Neil Brown Jr. gets to play pretend for the rest of his life. His words, not mine. But if you really sit back and think about it, he's absolutely right.
Fans of Insecure and most recently SEAL Team might also be able to attest to this statement as well, as they watch him so effortlessly portray DJ Yella, Chad and Ray respectively. And whether that's due to his on-point comedic timing or striking ability to connect with his character and viewers, it's obvious that pretend or not: Brown was indeed made for these roles.
What's also obvious about the Florida native is that he's madly in love with his craft, his life, and most importantly his wife. He emphatically gushes about her as we chat over the phone in the early hours of the day. He tells xoNecole that not only does his wife Catrina play a pivotal role in his professional evolution, but his personal one as well.
"Her love abounds," he explains. "You know, it turned me into a man, a father, a good friend, a faithful husband, and a faithful Christian in a certain way. She's a cold piece of work. That's my soulmate. I knew we were always going to be together, but we had to learn to be together and how to interpret the dream that was our marriage."
We got the chance to talk to Neil about his new role, why compromise is central to maintaining a long relationship, and why having the capacity to love and endure is so important.
xoNecole: You and your wife have been very open about the formative years of you all's relationship as we saw on ‘Black Love’ doc and various interviews. What made you decide to share that part of your lives?
Neil Brown Jr: With the Black Love doc, we never knew that it was going to be as big as it was. At that point, we had been together for about 18, 20 years and we just saw so many couples with this false sense of what it takes to make a relationship or a marriage work. And no matter what they said, as soon as it got a little rough, they're like, 'Well I don't have to stand for this.'
Throughout our walk in faith, in God and with each other, no matter how rough it got--we had to go back to the core value which was that we wanted to make it work. Outside of someone being abusive towards you, if you made a commitment to each other, then you made a commitment to work things out, not just to be cool when things are all good.
Love is nothing but hard work, compromise, and a lot of laughs in between. We were hoping that when we did that documentary that we would be open and honest, although I am a very private person. We knew we had a responsibility to be honest with [their audience] and let them know that you don't marry [someone] because of how nice and beautiful they are--you marry them because no one can piss you off the way that person can and you still want to be with them.
Photo by Leslie Alejandro
"Throughout our walk in faith, in God and with each other, no matter how rough it got--we had to go back to the core value which was that we wanted to make it work... Love is nothing but hard work, compromise, and a lot of laughs in between."
You two also recently renewed your vows in a beautiful ceremony back in May. What was that experience like and why was that important?
It was a beautiful. But to be honest, I don't remember. From the moment she walked down the aisle--I was done. I was stuck the whole time. I just remember a lot of flowers, a lot of people. It was the most beautiful thing ever, it was everything we had thought of from when I first asked her to marry me when I was 15. The wedding colors and everything we came up, we decided on at 16-17 years old. It took 19 years of marriage [and] 25 years of being together to finally get it done through God's good grace.
Planning it took a whole village. It was so much work. It took 10 years to get the proposal right. Then, it took another year of planning. It just kept getting bigger and bigger. But it was magical. She was a goddess. She walked down the aisle and I'm not going to lie--I couldn't hold it together. Everything was just perfect, she was the belle of the ball. This and the honeymoon have been the greatest experiences thus far, besides the first day that I met her.
What are some of the biggest things you've learned about yourself in your marriage?
Ultimately, that I'm a good person. I never really knew that. I kept wondering what was wrong with me and why it was that I kept messing up. But I realized I'm not a horrible person, I'm just a human being. And when you can accept that and you know that you're human and that you will fall--it's all good as long as you get back up. I also learned that the things that I wanted out of life, I had the willpower to get them done. I learned that I loved her more than I even knew. But I realized that all of the things I wished [for] and dreamed and hoped--I could make those things happen if I had enough faith and that my faith was strong. And that more times than not, I would make the right decision for us.
What's the biggest difference you've found between the Neil at the beginning of your relationship and the Neil you are now?
Patience. I have a lot more patience and I'm slow to anger. Early on I was quick to anger, always ready and looking for a fight, never wanted to lose. I was always trying to win the argument, sometimes at the expense of hurting those I love. But I learned it's okay to lose an argument. As I got older, I became more apt to compromise and with that, I also feel I have a greater capacity for love and what it takes to love.
Speaking of love, how has hers affected you?
Her capacity to love me taught me how to grow up and stop being a little boy and selfish. She taught me to be unselfish and how to compromise. It's funny because my family is the touchy-feely family whereas hers isn't. But they knew how to do things that I didn't--like sharing! I didn't know how to share. My sister is nine years older than me so I was basically home alone. My wife taught me the other side of what I thought love was: how to share, compromise, and give.
I had the touchy-feely stuff down but I didn't know the other part. And my love taught her how to voice it and say it. Her endless capacity to love has taught me more about myself than what I ever knew I could learn. She saw this me in me before I saw it in myself and before I knew he even existed. You know, we're not without our faults but as long as you and your partner have open ears to listen and learn: your love will wither and bloom. But it's always new, it's constantly growing and evolving.
