So, Nick Cannon Told T.I. He’s Never Getting Married Again—And I’ve Got A Few Thoughts
I like Nick Cannon. Sure, I don't agree with everything he has to say—P.S., we've got to stop acting like we're supposed to in order to appreciate what someone brings to the table and the culture—but ever since I saw his video "Can I Live?" many years ago, there's been a part of me that has respected his candor. Yesterday was no different. As he and T.I. (or is it Tip? I can't recall what Mr. Harris prefers these days) chopped it up on T.I.'s new podcast ExpediTIously, the segment where he discussed why he'll never get married again, it particularly caught my attention (of course, it did. I'm a woman, a relationships writer and a marriage life coach).
Nick Cannon On Why He's Never Getting Married Again | ExpediTIously Podcastwww.youtube.com
And because he said, right around the 6:13 mark, "I wish we had some women up in here because there's nothin' but testosterone goin' back and forth", when it comes to a few of his points, I simply wanted to share some of my own thoughts (after reading this, in the comment section, I invite y'all to do the same). Not because there is necessarily a right or wrong to all of this. But because, I believe, with everything in me, that one of the biggest problems in romantic relationships is, we don't listen to what the opposite sex is saying. We dismiss it. We judge it. We berate and denounce it. But we tend to not truly listen. And when it comes to what Nick said—along with some of my male friends who offered insight and clarity—I think a lot of emotional disappointment and relational drama could be spared if we actually did. Share our side? Sure. But give the floor to the flip of it? Also, yes.
Nick on What He Had to “Unlearn” in Life:
"My behavior when it comes to women. It's a whole new paradigm shift. Because I come from the culture of wantin' to be pimpin' and wantin' to be, you know, glorifying the aspect of disrespecting women. I'm still unlearning it, I'm gonna be honest, because my music is still using 'bitch', still using 'ho', but you know, at the same time, we're comin' into this world like, we're embracing our queens; we're gettin' back to that idea of uplifting a woman and understanding that the Black woman is god. But it's a hard thing to unlearn when it's been perpetuated from our music to our movies to sexism, in general, treatin' women like second-class citizens."
My Thoughts:
Kudos to Nick on this one. My senior year in high school/freshman year in college (1992) is when there was an episode of A Different World entitled "Someday Say Ho!" It was about Charmaine being called a "digit ho" by her math classmate, Terrell. He had to go before the school board because of it. You know, it's kind of amazin' that it really wasn't all that long ago when hearing a woman being called a "ho"—by a man or a woman, even if that woman is her friend—was considered to be highly-offensive. But I digress. Anyway, this part of what Nick said is important because it should be a reminder to us all that, whether it's "popular" or not, being seen as royalty is something that we as women should require regardless. When it comes to valuing Black women, giving the honor that is due is not a trend. Full stop.
Nick on If He’ll Ever Marry Again:
"I don't think I'll ever be able to be with just one woman again; that's gonna be tough for me. I did it in a marriage; I was very faithful in my marriage…the whole time I was married…but once I stepped away, I was like, 'That construct is not designed for me.'"
My Thoughts:
Something that I was telling a male friend of mine last night is I wonder if we as women are willing to even entertain that we might be a part of the reason why so many men seem to feel this way. Wasn't it in the intro of the movie Think Like a Man where Kevin Hart narrated that a part of the reason why men "prized" marriage was because they knew they weren't going to get sex any other way? And these days, a lot of us are giving way more than our treasure box. We cook for men, clean for men, help men with their bills—we act like we're their wife without even remotely requiring that they act like they're our husband. So honestly, I get why and how Nick could come to this conclusion. I used to be the kind of woman who would help a man get to this exact place (see "Why You're Always The One Who Prepares A Man For His Wife").
Still, I think there's a bigger point here. Nick said that he does not want to get married. He stated that it's not the proper construct for him. Right after saying that, he went on to share that he doesn't believe in marriage. So, why did he marry Mariah Carey? I believe his exact quote was, "I don't believe in marriage, but s—t, it's Mariah Carey. Whatever she says, I'm with it." He also said that he knows he'll never be in a relationship again ("never" is a really strong word and a really long time, Nick). This is what came out of his own mouth. Nick actually said some form of this, several times, during this 13:32 minute portion of the podcast.
