November is a month of the scales of karma coming into balance. We are walking toward the end of this year at full speed as an active, expansive, and transformative month is ahead of us. A lot is happening in the stars in November, and many different aspects of life will be influenced by this energy, especially when it comes to your financial and emotional worlds.
Eclipse Season is officially over, but now we enter some significant astrological transits and retrogrades of the year. November is all about finding your balance between the powerful changes occurring and the intentions you are creating. The month begins in Scorpio Season and with a New Moon in Scorpio on November 1. This New Moon is bringing transformations and new beginnings when it comes to intimacy, emotional connections, shared resources, and your financial reality.
This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for the commitments you want to build and sustain over the next month and where in your life you want to feel a renewed sense of empowerment. This New Moon is here to be a catalyst for what is next for you, and this will be an especially transformative time for finances.
Exploring the November Cosmos: Key Transits & Transformations
On November 2, Mercury enters Sagittarius where it will be until January 8, 2025. This is a significant Mercury transit as Mercury will be in this fire sign for a while and will be going retrograde in Sag from Nov. 25 until Dec. 15. Mercury in Sagittarius is bold, outspoken, self-confident, and open-minded. This is an active and, at times, aggressive Mercury sign, and in retrograde, it's best to consider having even more patience with others than usual when it comes to communication matters.
Mercury in Sagittarius acts from thought alone, and while sometimes this can be inspiring, during retrograde, it backfires. This Mercury transit is all about getting inspired, considering all options and solutions, and moving forward intentionally.
Mars enters Leo on November 3, and another significant transit occurs. Mars will be in Leo until Jan. 6, 2025, and will be retrograde from Dec. 6 until Feb. 23, 2025. Mars in Leo is creative, passionate, enlivened, and self-empowered. While Mars is direct in this sign, this is a great time to put yourself out there, honor your skills, talents, and authenticity in life, and do something bold.
Throughout November, Mars will be direct, and this will be the best time within the next few months to advocate for yourself and support your dreams, as once Mars is retrograde, there may be some more obstacles here. Overall, Mars entering Leo in November is the passion and self-love we need to fuel the inspiration and empowerment this Scorpio Season is bringing.
Saturn goes direct in Pisces on Nov. 15 after being retrograde since late June, and we have a Supermoon in Taurus on the same day. Mid-November is bringing in closure, but also the love that comes from healing. Saturn now being direct makes the head and the heart feel a little clearer, and this is also a better time for creativity and inspiration.
With a Full Moon happening on the same day, we are wrapping up a chapter in love as we commit to something deeper right now. With the Sun in Scorpio and the Moon in Taurus, relationship matters are highlighted, and much-needed clarity, forgiveness, and acceptance are here during this time.
Pluto enters Aquarius on Nov. 19 and will remain here until 2043, and we begin a new generation and collective energy. This is one of the most important transits of the year, and its influence will be felt on a larger scale over the years to come.
Pluto in Aquarius brings transformations to the community and the world at large, and there will be a rebirth and a coming together in the world. Pluto, in this air sign, feels empowered to connect and bring greater equality and progress overall. Sagittarius Season begins on Nov. 21, and we end the month ready for some excitement.
This Sag Season is starting slower while Mercury will be retrograde, but there is a sense that there is a lot to look forward to and gratitude to embrace right now.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what November has in store for you:
What November 2024 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
November is a month of opportunities for you, Aries. You are being recognized for the work you have done and the skills you have, and this is the time to put your best foot forward. You are claiming your abundance this month, and with a New Moon in your 8th house at the start of November, this is a good time for seeing new beginnings within your financial world, business partnerships, and the commitments you are making in this area of your life.
On Nov. 25, Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and being retrograde in a fellow fire sign means you are going to be feeling this retrograde a little more so than others.
For you personally, this isn’t the best time for travel matters or for taking any unnecessary risks, and you should focus on going within more over the next few weeks as life adjusts around you. Before November comes to an end, a Supermoon is occurring in another financial area of your life and what you were intending for financially at the beginning of the month is coming full circle for you now in positive ways.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
You are feeling inspired, passionate, and happy this month, Taurus. This is a beautiful month for you and a time when you are feeling confident about where life is and what is next for you. You are building the magic in your world and the New Moon happening on the first day of the month is when you are recognizing how capable, loved, and supported you are in life. The beginning of November is all about finding your balance and setting your intentions in life and in love.
On Nov. 11, your ruling planet, Venus, enters your 9th house, and this is a great time for you to enjoy a joyful, romantic, and exciting love. You require a little more freedom emotionally this month and you want enough space to be, explore, and learn, and you are having fun doing so. The stars align for you as the month ends, as we have a Supermoon in your sign on Nov. 15.
This Supermoon is the closing of one chapter, and the clarity of another, as you can see yourself and your path forward a little clearer now.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
November is reminding you to let it go, Gemini. A lot is coming to the forefront of your life this month, and it can feel heavy to address it all at once. The month begins with your ruling planet, Mercury, entering your 7th house of love, and you are thinking a lot about your role in some of the relationships in your life, what makes you feel at peace within them, and where you may be giving more than you have to give.
It’s about asking for what you need right now, as once Mercury goes retrograde at the end of the month, it will feel more difficult to find that understanding here.
A Full Moon is happening in your 12th house of closure, healing, dreams, spirituality, and secrets on Nov. 15, and this Full Moon is bringing up a lot of emotions. This month is about acceptance and not putting things on the backburner anymore, and emotionally, you are clearing out some cobwebs of past experiences and relationships. Overall, there is a lot to work through this month, but you are ready to finally do so and to move forward for good.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
November is about taking care of yourself, your health, and your overall well-being, Cancer. This month is reminding you of the disruptions that can come from overthinking and showing you a way out of some unhealthy attachments or coping mechanisms. You are entering the month with a New Moon in a fellow water sign, and this is a good time for you to think about the things and people who make you happy, how you can honor your passions, creativity, and interests more, and to set your intentions for the love you want surrounding you now.
Venus, the planet of love, enters your 7th house of partnership from Nov. 11 until Dec. 7, and this is bringing a coming together for you romantically. Opportunities in love are presenting themselves, and it’s all about knowing that what you seek is seeking you, too, right now, and not overwhelming yourself or self-sabotaging things here with old insecurities. There is a Supermoon in Taurus before the month ends on Nov. 15, and this is allowing your heart to let go of doubting your dreams and intentions and embracing the magic you bring to the world and others.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
November is all about perspective, Leo. This is the month to focus more on gratitude and intention so that you don’t let anything disrupt your peace or happiness. On Nov. 2, Mercury enters your 5th house of romance where it will be into 2025, and there is a lot to think about when it comes to love right now. With the Sun also in your 4th house of home and family for most of this month, your focus is on the love and people around you and how you can feel more supported and uplifted here.
One of the most important transits of the year for you happens at the beginning of November, and that is Mars entering Leo from Nov. 3 until Jan. 6.
Mars in your sign brings extra energy, passion, motivation, and direction in life, and this is going to be a good month for you to get things done, reinvent yourself, and focus on your personal goals and path. You are entering a space in life where you are learning to be a little bit more selfish with your time for your peace of mind and health while also nurturing the relationships you want to continue to build.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
This month is about using your voice, Virgo. Communication matters hold prominence for you in November, and you are getting your message across right now. With the Sun in your 3rd house of communication for most of the month and a New Moon here on the first day of November, you have a lot of new ideas to gain and perspectives to consider, and you are finding your power within the clarity you are receiving now. You are exuding inner peace and confidence in November, and you are not to be messed with this month, Virgo.
On Nov. 11, Venus enters your 5th house of romance for the next few weeks, and love is flowing through your world in a new and more secure way. You are focused on your passions, happiness, and interests and are looking for new ways to feel more stability and abundance here. Before the month ends, we have a Supermoon in Taurus, and this Full Moon is bringing things full circle for you mentally. You are gaining an inspiration you have forgotten and are embracing honesty, spirituality, and contentment right now.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
This is a month of focusing on your values and priorities and grounding your energy, Libra. A lot of your energy is going towards your finances in November, as this area of your life is more prominent for you around this time of the year. The New Moon on Nov. 1 is a great time to set your intentions for your financial abundance, create a new income plan, and ask for what you need within financial matters.
This month is reminding you that you are worthy of the things you are asking for and that you don’t have to change who you are to receive them.
Venus enters your 4th house of stability mid-month, and this will help you fully grasp your reality financially and emotionally right now. You are building beauty, peace, and acceptance in your home life, and this is a good time to spruce up the home, create safe spaces, and connect with family or your roots. Mercury goes retrograde before the month ends and will be retrograde in an area of your life that has to do with the mind and communication.
Remember that not everyone is going to understand you or your perspective, but that doesn't mean you don't have the right idea about something.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Scorpio Season is here, and it’s time to bring some more magic into your life, Scorpio. You are thinking clearly and powerfully this month and are connecting with all the right people. With a New Moon in your sign on the first day of November, you are walking into the month feeling an empowerment and renewal that will take you far, and you have all the tools you need to succeed right now. This is your month to move full speed ahead and to remember the power of your voice.
Mid-month, we have a Supermoon in your sister sign Taurus, fueling a new understanding of love. You are seeing gifts and clarity being reflected to you now within your relationships, and some real progress is likely within your one-on-one partnerships overall this month. On Nov. 15, Saturn goes direct in Pisces after being retrograde here for the past five months, and you are ready to experience more bliss when it comes to romance, passions, hobbies, children, and your self-expression.
