular views. If you're the type of person looking to get in some physical activity on your vacation, this hike is very easy to fit in to your schedule. Hike early in the morning to catch the sunrise and listen as the waves beat against the shore. If you're a non-experienced or intimidated first-time hiker, like me, then you can drive to Diamond Head lookout instead to experience all the views without the sore muscles.
Ho'omaluhia Botanical Garden
Ho'omaluhia Botanical Garden is one of the most popular wedding venues in Hawaii. The botanical gardens is also infamous for its beauty. Admission into the park is completely free but be prepared for a lot of walking around and wear good shoes! I took the bus from Waikiki Beach and then basically hiked all the way up to the park so I could get a shot of the famous entrance, unfortunately it was very foggy that day.
Note that if the guards at the front gate catch you trying to catch a picture, they will ask you to move, so be quick!
You can see plants from around the world, endangered plants, and native Hawaiian plants. You can feed the ducks, fish, and camp at Ho'omaluhia Lake. It's a beautiful place filled with tranquility. In fact, Ho'omaluhia means "peaceful refuge". Visit this botanical garden to enjoy a chill day away from the beach while learning more about Hawaii.
Kualoa Ranch
You must visit the home of some very popular movies like Jurassic Park, Godzilla, Jumanji, and 50 First Dates — Kualoa Ranch.
With the towering hills and mysterious valleys, this side of Oahu is very mystical. Travel a short 24 miles outside of Waikiki to one of Oahu's most sacred places. Kualoa Ranch even offers a roundtrip shuttle for $15. The ranch has many excursions and Instagram-worthy photo-ops, but be sure to schedule early and expect to pay a little more for the exciting activities. From ATV tours, horseback riding, zip lining, and jungle expeditions, this site is a one-stop-shop for adventure and fun.
Top of Waikiki: Revolving Restaurant
Want to see Waikiki beach from a different point of view? Climb the escalators to the Top of Waikiki and enjoy a meal as the floor below you slowly rotates.
It's unlike any restaurant I have ever been to. The upscale restaurant is a fantastic way to take it all in; you can sit in one spot all night and enjoy the 360-degree views of the island. The floor to ceiling glass panels and rotating floor is the highlight of the experience but the food and drinks are just as noteworthy. Enjoy a sunset here by yourself, or with a loved one because the ambiance is very romantic and posh. One things for sure, you won't be disappointed by the experience.
Duke’s Marketplace
Nestled in an alleyway a few blocks from Waikiki Beach is an open air market, the only one left in the neighborhood. If you're looking for a souvenir to take home and want something that screams "I got this from Hawaii", visit Duke's Marketplace. If you're not looking closely, you could end up walking right past it and into the higher end stores. You can find almost anything at Duke's, from jewelry and ukulele to hand-crafted gifts and more. The marketplace is lit up and alive at night, running operations until 11:00 at night.
Dole Plantation
This historic pineapple plantation is located in Wahiawa and was owned by James Dole. If you're a fan of pineapples, you must try the infamous Dolewhip, hop aboard the Pineapple Express train ride, and enter the world's largest maze which stretches over three acres long. The Pineapple Maze is featured in the Guinness Book of World Records and is filled with secret stations to find along the way and flora native to the islands of Hawaii. There is something fun and interesting here for everyone, including families!
Fumi's Kahuku Shrimp Truck
In the mood for some seafood? The locals on the north side swear by Fumi's Kahuku Shrimp truck! It is one of the top contenders for the island's best shrimp and the Hawaiians don't play about their shrimp. Grab a plate and take a seat under the trees where the leaves are marked with names and dates of past visitors. The place gives a more authentic feel than the restaurants on Waikiki Beach, and the food is packed with flavor!
You don't want to visit Oahu without exploring the island and all of its hidden gems. One visit was not enough time to truly take it all in so be sure to put some of these places on the top of your bucket list. Whatever you do, don't spend your entire vacation on the beach with all the tourists because the island of Oahu and its people have so much to offer.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
What To Do In Santa Barbara For A Day
10 Best Female Solo Travel Destinations
Everything To See, Eat & Do In Havana
Featured image via writer Tennelle Swan/Instagram
RELATED
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Personally, that is just one of the things I experienced while growing up, although the main reason why I’ve been estranged from my mother for (I think) about six years now (I honestly haven’t really been keeping track at this point) is because she simply doesn’t respect my boundaries. Even well into my adulthood, she has refused to do it and it was messing with my inner peace and personal growth on a few different levels — and y’all, I don’t care who it is, no one should have that kind of power over someone else’s life (if you want to read more about my journey with estrangement, I tackle the topic in my latest book).
And before some of you come with the ever-so-manipulated Bible verse “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), I hope you also remember that there is a Scripture that says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 — NKJV) To provoke is “to stir up, arouse, or call forth (feelings, desires, or activity)”; know what else it is: “to anger, enrage, exasperate, or vex.” Funny how it is not preached or taught nearly enough that parents are absolutely not supposed to raise their kids or treat their adult children in a way that angers, enrages, exasperates, or vexes them — and think about it: when’s the last time you heard a sermon on that? I’ll wait.
Besides, unless you’re someone who has made the courageous decision to put distance between the person/people who’ve raised you, you honestly don’t get how much of a sacrifice it can be. Very few of us are flippant about that decision. Very few of us saw our adult life without our parent(s) in it. Very few of us wanted to deal with all of the “fallout” that comes with making that kind of choice because listen, for me, it’s almost like being in witness protection in the sense of having to also leave certain people who are associated with her alone as well because either they also don’t respect boundaries or they try further victimize me by attempting to impose their opinions into something that they absolutely shouldn’t (for instance, when I shared what I went through with her, one of my closest friends at the time, more than once called me “petty”…yeah, he had to go; you don’t have to defend why you need to protect yourself…if you are doing that, those are unsafe people you are talking to).
It’s not like I’m rare either. In fact, it’s been reported that close to 30 percent of adults are currently estranged from at least one of their parents (you can read about it here, here, here, here, and here). And with that being said, today, we’re going to hear from 10 women (well, technically 12 if you include the videos at the beginning and end) as they share their own reasons why they made the decision to go “no contact” with their own parent/parents.
If you are estranged, I hope you will see that you are not alone. If you aren’t, I hope it will help you to have more compassion for those who have made this kind of choice. Because although “adulthood is surviving childhood” is true for many of us, it actually wasn’t supposed to be that way. And so, we’ve had to take great lengths to go from “surviving” to “flourishing”…even if that meant doing it without the ones who — alongside God, of course — created us.
Article continues after the video.
*Middle names are used so that people can speak freely*
1. Michelle. 32. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“My mother is a narcissist — only I didn’t know it because I didn’t have much to compare her to because she kept me away from a lot of…everything. Ironically, that is a telling sign that you’ve got a narcissistic parent: they think you are an extension of them, so they try and make you do everything just like them. Since they are so bad at respecting boundaries, they don’t care how old you are — they think they have a say in every decision that you make because their ego is bigger than their love.
It took me years of therapy to recognize this but once I did and I told my mom that she was hypercritical, that she used to pit me and my siblings against each other, that she only knows how to gaslight and manipulate — she played the victim and told me that if I couldn’t accept her as she was, we couldn’t have a relationship.
That’s another thing about narcissist: they hate accountability. I think there should be more articles about parents who are estranged from their kids because they pull that ‘my way or the highway’ BS. I didn’t exactly leave my mom, but I did tell her what I wasn’t going to tolerate. We haven’t spoken in four years, ever since I drew that line. She left because she didn’t know how to humble herself, and I am fine with that. Arrogant people are toxic to be around.”
2. Iyan. 36. Estranged from Her Parents for 11 Years.
Giphy“I don’t think that a lot of parents get that they act like their kids should idolize them, which is crazy. We’re not toys or puppets who are supposed to do whatever they say, whenever they say it. Even as a parent myself, I think there is a difference between a child’s individuality and a child obeying me. Too many other parents have too much ego to think the differences through. To your question — I am estranged from my parents because they disapproved of who I chose to marry. He’s not the same faith as them but I don’t think that would even matter because they damn near betrothed me when I was a kid.
They wanted to choose my career path, my husband, my role in church — everything. It got to the point where they were disrespecting my husband, our relationship, and my feelings, and so it was time to boomerang their own Bible and remind them that when you get married, you ‘leave and cleave’ to your spouse and move on from your family. If your family accepts that, they can be in your life. If not, you’ve got to move on. They chose for me to be estranged, not me. I put my husband first, just like I was supposed to.”
3. Jahkai. 29. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“Sometimes I think that people just have children so that they can have someone to boss around as kids and intimidate when they become adults. My mother is one of those people because it’s like her whole existence centers around trying to force me to live the life that she wants me to live. I used to be so afraid of her, even if that just meant afraid of her rejection, that I would go along with it.
Then I got pregnant with my daughter and saw that she wasn’t even going to respect me as a mom — and when I saw signs that she was going to try and pull that shit with my own child? The claws came out. I tried expressing my concerns and setting some boundaries, but she dismissed my feelings and walked right over my boundaries, so she had to go. There was no way that she was going to try and raise the child I birthed. My child needs peace. So do I.”
4. Gillian. 24. Estranged from Her Parents for Almost Two Years.
Giphy“I’m bisexual. That’s the beginning and end of it. I personally think it’s creepy when a parent can be so invested into their grown child’s sexuality that it ends up wrecking their own world. You sleep with who you want to sleep with, and I will do the same.
My parents don’t see it that way. They told me that unless I stop loving women, we have nothing to talk about. You only love me if I love who and how you love? That doesn’t sound like love at all.
I don’t expect my parents to agree with my life or even like it. I just don’t want you penalizing me because we are different. Seems really immature to be any other way…to me, anyway.”
5. Aubrie. 27. Estranged from Father for Four Years.
Giphy“My father always wanted me to be an accountant, and I hate math. That’s insane. That’s what happens when you don’t make the time to get to know your own children. So many parents are egomaniacs in that way — just because I look like you doesn’t mean that I am you. Until my sophomore year in college, I just held my tongue and suffered through my education because when I was living at home, I didn’t really have a choice, and when I went to school, my parents paid for my education.