If Google is right, Nick will be 39 on October 8 (Happy Birthday in advance, sir). Although he has accomplished a lot, he is still relatively young. There is still plenty of time for him to evolve into other views and perspectives; like all of us, he still has the right to change his mind. But for now, he said marriage is the furthest thing from what he wants. He doesn't desire a wife. It doesn't matter how wonderful the woman may be. It doesn't matter how much he digs her company. It doesn't matter how good the sex may be either. He's not interested. He clearly said it.
Y'all, when a man tells us where he's at, it's not our job to try and convince him otherwise or to attempt to detect or decipher what he "really" means.
The reason why I wrote "One Overlooked Yet Obvious Indicator That A Man Is Husband Material" on this platform last December is because I used to be notorious for not taking men at their word; for thinking that since we had some sort of connection, they wanted the same kind that I did—if not immediately, eventually. I had to accept that taking that type of approach was not only semi-delusional but disrespectful to those men as well. Disrespectful? Yep. How would you feel if you told a guy something and he didn't take you seriously? See what I mean? It's OK to want what you want. It's also OK for a man not to want what you want. The key is to know when to let him go so that you can get to what you want. So that you both can be happy.
Nick on Why He Doesn’t Want to Get Married Again:
"I don't wanna be responsible for nobody else's happiness. Like, I'm still tryin' to figure out my s—t. I'm still tryin' to get my shit together…and, the fact that I have a condition that, stress, [it] puts me in the hospital on some lupus-type shit. And, to me, all relationships equal stress. I ain't never been in a relationship that wasn't stressful. Whether I was puttin' the stress on myself, or she was puttin' the stress on me…ever since I've been out of relationships, I haven't been back in the hospital… I love women, I love various women, and they understand how I move."
My Thoughts:
A wise person once said, "We all need to learn the difference between who we are responsible for vs. who we are responsible to." Although the responsibilities that a man has with a wife vs. a girlfriend are different, a woman with a healthy sense of self-worth knows that no man is "responsible for" her happiness; that is something she is to figure out on her own. But if what Nick is saying is he doesn't want a lot of relational responsibilities, period…then yeah, he should remain single. And again, kudos for him saying that he needs the time and space to get his own life together. No one should be out here "saving" folks. Let your Creator do that.
That said, the reality check for me was when Nick said that since he has not been with a woman, he has not been in the hospital either. Yikes. This one really hit home because I'm in sessions all of the time where I'm either looking at the husband or wife like, "Geeze, if you're like this here, I can only imagine what you're like at home." It definitely reminds me of what my final boyfriend once said, "A woman should be a man's sanctuary." It also reminds me of one of my favorite check-yo'self-before-you-wreck-yo' self Scriptures: "A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." (Proverbs 14:1—NLT) Oh, this one too—"It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and fault-finding woman." (Proverbs 21:9—AMPC)
Love and stress are not synonyms. All of us could stand to remember that on a daily basis.
That's what I have to say to us. What I will say to Nick and men in general, is I hear you. Just make sure that when you say "stress", you're not really meaning "responsibility". You know, I thought it was interesting that Nick did say that he wanted more children, just not a committed relationship. I don't know any relationship more "stressful" than the one parents have with their children and Nick, you're all for signing up for more of that. So sir, while I definitely think that every woman reading this should strive to be a "sanctuary space", at the same time, with TIME articles like "A Good Marriage May Help You Live Longer. Here's Why" and Vice's "Marriage Makes People Happier, New Study Finds", I'd encourage you to reflect on if it's relationships that are stress-filled or if it's the women who you're choosing to be in those relationships with. Or…could it be you, as you also mentioned? Just sayin'.
Nick’s Feelings on Love:
"I'm still a hopeless romantic. Just because I don't believe in relationships, doesn't mean I don't believe in love…I have certain situations where I'm like, 'Yo. I want this person to be in my life forever, but I don't wanna sign no paperwork with 'em''…why we gotta bring in government into this? I don't f—k with them already."
