Last year, I wrote an article for the site entitled, “Viral Sensation Christiana Sabino Is Using 'Pure Black Love' To Build Her Brand.” There are dozens of reasons why I’m a fan of Christiana and her brand and, as I was recently watching an Instagram post of hers, I was reminded of one of them: that woman’s skin. HAVE. MERCY. I’m going to feature it underneath this intro simply because it is definitely a salute to what having a skincare routine — and consistently practicing self-care — can do for a sistah. It’s also a PSA that if you yourself don’t have a daytime and nighttime skin regimen, hopefully, she will inspire you to cultivate one.
Anyway, I have watched enough of Christiana’s content to know that she and her husband Arismarlyn Sabino eat pretty healthy. She works out a lot too. That’s why, I would be super surprised if taking probiotics isn’t a part of her diet (because I’ve definitely seen her use fermented foods in her recipes like in this videohere). It’s a wise thing to do because probiotics do so much for the body — both inside and out.
Either way, whether she does or not, as I was thinking about what is required to have healthy, youthful, and vibrant skin like hers, I wanted to make sure to give probiotics a special mention because, although you may already know that they can help to strengthen your immune system, reduce your stress levels, manage your weight, decrease allergy-related symptoms and help to prevent heart disease, they can also do wonders when it comes to giving you the flawless skin that you desire too.
What Are Probiotics and Why Does Your Skin Adore Them So?
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Although probiotics is a word that comes up quite a bit in cyberspace, in order to explain how your skin is able to flourish with them, I want to make sure we’re all on the same page about what they are: probiotics are live microorganisms (in the form of bacteria and yeast) that help to keep your gut in good condition which ultimately helps to improve every part of you. Because your body naturally has both good and bad bacteria in it, probiotics help to keep the bad bacteria from overtaking your system, so that the good bacteria can help to keep you in optimal condition.
Although I already shared some of probiotics’ health benefits in the intro, some additional ones include their ability to reduce inflammation; help you to (better) manage your appetite; help to prevent and speed up the recovery of vaginal infections and urinary tract infections (UTIs); decrease the chances of cavities and gum disease; support you having a healthy digestive tract; lower stress and anxiety levels; help to keep your blood pressure where it should be — and yes, probiotics can also support you in having beautiful skin.
When it comes to your skin, specifically, why are probiotics so good for it? Well, the reality is that not only is 80 percent of your immunity in your gut (check out “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.”), it’s also true that when your gut is not working at its best, it can show through your skin in a myriad of different ways — ways that I will address in just a moment.
That’s why it’s a good idea to eat foods that are full of probiotics (including fermented ones like pickles, yogurt, and cheese), and that you consider taking a probiotic supplement (although you might want to speak with your doctor first because there are different strains of probiotics to choose from) and, that you use skincare products that are also rich in probiotics. As far as that last tip goes, probiotic skincare is simply about putting forth the intentional effort to apply products to your face, neck, and other parts of your body that have probiotics — yes, live bacteria — in them.
When it comes to this, the strains that you should specifically look for (you know, on the labels of the products) include:
- Lactococcus
- Bifida
- Streptococcus thermophilus
- Saccharomyces
- Lactobacillus
- Leuconostoc
The reason why you should take note of these is they are reportedly the most effective at doing the following things for your skin…
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1.Probiotics Can Reduce Dry Skin
If it seems like, no matter what you do, your skin is always dry, you should consider taking a probiotic. What research reveals is, that by doing so, not only can probiotics help to decrease transcutaneous water loss (TEWL) that’s in your system, but they can also reduce the amount of water that your skin loses throughout the day by strengthening your skin’s barrier (more on that later).
As far as which probiotics you should apply to your skin in order to keep dryness at bay, look for the strain that is called Vitreoscilla; it will help to strengthen your skin’s barrier and reduce dryness as a direct result.
2. Probiotics Can Soothe Eczema and Psoriasis
If eczema or psoriasis flare-ups are what’s driving you up the wall, probiotics can help with that. The science behind this is, that when you have these types of health-related issues, it can lead to inflammation as well as a different type of bacteria in your gut (in comparison to those who don’t have eczema or psoriasis). By taking a probiotic, it can reduce the inflammation and alter the bacteria that you have which can, in turn, reduce the symptoms.