They didn’t want me to have any debt, and I appreciated that, but my spirit was going into debt anyway because my dad had me on a path that I didn’t like or want, and my mom was too weak to speak up for either one of us. By my junior year, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to get student loans, so that I could start over and major in English. That pissed my dad off two ways because I was changing my major and I was going to take on debt.
We’re not estranged in the classic sense. It’s more like he doesn’t come to the phone whenever I call, and he grunts words over the holidays. So, I call less and go home even less than that. We’re headed towards ‘no contact’ if he doesn’t get over the fact that he has a life, and so do I.”
6. Lameeya. 41. Estranged from Her Mother for Eight Years.
Giphy“My mother? I just don’t like her — I never really have. I can’t stand how we’ll all agree that you should choose your friends wisely, but when it comes to your blood, it’s like you should be all in their lap simply because they are related to you. Toxic is toxic, and my mother is the embodiment of that. She plays mind games. She manipulates. She gaslights. She’s spoiled and entitled. I would never pick her as a friend. She drains me in every way. It’s like whenever I would even sense that she was going to call or come around, I would get hives, and it got to the point where it didn’t make sense that I should suffer just because she’s my mother. Who came up with that?”
7. Sloane. 25. Estranged from Her Mother for One Year.
Giphy“I grew up COGIC. If you know, you know. When you’re a kid, you don’t know any different or better, but once I started to seek out my own path, I realized that Christianity just wasn’t for me. My mother damn near lives at church and so, of course, I was declaring that I wanted to go to hell in her eyes when I told her that I had chosen the Baháʼí faith. Christians can be so rude. Somehow, they want you to respect what they believe, but they are so comfortable preaching hell and damnation if you don’t think like them.
Anyway, a part of why I chose Baháʼí is because it’s very peaceful to me, and religion never brought me peace in my mother’s house. Now that I’m all about this peace-filled life, anything that is ‘anti’ it has to go. She was on the top of my list. If you can’t respect what makes me ‘me,’ why are you here? It’s just been a year now. If we remain out of contact, that’s kind of on her, but I have no desire to hear her preach every time we speak. Be my mom. I don’t want a pastor.”
8. Torrin. 33. Estranged from Her Parents for Six Years.
Giphy“You have your own dysfunctional issues going on if you think that you owe someone your sanity simply because they birthed you. A good parent doesn’t just give you life — they provide a safe environment for that life, and my parents didn’t.
My mother was hell on wheels, and my father was a weak man who let her be that way. She was controlling, erratic, and exhausting, while he just let it all happen.
I recently read that Khloe Kardashian said that her mom didn’t like it when she first started therapy. Controlling parents never do. It took me a lot of therapy to stop beating myself up mentally the way that my mother did emotionally and sometimes physically, but once I got that she was the problem and healing was the solution, I had no problem letting them both go: her for being abusive and my father for being complacent.”
9. Kristine. 40. Estranged from Her Mother for Six Months.
Giphy“You always want your parents to get along with your husband — I just didn’t bet on my mother loving him more than me, especially now that we are divorced. That man cheated on me, more than once, and although I didn’t tell my mom while we were married about it, once we separated and I explained why I made what was a really difficult decision for me, she kept finding excuses for him and even tried to make me feel bad for not trying to make it work. Divorces are hard, and the last thing I needed was my mother trying to ‘beat me up’ for standing up for myself.
Now I’ve got questions about her marriage because if you think that I should tolerate nonsense, have you been tolerating your husband’s? Has he been tolerating yours? You get a certain age, and you start to wonder how much projecting your parents do onto you. Anyway, we haven’t talked to each other in six months. She and my ex apparently still go out to dinner, though. You two enjoy.”
10. Madolyn. 45. Estranged from her Father for 20 Years.
Giphy“I had an abusive father. He was an alcoholic while I was growing up, and so fear instead of love kept me in communication with him once I became an adult. The plot twist is, he got clean while I was in college, but he suddenly had all kinds of amnesia about the pain that he caused. His apologies were sh-t like ‘I don’t remember that, but if you need me to apologize, okay.’ So, our lives were a living hell, and that’s all you’ve got because it hurts you too much to face it? Ain’t that a bitch.
The last time we spoke was right before I turned 25. I think someone is more harmful when they can’t own their sh-t than when they are actually doing it, because that means they could do it again. No thanks. I’ll take wholeness.”
____
As you can see, being estranged from a parent, going “no contact” with them, it has many layers, reasons, and scenarios. For me, as I listened to all of these women, what did come to my mind, though, is — how beautiful is it that, if the “beauty for ashes” in their stories is they had the strength to become self-aware, self-sufficient and healthy adults in spite of the cracks in their foundation, then there is a silver lining in it all. You should never feel guilt or shame for protecting yourself in ways that your parents absolutely should have. NOT. EVER.
And so, the sacrifice was well worth it — because ladies, look at you now. Salute.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by madopile/Getty Images