Last weekend, Hollywood's favorite celebrities joined their fans at ESSENCE Festival in New Orleans, LA. Among them was actress Naturi Naughton of Power who teamed up with xoNecole founder, Necole Kane and My Black is Beautiful for an intimate discussion during their Beauty & Style Expo.
Created by a group of Black women at P&G, My Black is Beautiful is part of the company's commitment to touch and celebrate the lives of Black women. At the My Black is Beautiful booth, ladies were able to take a break and grab beauty products, learn hair tips from professional stylists and celebrate themselves at the #BlackGirlsDo wall.
#BlackGirlsDo is a tribute to Black Girl Magic that provides us with a platform to celebrate our wins and accomplishments. Achievements that we've been able to fulfill, despite our circumstances and society's negative stereotypes.
Held at the Convention Center, Naturi and Necole joined host Kela Walker to discuss work-life balance and more for the #BlackGirlsDo panel. Both Naturi and Necole have an impressive track record, having navigated and sustained long careers in the industry. Throughout their discussion, one major theme was the ultimate secret to their black girl magic: self-care.
There is pressure and power that comes with being given a platform, especially in a world that makes celebrities look like they have it all together. Necole and Naturi affirmed the importance of staying grounded, especially when you're being pulled in a million different directions in regards to work and your personal life.
Finding balance amidst these factors isn't easy, but somehow both ladies find the strength and the confidence to slay every damn day, and are proof that you can do it too with the help of a consistent self-care regimen.
Naturi told host Kela Walker that her self-care routine was rooted in faith, and Necole told the audience that hers starts the moment she wakes up.
"I tell everybody I have a morning routine and I do about 12 things before I plug into the outside world. And when I mean 'outside world,' I mean social media. Sometimes, when I used to have my old site, NecoleBitchie.com, I would wake up, and I'd just plug into the internet. What's going on? What did I miss? And that will just shift your whole day. You're inviting negative energy in your life before you even have the time to get your mindset right. So, I wake up every morning, I cook breakfast, I take a run, I listen to my motivational books or like, podcasts. And I get my mind in a winning mindframe before I even check an email or check social media or check anything."
We can only control the content we consume via social media to a certain extent. No matter how many positive pages we follow and affirmation quotes that we see on our feed, logging into Instagram or Facebook the moment you open your eyes can potentially forfeit any chance of peace you may have had that day. Necole reminded us that we cannot help others until we help ourselves, a concept that is foreign to many women of color.
Kela said:
"So many times we talk about self-care and people think it's about fitness and they gotta be in the gym. Self-care is different things to different people. What's also important is to be intentional in what we're doing and recognizing our health and our mental state."
As the matriarch in our family lives, we have been tasked with the responsibility of taking care of everyone around us, even if that means neglecting ourselves. Self-care is a concept that would have been foreign to our grandmothers and the women who came before them, simply because nobody had time for that. This self neglect has been fatal among women of color, who consequently end up killing themselves to ensure that their loved ones are empowered live their best lives.
But who is there to empower you, sis? We put on these masks to seem like superheroes in our own right, and forget that even Clark Kent needed time to recharge.
We often look at self-care as some intangible concept that we never have time for, but even as an award winning lead actress and mother of a newborn daughter, Naturi says that checking in with herself is imperative. As a society, we emphasize physical check-ups and keep up to date on dental visits, but how often do we schedule an appointment to check in with ourselves?
Naturi said:
"Our job is to smile in front of the camera for you all. And we do have to push through but there are moments when we all feel like, I need a moment, I need a break. I don't wanna have a break down up in here. But you do have to take time for yourself, and one of the things that helps to just center me is do normal things."
"Just making sure that you stay connected to what's real. Because everything that we see on TV or even my character, it's not real. I am Naturi, not Tasha, so I make sure to stay grounded in what's real."
Both Necole and Naturi have been vocal about their personal battles in hopes of inspiring other women to get serious about their mental health. Although self-care may not have been a practice afforded to our mothers and grandmothers, it is a necessity in the lives of black women today.
#BlackGirlsDo so damn much for everyone else in the world, that we deserve some personal time, and more than every once in a while.
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The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
I certainly don’t believe in shrinking the essence of who I am just to bag a man –whether in-person or online– including for the one thing that brings me pure joy: my worldwide adventures. By now, it’s common knowledge that social media is only a shiny highlight reel that doesn’t take into account all aspects of real life.
I’m fortunate that the men I date in my late 30s are mature enough to understand that notion, but in the past, I’ve learned the hard way that many men are, in fact, judging women’s social media accounts to determine if they are a perfect match.
While trying to stay afloat in grad school, I managed a week-long promotional gig for a festival concert. I stumbled across a breathtakingly handsome guy engrossed in curating melodic sound production as an audio engineer.
Bridgerton GIF by Gena ShowalterGiphyFine enough to giveBridgerton’s Regé-Jean Page a run for his money, this tall cutie had glistening caramel skin, big brown eyes, and a gorgeous smile that radiated across the conference center.
My heart practically stopped each time I glanced at him. I caught him conspicuously glancing my way throughout the day, too. Our energy was magnetic. I couldn’t let him get away without making it very apparent I was feeling him. Ten hours passed before we found ourselves drawing near one another. Dating co-workers is against my rules, however, dating someone I’ve met after completing a temporary gig was an exception I’d happily make.
Serotonin oozed throughout my body when he approached me. We engaged in meaningless talk, while I anticipated he’d ask for my number. Instead, he asked, “What’s your IG name?”
I’m old school; I want to get acquainted chatting on the phone until twilight–or on a well-executed romantic date. I accepted his request and followed him back. Baby steps.