My Thoughts:
Ah, the government. If you don't know the history behind where marriage licenses in the United States came from, it's not a pretty story. It was basically a way to "police" interracial relationships. Still, whenever someone (usually a guy) tells me that they don't see the point in getting married because "it's just a piece of paper", I'm always like, "Then hand me the deed to your house or title to your car." Yeah, don't come at me with that. A marriage is a contract, no doubt. Benefits come with it too.
A woman who desires marriage is worthy of one. Again, full stop.
Aside from that, I will say that, although Nick seems to live, eat and breathe commitment-phobia, that doesn't mean that what he said here was contradictory or ridiculous. I know some men who feel the same way—that just because they don't desire a long-term commitment, that doesn't mean that they don't know how to love, or that they don't love. I think the reason why this is hard for a lot of women to accept is because, when they see all of the blaring red flags that a serious relationship isn't in the cards, it's usually after they've given their all. As a result, they feel gypped and resentful. I've got a couple of non-committers who love me. We get along just fine…now. Why? It's simple really. Since they don't want what I do, we're just friends. When you accept that out the gate, it's easy to care for—and be cared for by—someone who isn't on the same page as you but still has something of value to bring into your life (if indeed you feel that is the case).
Here’s a Doozy—Nick’s Feelings on the Purpose of Marriage:
"I believe that relationships, in mainly marriage, is designed to please women. Just because, they get the dress, they get the ring, and all of that stuff. All of their life, they're talking about oh, getting the husband…Like even at my wedding, I was a part of the wedding. Tell me where to stand, where to go, I'll be there. I'll repeat what this nigga say and…"
T.I. (in agreement on wedding planning, in general): "I've never seen anything that was so much of a racket."
My Thoughts:
A wise man once said, "God and a good wife are two of the best things that a man can have." That said, something that I tell brides-to-be all of the time is, "So, you're a bride for a day. You're a wife after that." Meaning, if you're a wife who's reading this, don't you find it interesting that Nick said that marriage is designed to please women, but then he immediately went into weddings to illustrate his point?" Personally, I will say that there aren't too many things that irritate me more than a woman who exclaims the Bridezilla statement, "It's MY day!" while she's in the wedding planning process. If you're taking your marriage seriously, your wedding day is an official declaration and celebration of your union; not of you to yourself but you to your husband. So, no…it's not just your day. It's y'all's day. Maybe if more of us saw it like that, less men would think about wedding like Nick does.
But Nick—and I think this is a great place to end this piece—I've heard you speak of God and the Bible often throughout your career. Again, even when it comes to religion and spirituality, humans tend to evolve. But I will say that when a woman was first introduced in Scripture, the word that was used is "helper" (Genesis 2:18).
God knew that men needed our help. And while being married to the right husband (which is another message for another time) means that we are loved, cherished and valued in a way that is truly incomparable, don't ever get it twisted—when a man is married to a good—and his right—wife, it pleases him. The help—"to give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need; contribute strength or means to; render assistance to; cooperate effectively with; aid; assist—that he receives, daily, most certainly pleases—brings pleasure and satisfaction—to him. I can send you at least 10 email addresses, off the top of my head, of husbands who will certainly vouch for that.
Again, although I didn't agree with all that Nick had to say, it did offer up some food for thought. It reminded me that in order to have my views respected, I need to respect the views of others; that men and women are not the same and it's OK because God made it that way, and again, when a man says something, whether I like, agree with it or not, I need to take it at face value. It spares a lot of unnecessary-ness. It helps to keep things clear and peaceful too.
Thanks for showing up in my YouTube feed yesterday, T.I. and Nick. This was the kind of talk—that needs to happen more often on both sides of the gender fence—for sure.
You can check out the entire part of the podcast here.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
Step One: Bond Repair Collection Shampoo
Rejuvenate your hair with SheaMoisture Bond Repair Shampoo, your go-to solution for luscious locks. Packed with hella hydration power, this shampoo adds moisture by 60% while removing buildup without stripping your strands. This shampoo gently cleanses impurities while significantly enhancing shine, smoothness, and softness.