And just what kind of probiotic-based skincare products can help with this? Strains likeBifidobacterium lactis and Lactobacillus acidophilus currently show the most promise.
3. Probiotics Can Speed Up the Healing Process of Breakouts
I’m telling you, if you want to look and feel better, you’ve got to pay more attention to your gut health. Take breakouts, for example. Did you know science says that the condition of your gut and acne actually on hand in hand? The gist is that when the gut’s microbe is not where it should be, that can trigger inflammation which oftentimes results in pimples forming.
This is just one more reason to add a probiotic to your diet and to apply probiotic skincare strains of Lactobacillus acidophilus or Bifidobacterium bifidum to your skin; they help to reduce breakouts.
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4. Probiotics Can Balance Your Skin’s pH
If you’ve ever wondered what pH stands for, it’s “potential hydrogen;” it basically speaks to how acidic or alkaline something is. When it comes to your skin, this matters because if it’s too acidic or alkaline (which basically means basic), that can result in dry skin, itchiness, inflammation, sensitivity, and other skin-related issues. That said, if your skin is healthy, it will have a pH of somewhere around 5.5 which is slightly acidic. And how can you know what your skin’s pH is?
The best way to test this is by booking an appointment with a dermatologist. However, if you notice some of the symptoms that I just mentioned, take a probiotic and see if your skin improves within a few weeks. Oh, and when it comes to sensitive skin, especially, skincare that has Streptococcus thermophilus in it should be able to help you out by elevating the ceramide levels that are in your skin.
5. Probiotics Can Improve Your Skin’s Barrier
The outermost layer of your skin is your skin’s barrier — and it goes through a lot. In fact, a Healthline article that I read on it stated, “This fantastically thin brick wall is literally keeping you alive. Without it, various harmful environmental toxins and pathogens could penetrate your skin and cause adverse effects inside your body.” Therefore, if there is anything that you should want to go almost overboard about in maintaining, your skin’s barrier would be it.
And since it is the “front line of defense” for your skin, in a lot of ways, that means your skin’s barrier is vulnerable to things like rough skin, itchy skin, fungal infections and inflammation. It’s a good thing that probiotics can help with strengthening your skin’s barrier so that there is less of a chance that these things will happen. A list of some of the best probiotics for your skin’s barrier can be found here. The types of bacteria strains (probiotics) to look for in skincare as it relates to your skin’s barrier are Bifidobacterium, Lactobacillus, and Vitreoscilla.
6. Probiotics Can Reduce UV Damage
It can’t be said enough that everyone needs to be proactive when it comes to keeping their skin from experiencing UV damage (which is damage that the sun causes). Believe it or not, probiotics can help in this department as well because they can help to reduce oxidative stress, and inflammation and they also help to protect your skin’s barrier while you are outdoors. As far as your skincare plan, your best bet here would be to look for sunscreens that have probiotics in them. COOLA is one brand that many people are fond of.
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7. Probiotics Can Slow Down the Signs of Aging
One more. Although aging is a natural part of life (that should be embraced, by the way), when you factor in things like the years of what the sun can do; the loss of elastin and collagen over time; the shifts in pH balance; the fluctuations of your hormones; the damage that comes from oxidative stress; the decrease in melanocytes (pigment cells); the less natural oil that your skin produces; the natural fat layers that begin to thin out more and more — if nothing else will convince you to be hypervigilant in taking care of your skin, all of this stuff should.
And yes, probiotics can even assist with slowing down the signs of aging in your skin because, thanks to what is known as the skin-gut axis, the more good bacteria that are in your gut, the less inflammation your skin will experience, the more elasticity it will have and the less oxidative stress that it will go through.
So, definitely take a probiotic for this and look for skincare products that contain the strain known as Bacillus coagulans. It’s directly connected to helping your skin to age at a slower rate, so that your skin is looking fabulous, from the inside out, for many years to come.
All this from probiotics? Yep.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
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Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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