Each time his adorable face popped into my mind, a rush of happiness flooded me. I’d already conducted a pre-check for a potential relationship, and based on absolutely nothing but chemistry, he had already passed. Scrolling through his page, I could see he had three, incredibly young children, from ages two to five. That’s okay, I can play step-mommy. Or so I thought.
Issa Rae Lol GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyThe next morning, I swapped out my motivational morning gospel music for my vibey, R&B music. I floored the gas pedal, speeding to work in hopes of getting to the fine audio engineer as quickly as possible.
I sashayed through the conference doors with an extra sway in my hips–smitten and glowing as my bright eyes landed on him, standing by for sound check. He took one blistering look at me, and as time stood still, his scathing disapproval made me feel as though we were arch-enemies with unfinished business.
What happened in the less than twelve hours we met and were apart? I was flabbergasted by his bait-and-switch of emotions. The only culprit, I surmised: freaking Instagram.
A few hours of him ducking and diving to avoid me passed. I put my grown woman panties on and marched over to him. He pretended he couldn’t see me through the corner of his eye, but judging from the nervous stiffening of his erect posture and locked jaw–even through his discomfort, he would have to face me.
“Hey, how’s it going? You’re different today,” I said casually, yet resolute, peering deep into his wide eyes.
“Well, you know, it’s cause you’re big time. I’m just a regular guy.” He quipped. Completely confused, I stared blankly at him, waiting for an explanation.
“Your Instagram...” He confirmed like I had full knowledge of his insecurities.
“If I had seen your page before I met you, I would’ve never tried to talk to you. I’m not good enough for you.”
I melted into a puddle of vexation. I wasn’t a celebrity or social media star. Hell, I didn’t even have more than 5,000 followers! I’m a regular girl who’s had a career in entertainment which has afforded me many opportunities to attend swanky events; I love upscale travel and dining at Yelp’s highest-rated star restaurants–and yes, I relish capturing those delicious moments. But at that time, I was a broke girl in grad school, making a few coins on the same gig I’m certain he was earning a pretty penny for.
He’d already taken over my thoughts, feelings, and body’s desires in a short twenty-four hours. Though he was far from aware of all the ways he had swept me off my feet without stepping foot on an actual date, the energy between us was undeniable. I literally couldn’t stop thinking about him and grinning since the moment I saw him, and I know for sure he felt the same. And now he’s thinking he isn’t good enough for me?
He was fine, humble, funny, had a sexy physique, and a lucrative career, yet for some ridiculous reason he’d convinced himself he could never be with a woman like me? I was floored. Typically, I’m not forward with men in the initial stages of dating. It’s important I feel highly desired and sought after before I explode candidly. But the world was going to absolutely know that day: “I like you. You’re someone I’d like to get to know. And you’re absolutely perfect for me.”
He sighed and relaxed his shoulders. I felt empowered, quelling his feelings of inadequacy. (Or temporarily, I shall say). I’d soon learn that if a guy was harboring major insecurities, the idyllic lines to boost his ego are merely fleeting.
Pumped up on an extra dose of courage, later that day, he asked for my number. And I delightfully obliged.
We spent a good amount of time expressing our mutual feelings towards each other and perused through calendar dates to see when our schedules would match up. He lived in Las Vegas, but working as an audio engineer for major events necessitated him to spend most of his year traveling across the country and internationally. Still, I was determined to make it work.
And yet, it didn’t work. Despite my insanely busy grad schedule, I was ready to trek to Vegas or whichever country he visited, except his insecurities overflowed like putrefying lava. I probed to see how involved he was with his baby mama. Ya know, normal stuff. Somehow, he took that as a jab.
“You don’t want to date me because I have three kids, huh?” Again, he left me confused and exhausted because I was absolutely ready to become a bonus mommy to the right one.
Despite the endless times I cleared up what he thought was a problem, boom! another insecurity flared up. Coddling a mid-thirties man, who had thee lowest self-esteem I’d ever encountered was dooming.
GiphyA few months passed and winter had descended upon the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah. I’d just left a snazzy art gallery Chiwetel Ejiofor hosted for his independent movie premiere. Park City is a magical and frosty cold, picturesque town in January. Most of the festival events are situated on densely packed Main Street. I stepped my leather boots outside onto the icy, uphill sidewalk, with a platonic male friend in tow. My phone rang–it was audio engineer bae. I noticed his name and pushed decline.
“You ignoring me now when you could’ve easily picked up the phone?”
What in the hell?! I peered around on both sides of my street, cautiously nervous.
I hopped into the black SUV. The festival traffic moves slower than molasses. You could gingerly walk down the street and still beat a moving car. As the driver slowly peeled away, I glanced to the opposite side of the art gallery street; there I saw old bae, forlornly staring at me, saddened with puppy eyes in his hooded Parka. I was busted. In my defense, however, I hadn’t heard from him in months, and us dating was certainly a never-ever-going-to-happen-closed case.
How was I supposed to know he’d been watching me from 150 feet away? No human in their right mind would expect an immediate answer, but he did.
“Hey, sorry, but it’s really hectic; I gotta hurry to this next event.” I apologized despite not owing him one. If he’d crossed my mind at any point up until now, it’d be futile. His recurring insecurities ate at him and thus, swallowed any attraction or potential traction for us.
By the time my plane landed in sunny Los Angeles, he unfriended me on IG. Exhausted from the nonsensical mental gymnastics, I unfollowed him, too.
Finally, we agreed: the feeling is mutual, boo.
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Featured image by Charles Olu-Alabi/Getty Images