You have less weight on your shoulders right now, and new paths are opening up for you to embrace and find security in your happiness.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Dreams are coming true for you in November, Sagittarius. This month is an opening for you and a time to set your sights high. The Sun is in your 12th house of closure for most of the month, but the closures you are moving through are closing out chapters that bring you more reward than anything. You get to enjoy the success of your endeavors and are emotionally moving into a space of fulfillment right now.
With Mercury entering your sign as the month begins on Nov. 2 until Jan. 8, your mind is especially active now, and there is a lot to think about and get inspired by.
Sagittarius Season officially begins on Nov. 21, and it’s your time to shine! It’s all about embracing the things that make you unique and allowing love to come to fruition for you through grace and patience. Mercury goes retrograde in your sign from Nov. 25 until Dec. 15, and some old miscommunications or misunderstandings may be coming around for you again to address and heal from as the month ends.
This Mercury retro is about being kinder to yourself and giving yourself and others time most of all.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
November is about choosing your battles wisely, Capricorn. Not everything needs a reaction, and you are recognizing when and where you need to put your energy right now. The New Moon on the first day of the month will be giving you clarity on the friendships and community in your life that need addressing, and this is a good time to set your intentions for your future here and what you want to manifest for yourself in regards to the support and love you receive in your life.
Venus enters your sign from Nov. 11 until Dec. 7, and you are ready to feel the romance you have been seeking as of late. Venus in your sign brings greater love, harmony, and beauty into your life, and your power of attraction is especially strong right now. Self-love is what is holding prominence for you now, as you show others an example of how to treat you by the way you are treating yourself.
Before the month ends, your ruling planet Saturn goes direct in your 3rd house of communication, and you are overcoming and healing from some mental obstacles that may have been playing out these past few months.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
This month is about moving on and moving forward, Aquarius. You are choosing yourself and your peace as you continue into your dream reality. There is a letting go you are moving through emotionally in November, but this is long overdue as you close out some old chapters in your life. With Venus in your 12th house of endings, closure, secrets, dreams, and healing for most of this month, your heart needs time to process right now. It’s about knowing what you deserve and not settling for anything less.
Saturn, one of your planetary rulers goes direct on the 15th after being retrograde since June, and your finances see a positive turnaround during this time.
Saturn has been helping you build stability financially, but may also have given you some tough lessons in the process. Now that Saturn is direct, you have more opportunities to grow than just dream. Pluto enters your sign on Nov. 19, before the month ends, where it will remain for the next 20 years or so. This is a very significant transit for the world, but for you especially, and you are entering a time of greater empowerment, self-recognition, and support from others.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
November is a month of abundance, success, and fulfillment for you, Pisces. You have a lot to look forward to right now, and you are walking through some new doors of opportunities. The New Moon on Nov. 1, is a good time for you to set your intentions for what adventures you want to go on, what you want guidance on, and what new people you want to connect with, as you are in a good space to manifest and to receive some extra good luck right now.
Saturn then goes direct in your sign on Nov. 15, after being retrograde here since June. This is huge news for you and a time for you to fully embrace the power and magic of your existence and build up some new dreams as well. There will be a Supermoon in Taurus that occurs that same day, and you are ready to let go of what doesn't serve you or your mental health and are focused on progress more than loss. You have a lot of good going for you right now, and life is magical for you this month, Pisces.
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Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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And just why would a plant that contains dung (wild, right?) be associated with intimacy? Well, two things that mistletoe symbolizes are vivacity and fertility — and since kissing is oftentimes a precursor to foreplay which then leads to sex…there you have it.
Although you may not have known any of this until just now, if you’re not currently in a serious relationship and yet you do happen to have a mistletoe hanging somewhere in your house and/or you’ve got plans to put some somewhere on your body over the next several days (check out “Mistletoe Around Your Waist (And Other Christmas-Themed Sex Ideas)”) — this article was written with you in mind.
Why the Holidays Are a Prime Time for Casual Sex
Why is that? Well, since people reportedly have more sex during the holiday season (more on why in a bit), I just wanted to make sure that before you let the presence of mistletoe (and hormones) overtake you as you take that text from an ex or respond to that DM from some month-long-correspondence-exchange guy that you stop to consider what you may be getting yourself into…beyond just (possibly) a “’tis the season” orgasm. Or two.
Never Forget What “Casual” Means
GiphyAs long as I am able to speak on casual sex, I will forever profess that it continues to be one of the greatest oxymorons of our time — to me. When you stop to consider that Scripturally, sex was designed to bond married couples (I Corinthians 6:16-20-Message), that babies can be made from sex, and that there are hormones during the act of sex that can cause you to bond to someone in a way that nothing else can (whether you’re close to them or not) — I don’t know why anyone would want to look at sex from a casual space; especially since casual means things like apathetic, careless, without serious intention, without emotional intimacy and indifferent.
