As I write this, it is day 52 of sexlessness and your girl is still learning how to deal. In the past, I've gone into dry spells seeking refuge to reconnect with myself, to detox, and to reset. The difference between now and then? Then, I wasn't interested in having sex with anyone. Now? I'm hella interested in one someone in particular, and I'm counting down the days until our bodies meet. I'm refraining from pleasure for the delayed gratification that I know is coming for me (and cumming for me). And I know, it's going to be so delicious.
Why am I going into detail about any of this? Well xoTribe, let me tell you, the struggle is real.
Everything about sex is intriguing me more than it should. I find myself fantasizing about throwing that ass in a circle for just about anyone whose smile I can get lost in enough. And don't get me started on my late-night (and sometimes midday) vibrator rendezvous. My mind constantly wanders to sex, so much so, texts and talks with bae become X-rated extended foreplay sessions in 60 seconds or less. Plus, my sending nudes game is on lock.
In addition to thinking about the sex I'm not having and quelling a libido that could rival a teenager's inner war of hormones, I decided to think about the sex I want to have. On my quest to constantly try new and varied sex positions, I've done a little research. If you're looking for new ones to add to your must-hit list, look no further:
The Scissor
In case you weren't aware, the scissor sex position can be an amazing option for those of us with vaginas to achieve orgasm. (Don't believe me? Check out this article here.) Word on the street, it's quite the orgasmic experience for all parties involved. As its name suggests, you and your partner will create a "scissors" formation.
The receiving partner will lie on their side, with their other leg on top of that one. They will then raise their leg for the penetrative partner to gain access to the vagina or anus. The penetrative partner will lie down too but in the other direction with their head towards the receiving partner's feet. Their legs will end up inter-crossed between each other's bodies, and all the penetrative partner has to do is thrust.
The Amazon
The Amazon sex position turns the woman on top style up a notch. Recommended for more "fit" couples, this position can prove to be slightly difficult. But if you get it right, the dominance and penetration you feel on top is so worth it.
The penetrative partner will be on their back with their legs pulled toward their chest. The receiving partner will squat on top of the penetrative partner, resting on the back of their partner's legs. The receiving partner can either kneel or stand up, depending on where the penetrative partner is positioned.
The Three-Legged Dog
The Three-Legged Dog is a standing sex position that works well because it allows for shallow penetration and alleviates the penetrative partner from having to hold the receiving partner's full weight. That being said, it's perfect for both anal or vaginal penetration. It's also great if you want to switch up the routine couch- and bed-centric coitus.
In order to get into this position, the receiving partner will stand in front of the penetrative partner and lift their leg at their partner's waist. The penetrative partner will hold that leg with one hand and use the other to increase the receiving partner's stability as they position their penis or their dildo to make shallow thrusts into their vagina or anus.
The Banana Split
I'm not going to lie to you, I enjoy missionary and its many variations most, but there's something about hit-it-from-the-back positions that just, well, hit different. The Banana Split is the newest entry on my must-hit list, and with good reason.
While the receiving partner is on their belly with their head down, the penetrative partner will hold them up by the waist at their hips and and thrust them from behind. The position allows for deeper penetration during the sex act and, helps more easily facilitate butt play. If you're more on the flexible side, you can show off by putting your legs in spread eagle position, hence the tongue-in-cheek name "banana split." For those of us not so with it, bend your knees so that your feet (and toes) point toward the ceiling. Position accomplished.
Sidebar: If you're a G-spot orgasm enthusiast, this variation might also do wonders for your sex life.
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Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Meet The Black Woman Behind Cynthia Erivo's 'Wicked' Nails
Almost two weeks later, Wicked is still on everyone's lips. The high-grossing film stars Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande as Elphaba and Glinda, as their characters, tell a story about race and acceptance. However, what has captured audiences on and off the screen are Cynthia's and Ariana's looks as they play on their characters' styles.
Ariana, like her character Glinda, is often dressed in pink, and Cynthia, much like Elphaba, is covered in green. But what also has many people talking is the British actress' nails. Her nails are often long, blingy, and, of course, green. Many TikTok girlies are even doing their own versions of Elphaba's nails. But there's one person to thank for the green nail mania: Shea Osei.
The London-based nail artist has been working with the Wicked actress since she was 16 and shared all the tea on her epic nail styles with Unbothered UK.
Here what she said.
Shea On Elphaba's Nails Being The First Thing We See Before Seeing The Character
I was ecstatic. I was happy. It was just great to see my craft, my artistry just out there, not just nationally but globally.
Shea On Elphaba's Nails Representing Her Character Development
When we started with the first [nail] look, we chose nice, subtle green ombre nails that show who she is but a calm, chilled-out version of Elphaba. As she grew into herself, became more confident, and found herself, she was more like, yes, this is me, I’m Elphaba, I am who I am, and her nails became more daring. In the salon scene, when she had a transformation, her nails were, one, longer and two, they were more daring. There are many close-ups of Elphaba’s hands in the film, where you see her nails, and you see the difference in what they were [at the start of the film], so I feel like that helps to tell the story.
Shea On Elphaba's Nails Representing Black Womanhood
Yes, it was 100%. And I feel like, yes, the nails represented Black womanhood but also just being yourself. I just feel like the nails represented Cynthia as if to say, ‘I'm Black and I can be a Black witch’. This is who I am. And also, I can have braids and they can be done in any kind of way and can still be styled however is needed. I think we saw, if I'm correct, three or four different braid styles in the movie. Sim Camps, who styled the braids, did an amazing job — there would be mornings when she would be making sure the braids were intact and looked amazing on camera. So, yeah, definitely the braids were an ode to Black culture and the nails were 100% like, yes, we're doing it.
Shea On Seeing The Fan Recreation On TikTok
Yes, I have! If you are going to the salon and you want to recreate Elphaba's nails and let's say, you're going for the nails after the salon scene, where she just gets a fresh set, I would say ask for a plain black base and then ask if they have green foils to stick it on top to give that green effect. Then apply a shiny top coat. And it looks insane! The green ombre is more complicated with colours mixed to give it a green earthy colour.
Shea On The Importance Of Expressing Yourself Through Nail Art, Despite Some Criticism
We love it and don't want anyone to change. Let's look at athletes such as Flo-Jo, remember her nails? Now we have ShaCarri Richardson and her nails are always long and she's always got nice designs [on them]. It’s also Black people, not only Black women — because if you look at athletes that are men that make sure they get their nails painted as well. A$AP Rocky gets his nails painted. It's just so good to see that our culture is so colourful and also so inviting. It’s not only Black people that can have these kinds of nails, anyone can have them. I’m glad we can be the inspiration to everybody and they can draw bits of our culture and add it to theirs.
I like the fact that Cynthia is able to go out of there into the world and still be authentically herself. She hasn't changed for anything or anyone. This is how I am. I like my nails like this, my nail techs love doing my nails like this.
I'm over the moon that Cynthia can go out and still have her nails how she wants to. [Cynthia’s nails] has been a topic this entire Wicked press tour. Everyone will ask Cynthia about her nails in every interview and I love that. I love it because that's who she is. And if you see her you'll see that she's always got her nails done and she’s always got some banging heels on. Even on her down days, she’s always dressed. That's just how she is.
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Feature image by Jeff Spicer/ Getty Images