The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
Step Two: Bond Repair Collection Conditioner
Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
Step Three: Bond Repair Collection Masque
This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
Step Four: Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner
Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
This Carnival Queen's Beauty Secret To Clear Skin Is Good Health
In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
Xenia Douglas knows all too well what it’s like to keep up with beauty and skincare routines. In 2022, she became Miss Saint Lucia Carnival Queen and proudly represented what it means to be a true beauty inside and out. Although she confidently wears her crown while encouraging others, she also has had her ups and downs with skincare.
Douglas struggled with adult acne during the pandemic. “I spent about six months researching and trying to figure it out on my own, and given how I was eating at the time, I soon discovered that there was a relationship between food and how it affects my skin,” Douglas said. This discovery leads her to change her eating habits. Opting for healthier food options and finding balance with non-healthy options.
In what seemed like no time, she began seeing a major change in her skin and taking her skincare more seriously. This led to her reflecting on how she cared for her skin growing up. “There was a time when I used to go to bed with makeup, like every day, and my skin suffered because of it."
“There was a time when I used to go to bed with makeup, like every day, and my skin suffered because of it."
Like many of us, Douglas had no education in skincare, and she put her skin through the ringer by trying too many different skincare products. Reflecting on her mistakes helped to form a better relationship with caring for her skin. “Now that I’m older, I understand the importance of finding the right products for my skin type. I love using sunscreen and products that protect my skin barrier. That experience assisted me in garnering youthful-looking skin,” Douglas added.
Courtesy
These days, Douglas' morning routine is as realistic as it gets. She’s rushing to get ready for a long day at work. Still, she always finds time to fit in a glass of water and her skincare routine. Even amid morning stress, her routine never becomes tiresome. As she prepares for the day, her mother’s wisdom runs through her mind: “'Looking young never gets old,' my mom always said to me!”
Douglas enjoys indulging in Korean skincare products that hydrate the skin. Some mornings, she will combine her skincare routine with a workout. “I love going on runs and Pilates. I’ve always preferred a more toned and slender look, so the strength training and cardio combo is a 10 out of 10.”
“I love going on runs and Pilates. I’ve always preferred a more toned and slender look, so the strength training and cardio combo is a 10 out of 10.”
Douglas' journey to clear skin has become a health transformation. She’s changed her eating habits, worked out, and prioritizes caring for her skin on her busiest days. It’s no wonder she is now a representation of beauty. To her, beauty isn’t just about the products we use but the daily habits we implement to feel good.
Here are the products Douglas uses day and night to keep glowing all day long:
Xenia's Morning Skincare Routine:
Step 1: CeraVe Cleanser
CeraVe
"I use the CeraVe cleansers (either the Salicylic Acid, foaming, or Hydrating Cleanser). I pretty much rotate between these three depending on what my skin is calling for that day.”
Step 2: Innisfree Green Tea Toner
Amazon
"In 2020, I started learning more about Korean skincare, and it propelled me to begin using water-based toners as opposed to alcohol-based toners. Given that alcohol-based toners are more of an astringent and can cause more harm than good, the switch to a water-based toner, specifically my Innisfree Green Tea toner, has done wonders in hydrating and supporting my skin."
Step 3: Soon Jung Hydro Barrier Cream
Soon Jung
"When I moisturize, I don’t just use a basic moisturizer. I use a moisture barrier cream! As I mentioned before, I am an advocate for Korean skincare, as it is quite hydrating. So, I use moisturizers that shield my skin from irritants, friction, or drying out. My favorite is the Soon Jung Hydro Barrier Cream. It’s amazing!”
Step 4: Supergoop! Unseen Sunscreen
Supergoop!
“I try not to miss a day when it comes to my sunscreen. I use the Supergoop! Unseen Sunscreen, particularly on the days I’m on the road or outside."
Xenia's Nighttime Skincare Routine:
Step 1: COSRX Snail Mucin Serum
COSRX
“I normally use a hydrating serum on days when my skin feels dry, or I notice some texture. It’s extremely moisturizing."
Step 2: COSRX Snail Mucin Moisturizer
COSRX
"I follow up with this moisturizer when I use the COSRX Serum. They’re quite the dynamic duo.”
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