Photo by Leslie Alejandro
"My wife taught me the other side of what I thought love was: how to share, compromise, and give. I had the touchy-feely stuff down but I didn't know the other part. And my love taught her how to voice it and say it.
I’m sure you’ve seen the growing conversation here lately about the importance of love languages. You know, learning how to effectively communicate with your partner. What has that journey been like for you and your wife?
First of all, it's been so much fun. I love to learn, me and my wife both love to learn. And it's interesting that you ask me about love languages because I've actually never read that book. But I always pray to speak to my wife in the love language that she understands and for her to speak to me in a language that we understand.That journey has been so magical because you get little breakthroughs.
Especially when you realize you two just had a debate over something and you realize it wasn't an argument anymore but more like, "I need you to understand me about this." And you both get it and understand. You get to learn new things about your partner and after 25 years, I'm still excited to just wake up and talk to her every morning.
You've been able to successfully maintain a beautiful relationship. What would you say are the major do's and don'ts for someone looking to do the same?
I'd say don't bring other people into your relationship. And that's not to say you can't learn things from other people, but don't judge your relationship based off somebody else's relationship. Just because people are smiling doesn't mean they're happy and just because people are frowning doesn't mean they're necessarily sad. Just because people aren't arguing, it doesn't mean things are great and just because people are arguing, it doesn't mean their relationship is bad. So you really can't look to others or what you need to learn about each other. Because a lot of times the only taste of happiness and joy that some people will ever get in a relationship is when they take a bite out of yours. So you don't want other people influencing your process of loving the one you're with.
Do not shut off, always talk, always be willing to compromise. And don't let your ego write a check that your butt can't cash. You don't want to get to a point in your relationship where you don't have the character to sustain it.
Keeping people out of your relationship, [and checking] your ego and pride are three of the things that I would say would help a couple learn how to love. You have to be willing and wanting to be happy and learn things from each other and listen. Talk to each other, never shut off because that's the quickest way to build resentment and anger. You have to take a step back and be in sight of: do you guys want this to work?
Photo by Leslie Alejandro
"Do not shut off, always talk, always be willing to compromise. And don't let your ego write a check that your butt can't cash. You don't want to get to a point in your relationship where you don't have the character to sustain it."
Before you go, let’s switch gears and talk 'SEAL Team.' It's been renewed for season 3 and you're a fan favorite on that show as Ray, congratulations.
Thank you, thank you.
What has that experience been like?
I am increasingly humbled each and every day by the love that's thrown at all of us. My Dad used to fight in Vietnam so I'm essentially playing my Dad on this show. He's my hero. But I grew up with two forces in my house: my mom was Martin Luther King and my Dad was Malcom X. So I put both of them into portraying Ray. But the fans are so engaged and then I keep running into military personnel from all branches and they really feel it. You know, we're trying to portray the pain and the pitfalls of not just the Special Operators, but their families as well.
But they all dig the show and that's the most heartwarming thing. I actually wanted to be a Navy Seal when I was a kid but I just didn't want to join the Navy (laughs). But now I get to play one on TV which is far more lucrative and way less dangerous. The cast is awesome, our writers are awesome, most of the crew and stuntmen are veterans. It's just humbling all around.
If I’m honest, I feel like you have a track record of being a fan fave on whatever show you’re on. ‘Insecure’ being another example.
You know what? People love to hate Chad and I don't know why! He's just an honest dude, but Prentice Penny and Issa [Rae] and Melina [Matsoukas]--they've been so great. The writers on that show are crazy. People think I'm ad-libbing a lot but I'm not.
You’re not?
I AM NOT. I only ad-lib like 10-15%, but they write Chad that way. Fast-talking, all of that. But the funny thing is, I think everybody at some point in their life knows a person like Chad. But I'm humbled by it, the love is real, it's another dream come true. I couldn't thank HBO and Issa enough. Plus I get to play off Jay Ellis, we have a good time. I wish you guys could see what doesn't make the show. But when we start back up again, I hope I get to do something even more crazy.
We hope you do too. And what's next on the horizon for you?
Fortunately, my hilarious wife is also a writer. She has scripts that I want to go produce, like tomorrow. But it's all about timing. Me and my boy Cory Hardrict have a buddy cop film we're working on. Of course more SEAL Team, more Insecure. And I'm still waiting for Marvel to call. I'll play whoever whenever whatever (laughs). But all in all, I'm trying to continue to work and grow as an actor and just put great things out there.
For more of Neil, follow him on Instagram. Catch him starring in SEAL Team when it returns this fall.
For more of Neil, follow him on Instagram. Catch him starring in SEAL Team when it returns this fall.
*Some answers have been edited and condensed for clarity.
- Neil Brown, jr (@NeilBrownJr) | Twitter ›
- Neil Brown Jr. (@neilbrownjr) • Instagram photos and videos ›
- Neil Brown Jr. on Infidelity: "What You Do in the Dark Will Come to ... ›
- Neil Brown Jr. Cast In CBS' Navy SEAL Drama Pilot – Deadline ›
- Neil Brown Jr. Re-Proposes to His Wife Catrina | PEOPLE.com ... ›
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Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert