Effective Ways To Navigate Unhealthy Silent Competition In Friendship Groups
Friendship groups, often referred to as tribes, gained immense popularity during the pandemic, celebrated for the mutual support and joy they bring. However, the discourse surrounding these groups often neglected a nuanced topic— the silent competition that can subtly emerge within a tribe. While some level of healthy competition can inspire personal growth, there exists an unhealthy side marked by emotions and pride.
Navigating such environments becomes challenging, especially when friendships are at stake. Navigating competition is not an easy task and for many folks, identifying unhealthy competition can be difficult to spot. I am going to provide you with the signs to look out for when dealing with unhealthy competition, how to effectively address it, and tangible ways to maintain supportive friendships.
There's nothing quite as fulfilling as being part of a vibrant community where individuals align in values, support one another, and uplift with words of encouragement. Yet, this ideal scenario isn't always the reality within friend circles or tribes. Frequently, unchecked jealousy, envy, and resentment can simmer beneath the surface, leading to unhealthy dynamics. Sadly, this can breed a toxic atmosphere of covert competition, often without the affected party even realizing it.
Here are some indicators that unhealthy competition may be present within your circle of friends:
Backhanded Compliments: When Insults Hide in "Praise"
Insults, whether veiled as compliments or not, are never truly flattering. Even when accompanied by laughter, unsolicited comments about your appearance, decisions, thoughts, beliefs, and more are never acceptable. In essence, anyone exhibiting "nice nasty" behavior toward you is revealing underlying animosity and competition. Moreover, they might consistently downplay or criticize your achievements or goals.
Take note of those who stand by you during challenging times and ponder this question: "Do they offer the same level of support and enthusiasm during my triumphs?" If the answer is no, it might be worth delving deeper into the topic.
Another indication of silent competition arises when someone constantly shifts the focus of your accomplishments and good news onto themselves. For example, if you share news of a promotion at work, the silent competitor may divert attention by recounting their own promotion or downplaying your achievements. These individuals struggle to genuinely celebrate your wins and may even feel threatened by your success.
Their body language often reveals their discomfort, such as avoiding eye contact, forced smiles, frowns, or creating physical distance. Paying attention to these cues can unveil the presence of silent rivalry within the relationship.
Now that you're aware of the signs to watch for, let's explore how to navigate this newfound insight:
Before taking any action, it's crucial to decide whether you want to salvage the friendship. Ask yourself if this relationship is truly worth the effort and if it brings positive value to your life. If your answer leans towards the negative, it might be time to reevaluate the necessity of maintaining this friendship.
Once you've made a decision about the future of your friendship, it's important to prepare for a potentially challenging conversation.
- If you've chosen to maintain the friendship, it's helpful to articulate the patterns you've noticed and express your feelings about them. Remember, no one can invalidate your experiences or emotions on the matter. After stating your observations, it's crucial to clearly communicate your expectations regarding respect and boundaries. You have the authority to define how you wish to be treated, but it's essential to assert these boundaries clearly.
- If you've decided to end the friendship, you have a couple of options. You can be straightforward about your feelings regarding the dynamic and communicate that you're no longer interested in maintaining the relationship. Alternatively, you can express your true feelings and gradually distance yourself from the friendship. This distancing might involve refraining from sharing personal news and accomplishments or reducing the frequency of spending time together.
While unhealthy competition within social circles may not always be avoidable, it can certainly be managed effectively. If you're still uncertain whether you're dealing with unhealthy competition, consider this golden rule: If you find yourself questioning a friend's motives due to their negative behavior towards you, chances are there's unhealthy competition at play.
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Joy is a 2x Author, Empowerment Speaker, and Strategy Coach. Her platform, Speak With Joy, mission is, "To empower and equip Women and Young Adults to speak with JOY despite life's circumstances in the area of FAITH, PURPOSE, and RELATIONSHIPS".
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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There's something about snuggling up in your favorite blanket and watching a comfort show or movie on Netflix, and what better time to do just that than in December? As the weather outside gets cooler, staying in becomes more of the norm. Thus, Netflix and Chill is a go-to. Luckily, Netflix has released new Black films and series on their popular streaming platform.
From Tyler Perry's historical drama The Six Triple Eight, starring Kerry Washington, to the Will Packer-produced comedy starring Marsai Martin, Regina Hall, and Issa Rae, Little, this season is looking up.
See the full list below.
Little (12/1)
Regina Hall's character is a bossy tech mogul who has everyone scared of her, including her assistant, played by Issa Rae. However, when she transforms into her younger self (Marsai Martin), she learns how to be more kind to others.
Daddy Day Care (12/1)
Eddie Murphy stars in this film as a father who decides to open a daycare after losing his job.
30 For 30 Collection (12/2)
30 For 30 is an ESPN docu-series highlighting some of sports' legendary figures and moments. Some of the episodes include Winning Time: Reggie Miller Vs. The New York Knicks and Celtics/ Lakers: The Best of Enemies.
Jamie Foxx: What Had Happened Was (12/10)
In this special, the multi-talented Jamie Foxx returns to stand-up to give an unforgettable performance.
Blood, Sweat & Heels S2 (12/13)
The short-lived Bravo reality TV series documented the lives of a group of girlfriends making it in NYC. The show starred model-turned-podcaster Melyssa Ford, author Demetria Lucas, and the late TV host Daisy Lewellyn.
The Equalizer S1-3 (12/16)
The hit CBS show starring Queen Latifah is now available on Netflix. Watch the beloved actress kick ass and take names in this popular drama.
The Six Triple Eight (12/20)
The new Tyler Perry film starring Kerry Washington is a true story about the first and only Women’s Army Corps unit of color during World War II.
Christmas Game Day Ravens Vs. Texans (12/25)
While many will tune in to watch the Baltimore Ravens vs. Houston Texans game, others will tune in to watch Beyoncé perform during halftime.
Michelle Buteau: A Buteau-ful Mind At Radio City Music Hall (12/31)
Comedian Michelle Buteau's comedy special will focus on her life with twins, going viral, and much more.
Evil S3 (12/31)
While Evil was unfortunately canceled by CBS, viewers can rewatch the series on Netflix, with season three premiering December 31st.
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