

I don't know about y'all, but if there is one very necessary task that I pretty much have to gas myself up to do, each and every time that I do it, it's shampooing and conditioning my hair. Back when I had a TWA (Teeny Weeny Afro), it was nothing to wash it in the shower and let it air dry as I go about my day. Yet now that I finally have a few inches—and, as my braider always tells me, a lot of hair density—there is no other word to describe wash day other than being an absolute chore. Still, it's something that has to be done if I want my hair to flourish.
I must admit that over the past three years or so, I have figured out a routine that makes wash day a lot less stressful and time-consuming. If you'd like to know my personal approach, I've included 10 tips that can make your own wash day a bit less of a headache than it (probably) currently is.
1. Set Up Some Entertainment
The longer my hair gets, the more I have to gas myself up to wash it. The reason why is because, sometimes, believe it or not, it's the rushing through the shampooing, conditioning and drying process on wash day that can end up doing your hair the most damage. What can help you to avoid rushing, so that you can handle your hair with the ultimate care, is to set up some sort of entertainment that can help to keep you in good spirits. It can be turning on some throwback jams or making the decision to catch up on a favorite show. My hair, right now, is a little past my chin and, from beginning to end, wash day takes about three hours (mostly because I try to deep condition for about 1.5-2 hours of that). Based on the length of your own locks, that can help you to get an idea of whether you'll be listening to one LP or watching two movies. Either way, it can help you to enjoy something that you might not have much time to do otherwise.
2. Give Your Hair a Little Bit of Steam
Out of all the tips that I'm about to share with you, the one that you may have never done or even considered before is steaming your hair. If you do this before actually shampooing your tresses, it can help to lift your hair's cuticles; that way, each strand is able to absorb both the water as well as the products that you're about to apply so much easier.
You can steam your hair by either using an actual hair steamer. Or, if money is a little tight right now, another approach is to simply stand in the back of your shower (so that the water doesn't get all over you), with the water as hot as possible and with your bathroom door closed for a good 7-10 minutes. As a bonus, your face can get a little bit of a steam detox treatment too.
3. Treat Your Scalp
Before we get into how to properly wash your hair in a way that will help you to save time, let's talk about your scalp for a hot sec, shall we? After all, it is the foundation of your hair. Since it's not hard to collect build-up that can irritate your scalp, I'm a big fan of detoxing it before shampooing and conditioning your hair. Don't worry—it actually sounds like more complex of a process than it actually is. You can decide which kind of detoxing you'd prefer to do by checking out the article on our site entitled, "Treat Your Scalp To A Little Bit Of Detoxing This Weekend".
4. Don’t Forget to Pre-Poo
Once your hair is all steamed up and your scalp is detoxed (the steam can help to open up your pores which makes the detoxing process more potent), it's now time to apply one more prep step and that's to do some pre-pooing. The long short of this is it's all about applying an oil to your hair, basically for two main purposes. For one thing, the oil can help to add a little more moisture to your hair which can help to protect it from any stripping of natural oils that shampooing might do. Secondly, pre-pooing makes the next step that I'm about to discuss oh, so much easier. Just make sure that you go with an oil that will nourish your locks. Coconut, avocado, jojoba, grapeseed and even virgin olive oil are all really good ones. Simply wet your hair with lukewarm water and apply a healthy amount of oil to your hair; not enough to make it all greasy, but definitely enough that it gives your tresses enough "slip" to make it super manageable.
5. Then Do Some Detangling
It's gonna be pretty difficult to thoroughly wash your hair, if it's all stuck together and/or tied up in knots. That's why it's a good idea to do some detangling before you actually apply any product. Once your hair is wet and your preferred oil of choice is applied, I recommend using your fingers—at least first—before using a detangling comb. Wet hair is mad fragile, so you don't want to immediately start hacking away at your hair with a styling tool. Anyway, make sure that you start, not at the roots of your hair but actually the ends. Feel around for any fairy knots and try and separate them with your fingers. Then work your way up the shaft. Once you can, at least for the most part, run your hands through your hair, you can then separate your hair even more with a detangling comb. If you need some help with figuring out which detangling comb (or brush) would be best for your hair, I checked out a few YouTube videos that can probably point you into the right direction. You can view them yourself here, here and here.
6. Use a Sulfate-Free Shampoo
Our scalp tends to collect a fair share of sweat (especially if you work out on a regular basis) while our hair gets full of dirt and product over a period of time. This is why it's necessary to have a wash day, to begin with. As far as how often you should shampoo (and condition) your hair, it kind of depends on your own hair type and lifestyle. However, a lot of professional stylists would recommend that unless your hair is type 1-3a (because those types have strands that are straighter which makes it easier for our body's natural oils to run completely down the shaft which causes the hair to get oily faster), every 10-14 days is pretty standard. The reason why you shouldn't wash your hair more than that is that there is such a thing as "overdoing it"—stripping your hair of the natural moisture that it has and needs which can cause your hair to become dry and brittle which can ultimately cause breakage.
Whew. Now with all of that said, just make sure that you avoid sulfate shampoos. The reason why is because they contain ingredients that can further strip your hair. There is just one caveat to this particular tip. If you've been using a lot of product and you need to make sure that you remove all of it, a sulfate shampoo can help to get the job done. Just make sure that you don't incorporate it into your wash day routine on a regular basis and that you definitely deep condition your hair after using it in order to replace the moisture that was lost.
As far as the kind of sulfate-free shampoos that are best, I personally use shampoo bars that are made of honey and/or Jamaican black castor oil (Etsy has many options). Also, Naturally Curly did us all a solid with their article "Top 30 Sulfate-Free Shampoos". You can probably find a shampoo that is just perfect for you there as well.
Oh, and for those of you who may be like, "So, what about co-washing instead of shampooing?" Eh. That's something that is totally up to your own discretion. What I will say is if you do decide to "wash" your hair with conditioner rather than with shampoo, at least try and shampoo your hair, every third wash day. While co-washing can help your hair to retain even more moisture, there comes a time in every woman's life when her hair needs some old-fashioned washing. Feel me?
7. Shampoo in Sections
If one of the main reasons why you semi-loathe wash day is because your hair seems to end up a matted mess, that's probably because you don't wash your hair in sections. Once you've finished shampooing, apply a little of the pre-poo oil that you already used to your fingers and then section your hair off into four main parts. If you want, you can hold each piece with plastic—not metal, plastic—hair clips. Then, wash each section, one at a time. That way, you can effectively clean all of your hair (and scalp) without your hair getting all tangled up in the process.
8. Deep Condition
I honestly don't think that I will ever do an article on hair care where I won't recommend deep conditioning locks. Ever since I've made a point and purpose to do it, my hair has felt so much softer and I've been able to retain so much more length. Deep conditioning is all about applying a conditioner to your hair and letting it sit for more than just a couple of minutes. As I said earlier, I try and let mine fully saturate the cuticles of my hair for at least 1-2 hours; sometimes, even overnight.
While you could use pretty much any conditioner, my personal recommendation is to look for one that is "branded" as being a deep conditioner (Essence has a cool list here). Those tend to be thicker in consistency which can help to give your hair more moisture. An added tip would be to add some Chebe powder to your conditioner; it'll help to restore the pH balance of your hair while also making it feel super soft. I use it every wash day and I've definitely seen a difference since I started adding it to my hair routine.
9. Let Your Locks Air Dry as Much as Possible
Now that your hair is all clean and well-conditioned, it's time to start prepping it for styling. While some people are extremely anti-heat, I'm actually not that girl. I've found that blow drying my hair on wash days (and then not really using any heat on my hair until the next wash day rolls around) has helped to reduce tangles and fairy knots. The key is to get a quality dryer, to allow your hair to air dry at least 50-60 percent before applying any heat, to use a cream-based thermal heat protectant on your hair, and to make sure that your blow dryer is set to no higher than medium. Applying all of these tips (not just one, all) will significantly decrease your chances of hair damage. It can also really speed up the time it takes to finish up your hair routine on wash day.
10. Put Your Hair into a Protective Style
While I would really like to have my soul glowin', every day of the week, I've gotta admit that I experience a lot less breakage when I keep my hair in a protective style during the weekday and then let it do its own thing, in all of its glory, on the weekend. For the record, a protective style doesn't have to be braids or twists. It can also be a wig or weave. Whatever you decide to do, the objective should be to do what you can to keep the ends of your hair from being exposed to the outer elements while keeping you from manipulating your tresses a lot.
Welp. That's it. It might seem like a lot at first, but once you get into the swing of this routine, you should be able to finish in three hours or so (even less if you opt to deep condition your hair for only thirty minutes or so). Anyway, here's to healthy and clean tresses, sis. The kind of hair that makes it well worth enduring…wash day.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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I’ve gotta say that, for the most part, my friends are pretty damn chill. There is one (major) exception, though — and it’s an odd one. Even after all these years and countless times of me giving them the same answer, if there is a time when they think they are my mama, it’s when they see an email come through at an odd hour of the night. Then, all of a sudden, here they come asking me when do I get sleep if I’m emailing at (say) three in the morning.
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
If you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
There is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
Something that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
Even if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
I saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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