Shoot, even some of the most promiscuous guys I know say that sex is better when they have some sort of emotional bond with their partner. So, if you’re about to consider involving yourself with someone sexually on a casual level over the next several days, please take a moment to really ponder what that means (in spite of how much culture tries to downplay it); then decide if “casual” is what you’re after — and if it’s what you are truly deserving of.
Keep the Holiday Season in Its Proper Perspective
GiphyRemember how I said in the intro that research has revealed that sex tends to experience an uptick right around this time of the year? There are several reasons why that is the case. For one thing, cuffing season is upon us and we all know that is when cold weather will make (many of) us look for a cuddle buddy (by the way, if you’ve never seen Big Jahh’sCuddle Seasonseries before, it’s pretty funny and is currently on Tubi). Another reason why sex happens more is because people are taking time off which means that they have more time for, umm, lay activities. Another reason? Nostalgia, chile.
As you’re taking walks down memory lane, it’s real easy to think about that romantic ice skating date you had with a guy five years ago or when you and your ex-boyfriend binge-watched Christmas movies all weekend one year. Suddenly, when one of those fellas pop up on your phone, you’re strongly considering recreating those moments. Be careful. I’ve got a friend right now who is in one of the dumbest relationships EVER (for the billionth time, I might add) — and it’s pretty much all because she doesn’t know how to leave the past in the past. She doesn’t know how to let nostalgia…go.
Oh, and one more reason worth mentioning for why holiday sex is so rampant is because science actually says that the fall and winter seasons are the best time for copulation (check out “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?”). Whew.
What all of this is basically saying is the holiday season sets up an ideal atmosphere for sex, including casual sex. However, just because it puts you in the “feels” that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t use your brain. Bottom line, is having someone to cuddle up with worth it if they are just gonna go ghost on you before Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, all because there was nothing truly substantial to keep them there in the first place? Just something to think about.
We Tend to Be Riskier During the Holiday Season. Be Careful.
GiphyYou know, I once read that DUI offenders find themselves drinking a whopping 33 percent more during the holiday season, and Americans overall drink twice as much as they usually do right through here. And you know what? It should be no shocker that when you are inebriated, it not only increases your chances of engaging in sex with partners you may not have chosen with a sober mind, but it also increases your chances of participating in unprotected sex too (a part of the reason why it does for us is that alcohol also elevates our testosterone levels which, yes, makes us hornier).
And since STIs/STDs continue to be on the rise and we’re about to be in an administration that doesn’t seem to be big fans of readily available forms of birth control — yeah, definitely watch how much alcohol you consume and always (and I do mean ALWAYS) keep some condoms at your personal disposal.
After Weddings, Marriage. After the Holidays, “Real Life.”
GiphySometimes, when I’m in a coaching session with a single woman who seems to be almost obsessed with the idea of getting married, something that I will say to her is, “Please remember that you are a BRIDE for a day and a WIFE for the rest of the days following your wedding.” Meaning, marriage isn’t one nonstop party where most of the focus is on you and everything that you want is at your disposal for the rest of your entire life.
And you know what? Along these same lines, after all of the décor, music, and sentimentality of the holiday season is over, real life sets back in and you’re going to have to deal with whatever decisions you made during the holidays — good, bad, or otherwise. So, if you’re considering engaging in some casual sex, in part, because those Hallmark holiday movies have gotten to you, please remember that movies are scripted and reality checks can be quite costly…when you don’t prepare for them.
Always Remember, YOUR BODY IS A GIFT
GiphyConsidering we are so close to Christmas, of course, I had to find some kind of pun to end this with. And honestly, when I think of the main definition of "gift" (“something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present”), I do think in this culture of transactional dating that everyone is doing (check out “Guess What? Dating Was Never Supposed To Be Transactional.”) that people really should ponder what a gift actually is. SMDH. Is your time really a gift — or is it more like a bribe (or spider’s web)?
However, when I speak of a gift for this last point, I mean that when someone is able to be with you sexually, it should be seen as a privilege because you should be seen as a blessing…starting with how you see yourself. It’s a lot harder for someone to process you in that manner if 1) they barely know you; 2) some real conversations aren’t had on the front end of coitus, and 3) you’re not being honest with yourself about what you want and need beyond sexual stimulation. Remember, you are a gift. Gifts are special.
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So, this holiday season, if casual sex has some real potential to be a part of your memories this year, please take everything that I just said into account. Be wise. Be safe. And be mature enough to acknowledge that sex has consequences. Then move accordingly in front of that roaring fire or tinseled Christmas tree of yours. #wink
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